Mighty D

The Cream and Clear came to Field 3,
To give the Heads a game,
But done in by a Conehead inning,
They held their heads in shame.

The table was set in that Heady first;
Two out singles by D, Gerry, Randy and Heffe,
Another by Chopper and a double by Markley,
Then new Head Johnny and Gene and Joe and Chuck all hit
And it got worse;

When Sting made his second out
To end that brutal rout,
The damage had already been done;
The score was eight to one.

After that there was Joe dealing
Chuck diving and Randy leaping
The Conehead defense took over
And sent the youngsters reeling.

In our second t'was more of the same,
We added five more, Chopper's triple was to blame
And so it came to be that after two
We had thirteen, and they had nary a clue.

Sting got on track with a double to get to second base,
And up strode Mighty D, the batter's box his place.
The pitcher had no intention
To throw strikes to our hero, he had the crowd's attention
"Ball two, ball three" but there was more
Our man swung at air, "Strike two!"
He wanted to know what was in store

Now somewhere where the children play
Somewhere there the fans do say
That Mighty D was sure to have his way.

And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Mighty D's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Coneville - Mighty D has struck out.

Last few lines reprinted and modified without the author's permission.

D did help put Cream and Clear away in the bottom of the fourth - in fact he got the double to plate two and put us up 15, and so end the game after Larry shut the door in the top of the fifth. Final score, 19-2.

Have a great holiday. See you in a week or so.

Equal Time

The natives are restless. The Transdyn team wonders, "How come Heff never writes about us? I mean, my god, we are 3-0 this season, in first place, made the championship game last season, are 13-4 for the year, WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO?"

Well, I'll tell you. It's just so boring. We tease a team, let them think they are in it, and then blow them away. Sir Guy mixes up the pitches, makes the young hardball hackers pop up, or hit hard grounders at Jason or Hama, or even to Big D at first. That was pretty slick over there D in the first inning, a hot shot you stabbed with a runner at first, tagged the runner before he was one step off and bang bang step on the bag double play.

Or they finally hit one well, and there goes Cage flying over and diving and robbing the poor youngster of a hit, or RB racing into the RC gap to take away yet another, or Rams tracking a smashed line drive shot twisting this way and that. It's just not fair.

Then to top it off, the bottom of the order gets hot last night. Coop and Sir Guy were both 3-3 and started both our big innings, with Bill getting the huge hit in the bottom of the fifth, a blast over the cheating in left fielder. See Gabe Run. Run Gabe Run. See Bill lumber into second with a double. The two of them would bat twice (along with a bunch of others) as we raced to a 16 run inning to slaughter shock the Motor Boatin' Show Boaters 22-6. They never knew what hit them. Fifteen hits including an inside the parker by Jason and a bases loaded triple off the fence by Hama.

And the icing....the hottest player on the planet, Cage. Cage comes up with the bases juiced, we already had twelve runs in, and he is calculating the run differential in his head, and then the Show Boatin' pitcher calls Nick's shot. "You want it?" He offers to feed him a meatball, and even better than the last blast Cage hit in the third that died at the fence, he just crushed this one. Walk off Salami. And then the pitcher gets into a sissy fit, as though Cage somehow showed him up. We will give him the benefit of the doubt - no one likes giving up sixteen runs to end a game in the fifth. In fact not many have even had the opportunity.

See what I mean? I have to dig that deep for drama. Well OK, it was in fact very dramatic, in a good way. Let's keep the boring times rollin'.

Milestones:

Coop         1200 ab (#1)
Timmy        350 r (#3)
Timmy        750 ab (#5)
Hama         50 rbi (#27)

G Peat Part II

Greg, take the day off. This will take all day.

It's going to be long...

I just returned from camping this weekend. Story follows. And then the rest of the Conehead story.

There is a magical place in the foothills of the gold country. You take I 80 up to Auburn, and take a right on the Foresthill Ravine Road. That road follows the Foresthill ridge that separates the north and middle forks of the American River. So you have a paved road going to Foresthill, that more or less parallels I 80 going up to Tahoe.

But if, in the middle of town in Foresthill, you turn down Gold St., and take the Yankee Jim's fork a block later, you wind down the hill to a lost place that no one has ever heard of - Shirttail Canyon. It's just around the bend from the American River where kayaks recreate all the time, in fact Yankee Jim's Road crosses the river a few miles later. But if you turn right at the intersection of Yankee Jim's and Shirttail Canyon Road, built by Chinese workers in the gold rush days, you enter this magical land.

Steep canyoned forest filled with sugar pines, cedars, red pines and jeffrey pines, a gurgling creek with whispering alders and whistling willows in the middle and almost no one living there. You can't really believe you are only about eight miles as the crow flies from Interstate 80. As the dirt flies behind you on the road, you can actually feel like you are miners during the gold rush driving a wagon across the ruts. That part of the canyon is about five miles long. The creek is about 1500 feet elevation and the top of the canyon on each side rises to about 3200 feet within a mile. That's pretty damn steep.

You see I spent time there in the 70's. I stumbled across someone who resembled Merlin the magician that had friends that turned him on to a swimming hole on Shirttail Creek. After visiting the Canyon, he decided to build a cabin there, and moved there not even knowing who owned the land. His name was Holly and he and his lady Gayle and their friends carried all the wood down the steep canyon trails one board at a time. Their philosophy was that if they finished and got to spend one night in the cabin, it would have been worth it. Instead, after they finished, no one showed up for a year and a half, and they lived pretty much unbothered by any outsiders in that lost place. They lived on food stamps, and made willow furniture that they sold in flea markets to pay for their gas for their weekly trips to get supplies. I met Holly through a roommate and ended up spending much of a summer there and weekends for a couple of years. I even built a teepee to stay in while in the canyon.

The land was eventually bought by a foreman with the phone company - then called Pacific Bell. He bought it because they were supposed to put in the Auburn dam on the American River, and it would make Shirttail lakefront property 25 miles upstream. This plan failed when they cancelled the dam, but Bill Hayes decided to build his dream retirement home up there, and needed a caretaker to look after his 'equipment' - he brought in caterpillars and who knows what else. So for a time he allowed Holly and Gayle to stay there in their simple home, but during my time there, I could sense the tension building.

I had some great times with friends from the Bay Area up there and friends of Holly and Gayle's, but the important times were when I was up there just watching the creek idle by, or the pines swaying in the breeze, or hear the birds singing their songs - at one point I could hear birds move a half mile away, I swear, as I became attuned to the sounds of the forest.

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences" (Paul Simon)
 
After a couple years I let go my lease on the property I rented for the summers and weekends, gifted the teepee to Holly and Gayle, graduated college, got married, bought a house and so on, and entered into 'grownup life'. I went back once or twice, and each time it was getting more disturbingly 'civilized.' The last time I was there was 20+ years ago; Holly had moved away, and Bill Hayes' son had built a shack on the landing on the road down to the creek. When I arrived that time, he had a generator going and loud rock music blasting through the canyon. It was quite disturbing.

I say all this because about a month or so ago, I heard that there was a big forest fire going called the Robbers' fire, and it was in a place called Shirttail Canyon. It was called the Robbers fire, because one of the turnouts on Yankee Jim's Road was apparently used in the last century by robbers watching the travelers come down the road from the American River. Last month at that location, some idiot was there with his kids shooting off bottle rockets, and one caught the forest on fire. The fool tried to douse the fire with beer, because that's the only liquid he had with him; when it started to spread wildly in the tinder dry brush, he took off. Thirteen million dollars fighting a raging blaze that covered thousands of acres in that remote canyon and a week and a half later, they got the fire out, and arrested the moron. He is facing not only arson but a slew of other charges including child endangerment.

I was fascinated, and tortured by the google map images of the fire I could find. The fire area consumed my own little paradise of my past. I felt this uncontrollable urge, I just had to go see how much of the Canyon burned up.

So this weekend I went up to the area, camped a few miles upstream on a newish reservoir that was built in 2003, and headed down Yankee Jim's Road to the canyon on Saturday afternoon. There was a sign that said, "Local residents only; Area patrolled by the Sheriff", a remnant of the recent fire. Well, I was kind of a local from another time, and I pushed on. Flooded by memories, the canyon emerged before me.

At this point, I pause to remind you that there is a lesson I learned here, and there is a connection to the Coneheads; have patience and read on and you will get to the punchline.

The fire damaged the Canyon pretty much as I expected. There was total devastation on one steep hillside at the entrance to the Canyon; the further we got up the Canyon, there were fewer burned out spots, and more of the green mountain ridge I remembered. As we approached the gate to the land where Holly dwelt, there were two pickups coming up the other direction on the narrow dirt road. There was no room to pass. I started to back up to try to find a wide spot on the road, but that was pretty much hopeless. Instead the pickups hit reverse themselves and backed up to the gate area.

This discombobulated me; I passed the gates, thinking the right place was around the next bend. As we headed further, it became apparent we were going to leave the Canyon soon; we were climbing out of it. In fact that had been the place. So we turned around and went back.

Memory is a funny thing. Your memories are so clear, yet your mind transforms the reality over time and things change, and you remember something different from what actually was. And then on top of it, things change over the years and decades. New gates are added, new roads are plowed, structures are built and structures disappear. The reason I thought that gate was the wrong place was that there was a second gate as well, that led to a road that went down to the creek on another path. I either didn't remember it, or it had been added in the intervening years.

We parked and walked around the gate, and headed down the road. As I approached the creek, it seemed like the right place, but I couldn't be sure. I headed over a road to where I had built the teepee, but there was a road there, not a trail, and there were little shacks built, like three of them. I went down to the creek to where Holly's cabin would be across the creek, and there was nothing there. Instead there was a bridge crossing the creek, which had a sign saying it was constructed in 1983. But there was no cabin on the other side. Furthermore, where it should have stood was a grassy area, and my memory had his cabin in a flat area surrounded by dirt. It just didn't seem right.

Just when my doubt was at its highest, and I had convinced myself that we were in the wrong place and we must have passed another gate downstream, I caught sight of something. You see back in the old days, in the winter when the creek was high and was more a river than a creek, and you couldn't cross it on the rocks, the only way across was this seat Holly had hung on a cable that stretched across the creek. It had pulleys and someone pulled you across. Just as I was about to give up, I discovered the cable was there, still connected on both sides of the creek - still completely intact. And the old wooden half broken step built so you could reach the seat. In fact THIS WAS THE PLACE.

But the cabin was gone. We crossed the rickety bridge, and as we inspected the area, we found one piece of wood with a nail in it. That was all that remained. It seemed a little charred. Did the cabin burn up? Did Bill Hayes plow it down after Holly left? These are questions that will have to go unanswered. I walked over to the upstream part of the creek, and stared over to where I had built the teepee. There were now two small shacks there, ugly little ramshackle shacks, and three or four roads had been built over there. As I stood there, a car actually drove by. It said, "Ranger" in big letters across it. Well there was the Sheriff patrolling, and now I was trespassing.

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you"

We crossed back over the creek, and stood by those shacks, and I tried to imagine how peaceful it was, oh so many years ago. And there was nothing but the image of the Patrol Car that came back; there was no reason to stay any more.

We were able to walk up one of the new roads back up to the main road; it made the trip up the hill much easier. We passed the son's house; there were old appliances scattered across the yard in front of it. Just ugly.

So what is the lesson here. You could say it is that you can't go home any more. The Canyon itself had changed more than my memory of it. It was paradise no more. But I think it is something else, and this is where our team and our time come in. That is, you have to enjoy the good times and even the bad to the fullest extent when they occur. Appreciate what you have NOW. We have a talented team and but more important great friendships, and that is why we are a great Team. Hold that dearly.

And so, were there games last weekend? In fact there were.

The opening game of course was a gimme against Santa Maria Reds. We earned that the previous week by finishing off the Waitlisters to claim first place. The first inning was a premonition and a symbol for this year's tournament. We shut out the Reds, and came up to bat and had a Conehead inning right off the bat (get it?).

Chuck started it off with his first of many hard luck outs. And I say he started it off because even though he had an off year in these playoffs, I wouldn't trade him for any other leadoff hitter or SS. Then we had eight straight hits. Punctuated, of course by a three run Chop. Lefty drove in the first run, and later added a two run double, starting him on his way to a team leading ten RBIs in the four game weekend series. Derek hobbled his way to a 3-3 continuing his hot hitting from the regular season, and starting his way to a team-leading .833 average for the playoffs.

Then we played a real game, against the Scouts, who also had won their first game. In our second Conehead inning, a 13 run second, Joe got a huge three run triple with Larry running. Poor Larry - he made the first two outs, and had to run for Derek, then Joe, then Derek again, all with a sore hammy. Craig went off with a grand slam, and ended the day with nine of his ten RBIS, and G had a solo shot. The game was over at that point, and the score ended at 21-4. No contest. Gene was 3-3 with two doubles and a great catch in LF. Heffe, Craig, Greg, Ol' G, and Haze also had three hits, and Larry, when he caught his breath from pinch running had a three run homer in the four run fourth.

In the mean time cocky Pennini's was the other hot team in the playoffs, just like last year. Only this year they were undefeated and had roundly beaten us in the regular season. They were so sure they would win, they brought Champagne this year. Showdown II was set up for Sunday morning.

So what did we do? We saved our third Conehead inning for the opening frame of the opener Sunday. We lost the flip, and this time Chuck did start us off, with a walk. As documented in Part I, Sting was back in his 'neighbor' spot, and we welcomed him back happily as he doubled Chuck to third and we were in business. The next five hitters reached base, and we batted around and plated nine altogether. Nice start.

In the bottom of the first Chopper made what was the defensive play of the day at that point - a drive to right that he picked out of the air at full speed. It held them at two runs for an answer. We added two in the second, and Gerry made an incredible catch on a pop up to keep Pennini's at one in the bottom half. These are the kinds of plays that win championships, although Pennini's made some incredible plays of their own robbing us, in particular former JFTer Mark Hayes and their left center fielder. On one in the first the latter dove to make a catch on a sinking liner by Don, but the ump ruled a trap. It led to some heated arguing, and that is where Ol' G woke up. We nearly had to tear him off the jerk coaching third base who wasn't even playing at that point, but tried to pick a fight.

We let them creep back, at one point it was 11-8 and another 13-10 and then 14-11. But thanks to a new phenomenon called the Cripple Tripple, we managed to stay even the rest of the game and our early lead stood up as we finished at 18-15. The Cripple Tripple, sometimes also called the Gimple Triple is where Derek hits the ball into the right center gap, and gimps to first, then limps to second, then gimps to third. Then after he scores and can barely walk to the dugout, asks if he can go out and play first base. Gamer. This happened twice in the last three innings. And got us three runs the second time to salt the game away.

In this game Greg the Knight had a home run and drove in four, and Sting had a solo shot hit almost to the lower field. Derek led the way with four hits and Knight, Sting and Heffe had three each.

Then we had the pleasure of waiting for Pennini's and the Pretenders...er I mean the Waitlisters to settle things in the losers' bracket. The Waitlisters nearly pulled off the upset, and Pennini's only won by one. So as expected we would have to beat them twice in one day.

Well, as usual the loser bracket team on this day was all pooped out. Pennini's had nothing left to solve Joe's curve balls and mixture of high and low and in and out and short and deep.

And we of course had the Ol' G inspiration; As written in Part I, he gave everything in getting that out in the first, and bravely tried to continue, and then sat while we all tried to show as much guts as he did. It worked; our defense was nearly impeccable. Chopper almost made the most amazing catch in deepest right field on a ball just smashed by Hayes. It was almost over the deep fence in that right field. He didn't quite get it, but it showed where we would go to live up to G's example. Likewise with two outs in the seventh, I had a flash of near heroism as I slid down to try to nail a popup near Pennini's dugout to end the game. But the ball eluded me. Luckily, as we were only up by four runs the hitter then finished the game by popping up, I think to Chuck and there was joy once again in Coneville.

We only scored five ourselves and won 5-1.The game was 0-0 through 2 1/2, and 1-1 after 3 1/2. In our fourth, we almost were out, but Lefty once again came up big with a two out double and we put together a good two out rally with singles by D, Heffe, and Larry. And that was it for the scoring, in a game of softball, a 5-1 lead held up after four innings.

And speaking of heroes, Larry should be called out for his defense in replacing Ol' G. It's never easy to play on turf when you aren't used to it, and he made several difficult plays, and almost as importantly, you have to play so deep, it is hard to get to second in time on force outs fielded by Greg and Chuck. He was there for us when G went down, and he was there every time, on every play.

And so it goes in the continuing Conehead saga, another great season, and now two in a row finishing off the pretenders. How sweet it is. You can't go home any more but this is sure a hell of a great Place.

Milestones:

Game 1
Gene        200 g (#9)
Lefty        10 bb (#19)

Game 2
Larry        400 rbi (#4)
Don          350 rbi (#10)
Derek       150 h (#18)
Haze         10 2b (#27)

Game 3
Chuck       750 r (#1)
Heffe         500 rbi (#3)
Heffe         550 r (#3)
Lefty         100 h (#21)

Game 4
None except, of course
Team        7 Championships

The Team

The Stink Eye

"My Hero"

Teepee 1977

Dugout 2012

Gee-Peat!

The Dream last night. I was in a group of family. My brother and his wife. The usual assortment of people, and for some reason Anais Nin. There was a celebration going on, and a single bottle of champagne. We were lining up the glasses for the toasts. Someone suggested we drink to the Leo Birthdays - my sis in law, my bro and I are on successive days, July 31-Aug 2.

Someone suggested drinking to Anais Nin. I bet half of you don't even know who that is, but you can look it up.There were two or three other toasts, and then everyone looked at me for my entry. "Why, the Coneheads Gee Peat, OF COURSE! What is wrong with you people???"

In the inaugural Wilder Turf Field Senior C League Over 35 Almost Over 50 Orinda Tournament (OT I), the Coneheads once again prevailed, this time over the overconfident previously undefeated pizza boys from Pennini's. We handled them twice Sunday, and showed them that we now own the post-season in Orinda, until someone proves different.

How sweet it is. They were so confident in their 13-0-1 record in the regular season, they brought champagne, and in the one class act I have seen from them, gave it to us. Cheap champagne never tasted so good.

I don't know how many times the Old Scouts have won this thing, but no one has come close to the number of times we have. Our second in a row, and since 1997, our seventh Championship. That is seven out of sixteen, not too bad. I think we made the finals at least two and up to four other times. No one is close to that record, and these are the same teams we play year in and year out. I think only two teams have dropped out since 2000 when I became a Conehead. One year they were so shocked that the Conehead weren't in it, when they got to the second rematch in the finals, they decided to end in a tie and that became the "No Mas' year.

Here is how sweet it is: After the celebration, Julia and I went to downtown Walnut Creek to the local burrito place for some food. Guess who was there: Half of Pennini's team (actually the nicer half). We said hello, and a little later, as I walked by to go to the rest room to wash my hands before eating, I heard one of their players explaining to their rookie about the intense rivalries, and the angst involved in this tournament, and the history - and he was talking about the Coneheads, and essentially was complementing us - telling the guy how tough we are to beat.

So I looked back at the data I have from the beginning of my Conehead time (actually a couple of years before), and it amazes me - we really only have four players that have been on the team since the beginning of the MCE (Modern Conehead Era) - Joe, Chuck, Larry and Don. We have lost a few good men, but have added many that are just perfect Coneheads, and this team is the best ever, in terms of not only talent but more importantly chemistry. Gerry and Gene, Sting and Ol' G, the AWOL Pope and Markley, Chopper and Big D, and our latest Conehead Orinda rookies, Greg the Knight and Lefty. And of course super sub Haze. A better collection of talent and personality you can't name.

We don't have to worry about talking about a three peat next year, like Roger Craig did on the 49ers and jinxing it - we have already won two fall leagues in a row in Walnut Creek, so it now stands at four straight successful cotton chases. All we do is go one game at a time, one season at a time, one playoff game at a time. And our chances end up being as good or better than anyone else.

This was a tournament of firsts. As I said, first on the new fields at Wilder.

And, for example, this was my first tournament where we actually had to go retrieve a teammate in Fresno between day one and day two.That's right, as we told him a hundred times, we knew Sting, who took his daughter Jazmyne to college Friday and Saturday, would end up being superfluous and unnecessary in that situation - he would move her in, and then two things would happen - the women would just take his credit card and go shopping, and Jazmyne would meet someone in the dorms and just want the old folks to go away. Even his mother-in-law told him he would be free to go sometime before the end of our playoffs, and told him to bring a second car. Sure enough he was free to go, but was not prepared like a proper softball slut - he had no wheels to get back.

Well, Ol' G and me, we don't stop at nothing. We hopped in his luxurious ride with our rookie fan of the year Julia, and G's daughter Dayna, and extracted Sting from the burning oven that is the lower San Joaquin Valley. Operation Sting was extremely successful. Everyone was happy - there was a Giants game on the radio for Julia to listen to the whole ride, Dayna immediately plugged her ears with her iPod, and G and I talked softball all the way to Fresno. The family was OK with Sting going (Jazmyne gave daddy 'permission'), and Sting came back to go 5-7 with a home run, a couple of catches in the outfield, but more importantly, the energy we feed on, which is infectious.

It's a great story to tell our grandchildren, but seriously Sting, when are you going to start listening to me???

And Ol' G - well, maybe that car ride took something out of him, or stiffened us up. After just missing a line drive in the first Pennini game over his head, he had a chance in the second or third inning of the championship game at a shot almost completely identical. This time he was determined to get it and like a warrior stretched to the fullest extent and grabbed it. The price was too high though, and he crumpled to the ground with a bad groin pull. As the hero he is, he tried to swing a bat his next time up, but it was no good. So once again the cry of 'Win It for G' filled our dugout, but at least this year he could be there to celebrate with us and not at John Muir Hospital.

Apologies to Chopper for a great catch in the outfield sometime over the weekend, but it was the defensive gem of the games. Not only for the catch itself, but for the message to Pennini's - your line drives are no good here, and we go to all heights to bring you down.

Thus the title Gee-Peat. Let's make a deal, next year we win without Gary getting hurt. You in? (Although update from seeing Sting last night - he seems to think that we have to bring a different kind of hammer next year - if G doesn't get injured naturally, we need to pummel him in order to 'win one (or two or three) for Ol' G).

You knew there was going to be some activity around G...In the first game one of their players, and if I am not mistaken he wasn't even playing, tried to pick a fight with G. Not smart. We barely could keep G from the guy, and you know who would have been in the hospital this year, and it wouldn't be G.

And the best line of the day? Ol' G, is writhing around on the ground in pain. It takes him several minutes to even get to a standing position. He wasn't laughing at the jokes about getting ice on the spot and who would or wouldn't help him get it there. Finally he struggles to his feet like a big old race horse, and what do we hear from the stands? His better half, a gamer herself, exhorting him to "Walk it off". No wonder G is so tough.


Incidentally Larry came in and played stellar defense at second. This should not be understated. He stepped up big time, made some great stops and got to the bag quickly for force outs fed from Chuck or Gerry. Remember that on the turf fields infielders play very deep because balls move through quickly, so getting to your base is something you always have to be aware of.

Not to mention Larry stepped up big time at the plate all weekend. He was second on the team in RBIs, and muscled up for a three run home run against the Scouts in Game II.

Hey Greg the Knight - I hope you took the day off to read this, because I am just getting started.

In fact, I will spare you, it's time for me to go play yet another playoff game, so this ends Part I. Stay tuned for Part II later today...

Back to work, Greg.

A Poem to the Tune of Royal 24, Red 17

I had nightmares last night. The main one is I had turned into Tom Thares, coach of the Royal Creaker team we drew in the first round of the Lee Jackson Tournament (end of season tournament) yesterday. For those that know Tom, he is, shall I say, a little cantankerous. I was pounding my fist into the wall. And this is what I was chanting:

One two, another boot. Ball four, open the door. Five six, outs per inning, Seven eight, it's too late!

And then I woke up and realized it was true! Except for the part about turning into Tom. No offense intended, Tom.

That is how my team the Red felt after we booted the first game of the LJT. Every ball hit to us found a pebble to kick off of, or a hole in our glove, and guys who hit all year were hitting the ball right at Gene Traversaro, the Royal third baseman.

No disrespect intended, Silver Royale, or James Bond or whatever Tom's troops are called, they earned the win. They made the plays that we didn't.

The amazing thing is we were in it despite ourselves up until the bottom of the eighth. We had first and third, two outs and down two runs. I had tormented Royal all day, and Pete Cordova was determined that I wasn't going to get a hit. He told me "You aren't going to see a pitch to hit." At 1-0, he left one a little too close outside, and I just missed the left field line. Then he threw three straight balls a foot deep, and it was the first time I was 'unintentionally' intentionally walked in my life. It worked as the next batter made an out, but no one should ever tell me this is recreational softball again. Some of us play for keeps when it comes to playoffs. I actually tip my hat, it was gutsy as he put the tying run in scoring position, and we had the heart of the order coming up.

But so it went down, and Ruben Vasquez' big hit in the open inning polished us off, and now we are in the position of having to win out to get to the championship game. It's ok, we love the challenge. Bring it on.

And Pete, don't leave one that close next time, you got lucky this time.

An inspirational message on the eve of playoffs from Conehead management

Coneheads;

It might be too late for you to see this before the playoffs (if you are up you should be asleep), or perhaps you will see this with your coffee in the morning if we are both lucky.

I played a game Tuesday morning in Concord at Baldwin Park.

When I left the park, I turned the corner, and imagine my surprise when I saw the following. Finally, the mystery is solved. That is, where does Chopper live when Lisa gets mad at him?

Take a look:

Have a game. Have four. Good ones.

Crackers outlast the Meanies 28-26

In a bittersweet win for me personally, Thursday the Walnut Crackers outlasted the Concord Blue Meanies in a marathon MDSSL game, 28-26.

It was my last game for some time, as I am starting a new job in a couple of weeks. I will miss this team, we have had some good times, and some bad times, but the attitude has always been great on this team. It is a collection of players without egos, and reflects the even personality of our coach John Banker. I hope I am missed for my small contributions, but I am sure others will pick up the slack, and the team will continue to have fun and even win a few games here and there.

Before I get maudlin, perhaps I should get to the game itself.

It was a typical hot August morning in Concord, and Blue was short players and we were too, as there ws a senior tournament going on somewhere.

Tom Occhiogrosso was once again pressed into action on the mound. Despite the score, he pitched really well, and if it weren't for some pretty spotty defense behind him, we would have won handily.

Concord gave themselves the Curse. After we were retired in the first without a run they put up a five spot. They probably should have just forfeited then; we all know about the 'curse of the first'.

So it was no surprise that we dominated for the next four innings, building a 14-7 and then a 19-8 lead. No great big hits, just a lot of singles and doubles, and clutch two out hits. In the second we scored all five with two outs, highlighted by run scoring hits from Banker, Kravin and Carlo. In the third we scored two by the time we had one out, and then John Husokowski hit our only home run of the day, a three run blast.

But as the heat built up in the mid morning, so the Meanies kept the heat up even more. They kept chirping about being all tuckered out, and on the sly kept chipping away at our lead. Nice strategy. It almost worked.

After six innings, our lead was down to 19-14, but after seven we increased it to 23-16, and after the top of the eighth it was 28-16. Blue started a rally and it seemed like we couldn't get anyone out. Carlo kept joking that we wanted to let them back in the game so we wouldn't have to flip flop the ninth inning. Well we sure took care of that. By the time they finally made a third out, it was 28-24.

And then of course, we went one-two-three in the top of the open ninth. I was beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have returned to work today, and skipped this disaster.

But destiny smiled along with the sun on Thursday at noon, and the seemingly inevitable loss didn't materialize. After a couple of hits and runs, Occhiogrosso induced a couple of easy fly outs, and the game mercifully ended for all concerned.

Hitting stars included Occhiogrosso, who hit four doubles, and Carlo who knocked in six runs to lead the team. Coach Banker had a perfect day, 4-4 plus a walk and five runs scored and four RBIs. Bruce Yow was only 2-3 but walked twice and also scored five runs. Kravin got four hits and a walk and four RBIs in his perhaps penultimate appearance. Husokowski had four RBIs including his home run, and in his return from the DL, Ken Hensley was 4-5.

We are only 7 1/2 games out of first! And to think, I will miss this torrid pennant race. East County WHO??? Take 'em down boys!!!

reD 13 Blue 6

No that's not a typo in the title. It is because Tuesday the Walnut Creek Creaker Red actually won a game with our gloves, not our bats.

For the most part nothing spectacular, just solid Defense across the team. Mike Fragoso led the way, as he must have handled ten chances without a flaw. Bob Muegge, that spry sly guy that tossed a gem today, maneuvered off the mound to get a dribbler and a popup that fell between him and the line. In both cases he shot the ball hard to first. On one he must have been ten feet away and Herb Moessing handled the throw in a bout of self protection, but on the other one Muegge tried his best to take Moessing into right field with the throw, but Herb somehow managed to hang onto the bag. Who knew old guys could stretch like that.

Pete D'Alonzo took one off his leg playing second base, but managed to recover and throw the batter out. The Little Guy Davis took a line shot off his glove at third - and Fragoso was there to pick it up and throw the runner out. D'Alonzo and Kravin made nice catches on pop ups, and Brian Black, Steve Alvarez, and Coach Hank McDermott all made fine running catches in the outfield.

I can't even think of an error we made - that is a rarity in softball, especially the Senior variety. But then I have a Senior mind - they might have already disappeared in the thrill of victory.

We weren't quite ourselves on offense - partially due to the breakfast burritos and beers Black brought for making three outs in an inning last week (it was noon somewhere) - and partly because of solid defense by Blue that led to us hitting into three double plays. On one poor John Dewes hit a line drive single to shallow center, and Blue managed to get force outs at second AND third bases.

But we managed just enough with five spots in the first and sixth, and three in the second. That's right - we only scored in only three innings, but we made it count. The big blows were two run triples by Alvarez twice, a big two out two run single by Fragoso in the second, a bases loaded two run single by Muegge in the sixth, and a triple in the first by McDermott that started our scoring.

Nice to see Bruce Baily back in the lineup too, and Mel Burman made an appearance despite being on the DL - he wouldn't fess up that he was just there for the burritos and beer.

On to the LJT!

Heads or Tailspin, a Tale of Two Teams

I usually don't combine teams or games, but this is a good time to talk about the Coneheads and JFT, two teams intricately related.

Because the Heads are about to defend last year's playoff win, and this year it falls just two weeks after JFT bowed out in the Championship game in Walnut Creek.

Especially this year. We lost our Pope on the Heads; he wasn't old enough to be on JFT. Lefty and Greg the Knight took his spot on the roster. Haz is another one who is on JFT but a sub on the Heads; he has been filling in more than usual and will be one of us for the playoffs. Even Timmy crossed the line and played his first Conehead game.

So the teams are more the same team than ever.

As everyone already knows we came up flat and short in the Walnut Creek playoffs. We had our moment; We played a masterful game against Advance Construction, our past chief rival, and the first place team, to get to the final. But we seem to be intimidated against Pinky's 40; they aren't that good, or I should say that much better than us. The combined score in the two games reflects this; the composite was all of 23-18. Not exactly dominated.

Yet they somehow got us out of our game, and took it from us. We can just take our runner up Cotton, and tell ourselves that next year will be different.

A few guys stepped up. In the first game the 'neighbors' Chuck and Reg were seven for seven with a walk. Chopper continued to wreak havoc with a triple and a home run. In the Advance game we took out our frustrations from the first Pinky's game, and scored 19 runs in the last two innings to run away from them. Big D had two HRs and five RBIs to lead the team, and nearly everyone was 3-4 or 2-4. But we came up flat on Sunday, and now it is ancient history.

You take that team and something happens when it crosses the border into Orinda. Time slows down, and Shoeless Joe comes by and sits in the stands. Oh, no, its not him, it's Mugsy. Or his Cheshire Cat smile. It is magic. 'Awww righhhht'.

Sure we had a few stinkers; we are human. We weren't in the game the first time around with the Broncos, nor against Pennini's. I think we were just tired against St. Monica's in the nightcap of our doubleheader; however they are much improved, and bear keeping an eye on. Those were our only losses.

Ever since the JFT loss, coincidentally the Coneheads have not lost a game. We took it out on Cal Bronco the next night and dominated them. We crushed the President's Club on Thursday. But the most telling story was our game this past Monday against long time rival the Waitlisters.

The Waitlisters had every incentive in that game; they had the last doubleheader of the year that night, and they have hung around, and had their destiny in their own hands. If they had beaten the two teams in front of them that night, us and the Broncos, they could have taken first place.

We were missing significant parts; Greg, Ol' G, Big D. Don was there with a bad back.We were looking at missing Sting and Markley in the playoffs, so we had to play guys where they haven't been much this year, so those who will be in the playoff tournament got some innings in the new spots. Your manager for the most part did a good job of shuffling Heads in and out, but had a major brainfart in the 6th inning that almost cost us.

Both teams must have been nervous with all that on the line. We left the bases loaded in the first, and ended the second by hitting into a double play. We finally squeaked out a run in the third. But in the mean time Joe was dealing, inducing easy flyouts mostly, and balls hit right to our defense. When we scored four in the fourth, it looked a little better, but we know 5-0 in softball usually doesn't last.

In that rally Chopper did his thing and tied the Pope record for HRs in a season, 13. Congrats on that. Then Larry, Markley, Haz, Joe and Chuck put together a nice two out rally to get a couple more.

Then we had what either has to be considered completely out of character for us, or maybe just inevitable in a game like that; our defense completely fell apart for an inning. We gave up four runs in the bottom of the sixth to trail 6-5 going into the seventh.

It looked bad when we had two outs but thanks to Chuck and Sting, we had two on, the tying and lead runs. Would we choke again? Lefty came up. There was an open base. That frustrating dink hitter Heffe was on deck. It would have been easy to walk Lefty to get to me. I don't know if I would have gotten a hit, but I have a feeling we would have opened the flood gates.

As it was we didn't need to worry about it. They may have been pitching around Craig, but they left one right in his wheelhouse and he crushed a gapper into right center. On the turf, that means a three run homer and we had a two run lead, 8-6. The hero of the day emerged.

Two runs didn't seem like enough when I made the last out to snuff out our rally. The Wailisters had the hammer. But Joe induced an easy grounder, and two easy fly balls and first place was ours.

That is just the magic we have in Orinda. We willed ourselves to win that game on a night we were flat like we have been in other games that did not end so happily. Baseball cliche number 827: It is a good sign when a team wins a tough game when they are not at their best.

We have our adversity going into the weekend; We have missed our Pope all season. We will not have Sting's line drives, bombs, and enthusiasm. We will not have Markley's speed and consistent line drives to right; he was, after all second on the team in hitting. Derek is injured, we don't know how he will fare (although I played with him Tuesday, and you won't believe it, he hit laser shots like always, they were just singles). Don, who was a hero in last year's win, is also in an unknown state of health.

But I will take my chances on this team, we have the Conehead magic. I didn't think we would end up in first place, yet here we are. Who will it be that steps up like Don did last year? Who will be the hot team this year?

All that remains is the actual games. Bright and early Saturday morning.

Remember that we have two games, and three if we lose one on Saturday morning. Plan A is not to lose on Saturday. The brackets are in a separate tab in the stats workbook.

Remember that Julia and Lisa have volunteered to get us sandwiches from Safeway for between games, so bring a few bucks and it will be one less thing you have to worry about. Joe, though, you need to worry, so keep that up. Walgreen's always has TP on sale too.

(Did I say that out loud?)

Let's just do it. Again.

Milestone:

Chopper        100 r (#19)

Pacheco Bros Caged 15-8

Nick had once of those dominant games to jump start the fall season last week.

After we held them in the first with some good infield play (Big D with a nice scoop, Hama and Jas charging balls for outs), Cage started the scoring with a bomb over the fence in LF for two runs and a quick lead. We never looked back. He added three more hits and contributed seven RBIs, coincidentally the run differential in the 15-8 win.

Others had good games too, Timmy did his usual 4-4 with a bases loaded two run single in the third when we broke it open. Monty contributed a rally starting hit, and a walk in three trips, Hama rounded out the bottom of the lineup with a 2-2 and a walk game. Coop seemed to regain his stroke with two doubles. Sir Guy was lights out as usual, holding the Bros to one run until they scored some meaningless runs in the late innings.

Good start as we beat the team that dropped down from C ball. One interesting note: the other new team, the Show Boaters, shut out the Big Kahunas 19-0. Could be another rival for Cotton.

Milestones:

Timmy        30 bb (#6)
Timmy        200 rbi (#7)
Cage          300 rbi (#3), passed right by me to # 2 already

It's Like You Never Left*

...and like you were always a Conehead.

This last is a tribute to the latest merger of JFT and the Coneheads (Tim), and of course the subject of the subject is Pope, in his return.

Pope's return to the Heads is bittersweet - his hand is all healed up, but he will be out of town for the playoffs, and he insists that he cannot be a regular any more. Can't risk re-injury. He is now officially a Conehead sub. It's a shame, and I won't let this news go down easily. We all know how many times Greg has carried us on his back, and what an infectious and glad attitude he brings to the team. It won't be the same - it hasn't been, no matter how much fun we have had without him.

But for a night, it was just great to watch him hit his patented gappers, a little rusty to start, but when he settled in, he hit two of them for a double and a triple. And took second on a third hit when the outfielder lagged a little on getting the ball in. Everyone held their breath - would he slide? But luckily he did not need to.

And he agreed that he should play catcher in the field in his return. You should know that Joe and I had a side bet (but not for money) on what inning would he want to go out and play the outfield. I think I said the second or third, and Joe said no way, it would be sooner. But Greg fooled us - he didn't ask until the fourth inning.

Timmy just had to find out what the Conehead experience is all about. It is not quite the same now, what with umpires and all. But putting him in front of Joe so he could pinch run from home gave him a little flavor of Orinda softball. You never notice Timmy out in the field - he plays such solid defense, and he held down that spot effortlessly in the continued absence of Pope and Gene gone for an evening.

The game went as expected - the Presidents' Club is not even close to us, and they were shorthanded too. But Lefty brought up a good point after the game - how many years have they faced us and failed to adjust at all to the way some of us hit. Gerry had a field day lacing the ball to shallow right, and they played me deep too. It's no wonder neither of us made an out.

Sting had another great night as well. He hit five of six balls hard - one a line shot hit away from the right fielder, who made a great play to snare it and rob Reg of extra bases. He would still be running. He made up for that with a 'heffe' hit his last time up though. The game giveth and the game taketh away.

Markley continued his quiet relentless pace. He is now 19 of his last 21 and has vaulted near the top of the batting title race. He and Chopper tied for a team high five RBIs in the game too. Maybe Derek will be afraid to show up to the last game to defend his lead in the batting race.

Speaking of which, the importance of beating the Presidents' Club 29-8 is that it officially puts us in position to claim another division title. All we have to do is beat the Waitlisters Monday night. One game at a time and the game is Monday hence. Pretty easy, and it would be sweet to get the top division seeding for the playoffs. Even the Presidents' Club who will finish fourth in our division is a lot better than whoever will finish fourth in the other division, Aereolas or Johnny's Gang.

So one more night and then gear up for the playoff tournament.

It appears that there is enough interest to hold a practice Thursday night, should we get a field. I have not heard back from the league; hopefully by Monday I will have an answer.

Milestones:

Gerry        10 gw (#8)
Gerry        350 r (#9)

*name the musician who released an album with this name

No Bull(y): Walnut Creek 30 East County 26

Our esteemed colleague from Concord Red insists that the four teams in the MDSSL need to have nicknames, and the Walnut Creek team is the Crackers, and the East County team is the Bullies.

But Jimmy Crack Corn and I Don't Care, we came back and beat the Bullies today 30-26.

The game started out in the usual manner (except we got Pete Zakar out his first time up). We took a 7-5 lead through two and were tied 11-11 after four. East County usually teases us this way, and then they pour it on late to wreck us completely. Some of the big hits were a two run double by Randy Kramasz in the first,   a run scoring triple over Zakar's head by Mikey Carlo in the second, and a Ray Maradiaga bases loaded, bases clearing double in the fourth.

We made our usual assortment of mistakes in the field too. It was hot and we had road lag from the long trip from Walnut Creek to Antioch (at least that's my story and I am sticking to it). We seemed like we were just going through the motions: another Thursday, another loss to the EC.

But a strange thing happened. Even though we couldn't get the bottom of their order out it seemed all game, we held them to 1, 2, or 3 runs in the middle innings. All of the sudden it was the middle of the seventh and we were in it, up one at 17-16. EC scored their five, but we answered with five in the top of the eighth. I had the big blow in that inning, a bases loaded double in the left center gap. But they duplicated our feat again, and we went into the open inning down four, 26-22.

Usually this is where we fold up the tent, and say let's get the ninth over soon so we can hit the freeway before noon. That long drive and all. But not today. Starting with a Carlo single, seven of the first eight, and 12 of 14 batters got hits. Steve Schwartz had a two run double. Dan Rainwater followed with a shot that split the two middle outfielders, and neither one moved. The Rain Man hobbled to second, and we were tied. Bruce Yow got his pinch runner to third, and I came up and hit a patented blooper over the shortstop's head. As soon as I hit it, I thought I was out but I looked up and it was twisting and turning him around and sometimes you just get lucky. We were ahead. Don Clay followed with a pop up behind second base that EC made a nice play on but the second baseman was off balance and Yow tagged up and scored the first 'insurance' run. Walks to John Banker and Tom Occhiogrosso (he had three for the day - they didn't want to pitch to him) loaded them up, and Carlo stepped up, all insulted that they walked not one but TWO batters to get to him (I don't think Mikey was, and I don't think they walked Banker on purpose, but the pitches were suspiciously not close to Tom). Carlo deposited the ball in the outfield and two more scored, and we had a four run lead going to the bottom of the ninth.

Doesn't seem like much against East County. But today it was. Following a line out to Occhiogrosso and a hit, and another fly out, up strode Devin Hall, who usually abuses us like the rest of them, with the game on the line. He promptly popped up behind me, and I knew I would not get any help from the Rain Man playing second. I stumbled back, tripped a little on an outfield dip, looked up in the sky, and there the ball was. I grabbed it and game over.

Felt good. I hate Bullies. Even if they aren't.

Kramasz was 6-6 with with a double and triple and five RBIs. The late leadoff hitter, batting ninth today as he arrived at 9:32, was also 6-6, with a double and four RBIs. Yow quietly went 5-6 (well quiet except when he hit and did his wild scream), and Maradiaga also had five hits, but they were loud. Everyone had at least two hits, and everyone scored, and all but one player drove in at least one run. A true team game. At least we beat those guys once in 2012.

CHTV Part Deux (Conehead Reality Series)

There have been some complaints. At the complaint department, which, I suppose, is the best place for them.

I didn't cover everyone in the previous post on the Conehead Reality TV series ("daddy, daddy, mee tooo!")

So here goes.

Markley. Markley reminds me of a rabbit when he runs a ball down in the outfield. Now stay with me on this one. There was a forest fire a couple weeks ago in the Sierra foothills, in a magical place called Shirt Tail Canyon. In the late seventies, I used to hang out there. In fact I built a teepee there and lived in it for a summer, and went there weekends for a couple of years. Shirttail was eight miles down a dirt road called Yankee Jim's Road from Foresthill, CA, near Auburn. I would ride my street bike to the Canyon. When you turned off Yankee Jim's Road after a series of hairpin turns, the road paralleled Shirt Tail Creek for a mile or so. One time, this Jack Rabbit appeared before me on the road. He started galloping like a horse on the road in front of me.

Now granted, I was on a street bike. But I could not catch that jackrabbit. He seemed to laugh at me all the way until the road took a sharp left to cross the creek, and off he went laughing, bounding into the forest.

So I figure Markley raises rabbits in his back yard. When he prepares for a game, he is out there in the backyard, in the Rabbit Run, racing Jack. He texts me every game, asking "what's up, Coach?" and one time he slipped and threw in a "What's up Doc?" and now I understand.

Lefty. Oh man now there is a sitcom character. They already made a TV show about him. It was called the Rockford Files.

Here: Play this music while you read on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C8EUrtEhfM

Lefty is not your average softball slut. He has conditions. He gets bored easily. There has to be a lot of action in right center. The game has to be close. If there are more than ten in the lineup, well what do you need him for? He is slippery like an eel. "Are you playing Thursday night?" "Well, I don't know there might be something, how many do we have? Who are we playing?" I think he has an electric eel for a pet. He brings it with him on his stakeouts. He watches it. Takes notes. "Slippery like an eel". The person he was staking out gets away. He doesn't care. He wants to be the eel.

Greg the Knight. Now Greg is just a nice guy. He wouldn't hurt a flea. I can't think of anything bad about him. So I have to make something up. It's called Artistic License. Greg was a prospect in college. Rumor is he went to training camp to be a pro. I am sure he had the talent, but caught some bad breaks. So in his down time, when he is preparing for one of our games, he looks in the mirror, and talks to himself. "You know, you were good enough." And then he answers. "I know". "Now let's go kick some Cal Bronco Butt".

And the thing is, it works. He just comes up and slices balls the right into the gap, and hits with power to left, and makes dazzling plays on defense. So I decided to start talking to the mirror too. And you know what it said?

Pause.

It said "You old fat slob what the hell do you think you are doing still playing all those games? Don't you have a life?" I swear, that is what it said. So I had to finally go and get a job. I start after Labor Day, ironically enough.

Who's left. Chopper. Chopper has had too much press this year for his many feats on the field. Besides, all you have to do is play video of him doing anything, and it will entertain the masses. Pope. I won't do Greg until and unless he comes back to us. I'm sorry Greg, it's just the way it has to be. You have to come back.

And that leaves...Larry. And damn I just can't say anything bad about Larry. It's not because he also is just too nice a guy. It's he is so nice that I have too good a deal living in his place, and I just simply cannot risk that, not here, not now, not nohow. It will just have to wait until our life situations change. You understand. I am a coward, ultimately.

Well there you have it, I think we are ready for prime time. And we showed it in our game Monday against the dread Cal Bronco. Once again we played nearly a flawless game, in one that mattered. We got to almost every ball, and played them in the right places, and Joe fed them pitches that made them hit it to us for the most part and not in the gaps. Chuck made his patented dive on one ball to get an impossible force out at third. Reggie and Craig came up with some stellar outfield plays.

Greg, Lefty, Heffe, and Markley led the way with four hits. Lefty set the tone in the first with a two run triple and it was off to the races. Chopper followed shortly thereafter with a three run bomb; I think he is getting bored, he couldn't even catch me in front of him.

We toyed with them for a few innings, and then Larry hit an unexpected two run soaring blast that jump-started our nine run fifth that completely tamed the Broncos. Don had a clutch two run single to continue it, and Reggie hit an absolute bomb for a three run homer that slammed the door in that inning. At that point it was 20-3 and they were gasping for air. All that was left was the post game beer.

It gives us the opportunity to take charge of our position for the playoffs. It's simple - win two, finish first, get an easier first round opponent. No guarantees in that tournament, but it can't hurt. The story continues tomorrow against the President's Club. There will be a couple of surprise guests, since half the team decided to take the same game off, AGAIN.

Milestones:

Chuck        1400 ab (#1)
Chuck        100 2b (#4)
Chopper     50 g (#20)
Knight        10 3b (#23)

It's Over

Well the days of being an uber softball slut are over. It's a little sad; I have been living in a softball fantasy world for almost four years, and I guess it's time to pay the piper.

I have received a full time job offer beginning the day after Labor Day (how appropriate is that?). No longer will I be able to brag and complain about the aches and pains of playing up to 10 games in a week. Just like other regular sluts, I will be struggling to get to those 6:30 games after work, rushing through rush hour traffic, snarling at the slow drivers in front of me. Bitching about the 9:00 games and getting up in the morning. I just don't realize how good I have had it. And now - only THREE or FOUR games a week! Oh lord, how will I keep my bat in tune!

But don't fret - I will still be covering the Coneheads and the Transdyns and the JFTs and maybe I will start to blog about my up and down Sunshine Saloon Legends team. I will have to do it in my sleep, because now I will be a working stiff just like most of you suckers. But I will get it done.

Life just isn't fair, sometimes.

Red Rampage 30-19 over Silver Royale

Someone was really thinking when they made senior ball nine innings. A bunch of old guys playing in the hot sun, until someone might drop from heat exhaustion.

Well, never mind because today it allowed Red a comeback game for the ages. Royal had us by the short...er...side of the score. Red trailed 12-5 going into the seventh inning. We weren't hitting, we were barely catching the ball. Muegge was giving up gopher balls...it just had that feeling that today wasn't our day.

And then we woke up.

With two outs in the top of the seventh, Mr. Martini himself, Bill Dewlaney started a barrage of six straight hits with a walk thrown in, and we took advantage of the catchup rule to even things at twelve. It was all singles until Mike Fragoso sent a ball into a gap with the bases loaded, and when Royal was slow to get the ball back to the infield, all three runners scored to knot things up. Royal could only manage one in the bottom, and their confidence was shaken.

We tallied another four in the eighth, the big blow being a two run triple by the Little Guy Howard Davis. Brian Black also contributed his third double of the day - you just can't hold him at first.

Give Royal some credit - the top of their lineup is as good as anyone's - and they answered with a five spot in the bottom of the eighth.

So there we were, wanting only to at least tie and get a decent lead - we had made it through the big Royal hitters in the eighth.

John Dewes led us off with a hit, and refused a courtesy runner. He proved himself right by that decision as he hustled to third on a line drive single to short center field. And so it began, innocently enough. Sixteen of the first seventeen batters reached base in the open inning. All but two were solid line drive hits and only the second to the last hit, a triple by Hank McDermott, was for extra bases. The singles were like a Royal virus, contagious, and there was nothing the opposition could do to stop us. When Hank scored on our last single by Fragoso, we looked up and it was 30-18, and it was over, after a one run Royal gasp in the bottom of the ninth.

Of course the reason there were no doubles in the ninth was that Black tied a softball/baseball record by hitting into all three outs. He flew out to put a blip on our barrage the first time through the lineup. And he hit into a double play to mercifully end the onslaught. But you know, with his speed, he had to hit it hard and someone (I think it was Mike Guerrero) had to make a good play to double him up.

McDermott had the best day at the plate as he went 5-5 with six RBIs. Davis continued his Clark Kent thing as he drove in five with three hits including a double and a triple. The bottom of the order, George Sayatovich, Herb Moessing, and especially John Dewes, made sure we kept the line moving. They scored ten of our runs, and Geo and John had fours hits each.

The Conehead Reality TV Show: Stat, Sting, Style and the Stink Eye

I went to a jazz concert tonight. A friend of mine was in town at an annual jazz workshop at Stanford University, and the week concludes with a concert given by all the instructors - all masters at their instruments. Jazz remains my favorite (or at worst second favorite to the blues) form of music. The thing it gives you is plenty of time to let your mind wander, to other thoughts, dreams, and ideas.

I sat there and watched incredible musicians at the height of their prowess, and being a complete softball nut, my mind drifted to the Coneheads, and how, even in our amateur way we are masters, albeit not professional. Other teams are somewhat in awe of us at times, because we have a lot of players that can do a lot of different things on the field, at bat and on defense, ways we can take you apart and beat you down. In this way we are artists ourselves, forgive me if this is a bit of a stretch since it is recreational softball.

But still - the idea came up the other night after our game that we could qualify to have a reality TV show, the life and times of your favorite, most fun softball team the Coneheads. I started to think about it, what would it look like. I am not sure where it would go but here is my take on the pilot episode. Think of it this way - this pilot would start out on the eve of the playoffs, and would feature each player and how they prepare for the games coming up. After the pilot, subsequent episodes would go back in time to the beginning of the season, and recreate the drama of the ups and downs of each game, leading to the climactic episode where our heroes take their part in the Big Tournament at the end of the season. That episode is yet to be written - we don't know how it will come out.

Here is the layout of the pilot episode: One by one the camera finds and focuses in on how each player prepares for the next game; perhaps it is the Tournament, or perhaps just another game against the vastly inferior Aereolas, our opponent last night.

Of course leading off is Chuck. He is, after all, our leadoff hitter and our shortstop. He sets the tone. He also likes to get dirty. Chuck is hosting a team party next week. It is going to be a pool party - apparently where he lives now with his mother, there is a pool. What you didn't know is that when Chuck moved in he saw all that concrete around the pool, and he said to himself, 'this is no good, there is no dirt to dive into. Who wants to dive into water when you can dive into dirt like the 5-6 hole I love to get into?' So he had a section of concrete removed, and installed kind of like a sandbox instead. When Chuck has a Conehead game coming up he goes out into the back yard and practices diving into the sand. Word is that he is contracting to remove another section so he can put in a piece of turf, like on the new fields at Wilder. Practice makes perfect.

In fact, before last night's game, Chuck lost a shoe in that sand. He had to come to the game with a cleat on one foot and a sneaker on the other. Thus he acquired his new nickname 'Style'. See title.

Next comes Sting, who calls Chuck his 'neighbor.' Sting built a mansion a few years ago. It has a pool table, state of the art networking throughout the house and a killer audio-video system. But it is not his pride and joy. He also put in an infield in the back yard. He goes out there and stands at second base and just admires his handywork. It's kind of a Zen thing. In fact he got so good at standing by second base and admiring the infield that last night in our game, when we took our usual insurmountable lead over the Aereolas, and everyone changed positions on defense, he marched right over to second base. Balls came in from the outfield - and there he was meditating on what a fine throw that was. No need to cover second or get the throw - karma will take care of all that.

Of course there is the Stink Eye, our pitcher. Most of what he does to prep for games would never pass the censors. For example, the amount of time he spends in the commode. Not for Prime Time. What I wonder is does he practice the Stink Eye in the mirror? Does he use it on Bear, his dog? Poor cute little bugger. But maybe we don't really want to know. It could be ugly.

And of course there are others. For instance, take Gerry, the Judge in his 'real life'. We wonder how he came to have such an excellent consistent line drive hit to the opposite field, in his case right field. How could he have come up with that? Well think about it. If you have ever been to court, the judge sits up there, and what does he have - a gavel. And he is always pounding it, and saying stuff like "Order in the Court!" Well have you ever seen a left-handed gavel? I think not. Think of it - for all these years, Gerry has been leaning to the right, pounding that thing. He can't even see to his left any more. In fact I will bet if you go to the chambers during their two hour lunch break, you will find the judge in his robe, with his Conehead jersey on underneath, pounding that thing, and saying over and over "right, right, right, line drive, line drive, line drive." Whatever works, right?

Consider Gene. Now Gene is an engineer. Very precise in whatever he does. You might hear Gene calling out to everyone where to position themselves for every batter. "Gerry, three inches to the left". "Heffe, watch that two inches just inside the first base line, this player hit there once in 2008. "Sting, you are five feet too deep."

What you didn't know is that in the basement of his house, Gene has miniature cutouts of each of us, and a miniature field he built to scale. And what does he do to prepare? He moves us around from batter to batter, scouting report to scouting report, like puppets. Rumor is he is starting on building opponents too, he already has the Buddha, and of course Randy since he needed him as a part time teammate anyway. He moves us all around and the amazing thing is: in the basement we all listen and we never lose!

Then we come to Derek. Now Derek has had some control problems at times when he comes in to pitch as we know, even though we don't really talk about it. This bothers Big D immensely. It is understandable. What you didn't know is that he has a temper that can barely be contained, although he is such a nice guy he only turns it inward. So when he gets home he gets the score card, and counts the walks and the rare outs he makes at bat, and multiplies by ten. The he gets a hatchet out and he throws the 'hammer' hard at a cork wall he put up for this purpose. This is what gives him his tomahawk swing. And when it sticks he yells out "I AM THOR!" until he feels better or he reaches his quota, whichever comes first. He kinda looks like Thor doesn't he? The lesson here is if you want to hit as hard as Derek, this is all you have to do. I personally am going to Ace Hardware soon to look at their selection of hammers and hatchets.

The Don. The Don goes to his side yard, where he has paced off the distance between home plate and the pitcher's mound. And he practices throwing balls from 'home' to 'Joe'. Over and over again. Because you know it really bothers him when he misses Joe, and throws Joe's rhythm off. And he hits the target 100% of the time, at home! But here is the thing - Don lives in Oakland, and the back yards are kind of small, and Don forgot to get out his tape measure, and the distance is ten feet short. OY! No wonder!

And what to say about Ol' G. G is an ex patrolman from up north you know. Rumor is that when he is getting up for a game, he gets out the handcuffs, and attaches himself to the bedpost...and well I don't think I can go on with this one.

I can't get to everyone - it is late and in a few hours I have to take the field for playoffs for our other team JFT. But I have to give my own. What I spend my time doing before games is I print out the latest stat sheet, and get out a surgical knife (because after all the Heads call me the Surgeon), and cut out each of the little numbers one by one. Then I toss each one onto the table where I have drawn up a field, and try to hit each spot on it with a number. When I have hit both lines, and the middle, and couple have popped up off my thumb and landed just beyond the reach of the shortstop, I just know I am going 4-4 with maybe a Conehead hit thrown in there. This then is why I am now know as Stat, and we have our subtitle for the pilot.

Do you think it will sell?

Oh we won the game against the Aereolas 20-8. It wasn't nearly that close. The only remarkable thing was Sting took an 0-5, I don't think that has ever happened before. I know I am not supposed to mention the negative things, but that was just so rare, it stood out. And shows that we all pick each other up when we hit a rough spot. Thor was 5-5, Larry 4-4, Ol' G and the Style Man 4-5, and Stat, the Puppet Man, the Judge and Haz were 3-4. A splendid time for all. Big Game Day is Monday against the division arch-rivals Cal Bronco. Be there.

Milestones:

Gene      700 ab (#12)
Ol' G      550 ab (#15
D           200 ab (#18)
Haz        50 rbi (#28)

Let it Reign Redux, Red 19 Gray 12

Sorry, I borrowed the title from Inchausti on the Creaker web site.

Now since he gave practically a blow by blow on that site, I will have to wax poetic (sing with me):

Red rain is coming down
Red rain
Red rain is pouring down
Pouring down all over me

(Peter Gabriel for those who are rock challenged)

Or I could moon on about Rudgear and how it was the field of dreams for my original team, but somehow I think I have done that before. I'm a senior, so I am not sure I remember. Let it just be said that this time Red was the home team and no one beats my team on my home field.

Er, so there was a game, and Red jumped out to a 5-3 lead in the first after giving the visitors a head 3-0 start. The big blow came off the bat of speedy Brian (Bud) Black, a two run triple that was not his only line shot down left field way of the day (he later hit a home run in the same direction, he was good for 3-4 and five RBIS).

Then we scuffled for a couple of innings and let Gray back in it to the point where they had a 9-8 lead. But then I noticed our good luck charms were coming up the path by the tennis courts - Coach Hank's Entourage. They don't come to see us lose. And so we had to turn the game around. This happened in the bottom of the fifth, with John Dewes starting it with a hit (he also start our 7th inning rally with an infield hustle swinging bunt hit). It turned the lineup over and after Hank McDermott moved the runners up, Mike Fragosso hit a clutch two run single and we were off. Black and Pete D'Alonzo also had clutch two out hits to get us our five.

I should give credit or an assist to myself or the opposition's Randy Kramasz for the runners getting in scoring position. Hank hit the fly out to Randy, and I stayed off first base daring Randy to make the throw. He bit, and I don't think he is talking to me any more because the throw ate up the first baseman in the dirt and we moved up, and so it goes.

In the seventh after a shutdown in the top we finally took control. Same cast starting with Dewes, and this time the middle of the order muscled up - deep bombs by Fragosso (triple to left center), Steve Alvarez (triple to right) and then the homer by Black, sealed the deal with our five runs.

Red played some decent defense this game too, Fragosso was a force at SS, especially on the last out of the game. Gray had loaded them up on two near third out balls, one on the ground and one a dying quail in left field. But the next batter hit a classic blooper to short left that seemed destined to drop, score two runs, and give Gray the hope they were looking for. But Mike was determined to get this one and in one swipe and a slight juggle with his back to the infield, the game was over.

We also had several near double plays, but finally did turn one on a bases loaded line drive that the rover picked up at his shoe tops and ran to second to force the surprised runner. Creakers aren't supposed to be able to bend down!

Overall a good hitting day for the Red Storm. The lead off hitter was his usual pesky self and didn't make an out. Power hitters Fragosso, Alvarez and Black each was 3-4 with a triple (and Black the HR), and scored three runs. Howard 'little guy' or 'the babe' or 'don't call me howie' had a couple of bombs that tore through the glove of the center fielder twice, one for a double and one where he touched them all in a classic slow-motion Creaker HR.

Might be too little too late for Red to end up in first as we are two out with two left, but a good win over a revamped and re-energized Gray team.