Ownage

There was a movie a few decades ago called Frankie and Johnnie, starring Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer. I can't remember which was Frankie and which was Johnnie, but that is not the point. The point is that I had a total thing for Michelle Pfeiffer. Well, that's not the point either.

The point is that we now have our own little drama called Randy and Johnny, Spring and Fall Walnut Creek Coneheads but arch rival Scouts' teammates in the Orinda Summer league. The Scouts own us in the regular season, having now won five of the last six regular season meetings. But we have owned them in the playoffs of late (knock wood, cross your heart, say Hail Marys, etc.etc.); for the last four years in our championship run, we have gone 5-0, including two years ago when we beat them twice in the finals coming out of the losers' bracket. And that's a good thing!

The thing about Randy and Johnny is that neither is as good looking as Michelle Pfeiffer, and neither is as cool as Al Pacino. And this may sound like sour grapes, but here is my take on them:

See, I finally figured out Randy. He leads off and plays SS for the Scouts (who, by the way, losing the OLD from your name does not make you younger, last night's result notwithstanding). I get it now - he wants to be Chuck! He's been shadowing him for years, and it worked! He's stroking line drives and making all the plays at SS just like our Chuck! Last night, we thought we had ownage on him and his merry band of Not Old Scouts when he led off the game with a towering fly ball out to Gene in left center. But then he went off, firing bullets over the head of D at third base the rest of the game, and wreaking general mayhem on the base paths from there. Ownage!

And Johnny - now there's a slightly different case. Old mild mannered Johnny Steele, who got in a todo with his own teammate a couple of years ago for 'fraternizing' with the Coneheads during the playoffs. We thought he liked us. Then after the game last night, over a beer we gave him, we find out it was he who a few years ago got into a brouhaha with our sadly missed teammate and forever Conehead Mugsy. He's a hothead! Who knew! I bet every move he has made since is a calculated ploy to spy on us so the Scouts can get over the hump and beat us in the playoffs. Seemed like every ball we hit last night made a beeline to Johnny's glove for an out. Ownage! I'm going to be eying you buddy, you best be careful and watch your back.

You might have noticed at this point that I haven't said much about the Coneheads in last night's game. There is a very good reason for this. Led by my ofer (O for Ownage!), with a couple of exceptions, no one hit much, and when we did, we never could string them together for a patented Conehead inning to take control of the game. It was there for us to take too - we were up 4-3 after three and only down 8-5 after five. But we couldn't get past ourselves to get that inning we are known for (even with Sting in the house to cheer us on), and we lost 15-6.

No matter - we will probably see each other in the playoffs yet again, and besides with MTC55 joining the league, we will have a common enemy. I forgive you Frank...er Randy and Johnny. But you still don't look like Michelle Pfeiffer. And that's a good thing.

Milestones:
Chopper        400 ab (#18)

Q2

I wasn't really paying attention, but it looked like the BBQ's team won the game before us (they had a doubleheader). They were pretty hot coming in. Their third baseman made all the plays in the first couple of innings, including robbing me on a line drive that should have been past third; and it ended our first inning with only two runs. He made great plays on Knight (and someone else too). They scored two in the first to match us, hitting a few line shots. When we scored four in the third to take an 8-2 lead, they answered with five. The game could have gone either way at that point.

But both teams reverted to form after that, starting with a Randy run scoring double in the fourth and punctuated by Bruce's laser two run homer to center in the sixth. In between were clutch two run hits by Chuck and Larry in the fifth. In all we outscored BBQ's 11-0 in the last three innings, and won going away 19-7.

BBQ's beat us once, in 2010. It's hard to fathom, but as we showed last week, sometimes every team goes cold. Now is the time to set up some momentum for going into the playoffs in about a month, and tonight was a good start.

Chuck had himself a game with four hits. Randy continued his heat stroke with three hits, all for extra bases, and made the defensive stop of the game at third base. Good thing he got all that out of his system, because we play against him tomorrow night in Orinda. Johnny in RC also made a great running catch, so he too can go all funky tomorrow night. Ol' G and Old Stink Eye also had three hits. Everyone in the lineup had at least one hit. Good all around game in general.

Milestone:
Chopper        10 bb (#13)

Reds as a Beat

We broke out like gangbusters - six straight hits, including a two run bases loaded knock by Ol' G, and culminating in a three run turf home run by Chopper, and rode it out to an eventual 11-9 Conehead win over the Reds.

It wasn't our finest offensive hour. The Reds are a team we usually fatten up against - we have scored 40+ runs on them three times in the last 8 years, and the average score over that period has been 32-13. Granted some of those games were in the long lost 9 inning game years, but still this was a pitchers' duel in comparison to those days. We never came close to a Conehead inning after the first.

It looks like the Reds have actually picked up a few new players that are decent, so maybe this is a good win. On D, Ol'g G showed he still has it when he stopped a turf speed smash to his right. And Bruce continued to try to get me to call him the Say Hey Kid with his umpteenth backet catch on a nice running play in the early innings.

Peggy Sue, a.k.a. the Say Hey Kid also had the best hit of the day when he split the center fielders for a run scoring triple in the fifth. When he scored it gave us a seven run lead. Then we allowed the Reds to come back and actually tie us in the next two innings. Bruce led off the seventh with a double, and when he and Ol' G scored to give us a two run lead, it seemed like it might not be enough of a lead.as the Reds had scored seven the last two innings. But Joe mowed them down in the bottom of the seventh, and we snuck off with the 11-9 win. A Win's a Win, right?

Milestones:
Chuck        1102 h (#1)
Chopper     10 gw (#11)
Chopper     250 h (#18)

Reds Scores:
2007, 42-13, 30-17
2008, 33-17, 26-16
2009, 26-12, 32-13
2010, 23-5
2011, 52-29
2012, 46-11
2013, 17-9
2014, 24-9

Flat Tire

It was bound to happen. JFT finally had an off day, a day we were flat from the beginning of the game to the end when we went out 1-2-3 in the seventh trailing by a mere three runs. We lost to the Polar Bears 9-6, and so goes the undefeated season.

Now for a healthy dose of rationalization and cliche. It's tough to win 18 in a row. Better to lose one now than in the playoffs. We were due for an off game. No one is perfect. It will make us hungry. Pick your slogan.

Truth is we will need to step it up as the season draws to a close. Even though it is unimaginable we would lose more than once the rest of the season, just assuring us first place seeding for the playoffs, it was no accident it was against the Polar Bears. They stand 7-3 and are alone in second place. The play defense and have just enough hitting to carry them.

There were really no highlights to speak of. We scored all six of our runs in the top of the fourth, and then gave away four in the bottom half. Greg had the only big hit, a two run single with the bases loaded. Only a couple players had two hits, and most only got up twice - we picked the day we weren't hitting to have 14 guys show up. After they answered our six with four, the Bears shut us down the rest of the way, and they pecked away at us until they had the three run lead going into the seventh.

Mo' bettuh next time.

Milestones:
None, how appropriate

We Are Warriors

Several times during the Golden State Warriors' simply amazing season, including in the playoffs, they would make a dizzying dazzling display of dumb turnovers. Steph Curry throws a 'hook shot' lob over his shoulder, and it was so well telegraphed it would get picked clean by a defender and taken for a dunk. Draymond would throw a pass to...no one...at the three point line. The Dubs managed to overcome this and were so far ahead of the rest of the pack it did not remain an obstacle for the glory and to the joy of all Bay Area NBA fans.

Not to compare Transdyn to the Warriors (well, ok, I am) or to dwell in the few negative plays, but we had a play Tuesday night that was so far off our usual defensive game it became hilarious, and now hangs there as our 'turnover'. Luckily we had a huge lead and it did not cost us the game and we completed the season at 12-0 with a 19-12 win.

It was mighty good entertainment. I had a pretty good viewing spot at first base. I suppose as the play developed I should have run toward home, as it appeared nearly everyone else was, at least the base runners of the opposition Cleveland Steamers, but the watching was just too good. So I pulled up a chair and got some popcorn instead. It was all so slow motion I had plenty of time. I just saw the movie San Andreas last week - this was more entertaining, better special effects to boot.

It started simply enough. Their catcher, a little lefty with not much in the tank (he was insulted when I yelled 'everyone in' before his second AB - puuullease, I get that nearly every time I come up). He hit a nice flare into center with a couple of runners aboard. Coop had a bead on it, and dove for it, but it just went off his glove. This is when it got fun. Rene in LC picked it up and tossed it home. But the lead runner stopped after rounding third - he was nearly to the commit line - and Monty at catcher did the right thing, he chased him back to third. It became clear that the runner would make it back to third safely, but the trailing runner had now reached third.

A classic rundown, but it gets better. Monty throws to second because we should have the retreating runner by about 30 feet and with the lead and all and two outs, it's the right play. Only apparently Jas and Mario at SS and 2B were in the popcorn line, and there was no one at second. Mario managed to get a glove on it, just to deflect it into short left field, where Load picked it up and heaved it with all his might home - which of course Monty had abandoned when he started the run down. The ball is rattling around behind home, and the runners are moving up, total chaos. It was beautiful.

Our lead was never really threatened, though, and we put it away on a pop-up to the catcher shortly thereafter.

Then there were our base running errors, which really did lead to 'turnovers.' Chopper moved from second to third on a bad throw and when the ball skipped past third a few feet, he made a left turn. It was as if there was a little birdy in his head going "They can't get me, they can't get me." He was out by 15 feet. I call it the "Chopper school of baserunning". Use it at your own risk.

And finally and tragically, there is poor Rene. He crushed a ball nearly to the center field fence, but the outfielder tracked it down. He had it for a moment with his back to the plate. Unfortunately Monty, who was advancing to third, saw that he might catch it, and after taking off initially, retreated to second. He chose that fateful moment to stop paying attention to the deal in center field, and didn't see it pop out of the fielder's glove. Only then did he run to third, when everyone was screaming. The throw came in hot, and he was out, and all Rene had to show for his great hit was a fielder's choice, RBI (at least Coop scored from third).

It was our offense that picked up the slack for those few but large gaffs. Albert was a terror all by himself going 4-4 with five RBIs - three on a bases clearing double to the fence. Chopper redeemed himself by absolutely painting the right field line on his two hits which were worth four runs. We scored four or five runs in four different innings, despite the two base running goofs.

The parallel to the Warriors is that we have led wire-to-wire in this league as they did all season in the NBA West. They really never put together a perfect flawless game. Their talent was so overwhelming and their grit so strong that it carried them through when their few flaws were exposed, and that is how they made it all the way to end up ultimately really winning the NBA championship in a landslide.

Here's to doing that next week in our playoffs. We went 12-0 two years ago and then choked in those playoffs, and I still have a bad taste from that. It is time to put that behind us with a perfect season. We play the Dirt Bags in the first round, and then can advance to the finals.

It's time to get ours!

Milestones:
Coop        1350 ab (#1)
Cage         850 ab (#6)
Load         150 r (#12)
Load         300 ab (#14)
Tom          150 ab (#25)
Alberto     10 2b (#28)
Alberto     50 rbi (#30)

Unusually Suspect

I'm going to try to be generous. The Coneheads' first opponent, the Usual Suspects, has had the misfortune of playing us in the first couple of weeks in most of the recent history between the teams. Last year, we won 40-3 in the second week. The 'Usual' stands for Usually at the bottom of the standings. They have won exactly one game in four straight seasons - before that they won zero. They scored 50 runs the entire season; we once or twice scored that many in one game. I'm not bragging - it's just the Unusual Facts.

From their lineup, it looks as if they went recruiting this off season. And it looks as if they are worse, if anything. It is now the Unusually Suspect team.

The score last Monday was recorded as 40-3 in a repeat of last season's game. Our book shows a mere 38-3 score; that's what we needed, the ump giving us more runs.

We hit well enough all right, but we also may have set a record for Conehead hits. For the uninitiated, errors are counted as hits on the Coneheads, and we call them Conehead Hits. It inflates our averages while eliminating any controversy over whether that was a bad hop or a bad fielder when someone botches a play. We had a bunch this game - I think Bruce may have been initiated into the Conehead hit club last week. It's all good clean fun.

There are too many guys with multi-hit games to single them all out, but there were some really well hit balls as well. Derek was perfect at 6-6 and just crushed several balls; he hit one so far, he hobbled all the way around the bases. Chuck was also a perfect 6-6. The Larrys had great games. Larry C the younger was 4-4 including a blast to dead center that rolled all the way to the far reaches of field one for a home run. Larry S the elder muscled up on a couple of opposite field shots among four hits, and only the fact that he had a slow runner in front of him (ahem) kept them from being more than doubles. Everyone had at least a couple of hits and an RBI and scored a run - that's how it is when you score 38 runs. Or 40 as the case may be. Gene and Chopper rounded out those with dingers.

A good, if expected as Usual start.

Milestones:
Gene       100 2b (#5)
D            60 2b (#11)
D            300 h (#16)

Corona Crushers indeed

Last week, I challenged JFT to come up with something dramatic so I would have an angle about which to write.

Chopper, really he shouldn't have - he went out in his Sunday morning game and took a ball off his left eye, requiring 17 stitches to close up just so he could see. With both eyes that is.

Personally I think that is taking things a little bit too much to heart, or face as the case may be. The power of the pen, or whatever this instrument is I am using. Please do not repeat this behavior - as I said, a good rumble would have sufficed:

This:

not this:

Of course that's not all. Chopper should have sat out, but between absent players and those MIA unexpectedly, we only had 11 including both Chopper and Joe, whose back went out on Saturday.

All this was made possible by JFT absentees: starting left fielder (vacation), left center fielder (MIA), and right center fielder (working?) (plus Sting on the DL for the year), the league's best schmiddler (hammy), and starting second baseman (vacation). Against the team Corona's Crushers, who have proclaimed more than once that they are our equals. I guess it's our head-to-head record against them: we are 18-3-1 against them in the last seven years, pretty close, really. And they blew their chance to make this game for possession of first place, as they lost last week, and came in trailing us by two games instead of one. Nonetheless, they appeared to be our biggest challengers.

So Joe and Chopper were pressed into action. All Chopper did was go 4-4 including a double and 3 RBIs. Joe the ageless wonder of a pitcher should have been in bed with his heating pad. Don't ask. But he went out and faced down Corona's and held them to three runs and added a couple of knocks. In fact the final score was the same as our record over them in the last few years: 18-3.

Joe the coach (who happens to be the very same person) also made some brilliant moves. Conventional wisdom would be to make as few changes as necessary on defense, so you would have Randy staying at 3B and you would put Derek at middle infielder. Especially D being left handed and all. But Joe places them the other way around. In the first inning Derek, using his advantage of being left handed snares a ball headed down the left field line for an out. Then cuts off a high hopper headed to Chuck playing deep in the 5-6 hole, (from where he would have had trouble getting a throw off fast enough to get the out), and nails the out.

In the second there is a double play grounder to Buddha at second, but it's hit a little slow. Buddha flips it to second, where Randy bare-hands it and fires to first to complete the DP on a bang bang play. Later, Randy uses his speed to track down a blooper into medium right center. That's at least three, maybe four outs we wouldn't have had with the other defensive alignment.

Randy continued to be the hottest hitter, going 3-3 plus a sac fly. D, showing up during the first inning, thus batting last, came up with the bases loaded three times. One time he cleared the bases with a smash to the right field fence. He had 4 RBIs altogether. His other time up, there were runners on second and third, and he received what suspiciously looked like an intentional walk. Joe would like to take credit for putting Derek in that spot in the lineup - we can let him have that.

GMAC made his yearly appearance and also was 4-4 and filled in well in LC. At noon we did not even know who would be in the lineup, so his appearance on short notice is greatly appreciated.

Overall, it's back to the drawing boards for the Corona's. This may have even cost them second place.

Our team should think about a more moderate amount of drama - for Joe's sake if not your own as in the case of Chopper. Let's try to keep it under twelve stitches, ok?

Milestone:
Chuck        300 h (#1)

More Than One Way To Get Rolled

It was bound to happen sometime.

According to the league web site, at least at the time I write this, Transdyn is now 9-1, only 2 games up in the standings after falling to the Cleveland Steamers, 18-3 last night.

That's right, despite our best intentions and scrambling to get enough players away from the Warriors NBA Finals Game 3 out on the field to defend our undefeated season, we fell to the lowly Steamers in a rash of base hits and doubles.

Only one thing - it's not right, and the story of our demise was incorrect and premature, and the score was reported backwards. They may correct it by the time you read this, but have no fear - we are 10-0 and have clinched Cotton, and at the risk of jinxing it, are still on track for an undefeated season.

In fact after spotting the Steamrollers three runs in the top of the first, we held them without a run the rest of the game and put them away with an eight run sixth inning that may still be going if we hadn't reached the slaughter rule limit of a 15 run lead as time was also running out.

Do you even know what a Cleveland Steamer is? No, it is not a type of clam fished out of the beautiful waters of Lake Erie. No, it is not the name of a roller derby team from the midwestern city in Ohio.

I will not go into graphic detail here - I am trying to retain my PG-13 rating. Let's just say it has to do with a marriage of feces and sex and the fact that pavement steamrollers were invented or at least manufactured in the midwestern city, and leave it at that. Here are a couple of links if you are still interested, and if you are, you have worse problems than I imagined:

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Cleveland_Steamers

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Cleveland+Steamer

So the question is, who takes that as a name of their rec league softball team? What statement are you making about yourself and your friends?

These are the questions I lay up at night pondering.

Back to the game, we pretty much creamed the Steamers. Downright steamrolled them. Oh god, did I just write that?

Jason lead the way with four hits, and was one of six of us that had a double in the game. Mine was the closest - even the opposition was rooting for me to make it to second. Derek's was not the closest - he nearly tore a hole in the fence. Poor right center fielder - he took maybe four steps in before he realized he misjudged it, and it sailed over him. D also hit a bomb to the warning track that nearly could have been triple play - Tom and Brian were each nearly a base and a half into their home run trot when the other center fielder tracked down the warning track shot.

Brian, Tom and Rene all had three hits. Tom had a perfectly placed single to score Rene with two outs - they gave him the middle, and he put it just where they would have to chase it down (not deep) and the fleet footed Rene could practically jog home. Rene recovered from his 'slump' - he made three straight outs going back to the last game - and finished with three straight hits.

Perhaps the clutch hit of the night was a two run single I managed with the bases loaded with two outs in the fourth. Maybe I am biased, but you know when your team gets that hit that you know puts you enough ahead that the opponent will not come back? Well, even though this one only changed the score from 6-3 to 8-3, it had that feel of rubbing their noses in it.

The defensive play of the game was Cage getting a force out at second on what appeared to be a clean single up the middle by the Steamer Catcher (don't ask), who appeared to be the shittiest player on the team (oy, help me stop). If the runner is safe, it's two on and no outs and who knows what could happen?

And so we go on one more step in the path to glory in the D Lower league. Contrary to popular belief it was a clean win.

And by the way, while writing this I received notification from the league that they have corrected the website, so you will think I made the whole thing up. Not the stuff about the Steamers, however.

Milestones:

Coop    550 r (#1)
Cage     90 bb (#3)
Jas        300 h (#10)
Jas        40 2b (#11)

(BB)Queue it up!

Joe's upset, Chuck is upset.

Joe is concerned because we haven't won by slaughter rule since Week II. This includes last night's game which we won by a pedestrian score of 12-6 over the BBQ's. It even was a one run game until the bottom of the fourth. Somewhere Lefty was rejoicing.

We won in ho-hum fashion without three of our best hitters. Joe had a K and a walk on the mound. Poor Johnny hit three flyouts but then scored several times as he ran for the hobbled Haz and Joe. Chuck went into the 5-6 hole and came out with the ball and heaved it over to first for our defensive highlight of the game. The Keystone Kops moment was a popup that Ol' G nearly caught in shallow center and then Johnny picked it up and got a force at second. Bruce and Gene made some tough catches in the 'sun field' in left center, bringing them each down to their knees once. Haz had the best assignment - his sore hamstring relegated him to catcher in the shade in the 95+ degree heat. He has officially volunteered to catch the rest of the season.

Buddha crushed the ball a couple of times off the fence for doubles and got the game winner on a sac fly. Randy remains our hottest hitter - he was 2-3 with two doubles. Ol' G also was 2-2 with a triple to the fence and with a sac fly.

Chuck is upset because I haven't blogged every game - The wins are so routine, I'm in need of more drama for these games. I need an angle. Can someone start a fight or something next game?

Next week it's Corona, who think they are equal to us. They lost yesterday, so they are now two games back and cannot claim a share of first place even with a win. So here's the drama - let's show who is the class of this league this year. And it would go a long way toward clinching early. I'm going to miss the last game of the season - you can win without Lefty or Derek but can you without a slow moving punch and heffe hitter?

Milestones:
5/17
Haz        350 ab (#6)
Joe         10 2b (#15)

5/31
Chuck     500 ab (#1)
Lefty       10 gw (#3)
Randy     10 3b (#7)
Randy     100 h (#14)

6/7
Heffe       450 ab (#2)
Heffe       150 g (#3)
Gene       100 r (#8)
Gene       150 h (#8)
Ol' G       300  ab (#9)

Formula One

The Transdyn formula:

Score a few, bat around once or more, have our pitcher get a few easy outs, and then the opposition keeps trying to hit a 14 run home run. Works every time.

This one was over when Alberto knocked one off the wall in left in the first to put us up 1-0. We scored in every inning except the fifth - as Brian (or someone) said, we put up a zero so we could get another at bat in the sixth before we put Where My Pitches At away 19-2. By the way, your pitches are at in the outfield between the fielders. It's a good place to start looking.

Everyone had at least a hit and nearly everyone scored a run and drove one in. Coop remained extremely hot with four hits and added a power shot over the center fielder's head. We shouldn't even talk about how hot Rene is - although as he said 3-4 was a slump in that game. It's going to be uphill for him now, the team record for a season is .900 by Jason two years ago in spring league.(2013). No more outs in the last three games, you'll catch him, no pressure, no problem!

I had four hits aided by a nasty hop at the second baseman. Alberto had two more run scoring doubles among three hits and was joined with three by Jason and Cage as well as Rene.

Tom pitched so well again most of the outs were routine. The ESPN highlight was Jason ranging far into right center to catch a popup over his shoulder in the fourth.

We clinched Cotton with this win - we are three up with three left. Well technically the Dirtballs could catch us by winning out while we lose out and beating us by +5 in Game 11, so let's put that behind us tomorrow night against the Cleveland Steamers. We owe them for the Cavaliers beating the Warriors.

Milestones:

None (Snore)