Cirque de JFT

I don't usually do this, cite when we have defensive lapses. But when we came into the dugout after a few boots in the top of the second, and Reggie gave the infielders the business by calling us the Cirque de Soleil, a song popped into my head and I knew I had a theme.

So turn on this link...

...and close your eyes and imagine a video of the balls bounding to G and Chuck. In their defense, not easy plays, but very entertaining as each juggled and struggled to grab the 11 inch orb. And the bobbles and the attempts to pick them up, and the bobbles. Best play it in fast motion with a bunch of clowns running around in circles under the big top around them (that would be the rest of us).

And then Gerry chugging out of the catcher's box for the two out popup and lunging and juggling the ball, and jumping around, and the crowd going wild.

He did finally corral that one and that was the last drama until we had to figure out who was going to drive in the last run to enforce the slaughter rule. St. Matt's did not score again.

The rest of the game, as there were no lions available, Joe just spent the time taming the Holy Sox or whatever St. Matt's is known as this season. There was a three pitch inning. I think one of the others may also have been three pitch - there was a hit and then a double play. Four straight shutdown innings to end the game.

And the infield reverted to their usual prowess. Greg started a bang bang double play (and let the record show he was heard saying he did not partake in the Keystone Kop second - he just had a great seat for the festivities). Chuck returned the favor and Greg tossed a bullet to me at first to nip a runner. Randy made a play that simply looked like a professional - the ball was going to catch him on an 'in between' hop so he charged it, and caught it on a much easier short hop, and fired to first. It belongs on an instructional video. With other music.

Lots of guys had strong hitting games - Chuck, Reg, Greg, Randy (the best shot of the game, a line drive triple on the line and the dirt track in left), G, Haz, and Joe all had three hits. When we busted out for eight runs in the fourth it was long over.We came up in the bottom of the fifth needing just one run to put St. Matt's out of their misery. In fact, ten batters then came up with a chance to be the big hero that ended it, and ten sat down over two innings.

Yes some needed home runs that led off the two innings, and some just a single when a couple guys did get on base. But no one wanted it bad enough and so we went all the way around the lineup and thank St. Matt's God Gerry finally got the chance. He laced a patented single to RC to join the three hit club, John trotted home and it was Miller time.

And easy win over a pretty lame opponent, but still we took care of business. And maybe when we retire we can form an act under the Big Top.

Milestones (all 4 games):

Heffe        30 bb (#1)
Heffe        100 rbi (#4)
Haz          100 g (#6)
Joe           100 h (#10)
Ol' G        200 ab (#13)
D             50 h (#17)
Randy      50 ab (#20)

Rainbow Conelition

Now that we are a month and change from Conehead ball starting up again, I think it is past time to get out my last post of last year, and we will just call it a call to start the defense of our multiple back to back etc. championships of the last few fortunate seasons.

You see, I actually wrote a post for the end of the year, but there was so much more to say, that I kept wanting to come back to it, and then it got further and further from the actual events, and then it just got harder to complete.

And besides, my worst critic and editor (that would be yours truly) kept telling me there was no flow to it. It needed more segues or something.

To which I say:

Flow.

There, now it has flow, and so here it is. And away we go.



Levels.

Kramer, the character in Seinfeld, decided to build levels.

JERRY: (to Kramer and Morty) What is this about?
KRAMER: I’m completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You’re not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.
JERRY: What are you doing?
KRAMER: Levels.
JERRY: Levels?
KRAMER: Yeah, I’m getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I’m going to build these different levels, with steps, and it’ll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt.
He makes gestures, like he is drawing out the levels.
JERRY: You drew up plans for this?
KRAMER: No no. It’s all in my head.
MORTY: I don’t know how you’re going to be comfortable like that.
KRAMER: Oh, I’ll be comfortable.

The Coneheads have levels. Good, better, best. That's how we play. Until we are the last ones on the field. And we are comfortable, like old cleats.

Cream...we are the cream of the league. We whipped Cream. We Creamed Cream and Clear. We made Whipped Cream out of Cream and Clear. Poor slobs - they're not bad people, they just can't beat us. How many, six times to none? Four times in a season? Is it my imagination or did each game get worse for them. It is my imagination, the last four games were 19-2, 17-10, 20-5, and 16-4. Last year we only beat them 18-12 in the championship game. It isn't getting worse, it's just getting. Get it?

the Clear...it's very Clear who is the Cream of the league.

Didn't quite know what the Clear was until...a couple of weeks ago. This is very personal to be writing but my daughter has had some psychological problems, and she was in the hospital. Reginald Drakeford the third, our own Sting, really stepped up, and visited her with me. Twice. Cheered her up. It is a tough situation, and Reggie has a bond with Sara. After all, we met because his Dominique and my Sara were teammates in soccer. He coached her later. Said she was his favorite goalie. I believe him.

But here is the thing. We are in a strange place in a strange antiseptic room, and Reggie is pontificating to Sara (go figure). Telling her all about his time spent with his wife, and how, they went to the pedicurist together. The words just slipped out. And he realized they slipped out, and glanced over to me. I had a big smile on. He said, "that's gonna get out, isn't it?" And you know what I said - I said I needed an angle, and a level for the blog. Thank you very much.

There's more. Now the cat is out of the bag, and I said, 'what color?' and he says, 'Clear.'

So you see, that was why the Cream and the Clear has had no chance against us. Sting was sporting CLEAR toenail polish for all those games. The polish was on the wall. So to speak.

Look at the picture of our team. Have you ever seen a more rag tag looking bunch? This is a team that has won FIVE straight season ending playoffs. I can't even jinx us now, it's all gravy. We look like the Rainbow Conelition too. We are the pot at the end of the rainbow. We are stardust, we are golden.

It's hard to say who is the heart and soul of this team. We all are.

Our new Mr. Conehead, Larry had a chance to put the game away in the last of the fifth, the slaughter rule run standing on third base in the form of Chopper. I was coaching third, I think (memory fails me). Thinking Larry would hit it as far as he could and the sac fly would end it. Instead he popped up to first. Afterwards, I told him it would have been poetic if he had knocked in the last run, because his pitching in Joe's stead was a huge factor why none of the games were close. And he said, "no, it's better it was Chuck." Because Chuck is the soul of the team. In large part. So he was the hero of the moment, once in many many times for him.

So what did we do? After high fiving the Cream and Clear and each other, I started us jumping up and down like the pros do...and I saw Joe standing in our crowd. Sometimes heartless, Joe is the Heart of the team. I caught his Eye. And I went for his leg and someone grabbed the other...and before he knew what was happening, he got the Vince Lombardi treatment. He was remarkably light too...that old man must be all of 100 pounds dripping wet.

Speaking of the shower, it was a nice touch, those bracelets he brought from around the world to ward off the Stink Eye. I know I am only a little crazy, but I haven't taken mine off since that night. The only time it has come off is when I am getting ready to shower, and it seems to fly off my wrist, but I hurry and get it back on. You know, you can never be too safe from the Stink Eye.


And so we embark on yet another timeless season even as age creeps us on us, and we spit in its eye, and say we will be even better this year to compensate for age's terrible toll it takes on us. We still have the Pennini's and the Waitlisters and the Old Scouts to beat. Again.

p.s. I have an appointment to get a pedicure.

Milestones:

Gene          750 ab (#10)
Derek        10 hr (#14)
Derek        150 rbi (#18)
Derek        250 ab (#18)
Markley     10 bb (#18)

The Harder They Fall

Every year do they get younger - or is it my imagination - or is it that we just get older and older? Which, if I take a moment off of the Alzheimer's  I can remember is true. I look around the park now, and suddenly it dawns on me that Cage and Jas are grizzled veterans compared to most of these guys, and I am bordering on Grampa status!

Spring league started in Pleasanton three weeks ago now, and it's time to give just due to the latest incarnation of the Transdyn softball crew. Despite my former employer still funding us (and we even have Paulie back, who along with Coop and Monty represent), sometime we need to get a better nickname. After all, this team gets better every year we get that much older than the opposition, and it just bugs them more and more. I know, let's win four or five more division titles, then we can be the Dynasts. Jinx, no jinx.

It's startin out pretty well, I have to admit. 3-0. We lose our young stud, RB, who left to found his own C team, and don't miss a beat. That's because we sign Donny, who is like a professional version of a softball slut, tournaments, Walnut Creek, Pleasanton a couple of nights, I wonder if plays as much as Heavy D. If we were pros we would call him a consummate pro, he actually hits 'behind the runner' if there is a guy on first, hits it out when power is needed (or is just for fun with a big lead like in the second game when he went yard to RC), and gets a single between two outfielders to plate two when he came up in the first inning Tuesday with men on second and third. And if there's a guy on third like in the third, he lines a single to left to make sure the run gets home. In fact he had a perfect game, 3-3 with a walk and a sac fly among four RBIs. Welcome aboard.

Donny wasn't even the hottest hitter of the night. I think Jason is now on a rampage to never make an out after hitting a foul ball on strike three last week. 5-5 with a bunch of singles and a huge triple in the third. Some rare defensive indifference on our part kept the Brews Bros in the game through two and a half innings - we were only up 8-5. Mario and Sir Guy started off the bottom third with hits, and Jason brought them home with his three bagger. That not only answered the two they scored in the top, but it launched us into a seven run game that pretty much settled things.

The game ended 18-10 but it was only that close because we had some further defensive indifference later - Sir Guy was dealing, and probably only three or four of those runs were earned. Alzheimer's again, I can't remember if it was this game or last week, where he struck out three guys on foul balls, quite a feat. He is a master, the younguns with their hardball swings don't know how to do anything but try to yank it, and he just kept busting them inside and inducing foul balls or meaningless grounders and fly ball cans of corn.

Speaking of old dogs, is it my imagination or have more than half of Timmy's hits this year been up the middle (and even to the 5-6 hole!) than to right? Someone wake me up, it must be a dream. But a good one. He had his usual four singles, and our two at the top of the lineup (with Jay) are hitting a cool 24 for 27 with three walks thrown in - for those math challenged that is .888 and an even .900 OBP. How can we lose with  table setters like that.

I haven't even gotten to the hot start Coop has had, or Hama, the most consistent hitter in softball in the East Bay, or super sub Albert going yard in his first game with us. Or Cage's running, juggling catch, or Hama's stop of a smash at third base. And by now, Heavy D has to be saying, "what do i have to do to get some ink???" He only has ten RBIs the first three games, four more than anyone else, and is feared throughout the land, and even has hobbled out to three doubles so far to lead the team.

So far, so good as they say. We completely demolished the Blue Dots this time around (in the second game 26-8), who fell from Grace, er that is the C league, and figured to be our competition. But remain vigilant - some of these teams that are new to us are real young and real fast. Hasn't worked against us yet lately, but I won't make fun of them until we beat them. We are not the only 3-0 team. But bring em on - there is nothing quite like the look on young guys' faces in the hand shake line as they ask themselves, "how did those old guys beat us???"

Man of Steele

Goin' to the Chapel, and Lefty's gonna get ma-a-arried,

Goin' to the Chapel, and Lefty's gonna get ma-a-arried,

Veena, he really loves you, and you're, gonna get ma-a-arried

Goin' to Lefty's Chapel of love.

Hold on I'm a little late. That was nearly two weeks ago. In fact I was late to the wedding, because I had to get Buster Bobbledheads at the Giants' game that day. I showed up as I promised in Cardinal gear, and gave the Groom a laugh. As was said about me many years ago, I may be late but I'll be there.

And so, Lefty got hitched to sweet Veena. And, yes we witnessed it, well, some of us - Lefty cried, got choked up giving his speech. But, in all seriousness, it was very touching, he is really all heart. Now that he is a bundle of mush, he'll never be the same. I hope he can still hit, he's been on the marriage wagon for the first two weeks, all fat and happy, and we will have to see this Sunday.

In fact I am very late. I haven't talked to you in months, seems like years...Call it writer's cramp, call it a block, call it damn work getting in the way, it's been a long long time. The pen has to be oiled, so I take the opportunity to congratulate our teammate, and welcome him back this week.

Because as you know, our season is already two games old. The opener, well, the less said the better. Pinky's pretty much had their way with us. Even though we had a decent opening inning plating five, they answered with twelve, and we had to play catchup the rest of the way. We closed to 12-9 but they shut us down in the middle innings, and it wasn't ever closer.We can beat those guys but we all have to have our best games to do it. There is always next time.

This week we reverted to the dominant team we are against the rest of the league, most of the time. Even without Lefty and Reggie, the new tournament slut, and even Greg the Knight, those three being the heart of our order, the Masterbatters did not have a chance, and we drubbed them 16-5.

This was because we unveiled our new secret weapon. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...Johnny Steele the Man of Steel.

Johnny has one of those names. One of those names we all wish we had, because it just says everything. Like Joe Montana - now there's a name. A whole state. No wonder he was a superstar. John Steele. How could he not have been a pro player? Or, at least a porn actor? Today, we are glad he is ours, because he contributed greatly to our win, as a super sub.

The game started in a strange fashion, thanks to Joe. A guy on second with one out. A guy (Wes Something?) who supposedly used to be the Greatest Hitter in All Softball Land, steps up. First inning, second game of the season - and Joe gives him a free pass. I am thinking - really Joe? An intentional walk this early in the season, this early in the game? But of course the next two guys make outs, and Joe's strategy plays out perfectly, and I am left to do nothing but congratulate our Coach on his genius. You're a better man than me, Coach.

It sets the table for what I like to think is our usual MO - Chuck and the rest of us spraying out a bunch of singles - in fact we started with six of the first seven doing just that - and then up steps Johnny Steele. The Man. He powers a ball into the RC gap, and with the Grand Salami, it goes to 6-0 just like that, and the game is, in effect, over.

Johnny added a couple of great plays at 2B after we brought him in from the outfield to increase the Legend of Steele. He and Randy (playing out of position at Schmiddler with McKnight missing), that we borrow from the Coneheads' archrivals for Walnut Creek, made our infield look like pros. They each stopped at least a couple of smashes. Tim added a couple of great running catches in LF to prove once again that we win with our D as much as our hitting.

On the hitting side Heavy D was, 4-4, of course, but he didn't nearly take anyone's life this week. Gerry had his usual three hits, and Chuck was 3-3 with a walk. Aside from Johnny's big fly, all our hits were singles and that's just fine with me.

This week, we have our other main competition, Advance Construction, and since they lost to Pinky's this past Sunday, this week's game looms large for keeping close to the leaders for our rematch later in the year. Bring hits with you, and Lefty, put away the champagne in time.

p.s. Hello Orinda Linda, my fan. Feels good to be back.