Moonwalk

Somewhere, and I think it is in Oakland, there is a videotape of the Heffinator doing the Moonwalk.

Yes, you read it here. It is probably lying in the bottom of a box of dusty old tapes (who has a VCR any more anyway?), but it is there, of that I am sure.

This story really belongs in the off-season, for it is the back story of How I Became a Conehead, but it is playoff time, and I thought we might need an inspirational tale to go forward.

You see, when my daughter was in the first grade, we attended her school's Talent Show in the spring. The show was one of the events sponsored and organized by the Dads' Club. That group put on fundraisers for the school, had work days, a pumpkin patch, etc., to benefit the school and get a few extras for the kids. The culmination of the year was the Talent Show, when the six year olds sang off key, and all the sixth grade groups performed the same latest hip hop dance. But the highlight and the last act was the Dads' Club Mystery Act, and it usually involved some kind of cross dressing.

There was a Dad at the time, and I will call him Peter because his name is Peter, who was a professional dancer, and had his own studio. So that year the curtain rose and there before your eyes were a bunch of getting to middle aged men dressed in tutus, and milling around to the sounds of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. I say milling around because I wouldn't exactly call it dancing, but there were a few plies and jetes thrown around.

My daughter, who just as the rest of the crowd is loving it, turns to me and says, "Daddy, who are those men?" And I says, "That's the Dad's Club." She looks a little confused, because after all, I am her Dad and here I am sitting next to her. "Why aren't you in the Dad's Club?" And then she comes up with, "I want you to be up there."

Now I am not the joiner type, but anything for the kids, right? So the next year I joined the Dad's Club. We had a softball team, not very good, but we had a good time playing grudge matches against the neighboring schools (and at least usually beat them), and even joined the Oakland league for a couple of seasons. This is where I met the Don, and the Lingster, and Jim Cassani, Coneheads Emeritus all, and eventually it led to me being a Conehead (I even met Mugsy then - he filled in a few times for the Dads).

Two years later, we were out of ideas for an act, and it was nine days before the show. Peter showed up at our meeting with a tape of the movie Mel Brooks' Robin Hood - Men in Tights. The title song and dance had not only plies and jetes, it had actual choreography, back flips, the Can Can, all very tough to practice and nail down in nine days. It was going to be a disaster.

But a funny thing happened (well maybe not so funny) - the Oakland teachers went on strike. We could not hold the Talent Show during the strike, obviously, so we practiced. And practiced. And practiced. For six or seven weeks, twice a week, we showed up at Peter's studio and did our plies, and jetes and glissades, and practiced the act. By the time the strike ended, we were so tight, we could have gone to Carnegie Hall with this act.

We couldn't pull off the back flip part, and here is where the Moonwalk came in - just a bit of extra choreography from Peter. There were four of us that had actual parts - Ahchoo, Little John, Blinkin (he was blind), and I was Will Scarlet O'Hara. The four of us performed the Moonwalk in about the middle of the dance. I wasn't very good, but for one night, I was a star, and somewhere, for all eternity (or at least a couple of decades), it is saved on magnetic media. Somewhere in Gary Barker's basement.

And that is the story of how wearing tights led to me becoming a Conehead.

By now you are saying, what the hell does this have to do with the Coneheads, or softball, or playoffs???

Because the way we have performed the last three weeks, we are doing the Moonwalk right into the playoffs...Think about it - you actually are moving forward, but it appears  you are striding backward.

And so we backed into the playoffs. I hold your coaches responsible - Joe goes out of town, and we lose. I get sick, and miss my first Conehead game since 2008, and we tie. Clearly you guys need our special guidance. Stink Eye or not.

We wouldn't talk about the last game, except it's the one that this post is nominally noting. We fell flat. Pat's Pats flat, losing 7-6. The only things of note were Randy going 3-3, and a couple of web gems - Chuck making a lunging grab behind third on a little popup to no man's land, and Pope with a circus catch in shallow left.

But never mind. We are now channeling the Giants, and their Mantra the last few years - just get into the post-season and see what happens. We have shown now for eight straight seasons what we can do - now starting Monday it counts. Time to shine!

Throw Me a Bone

I have an important announcement for the Coneheads.

It won't be published until tonight (it's now Monday morning),  so you won't read it until after the game. This is good, because I don't want it to affect the game. After all, we are still undefeated, and must continue our momentum.

This is the announcement: You guys let me down. No, not in the way you let Joe down sometimes - the missed ball in the outfield, the bad baserunning mistake. So there will be no stink eye here. More like the Stink Pen.

You let me down by taking all the drama out of the game on occasion, like last week. I mean, 25-1 over the Shenanigans...who is the team acting out shenanigans?

How many times do you think I can write about the Conehead inning (13 in the first, game over, nine later on). How many times can I talk about Pope with three extra base hits, or Randy leaping up to make a great grab on a hot line drive, and keep it interesting and entertaining.

Really, do you think it is your job to make me dig deep to find something interesting to write about?

"In yet another laugher, the Coneheads walloped the last place Shenanigans. 25-1 in four and a half innings. We had eight straight hits in an inning TWICE, and the defense was outstanding. Ten guys had at least two hits, including Pope, Randy, Johnny, and Bruce with four. Chuck only didn't because he walked once. Gene was perfect in his platooning as he went 2-2. Derek pitched great in relief, rebounding from his wildness the week before. There was no Chopper siting, as he is still rehabbing his leg injury."

Yawn.

I need drama. Can we throw in a couple of errors, a few more walks by Derek. a double play to end an inning in a one run game in the fifth (for either side)? A walk off win?

Please, feed me. God forbid, I'm beginning to sound like Lefty.

I hope I didn't jinx tonight. OK, I will accept 25-1 again. Never mind.

Milestones:

Joe          400 g (#1)
Pope       900 ab (#8)
Sting        40 bb (#12)
Bruce      50 ab (#37)

Musings from the Foxhole

Ol' G, as we call him, is usually gone from one of our Conehead games in a flash. He stays long enough for the beginnings of the post-game banter because he is our teammate and friend, and he usually had a lot to do with the outcome. But ten minutes or so later, it's 'great game', see you all next week, and he's off.

Well, last Monday was a different deal. Gerry, the reigning Mr. Conehead, showed up to give out this year's Mr. C award. For those that aren't in the know, this is given every year to the teammate that best shows the qualities that make up a true Conehead - the full list of them is the subject for another post, but it includes the usual things one might expect - contributing something special on and off the field. Each year there is only one vote - the reigning Mr. Conehead - although consulting with the previous honorees is allowed, and one suspects that a certain former Mr. Conehead with the most years on the team is usually consulted.

It's a tough choice because we have so many players, especially these days, that are so deserving of the award. We play so well as a team, and the hallmark of a great team is that everyone contributes in a major way, sometime or other. And the camaraderie has never been better, at least in my 15 years as a Conehead, than it is now.

This year Ol' G was most deserving of the award and Gerry gave a great speech listing all the tangibles and intangibles that made him the obvious choice. He started with the stats from this year - Gary had a particularly productive season in the Orinda Summer League - but so did others, and he worked up to naming G by starting out in more generalities and then worked to more and more specifics that could only point to our second baseman. By the time he talked about 'the guy you want in your foxhole with you', and then finally to the reference to the time G got the crazy guy from Two Score Or More in a headlock when he tried to attack us in our own dugout, we all knew who he was talking about.

Ol' G gave a short speech, it was humble yet you could tell he was flattered, and then he said "Well, I gotta go". Laughs all around, and then he was gone.

His wife Deb is also steady as a rock, and I am sure his anchor at home. But she is also a gamer, and an athlete in her own right and a die hard sports fan. So you wonder how it went when he got home, and I think it probably went something like this:

(G drives up, parks and walks in the house)

G: "Deb, I'm home! You won't believe what happened at our game."

D: "Did you win?"

G: "Yeah 20-10 against the team we beat in the finals last year, we own those guys. But you won't believe what happened after the game."

D: "Did you knock in any runs?"

G: "Yeah, I think three, although the strike zone was ridiculous and I took a called third strike in one at bat."

D: "You what?!?!?!?!?"

G: "I wasn't the only one, Derek did too, and he was pissed! It's ok, what I wanted to tell you was that they named me this year's Mr. Conehead...see the trophy? It's quite the honor! I was so surprised!"

D: "You struck out???? LOOKING???"

G: "Deb, I'm Mr. Conehead, they love me!"

D: "You're Mr. Looker around here, and I don't mean that in a good way!"

And so on.

I kid...I love Deb and I am sure she was proud of her man, and I know that G goes home so soon because he actually has a life outside of softball, and he can't wait to get back to it.

Speaking of the game (isn't that what this is about?), we came out blazing - Nine runs in the top of the first, which technically is not a Conehead inning because it wasn't double digits, but nevertheless it set the tone. Pope hit a monster two run shot as the second batter, and it was off to the races. Six straight singles with one out, and then Joe came up with runners at the corners, and slashed a hit down the left field line. It was hit so far past the left fielder that I scored from first and Joe made it to second base on his reconstructed knees.

After that even though we scored the next two innings (including a two out two run knock by the soon to be named Mr. Conehead), we got a little complacent, and saw our lead slip down to 15-10 at the end of the fourth, and when for the second inning in a row we did not score in the top of the fifth, Joe was nervous.

But a funny thing happened. Chopper, on the DL, showed up and soon there were the calls of "Popcorn" and "Alley! Alley!", although they came from the bleachers. And Joe put in Lefty to pitch, and he shut down DubMD after they had scored ten runs in the last three innings.

We topped it off with a good five run rally in the top of the last inning, highlighted by a lead off triple by Lefty, a double by Sting, and another triple by Pope, who by the way hit for the Cycle.

With Joe returning to the mound for the save (although the rally made it a non-save situation), DubMD was done and they knew it. See you in the playoffs, Dub.

Randy went 5-5, Pope and Lefty had four hits, and Heffe three. RBIs and runs scored were spread out as they usually are when everyone contributes.

Ahem, and two guys looked at strike three - in the same inning.

And finally, we might be too old to worry about having to go to war - but if we did, we know we have the guy that can be trusted to be there with us. Good to have him on our side.

Milestones:

Sting           90 2b (#6)
Randy        100 ab (#29)
Randy        50 rbi (#29)

The Perfect Pitch

This blog is supposed to be about what happens on the fields of our dreams - in our case, softball fields.

Two weeks ago last night, in the early hours of Monday, August 25th, my father died. He waited until after midnight, because it was my mom's birthday. She was calling him home. He always listened to her.

I went back to St. Louis for the funeral, but I wasn't going until Wednesday. What to do about the Monday night Conehead game? Well that is obvious, go play. Harold would tell me to.

I don't remember much about the game - I was a bit distracted. I remember we had a Conehead inning to put away the game, and I was the last one up and I made the first out. I remember Randy hit a home run, Sting hit a couple of triples, and he drove in six runs. Chuck went 5-5 and Johnny 4-4. Every single teammate gave me heartfelt condolences.

These are the facts, and we won going away 18-2. Damn we are a great team.

But I want to tell a different story. It was something I heard during the week of mourning in St. Louis.

I have a cousin Jerry. He was my first babysitter. That makes him older than Joe. In fact he is 74 years old. He still plays on a softball team. He plays second base too. He doesn't play senior ball - he is on a regular rec team playing against and with 18 year olds. He told me his arm is gone but he can still catch the ball, and he does go up to the plate looking for a walk these days.

Jerry told me this story. Last year or earlier this year, a friend of his was supposed to throw out the first pitch at a St. Louis Cardinal game, but something came up and he couldn't make it. He gave the opportunity to Jerry. I asked him if he was nervous, and he said he was until he took the mound. He got to the top of the mound, toed the rubber, and a calm came over him. He wound up and he pitched - he had no idea where it was going to go - and the ball was a strike right in the catcher's mitt. It had movement too, he said.

Shane Robinson, a Cardinal who has been up and down between St. Louis and Memphis (the Cardinals' AAA team) for the last couple of years, was the designated catcher for that pitch. He came running out to Jerry. He told him that there had been some that threw a strike standing at the foot of the mound, and there had been some that didn't bounce it to the plate standing on top of the mound, but he had never seen anyone throw such a perfect pitch in that situation.

Anything can happen in this world.

Milestones:

Sting        40 3b (#4)
Sting        400 r (#8)
Sting        200 g (#11)
Johnny     50 ab (#36)

Alley Oop

Short notes, long notes. Some noted plays, some plays already forgotten that should be mentioned.

Allée Allée! - French for Go! Go!
Alvin Alley! - World Class choreographer (Dance! Dance!)
Aileron! (Wing flaps - Fly Fly!)
Ali! Ali! Boom Ba Yea* (see below)

Chopper the catcher called it out on many batters: Alley! Alley!

Go Go? Dance Dance? Fly fly? What does it mean???

He actually explained it to us Saturday. "No it means 'Alloy! Alloy!'", noting the hitter's got an Aluminum Bat, meaning the outfielders should move in because he won't hit the ball as hard as with a composite bat.

But by Sunday we all forgot, or we didn't hear it, because we are old. The hearing aids were off.

In the mean time, Pope in left field is dancing left, dancing right, he doesn't know which gap to cover, he doesn't even know if it's his gap or Gene's gap or Bruce's gap, he just knows the ball's going in a gap. In left center, Bruce is just Go! Going, running in circles. And Lefty in RC, he's taking it literally...running around flapping his arms (not unlike a couple of swings in the last game), "Look at me, I'm FLYING!"

Somehow the ball got caught, and Chopper is already on to the next batter. "Popcorn" "with Butter!"

Wha?

Next year, to improve the team, I'm going to compile the CTM - Chopper Translation Manual. We will all memorize it, and then we will be truly invincible.

Although Four Championships in a Row in Orinda, we might be there already. We won by smashing Cal Bronco 17-1 (or 19-1 if you believe the blue). We crushed them like last year's sour grapes. And although the scores of the first three games were closer, we were never really threatened the whole weekend. Gene coined it the "Aura", maybe it is, but the other teams go into this thing, thinking, how are the Coneheads going to beat us this year?

I was worried this year. All season long we couldn't get a lot of guys to show up for the regular games. Ol' G a.k.a. Alfred E Neuman, kept saying no sweat, let's see what happens in the playoffs. Like Joe, due to a quirk of ethnic makeup, I am genetically wired to worry. After all, 8-3 is a pretty pedestrian record for the Coneheads.

Gerry, our .700 hitter, retired. Markley, our other .700 hitter, out with a bad leg. Don gone, no one to piss off Joe and give him his game face. Reggie gone to chase glory in the Ring Tournament. Knight has the temerity to let his personal life get in the way of softball. All gone. And then, Big D gets kidnapped, practically literally, and whisked off the the Forty Niner Super Colossal State of the Art State of the Art (double intentional) PRE-SEASON football game. This hurts. We are practically down to the minimum 10. How are we ever going to do this?

But last night I had a revelation. I was at a party in Marin. These friends of Julia's, a couple who raised their kids with hers, were having a Pisco Sour party. He had spent some time in Peru, and fallen in love with the culture and the food and especially, being a good drinker, the Pisco Sour, which is kind of the national drink, a mix of their local brandy and lime and other ingredients. Quite delicious, I might add. As was the food, as they created a bunch of Peruvian dishes, a shredded chicken thing, home made ceviche, some tasty spiced corn on the cob - the works. But yours truly could just think about how we were going to get our Knight to come play third. And I had misplaced my phone. I wanted to text Joe, to plot, but it was not to be.

I went outside - had a smoke, then closed my eyes. I hearkened back to my youth when I took up Transcendental Meditation - but I needed a new mantra. And then it came...Cohhhhhhhn.....Cohhhhhhhn, Cohhhhhhhhhn. I sat there and got into a trance...Cohhhhhhhn, and it was good.

And I had the revelation. As they say in the pros, when you win the Championship, you enjoy it for ten minutes, and then you are already thinking about the next one. Even today, Joe and I talked about how this was the second time in Conehead history we have won four in a row in Orinda, but now we have to get the fifth, which we have never done. So the real joy comes in the anticipation...Saturday night, knowing we had played well Saturday, and were in the driver's seat for Sunday even without D, and this edge, the angst of not knowing what will happen the morrow, the unknown, that is the great and focusing feeling.

We came out Sunday without all our guys. But take no offense any of you, the Coneheads can lose ANYBODY, and as long as we have at least 8 1/2 somewhat healthy bodies to throw out there, we will pick each other up, and carry the day. This is what it means to be a Conehead. Derek is out, and Haz goes to third base for a game. He makes a play, doesn't get the lead runner but gets an out. "I'll do better next time". And then Knight shows up on his White Horse (OK, Prius, after all this is the 21st century). Jeff changes his tune when Knight comes to the rescue to play third in the Championship Game. "We are undefeated with me playing third," he now says, with a smile.

Greg goes 3-4, with three knocks, just another day at the office. Or out of the office. It was great but (no offense intended again) I have a feeling that without our Knight we still would have won.

Joe is the best slowpitch pitcher in the land. But he is only playing half the game. Larry comes in every game in the middle innings AND COMPLETELY DOMINATES EVERY TEAM. I don't have the exact numbers of innings but he allowed something like five runs in 14 innings. In Slow Pitch Softball. This is against teams that score 20+ runs a game like the Broncos. And I have a feeling if I didn't tell Larry to pitch to him, he would have walked the Broncos big bat Brady when it was 17-0 and no one was on base, and we would have completed the shutout. Instead his solo home run was all they could muster when it counted most. Larry gets my vote for MVP. That was phenomenal. And I haven't even mentioned the catch he made on a ball headed hard and straight at his head, or the clutch hits he had.

Ol' G was extremely hot most of the season. The last couple of weeks, not so much. He kept thinking a foul ball to the right was a hit. Well he woke up and drilled not one but two homers Saturday against the Old Scouts. The first one, a two run job, produced the game winning RBI as it completed the scoring in the only real Conehead inning of the weekend. That inning (nine runs) was the microcosm of the weekend. We were down 11-4 in the top of the fourth. With two outs wee had only a man on first, and starting with Haz we smacked nine straight hits - the other big blow was Bruce's three run homer to get us close. I think that was the moment we all realized this was our year once again. Except G, of course, he never had any doubt.

And Joe - we beg him to bat, really it's only in your Head that you aren't good enough. He pokes it into right center and the ball skips by the same Big Bat who is an All World Fielder, and G, who is running for him, is once again off to the races. Two run triple.

Bruce hit three home runs with a gimpy leg - he did a pretty good Derek impression. Chuck was dirtier then I ever remember him this weekend. He had at least one dive play in the hole that was just impossible. He added a little of everything, lot of hits, walks, sac flies.

Lefty had the two most beautiful swings and misses Sunday. Complete with curtsies and a bow at the end. Then you look up and realize that he also had twelve hits over the weekend, and gunned out a guy at the plate.

Gene had a great regular season but was a little cold Saturday. I switched him and Haz, and how did he respond? 5-7 with a walk Sunday. In the mean time Haz was off in the first game (out of comfort zone because of playing third?) then went 4-4 in the penultimate game.

And Pope, in between dancing to Chopper's tune, thinks that he doesn't contribute enough. Besides being lockdown in left field, he had four doubles over the weekend - and most were singles he hustled into doubles. He's like a horse thief out there. In the second biggest rally of the weekend, six runs against Bay Alarm, we had tied it at seven in what until that point was a close game. Up stepped Pope, and his three run big fly rang Bay's alarm - the game was never out of reach as we only won 15-9, but that blow took all the wind out of their sails and they did not threaten us again.

And of course our first baseman. I'm just here to make you guys look good in print, but after turning the big six oh two weeks ago, I think this weekend I played first like I was...59 all over again. Scoops in the dirt, falling and stretching for the few errant throws, and I even had a few line drive hits and loud outs to go with the patented bloop doubles I seem to thrive on.

In other words, once again no one carried us alone, and we achieved our little corner of glory, even if for only ten minutes before we start to think of fall league and next year. It's a good feeling.

*Last night when I found my phone, which of course was in my car all along, there was this mysterious message on it (this is true, I played it for G and Haz, you can ask them). It went something like this in a thick middle eastern accent: "Hey Jeff, this is (unintelligible), I was switching through the channels and I came across the movie Ali. You know, 'Ali boom ba yea, Ali boom ba yea' and he chants this over and over...This was the people's chant in Zaire in the famed Ali Foreman fight, the Rumble in the Jungle, I looked it up...he closed with "I may be in the Bay next week so we can go golfing maybe" so I have no idea who this crank caller is but in light of Chopper's call, it's almost spooky.

Stats to follow but in closing...Ali, Cohhhn Ba Yea. Which means, loosely. Coneheads Kill.

Milestones:
7/28
Chuck        850 r (#1)
Pope          120 hr (#1)
Larry          450 rbi (#4)
Derek        200 r (#16)

8/4
Gene         250 g (#7)
Pope         30 sf (#8)

8/16 Game 1
Gene        400 r (#7)
Ol' G        50 2b (#15)

8/16 Game 2
Ol' G         30 hr (#8)
Haz           200 ab (#23)

8/17 Game 1
Pope          600 h (#6)

8/17 Game 2
Pope         40 gw (#1)
Gene         850 ab (#9)
Craig         200 h (#20)

Yoenis Who?

The A's are all in this year and Billy Beane is either a genius or an over-tinkering fool, depending upon where the A's end up this post-season.

Popular home run contest winner Yoenis Cespedes was dealt for more pitching today. The A's will miss his bat, but they might miss his outstanding arm in left field even more. He did create that amazing throw and the next one against the Angels by kicking the ball around just to tempt the runners into going, but then he gunned them down. The first was the highlight of the year.

However, if they find that they need some late season help, there is a secret weapon in the East Bay. And I hear after this weekend he won't be playing on Sunday afternoons until next year.

Of course I am talking about our own Chopper who last Sunday gunned out another who dared to run on him. That made two in two games if you count last week in our Conehead game, and although I am sure he played a few games in between, we like to think he has a streak of two going. We would hate to see him signed up to go pro, but hey, we would do our part to support the local pros.

The game was mostly meaningless. OK, totally meaningless for any effect in the standings. We had clinched first place and they were stuck in fourth no matter what. Corona had eight players show up, and we picked them apart. We started with 8 hits and a walk and poured on eleven runs in the first. Lefty and Randy in a row, and Ol' G and Chopper and Gene found gaps in the outfield for triples, and the rout was on. The rest was trying to make sure we kept a 15 run lead so we could get out of the heat ASAP, which we did.

Oh, and Derek pitched great filling in for ailing Joe, and our first baseman turned an unassisted double play on a line drive smash. He wanted a triple play but the runner off first made a move to evade the tag, and our hero doesn't move too fast. He had to settle for going back to the bag to get the second out.

Bruce returned from the DL and went 3-3, including one shot so far into right field (for a grand slam) that he could jog around the bases. His physical therapist was happy, I'm sure. Chuck and the Knight were also perfect at 4-4.

All this was practice for playoffs this weekend. We get to face a full Corona squad in the first game and then take our chances. This could be the year we get over the hump. Even though Pinky's is a tournament tested team, we took two of three, and let's face it we have better chemistry, better defense, and I put our bats up against them or anyone. But first let's continue to punish Corona's for thinking they are in our league.

And hopefully the A's won't have signed Chopper until after Sunday.

Milestones:
Gene          10 3b (#5)
Randy        50 rbi (#15)

3.2.1...Blastoff!

I'm gonna be 60 within two weeks, and I never knew pressure like this in all my decades.

Pope, Ol' G, and D went back to back to back in the first inning of the Conehead game last night. Derek hit it so hard and so far, he admired it, then he hobbled to first, then thought about a double, hobbled to second, thought about it some more, and so on until he scored before the ball got back to the infield.

Now it's up to me to continue the streak. What do I do? How can I go yard? I mean I haven't done that in like 10 years...and it usually requires someone falling down...

Stay within yourself...see ball hit ball...don't over swing...you can do this...I close my eyes, and take a mighty swing...and when I open them I see the ball in the 5-6 hole, and the shortstop almost gets to it but instead deflects it into short left field...the third baseman chases it down, picks it up while I round first. Another damn single.

And then the miracle happened...there's no one covering second! So I steal second base!

Now we have seen home runs in game after game after game on this team. We've seen Pope stretch singles into doubles with head first slides. But tell me, have you ever seen a stolen base in slowpitch softball???

And that's how it went in our game against the Reds. Larry hit the other home run. Sting coulda had one in the first - he stopped at third with no outs and Pope on deck. That woulda been back to back to back to back. How utterly demoralizing to the Reds.

The middle of the order batting line: 12-12, 11 runs, 3 doubles, a triple and 2 HRs for 11 RBIs (G, D, and me). Pope drove in a team leading 5 on a couple of hits and a sac fly. Chuck, who made a very professional stop on a hot one hopper to his left, scored four times, drawing two walks to go with his two hits. Joe started the 1-6-3 slick double play.

We even gave them mercy from the mercy rule - after we took a 1-2-3 and out in order extra frame (the score was past the mercy rule after five), we gave them a shot to score fifteen in the phantom sixth. The ump was having none of it - he marked the score 24-9 even after they eked out a couple of runs in the sixth.

Next week another double header. Fun fun fun til Daddy takes the T-bird away. Or the lights go out, whichever comes first.

Signed Heffe 'Rickey' Heffinator

Milestones:
Pope          650 rbi (#1)
Chuck        1600 ab (#1)
Pope          120 ab (#2)
Heffe          550 rbi (#3)
Ol' G          700 ab (#14)
Chopper     30 2b (#20)

Just Wait Til Next Year

Next time we play St. Mo's, we are all batting the opposite and playing out of our regular positions. Because, after all, when do we do that? When we are just slaughtering someone. Why not just do that from the beginning of the game?

And they just have our number, or so it seems. On Monday we plated all of two runs in the first three innings. The night was so strange that we had the exact same inning in the first and the third: Chuck got to first (ok the second one was a walk not a hit), Reg put one over the fence 900 feet away ON A BOUNCE, so it was ruled a ground rule double, Pope brought in Chuck with an out, Lefty hit a sac fly to bring in Reg, and Bruce ended the inning.

We took a 6-0 lead into the top of the sixth. One bad inning, and suddenly it was 8-6, and even though we tied it in the bottom of the sixth, gave up one more in the seventh then went down quietly, one two three to end it.

9-8, 6-5, 13-11, 20-14, these are the scores the last four losses out of the last five games with them. We have lost five total games to the rest of the league combined over that time. Something's gotta change.

A few of us had decent games, led by G who went 3-3 with a triple, but there was no Conehead inning to be had, and so we were had. Our luck we will draw them first game in the playoffs like last year but look what happened then. We would welcome yet another chance for revenge.

The weather was strange at Wilder that night - the later it got the warmer it was, and the sunset was outstanding over the East Bay hills. Maybe that affected us, as we managed to eke out an 11-6 win in the nightcap over the Areolas. We got warmer as the night went on as we scored nine runs the last three innings.

Sting continued to be a highlight reel - he hit a bomb but this time managed to get the ball to land in a way it stayed in the park, and he could follow Joe's runner in for a two run homer. Sting was joined by Pope, Lefty and Heffe with three hit games. But the game turned when we got patient and the Areola pitcher could not find the plate - Chopper (!), Haz and Joe all took walks to set up our mini-Conehead five run fifth that put us ahead to stay.

With our second loss in the opener, it will be tough to end up first or possibly even second. That did not seem to matter the last couple years, we know when it really counts in this league. And besides, don't we want St. Mo's to open the playoffs again? I'm going 4-4 batting righty, and making diving catches in left field.

Milestones:
Game 1
Larry        1200 ab (#4)
Larry        70 2b (#8)

Game 2
Heffe         150 2b (#1)
Chuck       600 rbi (#2)
Sting         20 gw (#3)
Chuck       30 sf (#7)
Lefty         20 3b (#16)
Lefty         30 2b (#19)
Chopper   350 ab (#19)

Joeless and Shoeless, Again

This is how it goes...time to clinch the regular season championship and the coach is out of town, one outfielder is hurt, our second baseman is missing the one game he misses per year. Our regular subs are missing in action, but luckily we have pressed GMac into action, so we will have twelve players, one over a full team in the over 40 league, so we are protected in case someone goes down.

Then of course I get the warning that our third baseman may get 'stuck' at his daughter's softball tournament if she makes it to the championship, and then our catcher neglected to tell me (until two hours before game time) that he is playing an hour away and won't be leaving there until 35 minutes before the bell goes off in ours. Are we a little math challenged?

The topper is that Lefty arrives in sandals, and finds he has no shoes. Literally. No tennis shoes, no dress shoes, no spare golf shoes in the trunk (although the Knight did offer his), no army boots, just a pair of oh so comfy sandals. The casual look is in.

Ah but we are playing the last place and fairly hapless Crazy 88's for the second week in a row, and they can only field nine breathing bodies, some of whom we certainly haven't seen before. Not sure if they actually were breathing. And so it went from there.

Randy and Chopper made it by the second inning - Randy just in time to change out of his wife-beater to take a spot in the lineup at the bottom. By the time he arrived, we were in the midst of our first of two seven run innings that committed the Crazy 88's to yet another defeat. We ended up winning 16-4 and it really wasn't that close.

In the first rally Gene took advantage of the three outfielders and hit a looping gapper to knock in the first run and later the Knight blasted one far deeper into the gap for a two run triple. In the third it was more of the same but we were aided by some rather shoddy defense as four runs scored on errors.

D led the team with four hits, with Knight just behind with three. Gene and Reg made nice running catches on defense, Chuck picked off a couple of tough chances, Johnny was solid as he probably had the most action on the infield, and D made two nice plays - one he hustled on his gimpy knees to grab a dribbler in front of home to get a guy, and on another picked off a laser over his head.

And so it was written or will be in this sentence, that we clinched a first place finish with a game to go for the first time since arch-rival Pinky's has jumped into our league (actually longer - there was Rocco's before that so it's been since 2009). And we know what that means - not a whole lot. It gives us the first playoff game against the fourth place team, but really is there much difference between Corona's and Advance Construction? When I left the park the two of them were tied 7-7 in the fourth or fifth inning in the game following ours, as they played to settle who ends up third.

So we don't care who we play first but it does feel good to go into the playoffs knowing that this year things are different. And who knows - we are due to have a different outcome in the playoffs.

Milestones:
6/22
Heffe        400 ab (#3)

6/29
Ol' G        100 rbi (#6)

7/13
Chuck       100 rbi (#7)
Joe            100 r (#7)

7/20
None

You Just Can't Win Em All

You look at the championship games last year between the Coneheads and the Old Scouts (yes there were two) and what jumps out at you is that these were two very evenly matched teams...we won two games by a total of four runs, and that included our epic eight run sixth inning to take the ultimate contest.

So it should not come as a surprise that we battled to the end Monday night against the Scouts and the winner was on a walkoff hit by the home team. Unfortunately, it was the Old Scouts that drew the 'home' game this year, and we fell 21-20.

We trailed much of the game: 2-1, 9-7, and finally 13-7 after four innings. But when we rallied with two mini-Conehead innings in the 5th and 6th, we seemed destined to pull out a victory. I mean how many teams come back from a six run deficit against this team in the last inning?

The Scouts had other ideas. I will tell you one thing - they picked up a couple of new players that can hit. They all hit in the bottom of the sixth, we barely got an out before the winning run scored. Ironically, Randy our teammate on Sundays and in the fall, had a chance to win it, but only managed to tie it, and someone else became the hero. If I wrote the script Randy would have blasted it over our heads to win the game, if they were going to win anyway.

Johnny was nowhere to be found - perhaps he just can't play against us any more (kidding).

We may not go undefeated, but the game sets up the playoffs...there is no predicting, and there is still the Cal Broncos to deal with, but it sure looks like these two teams could make it to the finals again this year.

The Jeffs had big games - Hazel had five RBIs with a mini-cycle, and Heffe led the team with four hits. Haz - who ironically was the only one not to score - was not the only one with a mini-cycle; he was joined by Chuck and Bruce. Bruce hit one nearly to the street in right center. Larry slugged another triple among three hits - he is our new power hitter. Sting and Markley rounded out the players with three knocks.

Double header Monday, a great chance to get back on the winning track in a hurry.

Milestone:
Larry        30 3b (#7)

Plie

There was a moment in the Conehead Waitlister game. I mean when we weren't laughing our asses off at the antics at third base. When we weren't running around scoring 16 runs in one inning. When we weren't watching in awe at liner after liner by the three big lefties, Pope, D and Bruce (and Lefty and...who else is lefty?). When we weren't watching Larry nail the line for a home run (what - an old guy that can run???), and we certainly weren't watching our new power man Chuck hitting a gapper.

It actually did happen during our XVI Conehead inning. I was headed to third on a single to right by Larry with the Chop Chop on first. Chopper thought it might be caught, and then had to hustle into second as the throw cam in. And he SLUD! Or was it a flop? Regardless, he had to stop all that momentum (Force = Mass X Acceleration, and he wasn't accelerating), and he landed and that momentum started to take him past the bag and then a remarkable thing happened. His left leg raised into the air but his right one stayed on the bag, and it was a Perfect Plie, only horizontal. That'a pronounced PLEE-AY for those who have never had the pleasure of partaking in the fine art of ballet. I think there is a place for Chopper in the next summer Olympics, in artistic Gymnastics. Or maybe, even, the Bolshoi Ballet? Only time will tell.

And speaking of artistic endeavors, how bout that guy at third base? I mean I don't think Sting has played seven innings total in his life at the hot corner before this game. And everything found it's way to him. I have faith that he will learn to cover the bag, given a couple of hundred games there. And who has a 7-(hit runner)-2-5-2 assist on their resume? But seriously, it is a testament to the all around talent of one of the most athletic guys on this or any team - and even more important that Reggie went to third for the sake of the team if that's what it needs (more depth at third). Bravo Sting!

The rest was all Joe keeping the Waitlisters off balance, some nice catches in the outfield, and mostly HIT HIT HIT particularly in the sixteen run fourth. Five guys were 2-2 in the inning, led by Chopper with a homer and a single and Bruce with a triple and a single. Game leaders were Pope with 4-4 and two doubles, Larry 3-3 with a HR, Chopper 2-2 and a walk with a HR. D was 3-3 and a game high 5 RBIs because he also had TWO RBIs on one sac fly, it was so deep.

If Knight makes the game, before first pitch in lieu of BP he will teach a class: Playing Third - Hot Corner or Cool as a Cucumber? Maybe Randy will make a guest appearance. All are urged to attend.

Milestones:
Chuck        1050 h (#1)
Heffe          1400 ab (#2)
Chuck        110 2b (#3)
Pope          850 ab (#8)
Larry          20 hr (#10)
Sting           750 ab (#11)

Pick a Bale of Cotton

I can't believe I haven't posted for Transdyn since the first time we beat the Ringers. Almost a month ago.

I'm a little leery to start now. Superstitious and all. Because, we haven't lost since then, seven in a row, and stand on the brink of coming back from a 1-3 start to claim the regular season Cotton this Tuesday.

Including two forfeits in a row, first the conventional variety. Our opponents the Ballers got in a fight the week before and one of their best players was suspended, and their response was...don't show up the next week and don't have to courtesy to tell the other team. BP for Bonzos. That would be us, the Bonzos. they were the Bozos in this case.

Then in one of the most bizarre results ever, we played the Blue Dots, long time adversary. They showed up with a well known tournament pitcher, who may or may not also be on the roster of a C league team that played before us on another field. He was doubledipping on a night when the Blue Dots needed a pitcher. Mario, the teammate that doubles as a field monitor on his nights off, and who was sitting out with a sore back, was all over it and in my ear. "If you call it before the fourth inning it's a forfeit." Well I don't want to win that way. This team will come back and smother them.

I learn from the head ump Rusty (who also happens to either be listed on their roster or was until this year) that if I call the pitcher out after the fourth, he is out every time he comes up to bat, and he is tossed out of the game. We aren't scoring - by the top of the sixth we are down 5-2. My resolve is weakening. The pitcher comes up in a potential rally, and I say toss his ass. We hold but still can't score enough, and lose 6-3.

Except not. The fun was just beginning. Apparently the Blue Dot coach was suspended for two games over these shenanigans, and in his plea bargain, he trades the game for lifting the suspension, and we have a forfeit and our winning streak is intact.

That made the next week's game with the first place Ringers ever so important. Beat them by 3+ runs, and we hold the tiebreaker and if both teams win out, we win by that tiebreaker.

We tore them apart. We jumped on them for five in the first and when they crept back to 8-5 after five, we put up five and then nine in the last inning to win going away 22-8. It was the statement game we had waited for. Mario made a great grab on a line shot to second. Jas, D, and Rams all had four hits, and Cage had a double and a triple for the minicycle.

Then last week we continued the trend. In the first we batted around plating seven. The big blow was a massive bomb by D to make it 3-0 but we didn't stop there. We followed up with six straight hits to get four more runs.

However then we stopped hitting. The Ballers had re-tooled, and there were some new faces we had not seen before. Sir Guy kept it somewhat in check - he struck out two in the fourth. Somewhere in there Cage threw out a guy at home. But aided by some shaky defense, they closed it to 7-6 by the bottom of the fifth. Cage got to second on a wild throw with two outs, and the Ballers made a bad mistake. D had followed his home run with a much harder hit ball in the second, but it was right at the right fielder playing at the fence. So up he strode and they put him on to, presumably set up the force everywhere except home. To get to Hama. Now I understand walking D, but to get to Hama? Really? And then they played him shallow. particularly up the middle. He promptly put on an upswing and the ball carried and carried, and hit the very top of the fence in straightaway center! It careened back to the field, so he ended up with just a double but it gave us back a three run lead.

In the last inning, the Ballers managed to tie it up but we held it there with about three minutes left on the clock. Pauly strode up, determined to get the winning rally started. And Heffe and Chopper followed suit to get the bases loaded with no outs. Tom could not quite hit a deep enough fly ball to win it, but in fitting fashion, our next hope was super-sub Mark. He has been a trooper - it's tough to come onto a team full of injuries and contribute to it, only to be told that guys don't lose their spots due to injuries, and with regulars coming back, we had to tell him he has to stay a sub. And then of course we had to call him last minute once again this night. And what does he do but hit a sinking liner that the center fielder can't quite get to, and we win the game, and remain tied for first. nice job, Rook!

So it sets up the grudge match with the Blue Dots with regular season cotton on the line. They will be gunning for us - the last game was not pretty. The reason they even used the illegal player was that they apparently have been devastated by injuries, and they also got permission to add 'emergency' players. They gonna be loaded for bear, or at least Transdyn!

Should be fun.

Milestones:
6/10
Cage         20 3b (#4)
Pauly        300 h (#8)
Rams        250 ab (#19)

6/17
Jas            250 h (#11)

What a Difference a Year Makes

Something is wrong this season, and it's only game two.

Last season, we were left wondering what happened to us as we dropped the first two games, 6-5 and 15-12 to St. Mo's and the Waitlisters, respectively. Bad baserunning in one game and no hitting in the other. Did we get old that fast?

The Waitlisters rode that game to the regular season championship. Well we know what happened the rest of the season, despite some unevenness and the first game loss in the playoffs, we took the Cotton away from every other team - thanks to losing the first we beat every other team in the tournament on our way to the third straight Orinda Championship and seventh overall.

And by the looks of our first two games, we have not looked back. We scored 68 runs in the first couple, and this is now when there are no more nine inning games to fatten the stats. You could say, well last week was the Usual Victims...er Suspects, and they look to be worse than ever.

But the first game was against Bay Alarm nee Pennini's, who tied with Cal Gaels, Old Scouts and us in second place last year at 8-3. The game featured not one but two Conehead rallies (nine and twelve runs) and one thing that it really showed is that our outfielders know how to play the turf better than anyone else - numerous balls bounced over Alarmed fielders to give us lots of extra bases.

Sting had a three run bomb and Chuck hit a salami among his four hits, but the hitting star was Ol'd G. Thanks to Joe stopping him at third the first time when he could have walked home, G hit three triples to set a Conehead single game record. At least in the MCE (Modern Conehead Era i.e. Heffinator stats, which goes back to 2002). Yes - I looked it up. There were a few that hit two (including your truly) and some that hit two multiple times (including Larry and Chopper). But the team  rarely hit more than three in a game, and G wiped them all off the record books with his performance against Bay Alarm. Tied Chuck for a game high five RBIs as well.

Honorable mentions for game balls go to Derek, who had a perfect five hits that might have been triples turned into singles, and Bruce who slashed four line shots of the kind we are getting used to, one a tweener that resulted in a home run. Haz also went yard.

The Bonehead award for the game goes to the entire Bay Alarm team for going ballistic over a runner called out for not tagging up in the middle innings. Granted, the ump completely blew the call, he must have been looking at the third base coach. However give him some credit - the coach definitely failed to tag up. And in their hotheaded defense - the game was still somewhat close, heat of the moment and all that. Still, partly because Bay Alarm completely lost it, it helped turn things against them. After that we stepped on the accelerator with our second Conehead inning to pull away.

In the Usual Suspect game...well what can we say. It was 13-0 before they came up to bat, and 22-2 after two. The ump even gave us two runs - we scored forty, but the ump had it down as a final of 42-3. Sting had two homers and five RBIs after his second at bat in the first inning, albeit one was of the Conehead variety. That alone would have won the game.

Markley was a perfect 5-5 with seven RBIs. Our new power hitter Chuck had another bomb, this one for three RBIs among four more hits. Gene turned in five RBIs along with Sting, and Lefty also was a perfect 5-5. All together nine players had four or five hits, everyone had at least three and scored at least twice, and drove in a run. You couldn't really pad your stats in this game - everyone did.

Comic relief was provided by yours truly when we improved the outfield by putting Chuck and me in the middle. I did my best Sting impression - watched a ball that I thought was right at Chuck but tailed more toward me, as it split us for a Suspect third run. Larry won't talk to me any more as it ruined his ERA. But at least Derek kept his scoreless inning streak going in the final inning (after the JFT shutout with Joe in Italy) - perhaps because he got the Suspects to hit away from RC where I was camped. Had 'smores too while I watched everyone else catch balls to end the game. They were delicious.

Milestones:
6/9:
Sting          50 hr (#2)
Chuck       20 gw (#2)
Joe            1200 ab (#3)
Ol' G         350 rbi (#12)

6/16
D              350 ab (#18)
Lefty         150 rbi (#19)
Markley    250 ab (#21)
Markley    100 r (#22)

Joeless Shoo, Jack

There was not a lot to say about last week's JFT game, but when I thought of this title I knew I had to write something.

As in we just shooed away Crazy 88's, slaughtering them 15-0 in six innings, without Joe. Good thing we ended it early as it was 102 degrees at game time.

Two things of note: One is that Derek continued his mastery of opponents, tossing the shutout. Not exactly Pinky's lineup, but a shutout is a shutout in slowpitch, ever so rare. Joe came back just in time to save his job I think, and he still has his shoes. The coach is pretty ruthless, I hear...but wait, he is the coach, never mind, his spot on the bump is safe.

Two is that Nomah went on sabbatical on top as interim Manager at 2-0. Rumor is he will be back for one more game so we can still blow it for him. And as usual he went 2-2 in the batter's box. He did make an out but it was a Sac Fly so that doesn't count.

Along with Nomah the bottom of the order carried us this game. Between them Randy, Johnny, Chopper, Nomah and Haz made only one other out - totals were 11 for 13 with 2 doubles, 10 runs, and 7 RBIs.

Bruce and Chuck (3 RBIs) also contributed three hits.

Milestones:
Chuck        450 ab (#1)
Knight        20 gw (#1)
Knight        150 rbi (#2)
Nomah       20 2b (#5)

Ownage

In a game that wasn't as close as the score, JFT took down the twice defending champion Pinky's 17-9 last Sunday. At the half way point in the season, we have a two game lead on them, and having played them three times in the first seven weeks, won the season series 2-1 and so own the tiebreaker. We also put them in third place a half game behind the Coronas.

Them's the facts.

Here is the story:

You know it's your night when Randy hits a ball ten feet in front of the plate and the pitcher and catcher look at it assuming like most balls hit that well, it will have back spin on it and will roll foul. But not this night. It settles and everyone is safe, and we score a bunch more runs in our eight run Conehead inning in the fourth to essentially put the game out of reach.

You know it's your night when Lefty hustles into two over the shoulder running catches and makes all three outs in one of our shutdown innings.

You know it's your night when Johnny Steele plasters one over the left fielder's head for a two run homer. Pinky's is the team with the power guys, and Johnny is traditionally not our power hitter, but tradition was damned Sunday night.

The unsung hero was D, with the pressures of: pick your poison: Pitching against his tournament friends and teammates, while mired in a batting slump. Filling in for nominally one of the best softball pitchers in these parts, on vacation in Italy. And we know the Stink Eye can easily cross oceans. He had Pinky's eating out of his hand, and that is the real story. We had them at 17-4 after four innings, and only because we stopped hitting after that did we not slaughter rule them. D mixed up the flat knuckley stuff and some high cheese to keep them off balance the whole game.

The other hero was Bruce, who keeps raising the bar in his performance. He went 3-3 and led the game with four RBIs. Lefty added three slashing line drive hits including the only other extra base hit, a double. Also we had a return of old JFTer Mario, who added a couple of clutch hits..

All this and Reggie surprised us by getting back in town from his Reno tournament in time to play. Really quite a perfect night of softball.

Of course we know that the true test lies ahead in the playoffs, and ownage in this case only counts for that night. But it has a small meaning in that this greatly increases the chance of having the vest seeding for the playoffs, and more importantly, we know we can take these guys down. 

Milestone:

Chuck        200 r (#1)

It's...Underdog!!!

(Make sure you play this while reading the following...)

Transdyn started the season 1-3. Missing our starting left fielder the whole season, nominally the most consistent hitter in all rec league softball. Two outfielders injured in the first game, not to be seen again as of yet, so we have been playing with three of our five regular outfielders out.

Number three hitter, one of the most feared hitters in Pleasanton, coaching his kids, and missing all the 6:30 games. In a season that due to the limited number of teams five of twelve games are at 6:30.

New power hitter from last year - in LA for three weeks for work training. Rams busy entertaining. Chopper gets a promotion and is acting the part of dedicated worker. Hama - well the mail must be delivered? Super sub Zach from last year, don't have his phone number, didn't email him in time.

Only nine guys could show and oh by the way our newest new blood with the speed of youth, Mark, has a bad hammy so we take the field with three outfielders, average age 48 or so.

And yours truly the Coach, is late because I got stuck at work, and technically we started the game with eight players (for a few batters).

So the table was set. Playing the first place Ringers, who started off the season so hot, 5-0. We have crawled back into the race with a couple of wins, but this one was a must have. Win it, and we are one out barely half way through the season. Lose it, and we're three games plus tiebreaker guaranteed, which might as well be four games out with five left.

Play it again: Underdog!

And they scored four in the first. But they also started with nine players, and we answered on a couple of walks and a smash triple by Cage and a gapper double by Tom, who might as well face the fact that he is a permanent fixture for this season at least.

4-3, not bad, even 6-3 not too bad after they added on in the second. And then both teams got cold. We were colder and going into the bottom of the fifth we were down 8-4.

And then a remarkable thing happened. Play it again! We loaded the bases with none out (starting with Sir Guy, my motto: bottom of the order hits, we win). and it was off to the races when we turned over the order. A big play was when Cage hit a grounder toward the hole with bases loaded and the third baseman took it and ran to third and tried to gun down the old guy running home. I ran 'inside' and he nailed me in the back, and that let the inning extend. Mario's next hit was thrown around and we ended up taking a 10-8 lead and using up most of the remaining time.

Then the Ringers 'discovered' their 'new bat', a pink thing that if it isn't juiced, sure hits like a shaved bat. They ended up with the bases loaded and their power hitter up and he golfed one over the fence for a 12-10 lead. They should have added more, Sir Guy and our defense did a good job keeping it there. Pauly had a tremendous game at the hot corner - he must have had a third of our outs.

In the end old age and treachery took over. Monty started with one of our ten walks (patience). After a fly out Jas did the same. But when a ground out ensued, it was looking grim - still two down and two outs. Cage extended it with a single; Monty scored and Jason went in to run at second as the tying run.

Mighty Mario stepped in and looked around, and saw the Hole. They were playing him to pull as he usually does, but we know he can hit to all fields. And he hit a perfect rope to the LC gap, and with two outs, Jas and Cage took off at full speed...tie game and then the walkoff! The Ringers made a desperation throw, and it was actually closer than it seemed it would be, but the joy was in Transville that night!

Play it again: Underdog!

Milestones:

Mario        200 rbi (#10) (how appropriate)
Jas            100 g (#13)

Mexican Bud

Back in the 80s, my original softball team, the Lyons, were co-sponsored by one of the first pubs that served upwards of 30 microbrewery beers, Lyons Brewery in Dublin. We were so cool because we drank 'good beer', and joined the 'Connoisseur Club' which rewarded you with a t-shirt when you tried your 50th different kind of beer. Remember, this was when they handed out trophies for softball championships. The BC era (Before Cotton), if you will. So the Beer Cotton was about all that you could hope for.

At Lyons, the owner hung various bits of memorabilia from the ceiling. One of the artifacts was a bottle of Corona beer, with a necktie wrapped around it. The thing was, was that it was only yuppies who thought that Corona meant Mexican beer, hence the tie and the slightly arrogant attitude that Corona was the Budweiser of Mexico (depending on your taste in beer, this might be true).

Now we are not as cool, but we have a lot more Cotton.

Well, Joe made the Corona team look just like ordinary swill last Sunday. He one-hit them, let me repeat ONE-HIT them, and JFT just plastered the Corona Crushers, 17-0.

Joe had a chip on his shoulder (quelle surprise!). The last two years Corona had lobbied to remain in the Lower division successfully, and took easy Cotton. This year, their argument continued, and apparently it emphasized the fact that the only team in the upper division they could beat was JFT. Despite Gerry's long term statistics, this has been true at times the last couple of years: The last two years we were 2-2 against them, and they eliminated us from the post-season in 2010.

So a chip it is planted firmly on our shoulders. And we made them pay.

Yeah, yeah, it was Mothers' Day, and they were missing some players (although I looked around and except for the SS it looked like Corona's to me). But one hit is one hit in slow pitch softball - Joe owned them.

We blasted out with a continuation of our last inning the week before - eight straight hits after a lead-off fly out, and an 8-0 lead after one (it was essentially over). Chopper had the highlights, a two run double in the first and a bomb over RF when they played him cheap for a two run homer in the third, giving him team high four RBIs. Unfair Goose to the runner in front of him, the rules clearly state that there is no Goose unless you catch him. On the way to the dugout does NOT count. The Geese in the outfield sat down in protest.

But D had the Big Blast. With the reduced compression balls, it would be a nearly impossible shot to hit the trees beyond right field these days. But Derek nearly pulled it off. He slugged it so far he jogged around the bases, like the Babe himself.

Randy had a clutch two out two run single in the 4th to make sure we would end it in 4 1/2 innings. He and Bruce and the Knight had perfect 3-3 games.

Record against Corona:
2008: 26-3, 12-3, 7-7, 15-1, Playoffs 10-7 (4-0-1)
2009: 12-11, 13-7, 17-2 (3-0)
2010: 7-3, 13-6, 10-8, Playoffs 16-4, 7-11 (4-1)
2011: 11-7, 14-4, 4-3 (3-0)
2012: 12-11, 4-16 (1-1)
2013: 11-6, 3-9 (1-1)
2014: 17-0 (1-0, Total 17-3-1)

Milestone:
Chopper        100 h (#12)

I Love To Laugh, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Let's face it, it's been a rough start this year for Transdyn.

First it starts when Transdyn gets bought out by a company called KapschTraffikKom or something. Lot of germanic K's. Never good when there are changes at the top...you never know how that will effect the purse strings, the after game Bibimbap, etc.

Ok, just kidding, it's rec league softball. As long as we have Monty, and he doesn't start speaking German to Sir Guy on the mound, we'll be fine there. And it's KapschTrafficCom, and they are Austrian not German.

But really, we lose Timmy to injury for at least this season to shoulder woes, and then we lose Rene and Coop in the opener, both with severe ankle sprains. Who knows when they will be back. That's 3/5ths of our outfield folks.

Thank god for Jas coming back, allowing Hama to roam the OF or we'd be in deep weeds. Wait it's Jas...we are deep in the weeds.

But I digress. Despite this, we have enough talent to overcome such obstacles, or so I think. We scuffled for a couple of games, and found ourselves looking up in the standings, glad that everyone will be in the playoffs this season.

And then along come the Ballers...they seem to be the antidote for us. We already had hurt them 17-3 the first time around. Last week we had to face them without three of our big boppers, Alberto and D and Chopper, and we had to scramble to get 10 players by game time. Jason brought out a new guy, Mark. A Youth! Can run! Can catch! Can hit!

We did nothing in the first, and gave up two in the second, and then the season finally kicked in...we sent 17 batters to the plate and scored twelve of them, and the game was pretty much over. The young Ballers could just gape open mouthed as guys old enough to be not only their fathers but even grandpas showed them how it is done. We only had one run in, when there were two outs - then starting with Jas at the top of the lineup, the next eleven batters hit safely - that's one more than batting around with two outs. Mostly it was singles, with a little Baller defensive help - or lack of same - and then strode up our new kid, with the bases loaded, and he promptly cleared them with a shot over the left fielder's head for a triple. He scored for the last run of the inning, and it was pretty much over except waiting out the clock to the fifth inning.

We put up six more in the third - Pauly hit one of his two bombs to the fence, this one for a double, the other for a triple in the fourth. In the mean time the Ballers were doing nothing against Sir Guy and our defense. The Kid had a nice running catch on a potential gapper for one highlight, and Jas dove to his left a couple of times for our defensive highlights.

Other heroes were Heffe with a perfect 4-4 night, Tom the super sub 3-4 and Sir Guy 2-2 plus a sac fly. Mario and Jason broke out of their mini-slumps with a couple of knocks each.

Yes we are in the playoffs, but we can still go 9-3 and we are already in second due to tiebreakers, and the Blue Dots did us a favor by giving the Ringers their first loss. All is well.

Milestones:
4/8
Cage        400 r (#3)
4/15
Sir Guy    400 h (#7)
Cage        750 ab (#7)
Jas           10 sf (#13)
4/22
Jas           350 ab (#12)
D             200 h (#13)
Hama       100 r (#16)
4/29
D             300 ab (#13)
Rams       100 r (#17)
Hama       200 ab (#22)
5/6
Pauly        40 ab (#8)

Mario       500 ab (#10)

Wake Up Call

I woke up today at 7, forgetting it was Saturday, a little panicked to be late to work. Then I remembered it was Saturday. Whew...back to sleep.

And then I had the dream. In it, JFT/Coneheads' own Chuckster came over as I was just waking up. He had made and brought a really STRONG triple espresso...and he threw it in my face!

Well I thought, what was that all about...and it came to me. You all miss the blog so much, that this was my 'wake up' call to get back to the post. And leading the way as he does in the lineup, Chuck. Because it has been another week and a game ago, and Chuck still had received no love for getting the walk off hit to beat Pinky's and make this a season. In our great comeback two weeks ago, when we scored eight in the bottom of the sixth with time running out and two outs, Joe walked to load the bases for Chuck. He slashed a single, two runs scored, walk off! And then - everyone mobbed Joe! Chuck moaned and whined, there is no love for our hero. Well Chuck, here it is in black and white! High Five!

Not to mention he went 4 for 5 and started a double play, and started that sixth inning rally with a single.

It was a weird game due to the game being timed to go against one of the big tournament weekends, this one in Vegas. That meant half of Pinky's team was gone against us losing Derek and Reg (who?). But Pinky's just went to the well of players and fielded a team that may have actually been better than the regulars. We played like we usually do against Pinky's...which is to say let's get this over so we can get to our beer and talk about how they have our number. We have had many games against them that were competitive close losses and some blowouts. In this one, they just didn't seem that keen on pulling away, despite how badly we were playing.

We did scratch out 10 runs by the fateful sixth, so it wasn't out of reach. Knight's season debut was a big factor, as he went 4-4 with a triple and four RBIs. As were cameo appearances by Nomar Dacey, who had his usual 4-4 with a double, and Larry, who held Pinky's in check in the middle innings after a rough seven run third. But it was the five hits to start the sixth and the three sandwiching Joe's walk that produced the Conehead inning to end it. Joe had the walk on, but Chuck had the walkoff.

And speaking of Wake Up Calls, we repeated the pattern last week against previously winless Oak Park Construction. We napped through five innings once again, giving Oak Park hope as we were tied 6-6 after five. And that was with our stellar infield turning three double plays to keep Oak Park from running away.

When OPC turned over four runs in the top of the sixth with time awasting, it looked kinda bad for the good guys. Then we had a true Conehead inning, and scored 11 before time ran out. Yours truly started it with a single, but everyone was in on the action as we batted around plus half the lineup, all told 17 hitters. The game winner scored on a force out by D, but we weren't done. Knight and G loaded the bases with hits, and when I hit a ten hopper past the first baseman, two runs scored to double the lead, and they were done. The game ended on an error, a hit and then the pitcher completely lost it, walking the last three batters to force in runs. Final score 17-10.

The real game MVP was Randy. He went 4-4 with a homer, a double, and four runs scored, and an assortment of plays at the hot corner. If he just had some speed, he might have been able to get a triple to complete the cycle.

Honorable mentions go to Haz and Joe. Both went 3-3 with a walk, and have started the season hot. And of course Nomah, who really can't stay away. He's 'retired', which means he has almost played as many games as the regulars.

Pleasant dreams, next game is less than 24 hours away. Hope no one hits you in the face with hot coffee.

Milestones:
4/6
Lefty        350 ab (#4)
Haz          300 ab (#6)
D             100 ab (#18)
4/13
Chuck      250 h (#1)
Chopper  100 rbi (#5)
Joe          300 ab (#7)
Ol' G       10 2b (#13)
4/27
Gene        20 bb (#9)
Gene        250 ab (#11)
Chopper  50 r (#14)
Randy      100 ab (#19)
5/4
Randy      1st hr

April Ain't so Cruel...

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.

T.S.Eliot clearly never played softball. Maybe if he had, he wouldn't have been so damn bitchy about the greatness that is April. On April First, every team in the land in pro baseball and rec softball thinks they have a chance to win the ultimate prize (April Fools?), whether it is a Ring of Power or a cheap t-shirt from your local town.

And JFT started out the game tonight like we never had a long rainless winter to contemplate our dull roots and yet another of those classless runner-up tshirts that get worn as undershirts at best, but more likely have ended up in garages across the counties of Contra Costa and Alameda.

So today after the first game, we stand tied for first, and all things are possible, even outlasting Pinky's this season (you know I misspelled Pinky's as Oinky's the first time I wrote this paragraph...is that a Freudian Slip? What would old TS say?).

Tonight's game was against Bobby Muller and the Advance Construction crowd. Old timey rivals, with whom we used to battle it out for the championship. Lately we have ownage on them, but both teams maintain a mutual respect that goes back years. It's always fun to mix it up with them.

We jumped off to a 6-0 start in the top of the first, thanks to eight straight hits after there were two outs and no one on. Chopper had the Big Hit, a bases clearing triple that pushed us up 4-0. Big D, Ol' G, newcomer Bruce, Heffe, Chopper, Randy, Johnny and Gene all came through with two outs, and we thought the rout was on.

As it turned out we got a little stale at the plate after that. Some guys were rusty, still dealing with dried tubers from the winter. That doesn't sound good, does it. A key error in the third allowed AC to come back and make a game of it and they got as close as 8-6, but after that our defense kicked in, and shut out AC for three of the last four innings. In the seventh after loading the bases with one out and the tying run at the plate, they could only manage a sac fly for one more run as we walked away with an 11-8 win.

In the midst of one of their aborted rallies, Randy came up with the defensive gem of the game leaping high (I think maybe four inches!) to snag a hot shot heading down the line over third base. Seriously, maybe not so high as much as a really quick reaction. It took the stuffing out of that rally.

New outfielder Bruce should be welcomed. The poor guy hit every ball hard but the last three were right at someone. You have the feeling this will change.

Heffe (4-4), Chopper (3 RBIs), Johnny (3 hits, a triple), and Gene (3 RBIs on two hits) led the way with the bats. Chopper's new bat made it through the game intact. The new low compression balls kept fly balls short. Soon everyone will be hitting like me (a dink here a doink there, here a dink, there a doink, everywhere an oink doink, Old MacHeffe had a farm...I digress...I too am a poet from St. Loo), and I'm not sure if that is a bad thing.

Next two against Oinky's, with Easter splitting them up in the middle. These games are the pivotal early games for obvious reasons. I will be going to New Orleans in between, maybe I will pick up some Tennessee Williams to go with your TS Eliot.