Heads Roll - the Mark of the Coneheads

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of Zorro, the alter ego of Don Diego de la Vega, whose mission was to "avenge the helpless, to punish cruel politicians and to aid the oppressed". In fact, I was so hooked that one time, I was watching the TV show in our basement 'rathskellar' (that's what they call finished basements in the midwest), and my sister was hit by a car on her bicycle, they took her to the hospital (she was OK), and I was completely oblivious to the whole event. Zorro's trademark was, of course, that he wore a mask and sliced a "Z" into the chest of his vanquished foe with his sword when he defeated them - was that cool or what?

Zorro Episode

Well, the Coneheads sliced and diced our way through the playoffs after fall season, culminating in the 23rd Cotton season in team history, the ninth in our last eleven seasons. We didn't do it with our patented Conehead innings, rather we just kept steady pressure on the opponents, and built leads in most every game, until it became futile for the opposition.

The season itself was just too easy. The aberration of the tie game with H.B.F. aside, we just rolled through everyone. Oh sure, we had some close games early, but once we smashed Runner Blue 39-12 the first week of October, it just seemed like destiny had taken over. The combined score of the last tree games was 58-27, and when Cream and Clear self-destructed in the first night of playoffs, the outcome seemed too obvious.

And then...

Joe pulls the ultimate Stink Eye, and strokes out (of course we were and are ultimately concerned about our temporarily fallen leader, but really, Joe, you didn't have to stress over the lineup so much - we needed you!).

And Larry, our very capable bullpen, and co-pitcher in the fall (who led us to glory a couple of years ago when Joe was in Israel praying at the Wailing Wall for a Conehead win instead of on the field), takes just a shot off his knee in the first game and before he can get to the dugout, it's all blown up.

Well, now, fellow members of the BerJudah triangle, thanks for leaving me with the whole weight of trying to get us a win.

Luckily, the weight was placed firmly on the shoulders of our now newly crowned Mr. Conehead, Big D. Big D rose up and pitched his heart out. He even took a ball off his pitching hand in one of the late games, and still threw strikes despite his hand being all swollen up.

And despite the adversity, and the fact that our bats were relatively quiet all day (not a single Conehead inning for three whole games), we really still had a pretty easy time of it. Oh sure we lost a tight one in the first championship game, but really, it's a disadvantage to sit for two hours while the other teams stay hot, as long as it isn't a 100 degree day or something. Several of us were literally napping while we waited for our opponent to be determined for the Championship round, and we stayed napping throughout that game.

You gotta watch out for those eight seeds. They've got nothing to lose. We ended up playing the Hawks three of the four games on Championship Saturday.

But when the chips counted, we showed that the cliche is true - a great team finds a way to win when they aren't at their best, and when they face some adversity. The games we won were not close - 15-8, 17-5, and 17-8, and in the penultimate game we were never really threatened. It helped that D shut down the Hawks for three innings, and by the time they had their one threat with a six run fourth, they already trailed 11-0. And we responded with a five run fifth, and that was pretty much that.

Once again, our defense is what separated us. We just didn't make that many mistakes. The highlight of the day was in the Dub MD game, second inning. Gene dove for a slicing line drive on the right field line, and came up with the ball. There was a  runner on first, really fast - he was already at third chatting it up with Randy when Gene showed the ball, and Gene tossed it to me to end the inning with the double play.

In the second game, Randy made a great stop on a dive to get a force out, and the next inning Pope made like a wide receiver and took a long ball away from the Hawks' power hitter.

Even though our bats were relatively quiet and we didn't have a patented Conehead inning, we tried a different MO. We scored in nearly very inning - 15 of 19 in the three wins. So the scores snowballed in each of those games.

Derek led us in RBIs with 10 for the playoffs, and this was despite being basically intentionally walked four times. He even hit one ball so far that he trotted all the way around the bases before they could retrieve it and get it in.

Chuck, except for in the loss, was just a complete nuisance to the other teams, on base all the time. That just illustrates the impact he has - he goes o-fer just once and we lose. He hits, and we win. Set the table, indeed. No pressure though Chuck.

Chopper was a little under the radar, but when you do the final tally, you find he led the team in slugging percentage and average, and doubles and tied in extra base hits. And - there was not a single Chopper base running moment - in fact we almost put him in for the strangely struggling Gene on the bases.

Not under the radar was Bruce - he set what must be a Conehead playoff record with four triples in the five game playoff series. Which was great for me personally, because batting behind him, my bleeders and short liners scored him after each one.

As usual everyone contributed - everyone had at least a couple of RBIs and runs scored - even Larry who was 4-5 before he was felled. The comic relief was provided by Gene, who kept having adventures on the bases. In Game 3 he couldn't win - he ran through one stop sign and was out at the plate. Then he was sent another time, and was out at the plate.

It was good to see order restored after missing the playoff win our last two seasons. And if we ever falter again, maybe we just all don masks and bring out our swords.

And Joe, no comments about Zorro being known as the "Gay Blade".

Milestones Game 1:
Larry         1300 ab (#3)
Heffe         20 gw (#4)
Ol' G         30 3b (#8)
Randy        50 g (#25)
Buddha      50 ab (#38)

Milestones Game 2:
Chuck        1150 h (#1)
Chuck        120 2b (#3)
Pope          650 h (#6)
Chopper     20 bb (#18)
Knight        150 rbi (#20)

Milestone Game 3:

Bruce         10 3b (#21)

Milestones Game 4:

Chuck        1750 ab (#1)

Gene          450 rbi (#5)

Gene          950 ab (#8)

D               350 h (#13)

Step One of Four - The Way is Cleared

This is Lefty with his playoff Game Face on:



This is Lefty catching a fly ball:


Smooth as silk

This is Lefty hitting, in his mind's eye:

This is Lefty with two strikes Monday night:


This is where Lefty ended up with three strikes, and YER OUT:

You might think that this post is all about Lefty, and his uncomfortable looking strike three swing...but as usual Craig is all about providing comic relief.

It's really about Randy and the game he had. On a night when our hitting was somewhat out of sorts, he went 3-3 with the defining blow to put us ahead 10-6 in the bottom of the second. It was a three run homer to deep left center, scoring Larry and Chuck after we had taken the lead on a perfectly placed line drive double right on the right field line by Larry.

After Randy's long ball, Larry held the Snorts to two runs over the next three innings, and it was all but over. He had one inning where he got the 2-3-4 hitters to fly into three straight can of popcorn outs. I think he needed but four pitches that inning. His clutch pitching against those guys caused their best hitter (batting 5th) to bat three times leading off innings with the bases empty. Of note is he barely beat Bruce in LC early on, and Pope ran one down nearly to field five on his last AB.

The other big blow was Bruce's gap shot triple in the first that gave us our first lead, and set the tone of winning every inning (we won or tied every one except the third).

Randy also turned two outstanding plays - a tough hot shot that he made look routine for a 5-3 putout in the top of the fourth, and catching a pop up against the fence in the fifth. Most guys at our level shy away from the fence on that play. To complete his night he even drew a bases loaded walk for an RBI in the sixth as we put up three insurance runs to get to the final score of 15-8.

Chuck stayed very hot - matching Randy's 3-3+BB and scoring three runs. Best Acting Oscar in a supporting role goes to D for somehow selling the back end of a double play in the third to end that frame. How he did that from two feet off the base, I'll never know, but whatever works! Must have been the lights shining off his pate. Temporary umpire blindness. Pretty bright out there.

We are back in action against Dub MD Monday, and it can't come soon enough. Cream and Clear bowed out early in week one. The Way is Cleared. But Dub MD will be gunning for us - don't forget it was they who two years ago beat us in the first round and forced us to beat them twice to snatch the title from the losers' bracket.

Milestone:
Lefty        250 h (#18)

Almost Got The Ringer

There is an expression that goes "close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." War metaphor aside, Transdyn did come close to Cotton this fall despite being bumped to the Upper league and our 1-4 start. We just couldn't get that horseshoe to drop in the right place.

Appropriately enough the team that put us out, once again, was the Ringers. We had a ton of momentum going into the playoffs with our gaudy five game winning streak and victories over every other team including the first place Sons of Pitches, twice. I'm sure they were relieved to see us gone for the championship game, even though the Ringers are younger and faster, etc.

The dread Transdyn disease reared its ugly head once again. For some reason, our hitting shuts down in the playoffs, more often than not. We have suffered at the hands of the Ringers now 17-2, and 18-1 in Spring 2014 and to the Brews Brothers 16-0 in Fall 2013. I just can't explain it. We are simply better than that. Apparently the pressure of Recreational Playoff Softball is just too much for us. I think I will look into a professional sports shrink for next year. Or maybe a hypnotist. Or maybe we will reward everyone on the team a cash prize or so many virgins for each hit. Get the checkbook ready, Monty.

Or, maybe we will just let it all go next time and play like ourselves. There must have been some highlights but none were on the offensive side of the ball game. Jason had a nice double to open the game and it was all downhill after that. We all batted twice, no one more, and Pauly and Mark were the only ones with multiple hit games.

On defense the Ringers kept trying to pick on Cage for some reason, and he just kept running everything down. It would have been much worse without him roaming center field. Jason made a nifty 6U-3 double play and that was about it. They just kept hitting and we didn't, that simple.

It doesn't take away from our heroic effort to get into the playoffs, and finish only a half game out of first place. We tied our all time high in wins for the entire year, and also for fewest losses with an overall record of 20-5. Not too shabby.

But the playoff loss just gives us more incentive for next year. Anyone with any ideas on how to break this trend, please submit your entries to this blog. There will be prizes.

See you next year.

Milestone:
Heffe        750 h (#1)

That Time of Year

I had a dream last night. The Giants and my Cardinals were playing in the NLCS for the National League pennant. I was barbecuing some chicken. The game was coming on and I couldn't decide how I would continue to barbecue with the game on. Then I realized that I just had assumed the Giants and Cardinals would be in the NLCS, because they have been often in the last few years, but actually it was the Mets and Cubs. I didn't have to worry about missing dinner.

Pan out and you could see over the fence I had a neighbor that was a Dodger fan. He was also barbecuing, but there were like giant white pillows or marshmallows floating around his head, and he had nothing on the grill. So it wasn't a nightmare. He was chanting something like "Kershaw and Greinke, and pray for...Kershaw and Greinke." It didn't rhyme at all.

All of which is to say that although the Giants and Cardinals are not in the hunt any more, the Coneheads remain the constant. We finished off another undefeated season, albeit with the *asterisk-tie, and handed Pat's Bats a death blow to their playoff hopes, 21-13 (or 20-13 depending on if you believe the official scorer or our book).

In the beginning, we spotted them a 4-0 lead. Since we had already clinched first place seeding for the playoffs, the game had no meaning (other than to avenge our loss in last year's playoffs to Pat's Bats) for us. A few years ago, in the Walnut Creaker (over 50) league, my team was in the playoff consolation game for third place (they played for such silliness because either the Old Guys need the exercise or they are the true softball sluts, not sure which). We were not exactly playing hard and were way behind. Apparently, I spouted out, "You guys are playing this like this is a meaningless game." We went on to come back and win the game. Our pitcher, Don Clay, said that that was the funniest thing he had ever heard on a softball field. I forgot all about it, but he brings it up now and then when I see him on the field.

I say this because I kept expecting to hear this Monday night from someone. But it did not come. Instead a Conehead inning erupted in the bottom of the third for eleven, or twelve, runs. Yours truly started the fun with a nine hopper through the infield. Then everyone else in the lineup got a hit until it came around to me again. Chopper had a run scoring double in the beginning and the Buddha had a Conehead triple that cleared the bases later, making it 10-4. Or 11-4. I hate when the book doesn't agree with the scorekeeper, but at least in this case it was in our favor.

You have to give credit to Pat and his Bats - they kept coming back. Four in the fourth (which we answered with four of our own), and five in the fifth made it fifteen, or sixteen, to thirteen going into the sixth. But Larry induced a couple of popups and an easy fly ball, and they were done. We batted until time ran out in the sixth for a final score of 21-13. Or 20-13. Depending.

Chopper had the play of the game, when he nabbed a foul tip going by to record an out. D gets extra credit for not going ballistic when they intentionally walked him not once but twice in the late going. They call it recreational softball. And not to take anything from D, but he is not the only hitter in our lineup, and Knight made them pay once with a followup triple, and once with a run scoring single. It may have been the worst plays called since Sunday's Indianapolis Colts fake punt with only the center on the line

And if you believe in numbers, the Mets just finished off the Cubs in a sweep. They are in the World Series for the first time since 2000. That happens to be my rookie season on the Coneheads when we went undefeated and swept the playoffs. I like the signs.

Milestones:
Heffe          650 r (#2)
Heffe          1000 h (#2)
Chopper     40 2b (#17)
Knight        150 r (#20)
Randy        100 h (#24)
Randy        150 ab (#27)

Momentum

For the fifth week in a row, Transdyn put together a great game and for the second time in a row upset the first place team, Sons of Pitches, 12-8. With our five game winning streak in tow, we ended the regular season a half game out of first place behind the Sons and the Ringers who tied at 6-3-1.

We are poised to make a run in the one night playoff tournament next week. We have beaten both teams recently, and they have to have doubts in their minds.

We didn't really hit like we are capable last night (nor the season as a whole), except the monster Bert, more on that later. But what separated us this night was our defense. Cage ran like a gazelle covering the whole middle of the field with at least three tremendous catches. Jason took control of a bases loaded one out smash up the middle, grabbed it, stepped on second and threw to D at first in one smooth motion to kill a late rally. Mark absolutely robbed our ex-teammate Donnie with a leap at second to snare a live drive. Chopper ranged far into foul ground to catch a fly ball, and made a couple of other running catches in right field. I even got into the act at first base, falling to my knees and stretching for a rare wide throw from Jay. And there was the play at the plate to nail the Sons' SS, who clobbered one over Chopper's head but his throw to Mark and then the relay to Monty along with some fancy footwork by Monty robbed him of a home run and ended the inning. Unfortunately, the SS was hurt on the play, could be serious, and he is D and Bert and Brian's tournament teammate; we wish him a speedy recovery, but we are glad he was out.

All the while the Sons were throwing the ball around and kicking it this way and that, and that is what made the difference in the game. In one sequence, on a shallow fly to left, Pauly hesitated a little after he tagged up to go home. The throw was just a tad late. In the mean time Chopper went to third and the catcher heaved it back into left field. Chopper kept running and the throw back to home sailed over everyone. It was a Keystone Kop moment.

And, we had the Bomber. Albert lit up the night with two huge two run blasts over the fence in left. That was your run differential right there. He also hit a sac fly to total five RBIs, and started a three run rally in the third with a laced hit to RC.

I like our momentum and our chances next week. We are due to have a big hitting game again too. And I'd put Tom up against any pitcher in the league right now. We haven't allowed more than eight runs in a game since mid-September, and led the league with the fewest runs allowed.

Let the fun begin!

Milestones:
10/6
Coop      110 bb (#2)

Pauly       250 r (#7)
Rene        20 2b (#18)

Rene        100 h (#25)

10/13
Bert         10 hr (#8)
Pauly       200 g (#9)
Tom        50 rbi (#31)

You guys think if you just show up...

...we'll win.

Ever since we had that tie, our fearless leader Joe has been especially ornery. We are like his flock, and everything we do is to please him but nothing is good enough. Maybe it's ever since we didn't get Cotton last year in this league and in the Orinda Summer League - he takes losing hard, and this is what he came up to inspire us.

Think about it though, we could start a whole new trend in sports...just show up! and expect to win!

We need to talk to Steve Kerr. How can the Warriors repeat as NBA champions? Just show up! The other teams will just lie down! I'll bet my last dollar he hasn't thought about that strategy. We could be on to something.

And take the 49ers...please. If they had 'just shown up' they couldn't have done worse than in a couple of their games, against the Steelers and the Falcons and even in the Green Bay game. In fact, I am not sure they did show up in those games. So if they had...who knows? Maybe Roethlisberger and Ryan and Rodgers are so surprised to see the 49ers they start throwing picks left and right.

Joe makes you think a little of Yogi Berra. Joe is from Brooklyn, Yogi plied his trade mostly in the Big Apple, although most of his years were in the Bronx as we all know.

Yogi said, "It ain't over til it's over."

Joe said (when we were up 22-5 going into the last inning), "If we hold them to less than two runs, we'll win." Really?

So yes, I'm afraid that Joe's words putting us in our place must have inspired us. Down 4-0 after 2 1/2 innings, we put up fourteen and eight runs in the next two to put the Bunt Pirates out of their misery. Final score 22-6 (whew).

What does Bunt Pirates mean anyway? There's no bunting in softball. Maybe that's their problem.

In the fourteen run Conehead third, Larry started things off with a walk. Then the merry-go-round continued with three singles and two walks, until Ol' G came up and promptly cleared the bases with a two run double. That put us ahead to stay, and we batted all the way back around to G before we were done. Randy had the other big hit, a two run triple in the gap.

Similarly in the 4th, Heffe started it with a walk and we worked the bases loaded, and up stepped Larry who cleared all three runners with a double to right. Pope and D had back to back two run hits, a double and a triple, respectively. D's in particular was a shot, back spinning nearly to the trees in right field. He had been drooling over how shallow they were playing him the whole game to that point.

Chuck, Pope, Chopper and Larry had perfect games (each walked once and hit in the rest of their ABs). Chuck is as hot as we have seen him in a while, he hasn't made an out for weeks. The webgems included a running catch by Pope nearly to Field 5 behind us, and for laughs, Bruce took a few steps in one one fly ball that started to sail on him, and made a nice recovery to nab it.

We clinched first with a week left at 6-0-1. We play Pats Bats in the last regular season game, and this game is huge for them. If we win, we likely will knock them out off the playoffs. Four teams make it, and they are in third but just a half game ahead of HBF and Dub MD behind them, who both should win their games. I still think we owe them for sending us reeling out of control in last year's playoffs. Payback time.

All in all, we showed up...and we won...in typical Conehead fashion. As long as we keep those 14 and 8 and 20 run innings coming, I think we'll be all right. And we can always look forward to Joe's next "Yogi-ism."

That is, if you show up.

Milestones:
Heffe       400 g (#3)
Ol' G       800 ab (#12)
Ol' G       60 2b (#12)
D             250 r (#15)

One Word - Wow

I wanted to do it, Pope had the ultimate blog idea: I got a rare triple so the title would be "Triple" and that would be it. No body. That might be fitting Conehead tradition (look at me, look at me!). But it just wouldn't be right when the team just went off tonight. Thirty nine runs on 44 hits. An 11 run Conehead inning in the first (ten with two outs) but we were just warming up. We had TWENTY ONE straight hits to start the fourth inning, and by that time we had scored twenty runs. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I remember a 24 run inning on one of my teams, but never twenty before an out was recorded.

Think I should focus on the defense in this game Chuck? (Although Bruce did make a highlight catch in the first going back on a ball, and Pope did the same later in left, and Lefty made a shoe-top catch in the early going).

Eight through twelve hitters (Bruce, Heffe, Chopper, Buddha, and Gene) were 19-19 plus a walk with four doubles, two triples, and two homers. In front of them Lefty and G were 7-9 and behind them Larry/Joe were 3-4 and then Chuck was also 4-4 (plus a walk).

Someone had to make the outs but no one was worse than 2-4. D was the only 2-4 but he had the sac fly that was the game winner as the fourth batter of the game. And hobbled to second and third on his two hits, plus provided the gallows humor as the courtesy runner for yours truly and Joe in the first.

It goes on and on - big bombs from Pope and D and Bruce, and a slicer on the line by Chopper, and I hit the line in right for the triple. Buddha just slashed and burned them for two doubles.

Don't know what else to say. But the lesson is the other team better not try to come back after a Conehead inning (they had a nine run second to 'narrow' the margin to 18-12) - we truly let the dogs out tonight.

And, for good measure, the team batting average was .815.

And to prove what dogs we are - the biggest laugh of the post-game chatter was "We should get their beer - No WE SHOULD GET THEIR WOMEN"..amen.

Milestones:
Pope        950 ab (#7)
D             30 3b (#8)
D             10 gw (#12)
Chopper  450 ab (#18)
Lefty        350 ab (#20)

In The Driver's Seat*

For the Coneheads, the last couple of wins have been as important as any regular season softball games can be (which is to say...). We sent Dub MD packing 18-14 (wasn't that close, a 12 run Conehead inning did in WMD). And even more importantly, this week we walked off on the Cream and Clear, last year's champs, 12-11.

The thing about the Coneheads is, though, that we are older than all the competition, and even though we have a lot of talent in the lineup, I think we need to step up the intimidation factor on these youngsters. In time for the playoffs, when the games really count.

Seems like we have new uniforms every season, and soon many of us devolve into wearing whatever shirt happens to have gotten washed that week. We need a unifying, signature look. So here is what I am proposing - new hats. They will look like this:

Now you may laugh, but really can you see the distraction it will cause for the other teams?

And - bonus - the girls love them:

This could be you!

Speaking of guys with issues with their bald heads,

Derek carried the day in Monday's game. After inheriting a 3-3 tie from Joe, he gave up a three run rally in the top of the third, but settled down for a couple of scoreless innings after that.

Going into the bottom of the fifth, we trailed by a run, and back to back two run doubles by Lefty and Randy put us up by three. Not exactly a Conehead inning. It seemed tenuous and proved to be so, as the Clear came roaring back and matched that output to retake a one run lead. But we had the secret weapon. Joe re-entered the game at the mound, and shut them down in the seventh. I don't even remember them getting anyone on base.

In the bottom of the seventh, Pope gave it up to take a walk to lead off, putting the tying run on base. D singled him to third, and Randy put one deep into the outfield to make sure game was tied on his sac fly. Lefty followed up with another single sending the winning run to third, setting the stage for Ol' G, one of our RBI machines. I'm sure he had visions of a single to center or another fly ball to sacrifice the game winner home but just to make it interesting, he hit a hard grounder to second. With one out, Cream and Clear tried to turn the DP instead of going home, but G hustled up the line and beat out the relay throw and another win was in the books. Walk off FC!

Lefty led the way with four hits, including a double and a triple - he takes that lineup demotion very seriously. In fact, he is a very serious guy. Downright analytical. Like, he thinks, "Which team has the most post-game beer?" That's where I need to be..." He also drove in four of our eleven runs. No one else had more than two hits, but everyone was on base at least once.

The previous game featured Bruce with five RBIs on a double and a triple, Randy with 4 RBIs on 2 doubles, a single and a sac fly, and Pope and Chopper going 3-3. They accounted for eight of the twelve RBIs in the Conehead inning.

With H.B.F. losing we are in first place alone. For you Coneheads that means it's simple - if we win out, we will have the top seed for the playoffs. Keep that under your (new) hat.

Milestones:
9/21
Pope        500 r (#5)
Chopper   250 rbi (#17)

9/28
Ol' G        10 gw (#12)
D              20 sf (#13)
Lefty         40 2b (#16)
Chopper   200 r (#17)

*Note: In the Conehead movie, Beldar Conehead was both a "respected taxi driver" (Wikipedia) and driving instructor...

Streaking...

Somehow the Transdyn team disappeared for a month. I didn't know where it went. I kept looking. Under rocks, on the bay, up mountains and down in the valley. Did anyone else see them from August 11th to September 8th? Not I...however..

We awoke from our slumber, and played three very good games in a row. Back is our solid defense, and our clutch hitting up and down the lineup, and especially, our pitching.

Last week Tom followed up his excellent outing against the Sons of Pitches with a beatdown of another old rival, the Brews Bros. The result was an 18-7 game that was never close. We followed up a three run first with a seven run second and never looked back.

The core of our lineup dominated this game. Cage (who is this season's hottest hitter), D and Berto combined for 11 hits, 10 runs, and 11 RBIs, including a bomb by Alberto. Jas and Brian each had three hits to set the table for the big guys.

This week's game was more of the same. Solid defense. Brian made yet another far ranging play on a popup to shallow center. The best play wasn't an out but deserves mention anyway. It was a deep fly to right that Coop got to cutoff Jason and he threw a strike to me at home. Unfortunately, the Ringer runner didn't even test us since they were down about 19-3 a the time. He would have been out by ten feet.

The game MVP was Derek, as he came out of the weeds to take the mound, with Tom out of town and Sir Guy still really on the DL. He owned the Ringers. That team scored 29 runs one game and 31 in another, just two weeks ago. They couldn't do anything last night but mostly lift easy fly balls to our outfielders. Of course they managed to hit a few up the middle to try to test Big D, but he didn't flinch. It helps that he is still taking his meds. He wanted to go at it with them too. They wouldn't have a chance, except they are very young and fast so they could have easily run away from him.

Back to the game. The wrinkle this week was that the entire lineup was productive. Maybe there is something to the theory that you should only bat ten. We scored at least two every inning. Must say that the Ringers helped - they did not seem very interested in catching the ball - but all but one of us had at least two hits.

D led the way at the plate too - he had four hits in five innings, and the only out he made was a laser in the last plate appearance for our offense - it ended the six run fifth that qualified us to finish the slaughter rule shortened game. It was a seed all the way to the right fielder who was camped at the fence in right.

As I said, Cage also stayed hot. Similar to D, the only unproductive out he made (he also had a sac fly), was a bomb. At least it sounded like it off the bat, but the mush properties of the ball Pleasanton uses knocked it down and the left fielder tracked down his drive at the fence. His hits were line drives mostly, with runners on, as he knocked in four runs. Well, one was a Heffe special, it was a line drive only in the book but that bloop scored two.

There was only one player who didn't make an out - I'll let you guess who that is. Although there is an asterisk on one of his plate appearances - he was helped by one of the Ringers' gifts.

Not going to say too much about how much one player means, just gonna say that we are undefeated when Bert takes the field. And winless without. But then again Mark, out latest super sub, can nearly say the same thing. We are 4-1 with him in the lineup.

Bottom line is that we have to talent to be competitive in this league despite our complaints about being old and being bumped up to the higher level league. The momentum we have built the last three weeks can be leveraged for the rest of the season and the playoffs.

It starts next week with a game vs. Pleasanton Auto Mall. They are by far the worst team in the league, at 1-6. Yet we have our worst record head to head (1-3) against them. We are 3-3 against the Sons of Pitches, 4-4 against the Brew Bros., and 6-5 against the Ringers. So let's get this win, and continue on our way. I love the smell of cotton in the Fall.

Milestones:
9/22
Heffe        1350 ab (#2)

9/29
Coop        400 g (#2)
Jas            500 ab (#11)

A Perfect Game

I've played approximately 1900 softball games since 2000. That's about 120 a year on average. A little embarrassing - how could I possibly have a life outside softball with that much time on the field and writing the blog, and getting players, and doing stats, and all the other trivial duties of being a softball slut.

Well, maybe I do or maybe I don't have a full life, but once in a while you play a game that is tense and dramatic, and tautly played, and you just wonder why it can't always be like that.

Tuesday night, Transdyn came into the game in the doldrums. One and four. One season after going undefeated and bumped up to the Upper League, we couldn't get enough players on the field, almost literally at times. We hung in there - we lost four games by a total of thirteen runs. We just couldn't turn the corner and play up to our abilities.

Sons of Pitches came in confident. Although they had a 29-29 tie with the Ringers, their other games (which they won) were not close. They are the token tournament team, they just come out for batting practice like many other teams that play the rec circuit. In this scenario, we could have just folded up and given it up.

Instead we played one of the tautest games we have in a long while. The game featured five lead changes - the cry of "Lead Change" rang out of both dugouts at times. In the end it was Tom shutting them down by mixing up front and back, short and tall, and in and out, and keeping them just enough off balance. And making great plays on the mound. You see they went up the middle far more than we did, even though later their SS was crying about it when Jason hit one off their pitcher's glove.

And the rest of the team made all the routine plays, and a couple of great ones - Brian made one of the ESPN highlight stops of the year deep in the 3-4 hole, and even nailed the lead runner at second. Cage threw out a runner gunning for second, but not sliding, by a hair. In the mean time, the Sons made a few gaffs, especially on the infield to gift us a few runs. In fact that was really the difference right there.

The Sons probably thought they had the game as they started to solve Tom in the middle of the game and plated four in the fifth and sixth to take the lead once again at 11-9. But after the middle of our lineup produced the game winning rally (to take the final lead of 12-11), in the top of the seventh he shut them down and even though we had the heart of the lineup coming up in the bottom we had no need for further heroics.

The big hits were booming doubles by Berto and D. Cage also slashed a double down the left field line, and Coop had a twister double over the right fielder's head to start a rally in the fifth. One of the highlights was a warning track sacrifice fly from D with runners on second and third. I was coaching third and I didn't bother trying to stop Brian coming from second - I could see the fire in his eyes that he was going to score - and he did. Two ribs for D.

But it was the little ball rally from Mark, Pauly, Heffe, Chopper, and Coop that finished the scoring to put it away. Everyone contributed in this game.

Afterwards you could tell players from both teams felt that this was one of those games in which it was great to have a part. And amazing things can happen if we could just get our team whole on the field - playoffs are not out of reach if we play like this every week.

Milestones:
9/8
Cage        500 h (#5)
Chopper   100 h (#22)

9/15
D              20 sf (#5)
Tom          100 h (#23)

Everyone's A Critic

The Snorts used to be the Duck Snorts. I guess they thought that Ducks didn't sound macho enough. Or Duck Snorts was too long to write out on the lineup card. Or maybe, just maybe, they read my blog last year when I suggested that all the teams with two words in their names replace the second with Schmutz. I guess Duck Schmutz didn't resonate with them - who knew? So now they are the Snorts.

I won't be mentioning any names, but suddenly I have a critic. It has been suggested that I should perhaps spend more time highlighting the defensive gems...after all, perhaps just as much as the Conehead inning, our trademark is that we play better defense than most teams, and as the cliche goes, defense wins championships.

Here I was sailing along with my high opinion of my clippings, and now I find that everyone is bored with hearing about Larry going 2-2 and Heffe hitting the weakest 3-3 possible (all singles, no runs, no RBIs) and watching in amazement as Chopper takes a bases loaded walk. For God's sake, that was the eighth wonder of the world.

So I won't be making a big deal out of Chuck's 3-4 with a game starting triple down the line...when Knight drove him in (with the first of his three hits) it set the tone and even though we gave up the lead temporarily in the second and the third, really our offense was consistent enough that no one ever had an doubt about the outcome. It's just not that important, right Chuck?

Nor will I make a big deal out of Pope's off field moon shot with the bases loaded in the fourth. The game actually was close at that point, and the grand slam converted a 9-6 lead into 13-6, and when we added three more that inning for a mini-Conehead inning (I can't believe I am not even that impressed with a seven run frame on this team), at 16-6 destiny really had solidified. The ultimate score was 17-9.

Oh and I can't talk about Bruce - we wanted to get him up again but time ran short - because he had the maxi-mini cycle. How many guys have a homer, a double, and a triple in their first three at bats, and just need a single to get the four pack? I told him he had to stop at first his next time up, and when I said that, we agreed that he was totally jinxed now. Not that we are superstitious. Luckily or not, he didn't come up again so I am off the hook for that one at least.

No, instead I have to reward the defenders who make the great plays, even though half the time I forget about them between coming off the field and the next inning due to not-so-early senility. But I do remember Chuck, a great dive up the middle and an out in the first inning that kept the Snorts off the board for at least the first.

And Larry made two tremendous stops that were on him in a flash on the mound - and he turned one of them into a double play. Although when a pitcher makes a great stop you are never sure if it was just pure animal instinct, i.e. self-preservation that took over. Nevertheless, great stuff.

But the play of the game was on a five foot batted ball straight back off the plate over Chopper's head at catcher. He leaped! and he grabbed and snagged it! We will have to change the Chopper to the Cleaper. Or Clopper? Or Cheaper? He already is the Cheeper back there behind the plate, with his jive. Popcorn! No Butter! Alley Alley! Cheep! Cheep!

There. I highlighted the defensive gems. I'm sure I forgot a half dozen but progress will come slowly. Please be patient.

Solid win on both sides of the ball really, though.

Milestones:

Pope        700 rbi (#1)
Larry        30 sf (#9)
Bruce       50 r (#29)
Bruce       50 rbi (#30)

Kiss My...Sister

One of the few bad things about recreational softball is the fact that we have a clock. Baseball is not supposed to have a clock. It's supposed to be played on lazy afternoons, when you need nothing else to make a perfect day, as long as the game takes. Someone walks away the winner, and someone the loser.

I know, old school, and all that.

But no, not in the city run softball leagues. Can't have the neighbors complaining about games going too late into the night. Can't have to pay the umps and field monitors OT. So we have the notion of a tie game, or as the cliche goes, "Kissing your sister." Not that there is anything wrong with my sister. She's great. It's just that her romance is with her husband, not with me. I don't even want to think about it.

Monday we tied HBF, in what was a very entertaining game that began at 9:15 - after some of our players' bedtime. The question after the game was who was more frustrated, HBF or us, because we both had our reasons to feel we blew the game.

We punched ahead with a relentless attack for the first four innings. By the time HBF came up in the bottom of the fourth, we had a 13-0 lead.

Not to last long. HBF put up eleven in one of those nightmare innings every team faces some time or other, and only a huge running deep catch by Pope kept us in front (I think it was that inning). In this case it was mostly their bats, not errors, that produced the rally. Yeah we had a couple of near miss plays that could have/should have been made, but they were hitting the ball all over the place. HBF kind of reminds me of young Coneheads - some of them produced flares to the opposite field while others smashed it deep. A smart team, a rarity among the younger generation.

The fifth came and went with no runs being scored. It was a tense game at that point. When we put up four in the top of the sixth, already known to be the last inning (damn clock), it was a decent lead but not that comfortable given what happened in the fourth.

The kept the pressure on. Runs were pouring in, and ultimately they had the bases loaded with one out, tie game with the winning run 70 feet away at third. All they needed was a decently deep fly ball. At that point Randy called for a double play ball to Chuck, and the HBF batter complied. Chuck was flawless, and Randy's turn and throw were perfect and the game was over, with everyone's sister in attendance. It was a miracle finish, not losing, at that point.

So who is more bummed in the end? We are the Coneheads, we think we should win every game, there is that. And we blew 13-0 and 17-11 leads. But ultimately we snatched the tie out of the jaws of defeat. There was some relief there.

On the other hand HBF wasted two huge comebacks with the hammer in their pocket, and couldn't finish the win. I'm voting for it feeling worse for them at the end. It will be fun if we face them in the playoffs. It's clear that these are two of the best teams in this league, and we both trail Cream and Clear, last year's champions by a half game.

D and Pope were the hitting stars. Pope blasted a monster three run job in the first to launch our game. D was perfect at 4-4 with a triple and a double. Chuck and Knight added three hits each, and the Junior Knight, although he made his first out at the plate, had yet another Moon shot way past the outfielders chasing in futile pursuit.

Milestones:
Randy        10 bb (#23)

Randy        10 sf (#23)

You Win Some, You Lose Some, Parts I and II

I'm trapped.

I'm like the rat in the cage, or is it hamster, the one who has that wheelie thing and keeps spinning and spinning on it, never getting anywhere. I start writing the blog, and it just spins and spins and spins.

This is because I have been spoiled all year, and most of my teams have been racking up the wins hand over fist. JFT sweeps the playoffs after going 12-2 in the regular season. Transdyn does even better: 12-0 and also on the way to sweeping through the playoffs. The Coneheads headed into the playoffs with four straight Orinda championships under our belts and on the heels of an inspiring win over Cal Bronco in the last week in which we broke out with 19 runs in the first inning.

Then it all unraveled in one lousy week, which since has stretched into two or three. I don't know how to write about losing. The journalist in me wants to single out the reasons we lose - just as I highlight the individual performances that give rise to our wins. But this is no good for team chemistry, who wants to read about their failures? And besides, you may not believe this but some of them are my own failures and I would have to take responsibility for those. Now we can't have that can we?

The one single thread in common between the change of fortune of the two teams, Transdyn and the Coneheads, is a common frustration: We have not had a full team on the field for either team for much of the last month. There are some injuries: Both teams lost the starting pitcher, Joe breaking his hand (and valiantly playing through the JFT playoffs) and Sir Guy with his degenerative knee condition. Reggie has been out for the year with his Tommy John surgery (and yes we miss you Sting), and there have been some personal issues that put softball in its place in perspective. But there have also been no-shows and people committing to playing and then not showing up. I know that not everyone has the level of commitment of those of us that are complete softball sluts, but it is surprising on teams this successful when there are so many no-shows.

Transdyn was bumped up to the higher D "Upper" league after going undefeated in the spring season. We are stuck in limbo land - too good for the lower division but perhaps not good enough for the upper. Or are we? Playing shorthanded, we started out the Fall League with a win, and even though we have lost three straight since, it has been by a total of nine runs. A player or two that missed the game shows up, and then we don't have three guys playing out of position, and just perhaps the result is different. So there is hope but we need to field a complete team.

The Coneheads - well let's face it, the playoff championship streak had to end some time. Just not like this: five projected starters missing the playoffs. You could feel the fall from grace in the air - it felt heavy like the hot muggy (for California) weekend weather for the playoff tournament. After winning the opener against the hapless Reds. we melted down in the Waitlister game. We all saw what happened, bad pitching and no hitting is an awful combination. Even with our two-inning wildness streak by three different pitchers, we only allowed nine runs, but on our end we scored six in the first two innings and then were shut out the rest of the way. What sucks is that the three long time rivals that more often than not have won the tournament (The Heads, Scouts and Cal Bronco) have cemented a mutual respect 'club' in this league and we all went down to the Waitlisters this year, who do nothing but nitpick the small stuff and this year at least managed to wear us all down.

You could tell we had no stomach for coming through the losers' bracket on Championship Sunday in our last game against the Broncos. This was just not our year. I can only think of one highlight worth mentioning for the whole day of three games - Gene made an absolutely tremendous catch on a long fly ball to left. He juggled it what must have been five times on the way to the ground and finally corralled the damn ball. It was truly remarkable concentration.

The beauty of softball is that we have the delusion that it will go on forever. There is always a new season and we started the fall season 0-0 like everyone else last Monday. We faced Pat's Bats - who I unapologetically say is not in our class when we are whole. But they beat us last Fall in the regular season and then again in the playoffs to end the Walnut Creek run of four straight championships - so we owed them and we played like it.

Chuck and Randy and a hobbled Lefty managed three hits each and most everyone had multiple hits. But the hero was one Patrick the Knight, son of Greg the Knight, who made his Conehead debut. He stepped up in the top of the third in a 2-2 game with runners on first and second, and promptly pummeled the ball, sending it nearly to Concord, like the shot heard round the world. Only Brandon Crawford hitting a grand slam in his Giants' debut tops this, but he took three ABs to get to that shot.

It went for the game winning RBI as well as it set the tone for the rest of the game. After we had a 14-3 lead in the sixth, Pat's Bats rallied for seven to make it closer, but the end outcome was never in any real doubt. We had the real Pat's Bat.

So there is hope for both teams - but please get back on the winning track for good. I hate losing, I hate having to write about losing, and really hate that damn wheel.

Milestones:
Transdyn
8/4
D            250 h (#12)
Bert        50 h (#35)

8/11
Brian       50 ab (#50)

8/18
D            50 2b (#6)
Pauly      650 ab (#8)
D            400 ab (#12)

8/25
Cage       120 2b (#1)
Monty     80 bb (#4)
Jas          250 r (#7)
Rene       150 ab (#27)

Coneheads
8/15, Game 1
Gene        550 h (#7)
Lefty        150 r (#19)
Haz          150 h (#21)

8/16, Game 2
Chuck      1700 ab (#1)
Ol' G        300 r (#13)

8/16, Game 3
None

8/24
Chuck        900 r (#1)
Chuck        60 3b (#1)

Larry          600 r (#3)

D                450 ab (#17)

Lefty           100 g (#19)Knight (sr)  250 ab (#26)
Bruce         100 ab (#31)

Lucky 19

Ommmmmmm...Ommmmmmmmmmmmmm

This is the sound of Heffe meditating on the playoffs this coming weekend. After Monday's game against the Buddha's Cal Bronco, I'm thinking Zen Buddhism is the way to go. I'm meditating on the number 19.

But first...

Nineteen has been my lucky number since I was nine years old. Long story, but I won two straight bingo games at a resort on family vacation in Estes Park CO, in a room full of a couple of hundred people, on the number I-19. I think I won something like twenty bucks, a huge sum for a nine year old. Boxes and boxes of baseball cards could be bought with such a fortune. Therefore I wear number 19 on almost all my teams. Tony Gwynn, my hero, the master of the 5-6 hole as a lefty, wore number 19. But I'm not superstitious. Much.

Monday night the Coneheads erupted for 19 runs in the first inning. Every game I have to scramble to get enough players, and we are missing many of our best hitters, the rest of the team steps up, and uncorks a huge offensive output. Monday the buzz-saw hit our sometime teammate Buddha's team, Cal Bronco. On paper they should have out-slugged us - they have a veritable murderer's row in the middle of their lineup. They even exploded for their own big inning, a 12 run second, but it was not enough to overcome our great start. We ended the time shortened game (four innings) up 26-17.

Buddha, who plays with our alter-ego teams in the Fall League and in Spring in Walnut Creek, is married to one of my tribe (she's Jewish - does that make them a Bujew family?). This means he loves to suffer. When he talks about facing the Coneheads in the summer, he sounds like he is already beaten, and it is like Henny Youngman talking about his wife ("Take my wife...please!").

Monday he suffered an ultimate indignity. And I am not talking about hitting into a double play to end the first. He later received a walk from Doc Larry, on the mound filling in for Joe. Buddha strained a calf muscle while taking ball four. He had to have a courtesy runner, and invoke the Joe Fuchs rule (runner from home for the batter) his last time up with the game on the line. He smoked it, but right at Gene to end the game. Take my bat, please.

In between there were some highlights and a lot of hitting in the middle of the order. Chopper made a run saving catch - I think is was the inning after the Broncos twelve run outburst, and kept them at two runs in the third, and our lead intact at 23-17. That was as close as the Broncos got. We added on three in the top of the fourth. It should have been more but the Bronco's super star outfielder Patrick _ ran down a blast by Chopper and it limited the damage. However, with so much offense, time was running out in the bottom of the fourth. We shut them down on three easy outs to get the win.

A few more notes about the breakout nineteen run first: Bruce had the defining blow - his three run homer as the third batter of the game set the tone. Haz had two doubles, driving in three. Larry C had a critical at bat - he came up with two outs and four in and hit a two run single. It doesn't seem big now, but it opened the gates, after that we got twelve more two out hits (!), so we had 15 altogether. We may have had a couple of bigger innings but I don't recall ever getting 15 straight two out hits. Definitely need to channel that energy for the weekend playoffs. Ommmmmmmm.

Ol' G and D had perfect 4-4 nights with G driving in four runs. Doc Larry, Bruce and Heffe rounded out the guys with three hits.

Milestones:
Heffe        1500 ab (#2)
Ol' G        400 rbi (#7)
Haz          100 rbi (#23)

Flatheads

The facts:

Coneheads played Waitlisters Monday in a game between two of the four teams tied for first at 7-1 with two games left.

Coneheads for the most part comprise the JFT team that completed a victorious playoff tournament in Walnut Creek over the weekend.

Coneheads came out flat, and got flatter, and then ended in total flatulence losing 10-6.

The lone highlight was a total blast for a three run home run by Ol' G. On another night, I would be waxing poetic about the majestic qualities of his hit. Although a little wind-aided, it was probably the longest ball I have seen Ol' G hit in over 10 years playing together.

Only two others had multiple hits and there were no other extra base hits. While we singled St. Mo's to death the week before, we just died this week.

The good news is that we will be in the upper half seeds for the playoffs; cotton is awarded for the playoffs, not first place in the regular season, and there is no reason to doubt our ability to defend our four straight championships.

Milestones:
Joe          1250 ab (#4)
Gene        900 ab (#9)

It began with a kiss...

...and it ended in a group hug.

I was one of the first to get to the field on Championship Sunday. I wasn't that early, but I was third after Joe and Chuck, twenty minutes before game time. I suppose that is a sign of a confident, veteran team. Next to arrive was Chopper, and he came bursting upon me all smiles with Happy Birthday wishes. He gave me a big hug and then leaned in to kiss me (!). I was struggling, and panicked, and then I made the fatal error - I turned in! I was like the runner going down the line to first, and there was an overthrow but not too far, and he turned in and thought, "Oh shit, I turned in!" And gets tagged out. Well the next thing I know, I got tagged on the lips - and there was some sort of liquid.excretion - I think that qualifies as a French Kiss! It's a good thing we are not homophobic on this bus. Just know that a Golden Retriever has nothing on our Chopper.

But I got ahead of myself, it all started on Saturday morning...

Once the league actually settled on a schedule, the weekend started off with promise of an easy run. Arch-rival Advance Construction went down with a whimper as we slaughter ruled them in five innings 14-2.After Joe set them down scoreless in the first, we scored three with two outs to go up four zip. Bruce had the key hit, a two run double. In the fourth, starting with five straight hits, a mini-Conehead inning erupted for six runs. The highlight spawned a new rallying cry. Buddha tagged up at third on a medium deep fly by our fearless leader, and Chopper led the dugout: "Shake your Buddha, Shake your Buddha!" Great hustle, Scotty scored.

And then we awoke to Championship Sunday. I love the smell of birthday coffee and Cotton in the morning. After we watched Big Feet crush the Crushers in the early game, the Polar Bears overcame Big Feet's hot start and wont and then were gunning for us. They even drew home field advantage - I will never understand why the higher seeded team doesn't get it in each game in the playoffs.

Trouble was brewing. Our rock, Chuck, was hobbling around like the hobbit Bilbo Baggins at his hundred and eleventh birthday party at the beginning of Lord of the Rings. His back was tweaked in a major way. Well, no problem, we have Randy, normally at third for us but a born shortstop, and D plays 3B in most of our Conehead games anyway. We would survive even Chuck going down.

Well, go to the top of the second, still scoreless and Randy, leading off, does the two step shuffle as he hit the ball, and wrecks some muscle in the back of his knee and after gutting it out to make it to first, goes down in a heap, literally. He's done. Now we have to go to Johnny, also a very capable SS, but his hamstring has been tight all weekend.

It's the teams in the losers' bracket that are supposed to come up lame as they play in their fifth game of the weekend. We have had six innings in and we are already deep into the depth chart. The effect was delayed though as Randy kick-started (bad pun) our offense and we put up eighteen runs in the next four innings to win going away 18-4. The hitting was spread out as seven guys went 3-4. Now we got to rest and watch the Polar Bears tire themselves out against Big Feet and then try to beat us twice.

The Polar Bears just kept on getting more batting practice as they dispatched Big Feet. They were hot, hot, hot, and started our game by putting up four in the first against Joe, who by the way, as we know now, pitched all weekend with a broken left hand. By the third it was 7-2, and it seemed like we were the ones who had already played four games. Johnny was tightening up and switched with Knight at schmiddler, and Greg became our fourth SS of the weekend.

And then things started to turn. It started with defense, as it usually does. Bruce was playing shallow against one of the Bears who crushed a ball. At first it didn't seem like Bruce got a good break; this thing was travelling. But he hit his long-stride stride, and somehow glided out to the warning track and reached up and there it was. Runs saved. In successive innings I scooped one errant throw backhanded and then went off the bag for another and tagged the runner coming down the line. Both saved runs. In the top of the fifth Gene went sprawling in a dive to snare a blooper he had no business catching up to. More runs saved. Derek ended an inning falling down and stopping a shot down the line - and provided comic relief as he scrambled all over the bag to tag it while he actually had the ball in his glove. More runs saved.

Our offense had kind of disappeared, but Gene's catch inspired us in the bottom of the fifth. After two were out, Johnny got a hit - he led the team in hitting on the weekend at 8-9, bad hammy and all - and Haz walked to load the bases. Here was Joe's first brilliant move. He sent up Chuck to pinch hit for him. We didn't know if Chuck had any strength to even hit the ball. But he shot the 5-6 hole and two runs scored. When Lefty followed with another run scoring hit, it was suddenly only a 7-5 deficit and we had a shot.

When you come back from behind to take game, there is a moment when you know it's going to happen. It could be a little thing or a big thing. But in this game, it was the Dive in the sixth. A sinking liner up the middle with runners moving, Lefty came out of nowhere and in an ESPN highlight dive, went full length and caught the ball just before it hit the ground. I don't remember seeing another player in all my softball years extend that completely, horizontally. That's when we knew we somehow would not let the Bears extend us to an elimination game.

But it was not to be easy. Both teams went out in the sixth and the Bears in the seventh without scoring. In the bottom half, Chopper started out the rally, as he had all weekend, with a hit. He was 3-3 in this game and was just nosed out by Johnny for the playoff hot hitter award. And he led the team in hitting this year. After a flyout, Buddha and Johnny followed with hits to load the bases. Appropriate as these three were the team hitting leaders for the weekend. Up came Larry who along with Haz sacrificed their time in the lineup to platoon without complaint. He had had two ABs in two games to that point. So what happens? He's up in the most crucial moment in the playoffs to that time. He steps up and gets the Big Hit, a slicing line drive to LC, in the perfect spot to score Chopper and also Gene (running for Buddha) from second with the tying run.

Significantly the Polar Bear outfielder airmailed the throw home to try to get Gene and both runners moved up. This was crucial because hobbler #3, Johnny, was now the runner at third, and it would take a hit or a long fly to score him from third. But now we could put our rabbit Gene in again to pinch run. Naturally, Lefty came up knowing this and tried to hit the ball to Mt. Diablo. Predictably instead it was a very shallow fly ball, but Gene beat the throw anyway, and the Championship was ours.

Those are the highlights we all remember - because it was close, because it was a walk off 8-7 win, because it was the Championship game, because we were dropping like flies, because everyone had their moment. It had been a long time (2009) - and Pinky's or no Pinky's - it was sweet to get the Championship Cotton; it won't go straight to garage rag like the last several runner up shirts.

Milestones:
7/26
Gene       300 ab (#10)
D            100 h (#15)

D            10 2b (#16)

Bruce      50 h (#20)

8/1
D             10 k (#1)
Lefty        250 h (#4)

8/2 G1
Heffe        10 gw (#4)
Joe           150 h (#10)
Chopper   250 ab (#13)

8/2 G2
Knight       400 ab (#5)
Chopper   150 h (#11)

Mo' Singles

It was a classic trap scenario where there could be a letdown. We beat the monster tournament team Monday. Only Thursday game of the season. Missing many of our power hitters and defensive stars. No Chuck for God's sake. He never misses a game.We played with three subs and there was no alternative better than yours truly batting cleanup.

And, to top it off, we were playing St. Mo's, who in the past, both in the regular season and in the playoffs, has beaten us when they have no right to, church and God aside.

So what did we do?

After spotting them the first run, we came up in the home half and scored twelve runs. Classic Conehead inning. The only out through thirteen batters was a hot line drive by Gene right at the left fielder. Right after that supersub #3 Bill drove in two with a single.

In fact I think it was one of only two times in the game that anyone took two bases on a hit. We clobbered St. Mo's (final score 18-8) with 24 singles and a three walks. Not a single extra base hit. Who needs power hitters anyway? The line just kept moving and turning over. Personally three times I was on third with Chopper on second and Haz on first. It felt like deja vu all over again.

After we let St. Mo's think they were back in the game at 12-7, we added four in the fourth and and two in the fifth to take an 18-8 lead that held up. No St. Mo's freaky comeback this time.

Heffe led the way with a 4-4 night, and supersub #1 Bobby and Chopper had three hits, and Heffe, Gene and Bill drove in three runs each. Bobby did a great Chuck impression as he started two 6-4-3 double plays in the first two innings that largely held St. Mo's in check. Unfortunately the first baseman dropped his throw on his best play cutting off a ball heading to center field. Doc Larry at 2B made the double play turns with flair (flaring out his shoulder in the process) and made a great leaping catch to end the third with runners stranded on second and third. Check his birth certificate, not to be racist but what was that saying about white boys?

It was a game we needed. We are now probably in a four way tie for first (the league is very slow getting the game scores to us). We own the tiebreaker against MTC55, and have the other two (Waitlisters and Broncos) in the last two games. It's pretty simple - win out and we will be the top seed going into the playoffs. Anything else, we will be anywhere from first to fourth. Keep the hit singles coming!

Special thanks to Bobby, supersub #2 Gerry and Bill for saving us. Gerry walked twice on a night when team walks leader Chuck was AWOL as I said. At this rate he will catch him on the leaderboard in about 2150. Stay tuned.

Milestone:
Bill        100 ab (#30)

And David Slew the Giant...

In the biblical story of King David, who as we know slew the monster Goliath, the latter is said to be nine feet nine inches by some accounts, and a mere six foot nine in others. But the point is David took his single slingshot, and Goliath went down, and then David cut the monster's head off and the Philistines went running off into the hinterlands, never to bother the Jews again. At least not for a while, they always eventually came back, but that's another story.

We all know the story of this year in Orinda Senior softball. The Philistines, er MTC55 or speedzone.net or whatever they really call themselves, is a top level tournament team sandbagging in our back yard. They have mowed down everyone they have faced this season so far, and that includes the Scouts and the DC's, two of our traditional rivals. They loaded up for our game - I saw at least three players that I hadn't seen in the two games I watched them play earlier. That is the MO of these tournament teams slumming in the rec leagues. I play against two of them, one in Pleasanton and the other far away in the City, and those two roughly combined to comprise this team. They create a roster of 25 tournament players, and pick the 12 available for any given game, and depending on the competition, bring their "A" players or "B" players.

But we have our David - Joe has his own slingshot, a wicked curve unlike anyone else's in slow pitch softball. In the first inning they were clubbing everything he threw up there, and they jumped to an 8-0 lead, and I don't think there was an out yet. We held there but this looked like it was going to be a long night, even if it only lasted an hour and fifteen minutes.

Then a funny thing happened. Joe 'figured it out' as he put it. The Ringers all seem to move up in the box, so they can jump on the pitch. Since they are mostly all as large as Goliath, they can hit any pitch from there. Well Joe combined throwing deep with his patented curve, and MTC was rendered helpless. They are too arrogant to adjust.

The turning point may have been when he faced Tim Millette, who is a nationally ranked player, and although currently somewhat injured, possesses one of the most lethal swings in slowpitch softball. Joe induced him to pop up near the third base dugout and Chopper couldn't quite reach it, but this Goliath was done.
Joe got him out twice, and he may as well have swung with his head in his hands. At the end of the second as we walked off the field down 10-3, Joe told me he's got this one, that is he figured it out.

You will forgive me if I didn't quite believe him at that point - they were still up by seven, and had the hammer, and there was a lot of game left. But with one out in the top of the third we clobbered six straight hits around a walk, and it was punctuated by one of the three key hits of the game - Doc Larry sliced one down the right field line with the bases loaded, and when he scored to complete the grand slam, suddenly we were tied ten all.

At that point we believed we were at least going to be in the game. Then Joe shut them down three straight innings. He OWNED them, he was right! And in the fourth Lefty crushed a ball for a solo home run and we clung to a one run lead for a couple of innings.

You could see the panic showing in their faces and they were pressing at the plate, and they don't play defense anyway. In the top of the sixth, we loaded the bases with no outs, and up stepped up our long lost three hitter, Pope. He sent one nearly to Lafayette, over the right center fielder's head, and it was off to the races for the second grand slam and our third big hit of the game.

We held them to one in the bottom half and then got some insurance in the top of the seventh - appropriately on a double by Joe and his surrogate scoring for him on D's sac fly. They had a short rally in the bottom, but they were all trying to hit seven run home runs, and this translated onto pop ups to end the game at 17-12. Sweetness.

As for the playoffs in a couple of weeks, it could go either way. They may have more weapons we haven't even seen yet, and you just never know in this game. But two things we know - we can hang with them, and we have our 'slingshot' - Joe's combination of his arm and brain. He may not be young like David was in the story, but he is just as deadly.

Milestones:
7/20
None
7/27
Lefty        10 hr (#15)

Over Under

It has long been rumored that JFT and the Coneheads are one and the same team. It is not quite true; there are at least a couple of players that are different. However, over the years we have merged into pretty much the same team, although (even though some players are still confused by this) there are two different coaches, ol' Stink Eye and yours truly, at least for the Summer Orinda league.

But - once the Head season starts, and we play back to back nights, what we do on Sunday as JFT and Monday as the Heads are inextricably linked.

Last Sunday, JFT had one of those Nightmare Games. We played our old arch-rivals Advance Construction. Advance has advanced in age faster than we have - they are not the same team they once were. We have dominated games recently. In fact Sunday we had the game in hand through four innings. Lefty returned to the team and stepped up and clobbered gappers to left center his first two times up - one for a triple and one for a double. These hits were largely responsible for inspiring two rallies in the first and third. In the fourth we loaded the bases with two outs, and up stepped Bruce, who was batting near the bottom because he arrived late. He promptly unloaded them with a bases clearing double, and the rout was on. Up 8-1 with nine outs to go.

Then the softball gods turned against us. In the top of the fifth, balls found holes under the gloves of normally extremely reliable infielders, and two balls found the sun in left field and were missed. Eleven runs poured in, and even the Stink Eye couldn't stop the deluge.

Normally a 12-9 deficit wouldn't make us blink. But the gods were not through with us. We acted as if we didn't know how to get out of the hole, and we hit into a double play to end the fifth, and when we loaded the bases in the sixth with no outs, on the verge of yet another epic comeback, we hit into another DP, and then took strike three looking and could only add one run. And then because of the length of the eleven run nightmare, time was out and the game ended with us down 12-10.

All is not lost; we are still in first place and we should be able to win out to stay in first place for the best seeding for the playoffs. Despite our defensive lapses, we did turn three double plays of our own, and perhaps we got the nightmare out of our system at the right time. But it is a wake-up call; we are not immune to the whims of the softball gods.

The next night we had to take on one of our arch-rivals in Orinda, the former Pennini's now called the DC's after their fallen leader Dave Caraska. It's been testy a few times between us, but it's always a good game and there is mutual respect between the teams.

But I think we had learned a lesson the night before. Even though the DC's took leads of 2-1 and 6-4 we kept putting on the pressure, scoring in every inning through the fifth. After the third we shut down the DC's until garbage time in the sixth and final inning when they scored two to make the game seem closer than it was (final score was 11-8).

The statement play came in the fourth. The DC's had a couple on with one out, and their next hitter hit a line drive out to Bruce in LF. The runner on second strayed only a few feet off - not even half way. But Bruce unleashed a fierce strike to G covering second, and the guy was toast. The old 50 year old legs don't react quick enough and Bruce simply nailed him. It shook up the DC's, and as I said didn't score again until the last inning.

In fact they shouldn't have scored then either. Mark Hayes of the DC's had the audacity to try to go first to third on Bruce's arm in that frame and he nailed a strike again - this time it even was down on the bag where Hayes was sliding head first and D took the throw and punched him out on the head. Alas the umpire, who initially called him out, changed his tune for some reason, and overruled himself. But we all know what truly happened, and the rest of the league better take note not to run again on Bruce.

The hitting was balanced as it often is when you score almost every inning. Bruce led the way at the plate too with two doubles among three hits. Gene and Chopper both went 3-3 with a double, and Haz had three RBIs on a two run single and a sac fly. A bunch of us had two hits, and I won the entertainment award with a slow motion slide into third that set up Haz' run scoring single. Perfect form, I might add, and my first ever on turf.

The fate of the two teams remains forever intertwined now - on the rare occasion when we go down on Sunday, it's important to make a statement the next night, and we did. Not so much to the other team, although it never hurts to hurt Pennini's, but for ourselves and to the softball gods too.

Milestones:
(JFT)
Knight        30 2b (#2)
(Coneheads)
Doc Larry  1250 ab (#3)
Doc Larry  750 h (#3)
Bruce         10 2b (#29)
Bruce         50 h (#33)

Leaky Areolas

Like many English words, there are several meanings to the word areola. For example, did you know that it has two or three other meanings in biology (besides the obvious)?

• Areola (lichen), a round to polygonal part of a surface of a crustose lichen
• Areola (entomology), a small ring of color or gap in wing margin of insects
• Areole, a raised structure bearing spines on cacti

I am going to assume the Orinda softball team named the Areolas is not named after lichen or insects. A cactus part would be kind of cool, but then it would be misspelled. That leaves the obvious:

• An areola is a small colored area of skin, usually around the nipple

So they are named after the female body part that is one of our favorites. In fact it is used to give milk to our babies, so there is a very strong reason for the shape and size of the areola and its permeability, and it is not just there for us to gawk at.

Why do I bring this up? Do I have your attention?

Because in the Conehead game against the Areolas Monday night, their defense was spongy and leaked and it led to two straight Conehead innings of twelve and thirteen runs, and we ran away with the game 28-6.

It was shaping up to one of those manager's nightmare of a game. For some reason our team, despite having won four straight championships in Orinda and eight of nine overall is having trouble getting players on the field. Here is where I thank Bill H and Gerry D for coming to our rescue so we could field a complete team.

We were missing some of our best hitters and fielders, not to mention our rock Joe on the mound. The Areolas are one of those teams that seems better than they play, because it is usually they that cannot get their players to games. But this could have been the night they stood up to us.

Instead it was our players that played out of their minds. Ol' G and Chopper carried a large part of the load. G was 5-5 including a double and a three run homer that capped off our second Conehead inning. Chopper had a bases clearing double in the first Conehead inning, and didn't hit a single - he hit three doubles and a triple.

They each contributed four RBIs but they weren't alone in the one-sided slugfest. Three others had four hits, including Doc Larry and the two Jeffs, and the only thing that kept Derek from a fourth was a semi-intentional walk, and the only thing that stopped Larry C was that he was only up four times and had a sac fly once. Everyone scored and had at least one RBI. Overall, we hit .745 as a team, and although it was aided by the leaky defense and some Conehead hits, we pretty much pummeled the ball all night long.

Our defense in contrast was steady, and Doc Larry pretty much shut down the Areola offense. Gene made a couple of rally-killing running catches in left center and Chuck made a nice charge and throw out on the infield. I don't recall a single error.

As for the Areolas - perhaps they need a name change - the correct plural for Areola is Areolae. Maybe that would stop the leaks.

Milestones:

Chuck        140 bb (#1)

D               40 bb (#13)

D               250 rbi (#15)

Bill             50 h (#32) (YAY!)

The Complete Season

The facts are:

Transdyn did not lose a game in the Spring 2015 season, going 12-0 and 2-0 in the playoffs to capture the regular season and playoff championships, a rarity in team history. In fact we have done it only once since joining the Pleasanton League in 2000. That was Spring 2009, and our record was a relatively pedestrian 8-4. Since 2000 we have now won the playoffs only four times, and the regular season title eight times. Two years ago we were also 12-0, but this is the first time we have put it all together.

Although there is the asterisk of moving down a league, it is a testament to the character and chemistry of this year's edition. To continue the Warriors' theme of these posts, we really never put together a complete game, but we played well enough to withstand every obstacle in our way. Including in the semifinal game, when our usual outstanding defense deserted us.

The other excellent characteristic that we shared with the Warriors was our unselfishness. Adding Brian to our lineup on offense and defense was huge. We added him when it looked like Jason was going to be out for a long time, maybe forever because of his father's health issues. When he came back 'early', we had already added Brian to play SS. It was a lot to ask both to give up the limelight that is shortstop on any team. They ended up sharing it and second base, switching mid-game just about every game, and each made fantastic plays in both positions. Last night's 1-4-3 double play comes immediately to mind - the ball deflecting off of Tom's glove, Jason reacting and changing direction to get it, and make it to second and wheel to throw out the batter running to first.

Mario also had to give up his long standing as the second baseman to allow this to happen, and contributed instead in the outfield. And even was pressed into duty in left field when Bill went down and Tom had to move to the mound. Speaking of which, I am not kidding when I said Tom was the MVP. We have one of the outstanding pitchers in all of Pleasanton in Sir Guy, and Tom stepped into his big shoes, and we never missed a beat. And the guy hit .659 on top of it. And can even cover first on a grounder to first!

And what team strikes out twice in any softball game, not to mention it was the championship game, and wins??? Twice in the first, although we managed to score four runs around them to take a lead we never relinquished. You look at the box score and if you witnessed the games, you saw that we were playing under our abilities just enough to make both games interesting, especially the first.

The Dirtbags are one of those teams whose playoff lineup has no semblance to their regular season lineup. According to their pitcher/coach (who is crankier than Bill after getting a bad call), this is because they never had more than nine of their guys show up for a game in the regular season. No doubt they are the second most talented team yet finished fourth in the standings - but that is an old story, or an excuse. Or maybe this explains our chemistry - we had nine guys miss two or fewer games, and Monty, Paul and Rene only missed more because of work schedules.

At any rate it wasn't our finest hour and we spotted the Bags a 6-1 lead through two. Old nightmares started to creep up my neck - how many times did we not finish in the playoffs? But then it started simply enough, with Jas leading off the fourth with a walk. After an out and a hit, D stepped up and sent one flying to deep right - the right fielder should have caught it but it just kept soaring until it was over his head and two runs were in, and we were on our way. It rattled the Dirtbags, and before you knew it we were up one, and in the next inning D drove in two more with a single, and we made ten runs stand up. We had to withstand a rally in the top of the seventh - ultimately they had the bass loaded down one 10-9 - and Tom induced a pop fly to send the Dirtbags back into the night..

D had an interesting night - he was really a little off and those were his only hits, but clutch is clutch - he led the team in RBIs on the night with those four, and he or his proxy led the team with four runs scored. Jas and Cage were hot all night - Jas didn't make and out going 5-5 with two walks; Cage's only out was a line drive right at the third baseman and he owned one of only three extra base hits.

Load made the catch of the night - diving for a sinking line drive that the home ump correctly called an out. But Marva the other ump got her ego right out there and overruled him, EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T ASK FOR HELP. Ultimately, it didn't hurt us at all, as we got the next guy out. But I am pretty sure I would have gone the protest route, because this is clearly not in the rule book.

The second game was pretty routine - the most entertaining part was the Kung Fu Panda pitcher going all Kung Fu in his pitching motion and throwing it flat or flat and short, and the apologizing for it. We basically scored four in the first despite the two Ks, and then scored in every inning but the fourth. We did let up after grabbing a 9-4 lead, and let them creep back to 9-6 before we showed them who's boss by scoring five late runs to finish 14-8, and the celebration was on. Pauly and Heffe led the way with three RBIs each, and Cage went 4-4 with our only extra base hit, a double in the first that was a statement hit - we are going to club the Pandas out of sight.

It will be interesting to discover one thing in the fall, assuming they do bump us up. Was last Fall an aberration when we went 2-8 in the upper league? Or are we really just destined to be the in between team - too good for the lower league, and too old for the upper league. I guess we will probably find out this fall.

But in the mean time relish the season, it was rare, like the Dubs bringing a parade to Oaktown. We will always have that - and two pretty decent shirts - to prove it!

Milestones:
Game 1:
Monty           350 g (#3)
Chopper        50 g (#26)

Game 2:
Cage             450 r (#2)

Ownage

There was a movie a few decades ago called Frankie and Johnnie, starring Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer. I can't remember which was Frankie and which was Johnnie, but that is not the point. The point is that I had a total thing for Michelle Pfeiffer. Well, that's not the point either.

The point is that we now have our own little drama called Randy and Johnny, Spring and Fall Walnut Creek Coneheads but arch rival Scouts' teammates in the Orinda Summer league. The Scouts own us in the regular season, having now won five of the last six regular season meetings. But we have owned them in the playoffs of late (knock wood, cross your heart, say Hail Marys, etc.etc.); for the last four years in our championship run, we have gone 5-0, including two years ago when we beat them twice in the finals coming out of the losers' bracket. And that's a good thing!

The thing about Randy and Johnny is that neither is as good looking as Michelle Pfeiffer, and neither is as cool as Al Pacino. And this may sound like sour grapes, but here is my take on them:

See, I finally figured out Randy. He leads off and plays SS for the Scouts (who, by the way, losing the OLD from your name does not make you younger, last night's result notwithstanding). I get it now - he wants to be Chuck! He's been shadowing him for years, and it worked! He's stroking line drives and making all the plays at SS just like our Chuck! Last night, we thought we had ownage on him and his merry band of Not Old Scouts when he led off the game with a towering fly ball out to Gene in left center. But then he went off, firing bullets over the head of D at third base the rest of the game, and wreaking general mayhem on the base paths from there. Ownage!

And Johnny - now there's a slightly different case. Old mild mannered Johnny Steele, who got in a todo with his own teammate a couple of years ago for 'fraternizing' with the Coneheads during the playoffs. We thought he liked us. Then after the game last night, over a beer we gave him, we find out it was he who a few years ago got into a brouhaha with our sadly missed teammate and forever Conehead Mugsy. He's a hothead! Who knew! I bet every move he has made since is a calculated ploy to spy on us so the Scouts can get over the hump and beat us in the playoffs. Seemed like every ball we hit last night made a beeline to Johnny's glove for an out. Ownage! I'm going to be eying you buddy, you best be careful and watch your back.

You might have noticed at this point that I haven't said much about the Coneheads in last night's game. There is a very good reason for this. Led by my ofer (O for Ownage!), with a couple of exceptions, no one hit much, and when we did, we never could string them together for a patented Conehead inning to take control of the game. It was there for us to take too - we were up 4-3 after three and only down 8-5 after five. But we couldn't get past ourselves to get that inning we are known for (even with Sting in the house to cheer us on), and we lost 15-6.

No matter - we will probably see each other in the playoffs yet again, and besides with MTC55 joining the league, we will have a common enemy. I forgive you Frank...er Randy and Johnny. But you still don't look like Michelle Pfeiffer. And that's a good thing.

Milestones:
Chopper        400 ab (#18)

Q2

I wasn't really paying attention, but it looked like the BBQ's team won the game before us (they had a doubleheader). They were pretty hot coming in. Their third baseman made all the plays in the first couple of innings, including robbing me on a line drive that should have been past third; and it ended our first inning with only two runs. He made great plays on Knight (and someone else too). They scored two in the first to match us, hitting a few line shots. When we scored four in the third to take an 8-2 lead, they answered with five. The game could have gone either way at that point.

But both teams reverted to form after that, starting with a Randy run scoring double in the fourth and punctuated by Bruce's laser two run homer to center in the sixth. In between were clutch two run hits by Chuck and Larry in the fifth. In all we outscored BBQ's 11-0 in the last three innings, and won going away 19-7.

BBQ's beat us once, in 2010. It's hard to fathom, but as we showed last week, sometimes every team goes cold. Now is the time to set up some momentum for going into the playoffs in about a month, and tonight was a good start.

Chuck had himself a game with four hits. Randy continued his heat stroke with three hits, all for extra bases, and made the defensive stop of the game at third base. Good thing he got all that out of his system, because we play against him tomorrow night in Orinda. Johnny in RC also made a great running catch, so he too can go all funky tomorrow night. Ol' G and Old Stink Eye also had three hits. Everyone in the lineup had at least one hit. Good all around game in general.

Milestone:
Chopper        10 bb (#13)