Who's Got It Better Than Us?

Who's Got It Better Than Us?

Conebody!

Seven Cotton Championships in a row, 2 cities, 3 1/2 years!

Conebody!

Who can win six in a row in a double elimination tournament...somebody...who does it twice in a year, in two leagues in different cities?

Conebody!

Who doesn't even make a single out in the entire season and playoffs?

Joe-body!

Who can hit the pitcher THREE times in a game and the guy doesn't want to fight you?

Chopbody!

Who can hit a laser shot so far into the night that he can hobble around the bases on one knee and get a home run?

Derekbody!

Who can take a year and a half off, be rusty as hell for about one game, and then hit balls the opposition is still looking for, and everyone on our bench says, 'he didn't even get all of that one'?

Pope-body!

Who gives it his all, plays his heart out, gets phased by nothing, and finally finishes a playoff series without hobbling off the field injured?

Ol' G-body

And so on...

So it just isn't fair...I'm going to wax arrogant, and probably jinx the hell out of future seasons but here's the thing - no one stops the Coneheads, except, occasionally the Coneheads themselves. The other team doesn't have a chance. Jinxes no longer matter - we could stop here and it's been the best run probably anyone on this or any team has ever seen since the Yankees in the 50s. I don't even think they won seven in a row though.

I mean, this was a year for the ages...no one wins two postseasons in a row from the losers' bracket. It just doesn't happen. We won 15 games in the two regular seasons, and then nearly as many in the playoffs - 12. We got to play the maximum number of games possible - 33. Only in 2002, when we played three seasons, did we play more games. We won 27 games, matching last year's total, but remember they shortened the Orinda season by three games.

There is no way to top this...who can do it better than that? Nobody, including us.

So, there are only two choices, hang it up, or just add some 'extra challenges'. Well, as the coach in the summer season, I say that next year we are going to have to take on some extra burdens. I hereby declare that next year there will be three designated runners, who will run whenever anyone else gets on base - me, Joe and Derek. That will slow down the Conehead train.

On second thought that won't hold us back at all - in a Conehead inning, everyone hits, so we would just move around the bases one at a time. We had innings of 15 runs and 16 runs in the two championship games against DubMD to salt them away for the long off-season - do you really think it mattered who was running?

So we have to go one step further...Pope has to bat right-handed. I'd say Derek too, but I'll bet he hits it just as hard from the other side. Joe has to pitch lefthanded, and Gene has to run on stilts. Johnny and Randy - they have to go play on another team, say the Old Scouts. Reggie has to try to jack the ball over the outfield every time. Lefty has to drink and herbalize before and during the game, wait, he already does that. Markley has to carry his future twins in matching baby packs, one in front and one in back. Larry has to pitch without the use of any eyesight correction mechanisms. Chuck has to play without getting dirty, one dive and he's suspended indefinitely. Knight has to play in full armor. Ol' G has to run into a concrete wall before every game so he plays concussed. Speaking of Chopper - well, the Chopper school of baserunning is already, um, shall we say non-standard? So don't change a thing.

There - now we have a challenge. But you know what - we'd still win, cause as we demonstrated this year, it doesn't matter the adversity, we will find a way. It's the Conehead Way.

Of course I kid you - the thing about the Coneheads is every single season we are back, and believing that no one will stop us this season either. And so it will be in June and September next year.

DubMD was the hot team in the playoffs - they have added some new talent. They showed us in the first game that they have the means to beat us - once. They had us behind in the second game 11-7, 12-9, and 17-13. Chuck did have just about the clutchest hit of the night with a bases loaded triple in the fourth. When he scored on Sting's single, it seemed like that was going to be the hit of the game. But after BudMD took back the lead with five in the bottom half, it turned out all that was a warmup to the first of the great Conehead innings. Fifteen runs followed by a Larry shutdown fifth, and it was all over at 28-17. The highlight of that inning was the sight of Derek hobbling around the bases for a two run homer while they searched for the ball he hit in Clayton. Even though BubMD rallied for nine runs in the last two innings, we might as well just have gone to the final game at that point, as we finished 32-26.

In the finale, they had us down 8-2, scoreless for two innings in a row. Then Sting hit a colossal home run to start the fourth, and it was off to the races. We had nine straight hits sandwiched around a walk to Ol' G, then two quick outs followed by seven more in a row. This was the best Head rally and tally of the night - sixteen runs all told. Five players had two hits in the inning. The other key hit was a bases loaded triple by Lefty. Up 18-8.

DudMD again rallied, closed to four down twice the next two innings. But at that point the only drama was when were the lights going out on them, figuratively and literally. When they finally did go off in the bottom of the sixth, it was the kindest kind of mercy rule - they knew and we knew, they were beat. 32-26 and 25-19 sounds like they were close but it was truly a beatdown.

And so history was made - Conehead History. When we won four titles in a row early in the last decade we thought this would never happen again, and here we stand with seven in a row. Was this year the sweetest? We have gone seasons undefeated before, and we have won the championship from 3rd and 4th place finishes. But two in one year from the losers' bracket, somehow the sheer surprise value makes this year the highest of the highs. Markley brought up a very interesting and fun stat - in this tournament we ended five of the seven teams' (that lost) seasons - the Swingers and Shenanigans got off easy - they didn't have to face us with our backs against the wall.

Or was this the greatest just because it's the latest? Check back next year; we will find out then.

All I know is I didn't want this year to end, and I don't want this run to end.

Milestones:
Game 1:
Larry         130 bb (#2)
D              200 rbi (#17)

Game 2:
Gene         500 h (#10)
Ol' G         400 h (#13)
Chopper   200 rbi (#18)
Lefty         250 ab (#20)
Randy       10 2b (#28)

Game 3:
Heffe         600 r (#2)
D              250 h (#17)
Chopper   100 g (#18)
Randy       50 r (#28)

Inspiration

Yes, the Coneheads have gone through the classic stages of loss (of blog) while I have been unable to maintain my weekly posts of our games...first they cried out in agony..."where's the blog?"...then anger..."Heffe you have to quit your job, it's interfering with our blog reading"...and denial..."ah we didn't need it anyway...someone else can write it"...and so Gene and now Lefty have provided the recap from last week, fine jobs of prose I might add...if a little old school as it was in email form...and not shared with the huge world of about 15 readers I have.

I had to dig deep, come up with something so inspirational that you will never doubt me again. I even had to go multimedia.

And so I give you...The Wilderness Heather...a short film I made just this morning of my training regimen for Monday night's hopeful tripleheader...it's the last night of softball of the year, one way or another, so it's all out...you may doubt that it is me under that hoodie, but remember these days you can do a lot with trick photography.

The point is, we will do whatever it takes to be ready Monday night...yes it's only rec league softball, but we stand defending six straight championships, in a year where by losing the first game in BOTH seasons' playoff tournaments, we can possibly do the ultimate, win both seasons from the losers' bracket, and play the most games allowable under the rules. It would be amazing.

So turn up the volume, click the link, put it on the big screen, sit back and enjoy...

The Wilderness Heather

Heffe:
I used to write
I used to write letters
I used to sign my name

I used to sleep at night
Before the flashing light settled deep in my brain

But by the time we met
By the time we met the times had already changed

So I never wrote a letter
I never took my true heart, I never wrote it down

So when the lights cut out
I was lost standing in the wilderness downtown

Now our lives are changing fast
Now our lives are changing fast
Hope that something pure can last
Hope that something pure can last

Conehead Chorus:
Now it seems strange
How we used to wait for letters to arrive
But what's stranger still
Is how something so small can keep you alive

We used to wait
We used to wait
We used to wait
Sometimes it never came
We used to wait
Sometimes it never came
We used to wait

Ah and yes there were two wins last week. Lefty and Geno pretty much summed it up but I will repeat if I must...there were three or four big moments.

The first game had only one - Pope's three run blast in the first. Might as well have quit there. Although Good Wood would keep it close (8-5 going into the bottom of the fifth), there never was a doubt and we put it away with a perfectly Conehead bottom of the fifth - we just hit until the slaughter rule took effect. I think it was my first slaughter rule 'walk-off'. Other highlights included Derek with the two of the longest two run singles in history, and a five run third that featured only two hits (four walks and two sac flies).

The Pat's Bats game was a classic. After we had the 10-3 lead they battled back and yes there was a bad call in the outfield that netted us a bunch of runs, and we almost ran out of time down a run in the fifth. But in the sixth Heffe tied it, and Chopper got the game winner when he got his third straight hit (including our other home run) to put us up 15-14. But it was Joe's hit that allowed us to put them away. As Gene said, he hits a grounder, and we go into the bottom of the sixth with but a two run lead. Instead he laces an RBI single, we get two more hits including Pope's second three run homer of the night, and they are down eight going into their last chance.

We don't know what will happen Monday. We can't overlook the Hawks in the first game - they must have beaten a couple teams better than they are to get to the last night. Win one and win often is our motto.

But you know we want another chance (or two) at WMD. They sucker-punched us showing up in the last week of the regular season without their pitcher, and giving us all those walks and taking us out of our rhythm. Won't happen again, I can tell you that.

One Conehead inning per game (two would be nice), and play our usual stellar defense - that's all we need.

Milestones:

9/30:
Heffe        350 g (#3)
Pope        40 3b (#3)
Larry       700 h (#5)
Sting        350 rbi (#11)
Ol' G       650 ab (#14)
Lefty        20 bb (#16)
Chopper  200 h (#19)

10/7
Chuck      1550 ab (#1)
Heffe        900 h (#2)
Gene        400 rbi (#6)
Sting         450 h (#12)
D             50 2b (#14)
Chopper  20 3b (#15)
Knight     150 h (#22)
Randy     50 h (#31)

10/14
Chuck      130 bb (#1)
Pope        200 g (#10)
Chopper  150 r (#18)
Lefty        10 sf (#22)

10/21
Ol' G        30 sf (#6)
Ol' G        250 r (#14)

10/28
Sting        40 sf (#3)
Larry       550 r (#4)
D            100 g (#17)

What's in a Name?

Poor Albert. Told there is this blog and stats and how much fun we have with it, joins us after we go 12-0 in a season for the first time, and all we are still hungry to win the post season tournament this fall. Set up and slammed down. No blog for weeks at a time. No stats. And to top it off, we lose three of four in the middle of the season and suddenly even making the playoffs is in jeopardy.

Clearly we needed some inspiration. And it comes...in a song...and a meal.

(For reference and the tune: Bebop a lula Gene Vincent)
Sing it...

"Well...
BiBimBop a lula she's my baby
BiBimBop a lula I don't mean maybe
BiBimBop a lula she's my baby

BiBimBop a lula I don't mean maybe

BiBimBop a lula she's my baby love"

We have a signature song! Next week maybe I'll even put some softball lyrics with it!

And a team meal!



For the uninformed:

The Transdyn team has a great sponsor. The company has been our sponsor for what 17 years? more? All that time, we were in search of a nickname. I mean how sexy is Transdyn?

For the last couple years we have been getting our post game beer at a dive called variously, The Saloon, the Y'all Come Back Saloon and other names. Next door was a pizza place. We would occasionally get a slice. Then they were taken over by some middle easterners, and started serving Gyros and other Mediterranean dishes. And pizza. Then along came Doug. Doug is a very friendly Korean gentleman, always with a smile. He would say "you win?" and of course we did (especially last season in the undefeated 12-0 season).

And he would smile.

Over time there appeared some Korean dishes to go along with the Gyros and the Slices. It was truly multi-ethnic. And all good. But Doug had other plans. He began to feature the feature dishes of his country Bulgoghee and BiBimBop, the national dish, and others. A side of Kim-chee.

Soon we were chanting before the games, in the games, after the games, bibimbop...
Get a base hit, bibimbop.
Get a gapper or a homer, bibimPOP!

And so it went last week as we broke out of our funk.We cruised to a 12-0 lead after 3 1/2. Then the Twilight Zone hit for an inning - balls were getting lost all over the place, and we barely escaped but were still up 12-10.

We added on in the next two innings which was really important - Cage had a clutch bases loaded two run single in the fifth, and Mario a two run triple in the sixth. When the Brews Brothers got caught in a line drive double play in their last chance, it drove the nail in, but I was pretty sure they weren't going to rally again.

Rene led the way with three hits and a walk (ahem), Timmy had his usual three, Albert and D each slashed some line drives among their three.

So come out singing this week, Bibimbop a lula gonna beat BAHSBAT, Bibimbop a lula gonna beat BAHSBAT...etc.etc.etc.

Familiarity Brad Contempt

Joe is a genius. Well we knew that.

All season long Sting has been wondering out loud how weird it feels to be behind Pope. He has been wandering in the desert, wondering 'where is my neighbor?' (Chuck). But tonight in the second inning after WMD answered our four in the first with five to take a lead, Pope batting second once again came up in just the right spot, bases full of Coneheads with one out and crushed a ball beyond the lights in right field for a grand slam. Only put us up 8-5 but you knew it was over then. We went on to run three more that inning and then after a shutdown second, nine more in a Conehead third just to prove the point. And while WMD even had a late rally to make the final score sound close at 21-16, it was long over.

Other highlights - Dizzy D swinging at ball four, just to get another pitch, and this time he takes it anyway and it nearly was strike three, deja vu all over again, walks anyway. Johnny stinging a couple of balls, and one found a glove so he wasn't perfect, but nearly. Knight driving in three with two hits and a walk. Derek ripping one to RC when he wasn't taking pitches and swinging at ball four half-heartedly. And sending foul balls to be caught barely out of bounds just to piss off BradMD the wannabe Conehead.

Now comes the playoffs and voila we get them again. This time their pitcher will be back - I'm not sure if that is good or bad. We had four bases loaded walks tonight, but we also had guys swinging at ball four a lot just our of boredom.

Four more wins is all we need.

More later, this was just the quick recap to give the fans something to chew on.

Schmutz

It's been a while since I've taken up the pen. I've got my excuses, my rationalizations. Mainly I've been waiting for inspiration, cause the Heads, no matter how great we play game to game, sometimes get into that great rut of win, win, win, occasional one run loss like a couple weeks ago by a run when we made a couple of uncharacteristic errors. Win again. Chuck makes the great dive into the hole; Derek hits the crap out of the ball, the Knight hits line drive after line drive. Pope dives and make a somersault catch (well that is new only because he is back from his hiatus - how great is that?). Lefty complains that we should throw a bone to the other team and then insults them by turning around to bat right handed and slapping a line drive to left.

But I needed an angle and it came from...mom. Mom who wiped my face when I was a little kid, when spillage was a regular part of eating, and like most babies, I wore my dinner on my face.

Here's the deal...Larry, my housemate/teammate/friend and I often go over the teams and where we stand and what we have to do, etc. etc. etc. Basic scoreboard watching but without the scoreboard.

And in this league we are reduced to talking about...the Dusty Nuts...the Duck Snorts... I mean who comes up with these names? And how are we supposed to remember the difference between them?

So I decided that from now on, all the teams with two names will have one name changed to...Schmutz. That's right. It rhymes with puts. No not putz, another Yiddish word, puts like in "We puts the Goat Schmutz out of their misery in four innings last week 26-6."

You might ask what is Schmutz? Well the Urban Dictionary has a few more plebeian definitions (look them up: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schmutz), but the basic idea is it's something dirty and greasy you have to wipe off your face, or some other surface. So Mom wiped the schmutz off my face when I was a baby. And later when I should have known better, bade me "Wipe that schmutz off your face" (and later "wipe that smirk off your face," but that's another story).

And that's what these teams are to the Coneheads, Schmutz on the road to cotton to be wiped away.

Our opponents will heretoforth be named Duck Schmutz, Badger Schmutz, Goat Schmutz, Dusty Schmutz, Wood Schmutz, and my favorite (this week's game) Mucca Schmutz. Dub MD gets a pass - they have been around a little while so we remember them by their given name.

Now we only have to remember one name for each team. Much better for old people.

And so after that tough loss against Badger Schmutz, where we outscored them 19-9 in the middle innings, took a late lead and squandered it to lose by a run after having the last outs in our reach, we took it out on Goat Schmutz.

You look at the box score and it was the total team win...nine guys had three hits, none had four. The Larry/Joe combo would have but they and Gene were the only positions in the lineup that only got up three times. Everyone that played the whole game had an RBI and a run scored - even Joe and Larry each were credited with a run. Gene and Lefty were perfect 3-3 (Lefty added a walk). Heffe led the way in a rare four RBI game, although he felt bad because it should have been six as he left second and third with two outs in the second on a groundout. Chopper had two doubles - in one inning - and we only had five extra base hits. Mostly it was get a hit, move the runner first to third, next guy drives him in, and gets the guy on first to third...over and over again. In the Conehead inning third (13 runs), we had eight straight hits, one out and then five more. Definitely contagious hitting.

With Badger Schmutz losing to WMD, it puts us back alone in first, and now it's up to us to keep it that way. Let's make Mucca Schmutz this week!

Milestones:
8/19
Gene        30 sf (#5)
Lefty        100 r (#21)
Markley   200 ab (#22)

8/26
Heffe       1350 ab (#2)
D             300 ab (#18)
Lefty        150 h (#20)
D             10 sf (#21)
Knight      10 bb (#21)
Markley   20 2b (#24)

9/9
Joe           400 rbi (#5)

9/16
Pope        550 h (#6)
Knight      30 2b (#18)
Chopper  10 bb (#22)

9/23
Gene        800 ab (#9)
Chopper  300 ab (#19)
Markley   150 h (#21)

A Rare De-Feat

On Tuesday we are not used to losing. We had lost just once this year, in the playoffs last season, going into last week's game. It's tough going undefeated, and we learned last season the playoffs are not the place to get your first loss.

So, being really good at rationalization, losing to the Brew Brothers last week was not the worst thing in the world. We had a really bad defensive inning or two, and got down 14-2 going into the bottom of the third. We came roaring back to close the margin to 14-11, and then our last inning rally came up short to fall 17-15.

The silver lining is that we never gave up. And we got Chopper back in the lineup - he only went 4-4 with a clutch two out triple in the second and a two out two run single in the seventh to bring the winning run to the plate. We couldn't finish, but it was a sign of good times ahead. Rene stretched a single into a double on his way to a 2-3 with a walk evening. Dizzy D drove in four, including the last one in the seven run fourth that got us back into the game. We had eight straight hits in that frame, and we never said die.

This will pay off, starting this week against the cellar dwelling BAHSBAT. Our loss tightened up the early race - six of the seven teams are either 2-1 or 2-2. Last season maybe was just too easy, nothing like a tight race to motivate you!

Milestones:

8/6
Cage        10 k (#4)
Dizzy D    10 gw (#8)
Rams       200 ab (#21)
8/13
Timmy      400 r (#2)
Rams        20 bb (#13)
8/27
Heffe        1200 ab (#2)
Pauly        550 ab (#9)

Walk On By

Sometimes I swear I am clairvoyant. Others call me deranged but that's a story for another time.

When the Oaks came up in the bottom of the sixth with us up four runs, I remember thinking, it wouldn't be so bad if they got the maximum five runs in the bottom of the sixth, because that would get through the bottom of the lineup, and use up their top and middle, their best hitters, and we would trail just one run going into the seventh. If we could re-grab the lead, then we would be facing the bottom of the lineup in the last inning.

There's two ways to look at what happened. One is I could see the future.

Or - lesson learned - you never wish for the opponent scoring. We came dangerously close to blowing this game, which we needed badly after a tough one run loss to the defending champs the week before.

But I get ahead of myself.

We showed a lot of character getting to that point. We were down 5-3 after three innings, and had left Chris on third after a leadoff triple. We then came roaring back as eight guys in a row reached safely in the fourth. the maximum five runs without recording an out. Big bases loaded two run hit by Tom.

So there we were up 9-5 going into the sixth. The bottom of the Oaks' lineup up. And there stood Big Ron. And by big I don't mean just tall. Ron has to be close to 400 pounds. We (Sir Guy, our pitcher, and me) have a lot of history with Ron. He's an umpire, has been umping in Pleasanton nearly as long as Guy and I have been playing there, which is like a hundred years. He never passes an opportunity to antagonize us, me personally. We never know if his bad calls are on purpose or just lack of judgment. Bill goes back even further with him - they coached against each other when their sons were in little league. The Hatfields and the McCoys (and if you saw him you would know what I mean).

Ron plays for the Oaks now. He can't hit the ball more than 50 feet, and he can't outrace a snail. I would make fun of him except for the fact I can't hit much further and can't run much faster. But at least I can more often than not fool the other team and get on base.

Not Ron. And there was Sir Guy, ready to induce a weak grounder out of him. But then -

Bill couldn't throw a strike. Ball One, Ball Two, Ball Three Ball Four. Why does it always happen to the best pitchers - they can't throw strikes to the weakest hitter on the opposing team.

And then - Bill still couldn't throw a strike. And he walked one, two, three, how many more? I think he walked in runs three altogether.

Now Bill and I have been playing on one or two teams together for 32 years. That is nearly a third of a century. As a stats slut, I can tell you that we have played approximately 750 games together - I have stats going back to 1986 on our teams. I have never seen him walk more than three in a game. Two in a game is a headline, three is a banner. Now he walks four or more in an inning, I can't recall the exact count, it was like the twilight zone, and time stood still.

So the Oaks get their one run lead, and Sir Guy is worried about the seventh. But we picked him up and got a three run lead in the top of the seventh. Could have been more but it was enough to play with.

People write poems about baseball because the game has such poetry intrinsic in it. Or maybe just that it reflects life. In the end, the Oaks got a little rally going, they scored one, and had two on and two outs. Tying run at first, and who stepped up as the winning run? Big Ron. He tried to draw another walk, but Bill was having none if it this time, Ron had to swing and took a mighty cut and hit a one hopper right back to Bill. Bill came to first with the ball himself, no way could Ron outrace him, in fact he had stopped when Bill fielded it. Bill may have wanted to take the out himself to rub Ron's nose in it, but truth be told, he was afraid of throwing it away with the sudden control problems he had. Game over, just another 13-11 win.

Is that poetry or what?

I've got to say, I saw it coming out that way the whole time.

Two by Threepeat

There is so much to say, and yet no words do justice to what the Coneheads pulled off last weekend.

The facts for those that may read this that weren't there:

It was the post season tournament. The tournament those of us on this team look forward to every year as the softball highlight of the year. We had won it the last two years as underdog one year, at least co-favorites the other. Before that we hadn't won it in seven years. We also had won three straight championships in our fall league in another town. Nobody ever said three-peat out loud that I heard - we knew what happened to the 49ers twenty years ago when Roger Craig said it.

We started the season 0-2, unheard of in Conehead land. We were dominated by the arch rival Old Scouts in the middle of the season for our only other loss. We had a lot of guys taking days and weeks off. Our hitting was down from previous years. But we got some momentum building toward the end of the season. A big win against the Cal Gaels, also one of the key rivals, to finish the season.

Then the league monkeyed with the tournament schedule at the last moment to put us against St. Monica's in the first round. And on the dirt field instead of the new turf fields, which kind of offsets our great advantage - our defense. And we have been snake bit by St. Mo's. Lost to them twice in a row the last two regular seasons and they are not that good. So we went out and laid an egg in the first game Saturday. It was not a rout, just enough mistakes to lose by two.

And then something happened - there was no more doubt about what we had to do: it was win or go home. We could all feel it, just plain resolve in the dugout. OK then - we will just have to win six in a row.

It's a funny thing how guys psych themselves up. Some are firm believers that you just put a positive spin on everything, and the more you talk positive, the better the results will be. And talk out loud. Some (not mentioning any Stink Eyes here) are mostly pessimistic, and you have to watch them - it could get contagious. I like to think I am somewhere in the middle - perhaps it's the early training I had as a journalist (old school now) - you just stay objective. In these games there is such an ebb and flow of momentum, you just never know how it will unfold until the game is actually played. Believe, but cautiously, you have to respect that the other team wants it too, and don't offend the softball gods by talking too loud.

Starting with a crushing of the Areolas, we built a huge head of steam - the hotter the fields got, the hotter we were. As I said, we just left doubt behind. We built a 15-9 lead, and then put on a Conehead inning on them and it was over. It was muggy, and we got the pleasure of heading up to Wilder for the remainder of the tournament, and turf which would get to 110 degrees on Sunday.

We had a rematch of our first game against St. Mo's, but this felt different. We know we are the better team - it was just about damn time to go out and prove it. A funny thing happened - I don't know if they felt it, or if the injury or two they had in their second game really took that much of a toll, but they just laid down for us. We shut them out weakly in the top of the first and then nearly batted around to go up 8-0. The rest of the game was eerily quiet, each team only scored three runs, and the drama was gone.

The big blow in that first inning onslaught was a twisting liner to right that got by their right fielder for a grand slam by Markley. You could make a case for Markley as MVP - he had another similar home run in game five to lead the team in HRs, hit .650 overall, and made several great catches in right center. And no one ran on his arm.

We came back in the morning knowing we had to win four more. We had never done it, and as near as I can tell only the Old Scouts have done it, at least in this century.

The third and fourth games were more of the same. Bay Alarm/Pennini's came out and scored three in the first. We answered with three in our half, shut them down in the second and third, and the bottom of the order started a four run rally in the third. The other unsung hero of the weekend was Haz - he started numerous rallies and hit .750 overall.

Our defense just wouldn't give up anything. I can't remember which game but sometime in the first games, Derek made a great stab on a line drive that was all instinct. And Gene gave it up and was nearly concussed in left field, hitting his head on the turf on an all out dive to get an out in one of the early games.

The Waitlisters similarly laid down in the second game of the day. We put up seven runs in the first two innings - a two run double by Dizzy D, and Markley jump started the second with the aforementioned second home run. Derek took over this game with a two run triple later to the deepest part of the park, and Chopper added a two run home run as the rout was on by the fourth. Chuck was 4-4 in this game, and our leader got hotter and hotter as the weekend deepened and the the weather warmed up. Joe was dealing - the Waitlisters were nearly shut out. We ended up sending them packing 15-1.

The stage was set. At this point I don't think anyone was tired. True the Old Scouts were in the driver's seat, but we knew what I have said before - they knew the road to the Championship had to go through the Coneheads. The pressure should have been on us, but it didn't seem that way. We were staying cool - partially because Chopper and Lisa had gone home and brought back a tarp that gave us partial shade in the dugout from the 100+ temperature.

The games were low scoring, as they always seem to be when it gets down to the wire. We scored one, they answered, we scored two (another clutch hit by Markley), they answered with one. In the third Ol' G (another MVP candidate, he ended up leading the team with 14 RBIs in the playoffs) came up with the bases loaded and two outs and promptly unloaded them with a gap shot for a three run triple. It was 6-2 and might as well have been called there. the Scouts seemed to want to just start the last game already. They made a partial last ditch attempt in the seventh, but went down 7-5.

So we got to where we wanted - to play in the last game of the tournament. It was rewarding to just get there, we worked hard to do it. I remember thinking on Saturday after that first loss that all I wanted was to make the last game, that would be enough. But after we seemed to lag and sag and the Scouts took a lead in the last game, it became clear that it was going to be brutal if we came all that way only to lose in the last game. It couldn't end that way.

A couple of key things happened to set up the great drama in the penultimate game. First, apparently the Scouts pitcher (who is on the short list of players we can't stand in this league) took offense to Johnny and Randy being friendly with us, because they are Coneheads now in the fall league. I didn't think even tempered Johnny was capable of getting that hot under the collar - but there he was scuffling between games with the pitcher. They had to separate them. I don't like to see people fighting, but you had to chuckle to yourself - the pressure was getting to them.

As I said, though, the game has to play out, and we allowed a four spot in the second, and were not hitting at all. The sun had finally taken its toll on these old Cone-men. We hit into two double plays in the first two innings.

And then it happened - Larry, who had been snakebit the whole series, either not getting pitches to hit, or mostly hitting line drives right at everyone, was really struggling. But he came up in the top of the fifth and blasted a turf home run, to break the ice, and when he broke up the shutout, you could feel the tension release in our dugout. Larry, the reigning Mr. Conehead, truly stepped up. If I was having the luck he was having to that point, I would have been down, but he just kept his eyes level, and dragged us out of the doldrums.

They scored two more and actually won the inning but you know what we did. Batted around for our last and most necessary Conehead inning of the playoffs, got up on them 9-7. It wasn't over, but a shutdown inning in the bottom of the sixth had us believing once again.

We tried desperately to get some insurance runs, but our TEAMMATE Randy made a great diving play to squelch our rally in the seventh. We had to make our two run lead stand up.

And the Scouts got the tying run on first and the winning run at the plate in the form of the pitcher who wants to fight even his own team. A very good hitter, can hit the long ball. With one strike he hits a very loud foul ball down the left field line over the side fence. Whew. And then Joe comes up with the closest thing you can get to a fastball in slow pitch softball, and WHIFF, sit down, meat. the next guy anticlimactically hits a deep fly to right where Derek is standing, and Cotton is OURS.

It's always easy to say that the latest championship is the sweetest, but it certainly applies now. This one was the one we worked for the hardest. Everyone contributed. I didn't single out too many players, because we all had our moments.

Two do stand out. One is Gerry, who sat out the last day, because he felt he was in a slump, and it would help the team to have fewer in the lineup and he wasn't contributing. I still disagree with him - he is one of the most consistent hitters I have ever seen, and if he slumped Saturday, it probably meant Sunday he would have been 10 for 10. But I respected his choice, and I have even more respect for him today than I already had, and that was a lot.

And if we had to pick an overall MVP, it has to be Big D, Heavy D, Dizzy D, or just plain Derek. Every team out there feared him more than any other Conehead (or any player for that matter), and for good reason. He only made three outs the whole weekend, had 19 hits including legging out six extra base hits on his hobble knee, and even took it out to right field and made one great catch running in, and didn't miss a thing there or at first when he platooned with me.

But it belongs to all of us - enjoy this one, it will be hard to top.

And a side bar - Our venerable shortstop, he who likes to dive in the hole, got his 1000th hit as a Conehead in the Waitlisters game - quite an achievement. It indicates the loyalty of being a Conehead for that long, and of course even moreso, tremendous talent for hitting a round ball with a round bat squarely. Of course this is only since 1997 in the beginning of Conehead recorded history - Chuck no doubt had quite a few before that as well. For this achievement and for what he means to us on the field and in the dugout, he was named the first Conehead Captain. That's right - I give you our new leadoff hitter Captain Conehead 'Chico' Chuck Howlett.

Roger Craig jinxed the 49ers when he said the magic word three-peat, but we don't have to worry about that now. This fall and any future Cotton are just icing now.

Milestones:
Game 1
Joe            60 2b (#10)
Derek        20 3b (#14)
Haz           100 h (#24)

Game 2
Gene         70 bb (#8)
Knight       100 r (#20)
Derek        150 r (#17)

Game 3
Knight        10 gw (#10)

Game 4
Chuck        800 r (#1)
Larry         1150 ab (#4)
Lefty          200 ab (#20)
Markley     100 rbi (#22)

Game 5
Chuck        1000 h (#1)
Chopper     30 hr (#7)
Haz            50 r (#27)

Game 6
Haz            50 g (#24)

Game 7
Knight        200 ab (#21)

Bombs Away

OK I have to admit - I came this close to calling this post "Licking the Nipples."

I gave the game ball to our own Sting on Monday night. I didn't realize until I did the game stats that he wasn't the only one who had a monster game offensively. Two home runs, four RBIs.

Lefty also had two bombs. Gene was hot,  4-4 with the fifth team home run on a gapper combined with his speed. Larry had a Conehead triple and led the team with five RBIs. Knight was a perfect 3-3 with a walk and including another three bagger. We had more homers than triples, and more triples than doubles.

But it was Reggie who stole the show because he added two great catches to his repertoire. On one he was like a bolt of lightning crossing into the path of the ball to cut off a gapper for the third out of an inning. Joe nearly came to tears. "That was the best catch I've ever seen him make!" he cried. No one could tell if he was serious. Poor Joe - tries to give a compliment and everyone is expecting the Stink Eye to be lowered at any moment.

At any rate it causes me to burst into song. As we all know, Reggie is going to miss the playoffs, this time with no hope of rescue from the desert of Fresno. So we have this:

Where have you gone, Reggie Dra-akeford,
The Coneheads turn our lonely eyes to you.
Woo-woo-woo
What's that you say, Joseph Stinkeye.
Bolting Sting has left and gone away,
Hey hey hey.

We will sing it in Pennini's champagne if we win the damn thing.

Areolas gave us a run - they had us 6-0 after one, 8-3 after two, but three straight Conehead innings (8,7,7) took care of business, which is to say despite the Areolas improved record this season (coming in tied with us at 6-3), we still own them. The final score was 25-12.

It's a strange year for us. The Coneheads are hitting .577 as a team for the season. Fifth worst in the 28 seasons of stats we have. And yet, we are hitting our stride at just the right time. We finally are learning to hit in the fogdome at Wilder. We are starting to hit the gaps and put together the trademark Conehead inning, multiple times per game. Our defense has reverted to our usual solidness after some shakiness early.

We all know the playoffs are the only thing in this league but with only half the games reported so far from Monday, one very interesting result stands out: Bay Alarm 15, Cal Gaels 9. That's Pennini's over the Broncos to us. What that means is that with a win over the Gaels Monday we can leapfrog over them and into third. And with a small miracle the Old Scouts could lose one and put us in second.

It doesn't matter much - we have to just be at the top of our game in the playoffs. But it is about seeding somewhat, and it is about bringing that doubt into the Gaels in particular, should we face them again in the playoffs - you know the Buddha feels like we have had their number most of the years. They are looking vulnerable right now like we were a month ago.

So everyone Show up Monday - Don is out, and Chopper is doubtful with his injury. Lefty that means you. Despite your flippancy, we know how you love a competitive game. So be there. I don't want to have to write a song about you too.

Milestones:

Lefty        10 gw (#9)
Haz          150 ab (#25)

The Sun Is Shining

We have a new VP of Sales where I work. He is very gung-ho. Fist bumps abound. He is a good guy as far as sales guys goes. He may even bring the company to the promised land of success and plenty. He lives to work - to make deals, and to win. I probably would have done better in my career if I invested that kind of energy into my job. But I work to live - not the other way around. I don't get like that until I am on a softball field. I love to win. As my dad taught me, "it's not whether you win or lose - it's how you win."

I'm on three teams that finished playoffs in the last month.

One went 12-0 in the regular season, and blew it against the fourth place team. Simply put, we choked. But we had a lot to celebrate - the undefeated season, great team chemistry, and we know we will be back.

The second team is in a league with the equivalent of the Boomers in it. We are a very good team. We lost five games last year, including double elimination playoffs, and four were to them. This year, we lost the opener to them and then reeled off eleven straight wins. In the last game of the regular season, we were down to them, 11-2 after 2 1/2 innings, then scored 25 unanswered runs to win going away. In the second game of the playoffs we shut them down and won 8-4. It was all set up for the upset; they would have to beat us twice on the final day. Well, they beat us once by six, then they blew us out in the penultimate game, 26-8. That hurt.

Which brings me to Sunshine Saloon. We had a season of promise - we improved. Started out 3-1. But we couldn't close out games and lost (or even tied) close ones down the stretch and finished fourth, and only three teams made the playoffs.

Or was it four? They added a playoff game, and suddenly we had the honor of getting drubbed by the Boomers so they could have batting practice for the Championship Game to follow.

Except that's not what happened. We gave them everything they could handle. We got behind in the first, but answered with the max five in the second (Reg with a huge Grand Slam) and took a 10-5 lead into the bottom of the third. They tied it up and then defense kicked in. They barely beat us in the end, by one run, 12-11. If we had just gotten a couple more key hits, we could have won. They were on the run.

It was not to be. But it is said that we took it out of them and they lost the Championship game to State Roofing.

I have never felt as good losing as in that game. It was almost as good as taking them down completely. We are on the rise, and they better watch their backs.

And Dad, better amend that saying. Sometimes, sometimes, it is how you lose that counts.

See you Wednesday.

The Usual Victims

Last weekend was a tough weekend for JFT, which is now essentially the same team as the Coneheads. We had the highest mountain to climb - beat the Grand Pinky Poobahs of Walnut Creek Senior League in the playoffs. David and Goliath and all that. We gave them a scare - winning the last regular season game with 25 unanswered runs and then taking our first game against them last Saturday to set up a Sunday in which they would have to beat us twice - which of course the history books will tell you they did. It hurt. We had perhaps our best chance, certainly our best to date, and we couldn't close it out. Wait 'til next year.

In the mean time, the Coneheads are getting near the end of the regular season as well. We have been very up and down - fortunately we are not the only team. But we needed something to ease the pain when we took the turf Monday, and the scheduler was kind - they gave us the Usual Suspects to cure our hangover. These poor schleps are one of the handful of teams in the Orinda league that keep coming out every year to win once or twice against the other poor schlep teams, and then go home. Good for them, I respect that. Couldn't do it, but I respect them for it.

Monday night was the Usual Crushing. We scored twenty runs in the first three innings before they could even crack the scoreboard, and the end result was 25-1 before they cried uncle (score was reported 24-1 but does it really matter?). The defensive highlight (besides a couple of the Usual Chuck gems), was when a guy tried to go home on a delay 'steal' with two outs (why wasn't he running?) on a grounder to short - Chuck made a rare offline throw to me at first, and although I was heads up to get the ball off quickly to home, it was Gerry that made the great play. With my sore candy-ass arm, all I could do was one hop it to him on the turf, and he gathered it into his body and held on. It would have doubled their run output.

The rest was all Conehead offense. Sting had two booming home runs to the right center gap. The first was legit. In the case of the second one, the 'gap' was the right center fielder, who really couldn't catch anything. Reggie sheepishly said 'I'll take it' when he came home, and yes we will, any time. Gotta love the turf, cause when the fielder blows it, it's really blown. Conehead!

Ol' G continues to be the hottest hitter on the team - he matched Sting's blasts with one of his own. Sting and Markley led the team with a perfect 4-4, but G and several others had three hits - Lefty and Chopper (both with two doubles), Dizzy D and Chuck. Nice to see Markley regain his stroke to right - Mexico must have done him some good. Someone else should have been 3-4 with a walk but we'll get to that.

Lefty now leads the team with average batting the opposite way - in his case of course righty. Although, ahem, there is an asterisk. Another lefty on the team, not mentioning any names, hit a clean 'single' to left right handed, and Dizzy D, must have been in awe or something at second base - he watched it get to the left fielder and tiptoed into third only to get forced out. The Conehead Unhit.

But the batter's not bitter, much, because now he knows he's better and fitter than Derek. And Betty Botter bought a bit of bitter butter. And he has this forum in which to vent. Really? Really? Really!

(Footrace anytime Derek, I would have to say that besides the 70 year old with two knee replacements, you are officially the slowest on the team).

(Now Chopper, don't be bringing up when I did the same thing to you).

Ok, I'm better now.

So we come to the last two games of the season, and due to several teams inconsistency, including us, it is quite a race, at least from third to seventh place. We are now tied with three teams for third place, with St. Mo's just behind. some of the interesting results:

St. Mo's beat Cal Gaels in one of the earlier unreported games. They have had some season - they have beaten us, the Gaels, and the Scouts, but lost to the Areolas and the Reds.

The Gaels beat the Waitlisters Monday. They are now tied for first with one loss. This leaves the door slightly open for us to get to first. Realistically the Waitlisters, who have the easiest finish will not lose two. But if we win out we have a chance to pass the Gaels (Broncos). The Scouts will probably end up at least tied with us, and they have tiebreaker so they would probably end up second.

There's more but I won't bore you with it. Including a very interesting tie-breaker rule if head to head is even unique to this league. The main thing is we need to continue to build a Head of steam going into the playoffs, and it starts tomorrow night against the Areolas (eight o'clock at Wilder ONE). They are also 6-3 this season but they haven't played many of the top teams, and they finish against the Scouts, so it's time to put them behind us. Then we will deal with the Broncos, er Gaels.

No Chuck this week. Will be strange.

Milestone:

Chuck        1500 ab (#1), how appropriate, why don't you take a day off?

Big Moments

In any team athletic competition, there is an ebb and flow to a game, it turns this way and that until the final push...sometimes great drama at the end, sometimes not. But it seems that at some point in the game, there is that one moment, when some play happens and you just know by the result of that play how this game is going to go. Especially in the playoffs.

It happened yesterday while we watched Advance Construction take on Pinky's (note - sipping our beers after winning our two games). Advance, a heavy underdog, was in the game, and had it tied up in something like the fifth inning. One of Pinky's slashers was up with a couple of guys on base and I think there were two outs - and the shortstop went out and played short left field. His gambit worked perfectly as the hitter smashed the ball right to him - granted it was hard hit - but it went off his glove, a run or two scored, it opened the floodgates, and Advance never recovered.

Likewise in our game, the was a Moment in our game against Pinky's. In a surprising low scoring game, we had gone up 2-0, and then the umps killed our rally with a bad call when Chopper ran into Knight rounding second. Pinky's wasn't exactly tearing the cover off the ball, but crept back to 3-1 then 3-2 and took a lead in the bottom of the fifth 4-3. Between the bad call on Chopper (which nullified a run in addition to killing the rally) and the bad 'no-tag' on Greg in the fourth, we were beginning to wonder what do we have to overcome to beat these guys? It's bad enough that we have to shut them down, but we must overcome every bad call too?

At any rate it came to be that in the top of the sixth, we tied it on hits by Randy, Haz, and Timmy, but had the bases loaded and two outs. Up strode Chuck, our defensive whiz and heart of the team. Chuck has been struggling, at least in his mind, which means his average is in the same realm as the rest of us. But on this pitch, trying to hit a line drive to just give us a run to take the lead, he caught one and froze Mark Hayes in center field and before he could do anything about it, it was over his head and the double plated three runs.

There was still the matter of getting six outs from Pinky's to make sure there was no comeback, but at that moment you just knew this game was over. As it turned out it ended emphatically with a G to Chuck to D double play.

It sets us up with the advantage of winning just one of two, and we can end the tournament by winning the first game today. Most of you won't read this until after the game or games today - I don't know what will happen. But I do know that after we have drubbed Pinky's two straight, and Advance taking them to the limit yesterday in the elimination game, doubt has crept in, and the swagger is gone. David is gonna take down Goliath!

See you in an hour.

The Ale That Cures Ya

The Mr. Conehead trophy is over there, staring at me. Mocking me. It's Larry's now, but it remains on the mantle. It's giving me a different kind of stink-eye, one that doesn't get all sweet and emotional when the season is over, and brings charms from across the world for luck. This one is just constant, it keeps staring at me, accusing me - how could I allow the Coneheads to get to the two thirds point of the season with three losses! Three losses, how dare you! That's the total of all last year!

The low point was unconventional in that it occurred in a win. It actually happened on that cold Thursday night at Wilder 1 at 8:00 against the President's Club. The winds were howling, our fans were freezing. We managed to score all of five runs, and escaped with our lives and our health and a 5-4 win. We hit a very unConehead .414 as a team that night. Usually the low point doesn't come in a win, so we will take it. 

So it was no surprise that we got clocked against the Old Scouts the next Monday, 20-8. Another makeshift outfield. Some key defensive mistakes which gave the Scouts their version of a Conehead inning. It was really over by the second. The Scouts took a 12-3 lead and suddenly coming back with nine runs seemed like a foreign concept. We scored one run in the last four innings.

But the beautiful thing about the bottom of the curve is that it is the bottom. And at the bottom we were still over .500, and in this year, where the Wailisters are undefeated and Areolas had only one loss til this week, anything is still possible.

There were signs to believe in - Chuck and Ol' G and Chopper made one out between them. If the rest of us just returned to normal (and some just returned), anything was possible.

And just in time, on cue, the (former Santa Maria) Reds showed up. A warmer clime at Wilder Monday night. Conehead inning in the first to go up 6-0.11-0 by the top of the third. Derek and Chopper each 4-4, and Haz matched Chopper's team leading four RBIs on three hits. We were downright cocky be the sixth and moved positions around with a 17-2 lead, and gave up five runs. But it did give us the defensive highlight of the night, Chopper just nailing a smash to his left playing third on the turf, gunning a short hop to career outfielder Gene playing first, which he scooped up like he had been doing it his whole life (well there was a popup over my head that I made look really difficult due to age and slowness and Gerry yelling "yours Heffe, yours," with extreme panic in his voice). And of course our comic relief on a mostly routine popup to the catcher, which he ignominiously dropped, and who was....Sting! Doink! Back to the outfield with you sir!

So all is not lost in Orinda this season...remember 2004, we were 8-6 in the regular season, and didn't lose again through the playoffs and all of that fall season.

Three games left, third place is not out of sight, but it's not going to matter much whether we finish 3rd, 4th, 5th or 6th. It's all about getting in a groove going into the playoffs now. Starts tomorrow night against the Usual Saps, er Suspects.

Milestones:
7/8
Ol' G        350 h (#14)
Markley    50 g (#22)
Chopper   20 2b (#23)
7/11
Chopper   250 ab (#19)
7/15
Pope         800 ab (#8)
Ol' G        600 ab (#14)
7/22
Joe           80 bb (#7)
Sting         350 r (#11)

Cliche

We love cliches. Well, as a writer you hate cliches, but in sports the cliche proves the rule.

In Transdyn's case, here it is, stolen from football:

On any given Tuesday in the playoffs, anyone can beat anyone. Or, in our case the damn Ringers can beat us.

We had a tremendous season. I mean how many times do you go 12-0? And in dominant fashion. There was one weird game, the one when Jason got hurt and we had about three guys show up late, we only won 10-8. But other than that, we flat out dominated. We won one game by three over the true next best team (and eventual playoff champs) the Brew Brothers, and no other game by less than seven. My strongest recollections of the season were guys patiently taking pitches until they got theirs and then smashing it somewhere there was no one to catch it. Guys unselfishly letting the next guy be the hero. And Sir Guy inducing poor swings, or guys making diving catches. And of course, Monty getting twelve straight hits or whatever it was.

It was assumed that we would make the championship game. But the Ringers had other ideas. They put up six on us in the first, but this didn't even phase us, and we answered with 15. And therein was our downfall. We stopped scoring after that, in fact only two the next three innings. We can speculate on why - my pet theory is that we were so used to walking against their horrible pitcher, we were lulled to sleep, and he started suddenly throwing strikes. Or we started swinging at crap, I'm not sure. Last time we played them he walked twelve of us and this time nine. Maybe we just did lose patience after getting a lead.

But you have to give the Ringers credit - they hit around to get back in the game after our big inning, and then to take a lead they did not give up; We certainly had our chances.

So the other cliche is what is the silver lining. Well, we proved we can go 12-0 and it's awfully tough to go undefeated all the way through the playoffs. Now we can focus on the other goal, the one we have every season - be the last team standing. We haven't won the playoffs in two years, so it is time.

And the other is picking up Donnie and Rene. We thought losing RB would be a huge deal, but we didn't skip a beat with them, and even though we might lose Donnie if his old team re-forms, I think we hooked Rene for years to come.

Stats highlights: Tim setting records for at bats (50) and hits (38), and Derek tying the record for RBIs in a season (34). And the team smashed the records for team batting average (.630 over last fall's .604) and OBP (.652). Nice!

Two weeks we re-start the quest for double cotton. Longest 'between season' in memory. I need my bibimbap! See you there!

Milestones:

Sir Guy      200 rbi (#8)
Hama        150 ab (#24)

Crank It Up

I was in a daze all week, well maybe for the last couple. The hint of things to come when Transdyn, my Tuesday team, after going 12-0 in the regular season, then got our lunch handed to us in the playoffs by the fourth place team. To that point, my teams were on cloud nine - Transdyn was 12-0, JFT had won about 10 in a row, heady days.

Then last Sunday it got ugly. I played in a charity tournament, the same one in July called Softball for the World's Children (equipment and fees donated to children that need help) I have played in for years.

We lost four in a row. I came back to the East Bay for JFT to lay our egg last week against pesky Corona, losing 9-3. Oh and five in one single day of softball. Then the Coneheads lost Monday and my Wednesday team, although making a valiant effort, came up short as underdogs in the playoffs by one run.

0-7 in a week. How do you do that? They said I was cranky all week. Can you believe that?

And we were staring up at Pinky's Pizza, who hadn't even had a close game all season, and came in 13-0 to our 11-2.

The game started as expected. Pinky's was blasting it to right, to center, to left, shaved bats or not, the singles hitters were hitting line drives, and before we knew it, it was 11-2 going into the bottom of the third. In the mean time, we are taking strike three, and hitting into double plays.

And then something happened. I don't know what triggered it...somewhere deep down we were just mad as hell and not going to take it any more. Arrogant Pinky's decided to go with three outfielders and five infielders, daring us to hit gaps.

So there was nothing to do but do it. Talk about crankin it up - we batted around two innings in a row, while shutting down the juggernaut twice, and in the end we sent eight guys to the plate in the bottom of the sixth, and they all scored. Chopper ended it with a home run to right - I am not sure if the slaughter rule was called or if we ran out of time, but the great Pink Dragon was finally slayed.

You could argue that it means nothing. Thanks to losing to Corona's last week, we couldn't catch Pinky's in the standings (which is a shame because we took the head to head run differential advantage with our outburst), and ended up the regular season a game behind them. The game was meaningless technically.

But for us it had all the meaning in the world. For one thing, we had to prove to ourselves that we can beat these guys after taking it on the chin five times since they showed up in the league. Last year they accounted for four of our total of five losses. This year our only loss before week 13. We needed to show both teams what we can do.

For another thing, we have been in a funk offensively and to a degree defensively. We broke out of that in a big way against a quality team tonight - try 25 unanswered runs, and we weren't finished when time and/or the score ran out. We might still be out there if they hadn't called the game.

It will be a challenge next weekend in the playoffs, no doubt. Playoff tournaments are different, and Pinky's is a tested tournament team. But now they have something different to think about - watch out for JFT when we awaken out of our slumber.

Everyone contributed, Chopper had the walkoff home run, and a triple and six RBIs. Only my snail-like running kept him from a perfect game. Chuck, Reg, Heffe, Haz, and Dizzy D made no outs between them. Tim and Haz had a couple of very clutch hits in our innings when we batted around, and Gene started both off with singles. Lefty and Greg had nine RBIs between them.

On defense as usual Chuck made a couple of great stops and the Knight turned an 11-3 DP. Gene made a fantastic catch in his inning in right field to cut off a rally with no runs.

What this underscored is that these guys really just want to come out and hit only. To them playing defense is a nuisance. We can beat them by making them play defense, whether it is on one of my bloopers or Derek's laser shots, if we make them stretch, they can't handle it. And if we play our strongest defense, it will take away some of their hitting prowess.

Ready? Just five days from now, more or less. As Reg said, we are due!

Milestones:
6/16
Haz              10 2b (#11)
Dizzy D        50 rbi (#13)
7/07 - None
7/14
Chopper       10 2b (#12)
7/21
Lefty            20 sf (#1)
Knight          300 ab (#5)
Tim              100 g (#7)
Joe              20 bb (#7)

What's In A Name?

The Orinda Summer league started out topsy turvy, well sort of. At least for three of the dominant teams from the last several years - the Coneheads, Old Scouts, and Bay Alarm. We lost our first two, the Scouts are 1-3!

And Bay Alarm? Who the hell are they?

Of course you know that they were once the runner up Pennini's late of last year's finals. I just looked up last year's results - actually the Waitlisters and St. Mo's hot starts are no fluke - they ended up last season making the Elite Four (Coneheads, Pennini's, Old Scouts and Cal Bronco) into the Big 6 with records of 9-5 and 10-4 respectively. Pennini's dominated the regular season at 13-0-1, the only blemish a tie with Cal Bronco. The Waitlisters eliminated both Cal Bronco and the Old Scouts last year and you know what we did to Pennini's.

But Pennini's - they are no more. The funniest thing that happened at the Managers' meeting was that the manager of the returning Wrecking Crew said they had Bay Alarm as a sponsor. Does this mean that Pennini's stole the sponsorship? They at least stole the name.

Ah but Karma will get you...Bay Alarm seems to be a shell of their former selves, and we beat them badly 15-1 Monday.

We started off well enough. Four straight hits, and before you knew it, it was 3-0. And then we shut down. One run in the next four innings. Where did you hide the Coneheads? It didn't matter as Joe had the Alarms reaching and popping up and grounding out. Our defense was steady, a great play here by Chuck and Heffe actually got off the ground to make a leaping catch on a high throw, and managed to come down on the base in time. The only threat Pen..er Bay Alarm had was the fabulous Mark Hayes, and Joe pitched him outside and the results were can of corn to Sting in LC, and a grounder to Chuck as SS. He did get a triple but was stranded at third.

And so it came to the top of the sixth, we were only up 4-1 and Joe was nervous. But we finally, finally put together a Conehead inning - Six straight hits including a gapper by Dizzy D, and then six more hits with two outs to bring in the last six runs. If Knight hadn't gotten greedy and got thrown out at the plate, we might still be batting.

Bay Alarm had no answer, just slunk off into the night, and we finally had a meaningful win. Don't count us out just yet.

Sting led the way with four sharp hits, D had two doubles out of three hits, and Knight, Joe (who burned the drawn in outfield) and Heffe also notched three. Knight and Joe led the game with three RBIs.

Milestones:

Chuck        120 bb (#1)
Heffe          1300 ab (#2)
Joe             700 h (#4)
Don            300 g (#5)
D                40 2b (#15)
Knight        100 rbi (#21)

Arrogance Attitude Humility Pride and Are We Having Fun Yet?

After Monday's Conehead game, which we lost 15-12 to the Waitlisters to go 0-2 for the first time certainly in my time with the Coneheads, perhaps in team history, and certainly in the 'modern age' of the Heads, I went out to dinner at the Hofbrau in Orinda with my girl.

Across the restaurant were Johnny's Gang - a team that has never finished with more than three wins in a season for as long as I have archives of the standings and probably any time in my 13 years in the league and beyond. They had just lost, yet again, to the Usual Suspects, the other bottom feeding team, 18-15. It must have been frustrating - a game they clearly had a chance to win, only to lose once more. These guys were chatting away, drinking beer, eating sandwiches, having a grand old time. You would have thought they won by a landslide.

Across town a few minutes earlier, after Chopper got ignominiously tagged out trying to stretch a single into a double with two outs in the seventh and the tying run coming to the plate, the heavens opened up and it was raining steadily by the time we got to the parking lot. The Coneheads parted one by one, no beer, no eats, barely a goodbye.

The two teams were, by the end of that night, tied for last place at 0-2, the only teams that had not won a game yet. Setting up a match tonight whereby the loser would be in last alone. Alone. How the mighty fell.

I sometimes wish we were made up like Johnny's Gang. We take losing so damn seriously. It's only rec league softball. Why can't we go out on the town, win or lose?

It is who we are - we are Coneheads and we expect to win every game, and we don't like it when it doesn't happen.

Oh, we had our excuses - We had too many players in the lineup in the first game, we were missing four of our power hitters and best defensive players in the second, the new mat is too small, keep 'em coming. But we just weren't playing well, like the team that has won five straight championships. We were tight, and I don't mean like a tight defense.

So tonight the stars seemingly could have been aligned for the most embarrassing loss of all, to the lowly Gang. We still were missing both Gregs, Lefty, Dizzy D, and Chopper. That's a lot of firepower. Not to mention D's bat which a lot of us use. And Haz is still hobbled, leaving us with really just two true outfielders. On top of that we had that insane umpire who was actually voted out by the managers, and somehow managed to keep his job torturing us. He actually made up yet another rule tonight - if you stretch over home plate, scoring becomes like a running back breaking the plane of the goal line in football, any part counts if it beats the ball. Really? And the mat is still too small.

We started off well enough, batting around and scoring six. Sting had the biggest hit, a triple (was that a Conehead triple?). As it turned out that was enough, but we didn't know it. We gave away three in the bottom of the first - of course our outfield was playing in the next county, and they snuck in a couple of soft liners and bloopers and we contributed with a couple of errors, and they closed to 6-3. The next four innings almost no one scored. In fact just the Heads with two. In the second it took us two hits and two outs just to get a single run - certainly not a Conehead Inning. Same in the fifth - took us five batters to get a run. It was as if we were waiting for Johhny's Gang to come up with the upset.

But in the top of the sixth we finally, finally, broke through with a Conehead inning late. Joe and Haz started it with singles and after Chuck hit a hard fly ball for a sac fly, we got five straight hits and seven of the next eight reached base. Don got a clutch two out two run single in there.

In a bit of comic relief, Will the Pill umpire decided the game was over - the ten run mercy rule after six. The guy really wanted to go home. I was sure that he was making up more rules. I looked it up - dammit if he wasn't right - fifteen runs after five innings, ten after six. But the teams have the option of finishing the game if there is time, and we took that decision right away from Will the Pill, we had tasted of the Conehead inning and it was good.

Of course what did we do - one, two, three, and nothing across. But then so did the Gang, aided by (finally) our signature double play Chuck to Chuck to first. Game over 15-5. Disaster averted.

Who knows, perhaps we are over our funk now. We will find out Monday against Bay Alarm nee Pennini's, in what should have been our first real test of the season - now they all will be.

Kinda glad - will keep us on our toes. And perhaps Monday, since we can't drink at the JM field any more, we will go enjoy life, and a few of us will take in a roast beef sandwich at the Hofbrau or pizza at Round Table. Relax and even enjoy each other's company, life is too short to just hop in our cars and go off into the night.


Milestones:
6/17
Gene        350 r (#10)
6/24
Chuck      350 g (#2)
6/27
Joe           1150 ab (#3)
Ol' G        300 rbi (#13)

MVP Season

Post Season awards are voted on before the playoffs. So it is time to select the best of each category for Transdyn's FIRST UNDEFEATED season in team history.

We came close in the fall, but now we have done it. Tonight we got a scare against perhaps the next best team. We had a 5-0 shutout through five, and Sir Guy was dealin', and our defense was solid - Hama made a leaping catch at SS, Rene made a running catch in shallow RC, and Pauly snared a very hot shot right at his head. But the two infield line drives were the only hard hits through five, that's how good Bill was. There were a couple of warning track fly balls as the Brews Brothers tried to hit five run home runs time and time again, but Timmy and Rams kept us out of trouble by tracking them down.

In the bottom of the sixth, the BB's suddenly discovered our secret - the long balls are good but so are grounders past the infield and line drives with runners on. They plated seven, and with our last chance looming and the Brewsers holding the hammer, it didn't look good. We just weren't hitting. But Rams and Heffe and Pauly set it up with three singles and up strode Mario, mired in a sort of season long slump (although as I told him he has gotten clutch RBIs all season - he is among the team leaders even though he hasn't hit for average as usual). He put the hurt on the Brews Brothers, clearing the bases with a drive over the right fielder's head, and then we added enough insurance that made a final comeback impossible for the Brothers. We led 11-7, and their lead-off hitter tried to hit a four run homer with no one on, and although he hit it out, they couldn't get another run, and the undefeated season is ours.

Dizzy D had a game with a towering home run and a laser double for an insurance run in the seventh. Hama couldn't let D overshadow him so he made it back to back after D's big blast. Rene proved he could lead off, getting on three times.Timmy had his usual three hits, and Pauly and Heffe two each.

There is only one vote for these awards so they are all unanimous. Some of the awards are easy: Rookie of the year: Rene. Comeback/Most Improved: Monty. Coach of the Year: Yours Truly. Cy Young: Of course Sir Guy. (Note, no competition in last two). Best Season derailed by injury: Jason.

Best Defense: hmmm, Tie, Nick and Rene. Nick still gets to balls no one else does, and has the best arm around. Rene has those young legs and has had chances to show off his speed and done so.

But MVP...you could make a case for Sir Guy. We just aren't where we are without his pitching, he has guys reaching all game just to hit cans of corn and weak grounders. You could say Timmy for his consistency at the plate and in LF. He actually caught a ball tonight without falling down or running into the fence, although he did the latter too. You could say Cage for his presence in LC - guys just don't run on him. And you could say Monty for his hot streak, 12 for 13 with two walks thrown in, and for making my mantra true - the bottom of the lineup hits, we win. Don't overlook the way he works with Bill behind the dish too - it's 'only slowpitch softball' but he and Bill have some chemistry as a battery. And he talks the other team and the umpire to death.

Jason was certainly on his way to an MVP season when he got derailed by injury. He finished the shortened season at .900. And then there are the two best hitters around any softball park anywhere. Hama hits the ball wherever he feels like in any situation. If you need a pooch single he's got that. Grounder through the 5-6 hole, got it. Home run over the fence, AOK. You don't hit .700 or better every season for no reason. And then there is Dizzy Heavy D. Guys lose sleep worrying about his swing. He almost never gets a pitch to hit, and when he does he hits these frozen ropes that have movement that causes good and great defensive players alike to lock up. That happened tonight on his double - if the RC fielder got a good read he might have been able to chase it down near the fence - but he just couldn't move. And it was hit so hard he probably had no hope anyway. D just completely ran away with the team RBI lead this season, tying Cage (last fall) for the best season ever with 34.

The rest of the team showed a lot of consistency this season, Pauly, Rams (who almost singlehandedly won last week's game and seems to never miss a fly ball), Heffe with his bloopers, Coop who always does what's asked, and of course Donnie Softball, who was a Great add for hitting and all around talent and his team first attitude (and by the way I have been opposite him enough times that it was sure great to be on the same side for once), and his patience and leadership.

Who did I leave out - just Rene, but he is already Rookie of the Year and his time will come.

So bottom line - my vote for MVP is divided into 14 pieces - everyone contributed - was patient, played defense, got their hits, and played unselfishly all season. That's how you go 12-0.

Enjoy the season ending stats but remember we still have something to prove next week - two more, double cotton and the rare undefeated season - we have half of it down, now let's do the rest.

Too Much Fun

No one should be allowed to have this much fun without sex being involved. Transdyn records are falling left and right and this on top of being pretty successful leading up to this point in team history.

One more win, most in team history in a season (tied now). I don't have to do the research for this one (and it would be a chore): Twelve walks in two games in a row. Five walks with the bases loaded, including Donnie twice. You say, is that really fun? Walking your way to an undefeated season? Are you real men or what?

Well try .641 as a team, if we keep that up, we will finish thirty seven points ahead of the current team record, just set in the fall.Team OBP - .666 (the devil made us take all the walks).

And the thing is when we do swing, it counts. Rams gets tired of taking ball after ball, swings at a ball three feet over his head, and it becomes a two run double when it sails over the left fielder's outstretched glove. Donnie walks his first three times up, then a bingo for two runs. Rene won't walk, but laces a couple of line drives in front of the center fielder. Then the poor bastard plays him shallow, and Rene burns him for a bases loaded triple. Timmy is Timmy with four straight hits, he tied the team record for hit in a season with two games to go. They don't want to pitch to Dizzy D - he was one of the five bases loaded walks; so he gets a couple of hits and absolutely crushes a ball to deep center, but the mush ball stays in, and he has to settle for a sac fly. Heffe hits a couple where they ain't, walks a couple of times, and slides like a 25 year old one time, and another time hustles home from first to get Rene his sixth RBI on the triple, and they all said NO you didn't (is it really showing the other team up to hustle when you are up 26-5?). Cage knocks the cover off the ball one time for a double en route to also going 2-2-2 (two abs, two hits, 2 walks). Hama gets three hits including one if his patented half swing pooches over the third baseman one inch from the foul line.

I won't even talk about Monty. OK, I will. The guy is on fire with ten straight hits or walks. He even beat out an infield hit on a great play by the SS on a grounder in the 5-6 hole. Can't get the guy out.

We're hitting on all cylinders, or walking, and playing the best D in the league, and not to mention we have the best pitcher in the league. Rene made the class play in LC diving for a ball tonight, and Dizzy D actually went DOWN to snare a grounder backhanded at third that was ticketed to left field to make an easy toss to get a force at second to end the game. Those youngsters in the other dugout must just be in awe.

I know I am.

Milestones:

Cage          350 rbi (#2)

Timmy        550 h (#3)

Hama         100 h (#21) (but probably the fastestto 100)

Business As Usual, and the Business is De-Construction

It used to be that we geared up for Advance Construction. Before my time in the league (and Pinky's), word is that we traded off every year with JFT the champions in the odd years, and Advance in the even (or was it the other way around?). As recently as last year they actually ended the regular season in first place. Then something happened - in the playoffs we and Pinky's drubbed them by a combined score of 40-10 (it was the highlight of our season when we smothered them 26-4, taking out all our Pinky frustration on them).

Steve who runs the league either has a sick sense of humor or is from another planet (I lean to the latter, I wonder what his birth certificate says). He rewards poor Advance by giving them three games against the undefeated Pink's and two against us. After Sunday there is no doubt that they will go 0-5 in those games. And, in Steve's Advanced Senility, he predetermined that Advance is one of the top three teams and so gets to face us and/or Pinky's again in the playoffs - no matter where they end up in the standings. And at the moment they are tied for sixth.

And let's face it we have their number now as we showed Sunday with another 14-5 rout.

We did it with the usual assortment of good defense and pitching and a couple of our patented long innings, and saved the great play for the last inning to stomp them out.

In the first we spotted them four runs, but answered with four to match. The fuel was Lefty's two run double, which accounted for half of his game high four RBIs. The next inning the bottom of the order produced two more and even though it remained close until the bottom of the fifth, there was never any doubt after that. But Advance hung in there until we batted around starting with our leadoff man Chico. Lefty had another two run hit and Ol' G hit a gapper for a two run double.

And to top it all off we turned a patented sharp 6-11-3 double play to snuff out any hopes of a rally in the top of the last inning. Chuck and Greg and I are getting to be quite the habit, and it's a good habit. The two of them work together like no other combo up the middle in the league.

Besides Lefty, Greg was the hitting star - he had four hits and two of them were laser drives down the left field line. Chopper had his usual 3-3 but no Goose that night, all singles. Too hard to go inside the park with the fence on field three. A bunch of us had two hits and Dizzy D combined them with two walks since they really didn't want to pitch to him, for a perfect night.

Now we have to make it through three games that should be ho-hum before we end up against Corona's and Pinky's to finish the season long quest to upend Pinky's out of first place. But one thing we know - we will probably face Advance Construction again in the playoffs, and there will be no fear in Creekville.

Milestones:

Chico        400 ab (#1)

Heffe         350 ab (#3)
Lefty         200 h (#4)
Sting         150 h (#6)

Sting         250 ab (#10)
Timmy       50 rbi (#12)

Dizzy D     10 bb (#12)

Just Another Notch On The Belt

C'mon guys, give me something. It's just been too easy. No controversy, no adversity. Where is Jason jawing at the other pitcher when we need him?

"In just another day at the office, Transdyn pummeled the Ringers 22-7."

"In just another Tuesday in paradise, Transdyn walked to a 22-7 win over the so-called Ringers."

"The Ringers proved to be just another obstacle in the path to a rare and hoped for accomplishment - the perfect season. Transdyn took advantage of 12 walks (!), waited for the opposing pitcher to groove it in his desperate attempts to throw a strike, clubbed the ball when he did, and routed the Ringers 22-7."

I probably shouldn't push it too far. The softball gods could get angry. We are just playing at a really high level right now. OK it's only D ball, but no one can touch us week to week. It's not over, and we have a lot left to achieve this season, but a 9-0 start is pretty fun.

Everyone, I mean everyone, showed patience. No one had more than three hits, because as usual we ended the game early, and all but two of us took a walk during the game. Four times with the bases loaded for an RBI. Some may make fun of taking a walk in softball, but it shows a level of unselfishness that leads to great team play.

Thanks to some pretty questionable baserunning (yes we do have something to work on), it actually was a game at 9-6 through three and then four innings. But we accomplished something rare indeed. In the top of the fifth, all twelve of us came up, got on base and scored - before there was an out. Talk about hitting being contagious. Cage started it with one of the hardest hits of the night, over the left fielder's head to the fence for a double. Donnie followed with his own two-bagger, and it was on. Not to be outdone by sonny boy, Sir Guy smashed his own double later in the inning for two runs. In total, there were ten hits and five walks and suddenly it was a rout at 22-6. One run allowed in the bottom of the fifth, and the slaughter was over.

Bill had his usual night of making the youngsters reach for balls dying on the corners, and on the front edge. Pauly had a day at third, throwing out a bunch of runners, as did Hama at SS. Our rookie of the year, Rene had the only perfect 3-3 game (with one of the bases loaded walks thrown in) and made a tremendous catch in left field. Timmy showed him how it's done with an even better one...and the amazing part was after he leapt up, caught the ball, and was falling down, he transferred the ball to his right hand to show he caught it to one and all. Greatest show on earth at that moment.

One more win, we clinch a tie for the regular season. Let's get that first. This is the third season in a row with at least nine wins after a grand total of two in the first 24 seasons in Pleasanton. But we won't be satisfied this season until we are the last team standing. Yes a good win, but we need to win one at a time for several more weeks yet.

Milestones:

Coop        1250 ab (#1)
Mario        450 ab (#10)

Mario        150 r (#10)

Goose Goose - Chopper Hammers Slammers 6-3

I'm not one to tell the coach how to set the lineup. Not much. I wouldn't dream of it.

However, let's just say that Chopper used to follow me in the lineup and we had this little game. I would get one of my patented little singles and he would follow up with a blast to the hinterlands of the outfield. Now some may have noticed I am a little on the slow side. He would chase me around the bases as the outfielders chased the ball, and get a head of steam around third and come into home just behind me and try to goose me.

I know, I know, this is way too much information on a public web site. But the situation is kinda hilarious and the fact that it has happened time and time again makes one think that this is the way the lineup should be.

What makes it even more fun is that there are real geese on the fields in Walnut Creek, and as Chopper's smashes scatter them, I try to stay ahead of him and get home before I become the goose.

Tonight with our depleted lineup - we only had ten players at game time - we were back to back as we should be. Twice he came up with me on first and another runner ahead of me on the bases, and twice he hit a blast, once to right and once to left center, and the result was six runs. It was more than we needed as we drubbed the Slammers 17-3.

This was also helped by our fabulous defense. Chuck and Greg in the middle infield had an outstanding game, turning three double plays, once from Greg to Chuck to first and twice from Chuck to Greg to first. On one of the latter Greg did a nifty pirouette and deftly fired a strike to first. It was something to behold.

Haz added a great catch on a sinking liner for the third out after one of the DPs. It came on a batter that had burned us on the only hit that really hurt as it split the right fielders for an extra base hit and a run a couple of innings earlier. So Jeff was playing deep and had to run a long way in to snag the third out in the fifth. He even did the tumbling rollover. Ten points, Jeff. Talk about a shutdown inning.

In a sideshow, the leadoff batter for the Slammers had hit a shot up the middle that Joe grabbed out of the air on the first pitch of the game. Later when Joe hit a grounder that the opponent pitcher nearly mishandled, the latter took umbrage, and even had some sore loser words after the game...what??? who went up the middle first?

It was mostly just the fact that the Slammers got slammed by too much JFT hitting and defense, and this was with us missing three of our best hitters. The Slammers with their 4-3 record going in must have thought they had moved into the league elite, and we had taught them a lesson.

Chopper with the heffe assist led the way with four hits apiece. Nomah was just behind with three hits and a walk and the game winner on a double in the first inning to plate Chuck. Randy and Timmy were right there with him with three hits. Chuck was his usual nuisance self with two hits and two walks. Special thanks to Gene for showing up to give us a full squad so that Greg could return to his schmiddler position, which led to the three DPs.

Next week Advance Construction, it's looking like a two team race, and beating them again will just reinforce that notion.

Milestones:
(last week)
Lefty        20 3b (#1)
Lefty        150 rbi (#1)
(this week)
Chuck      30 bb (#2)
Heffe        200 h (#3)