It's been a while since I've taken up the pen. I've got my excuses, my rationalizations. Mainly I've been waiting for inspiration, cause the Heads, no matter how great we play game to game, sometimes get into that great rut of win, win, win, occasional one run loss like a couple weeks ago by a run when we made a couple of uncharacteristic errors. Win again. Chuck makes the great dive into the hole; Derek hits the crap out of the ball, the Knight hits line drive after line drive. Pope dives and make a somersault catch (well that is new only because he is back from his hiatus - how great is that?). Lefty complains that we should throw a bone to the other team and then insults them by turning around to bat right handed and slapping a line drive to left.
But I needed an angle and it came from...mom. Mom who wiped my face when I was a little kid, when spillage was a regular part of eating, and like most babies, I wore my dinner on my face.
Here's the deal...Larry, my housemate/teammate/friend and I often go over the teams and where we stand and what we have to do, etc. etc. etc. Basic scoreboard watching but without the scoreboard.
And in this league we are reduced to talking about...the Dusty Nuts...the Duck Snorts... I mean who comes up with these names? And how are we supposed to remember the difference between them?
So I decided that from now on, all the teams with two names will have one name changed to...Schmutz. That's right. It rhymes with puts. No not putz, another Yiddish word, puts like in "We puts the Goat Schmutz out of their misery in four innings last week 26-6."
You might ask what is Schmutz? Well the Urban Dictionary has a few more plebeian definitions (look them up: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schmutz), but the basic idea is it's something dirty and greasy you have to wipe off your face, or some other surface. So Mom wiped the schmutz off my face when I was a baby. And later when I should have known better, bade me "Wipe that schmutz off your face" (and later "wipe that smirk off your face," but that's another story).
And that's what these teams are to the Coneheads, Schmutz on the road to cotton to be wiped away.
Our opponents will heretoforth be named Duck Schmutz, Badger Schmutz, Goat Schmutz, Dusty Schmutz, Wood Schmutz, and my favorite (this week's game) Mucca Schmutz. Dub MD gets a pass - they have been around a little while so we remember them by their given name.
Now we only have to remember one name for each team. Much better for old people.
And so after that tough loss against Badger Schmutz, where we outscored them 19-9 in the middle innings, took a late lead and squandered it to lose by a run after having the last outs in our reach, we took it out on Goat Schmutz.
You look at the box score and it was the total team win...nine guys had three hits, none had four. The Larry/Joe combo would have but they and Gene were the only positions in the lineup that only got up three times. Everyone that played the whole game had an RBI and a run scored - even Joe and Larry each were credited with a run. Gene and Lefty were perfect 3-3 (Lefty added a walk). Heffe led the way in a rare four RBI game, although he felt bad because it should have been six as he left second and third with two outs in the second on a groundout. Chopper had two doubles - in one inning - and we only had five extra base hits. Mostly it was get a hit, move the runner first to third, next guy drives him in, and gets the guy on first to third...over and over again. In the Conehead inning third (13 runs), we had eight straight hits, one out and then five more. Definitely contagious hitting.
With Badger Schmutz losing to WMD, it puts us back alone in first, and now it's up to us to keep it that way. Let's make Mucca Schmutz this week!
Milestones:
8/19
Gene 30 sf (#5)
Lefty 100 r (#21)
Markley 200 ab (#22)
8/26
Heffe 1350 ab (#2)
D 300 ab (#18)
Lefty 150 h (#20)
D 10 sf (#21)
Knight 10 bb (#21)
Markley 20 2b (#24)
9/9
Joe 400 rbi (#5)
9/16
Pope 550 h (#6)
Knight 30 2b (#18)
Chopper 10 bb (#22)
9/23
Gene 800 ab (#9)
Chopper 300 ab (#19)
Markley 150 h (#21)
But I needed an angle and it came from...mom. Mom who wiped my face when I was a little kid, when spillage was a regular part of eating, and like most babies, I wore my dinner on my face.
Here's the deal...Larry, my housemate/teammate/friend and I often go over the teams and where we stand and what we have to do, etc. etc. etc. Basic scoreboard watching but without the scoreboard.
And in this league we are reduced to talking about...the Dusty Nuts...the Duck Snorts... I mean who comes up with these names? And how are we supposed to remember the difference between them?
So I decided that from now on, all the teams with two names will have one name changed to...Schmutz. That's right. It rhymes with puts. No not putz, another Yiddish word, puts like in "We puts the Goat Schmutz out of their misery in four innings last week 26-6."
You might ask what is Schmutz? Well the Urban Dictionary has a few more plebeian definitions (look them up: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schmutz), but the basic idea is it's something dirty and greasy you have to wipe off your face, or some other surface. So Mom wiped the schmutz off my face when I was a baby. And later when I should have known better, bade me "Wipe that schmutz off your face" (and later "wipe that smirk off your face," but that's another story).
And that's what these teams are to the Coneheads, Schmutz on the road to cotton to be wiped away.
Our opponents will heretoforth be named Duck Schmutz, Badger Schmutz, Goat Schmutz, Dusty Schmutz, Wood Schmutz, and my favorite (this week's game) Mucca Schmutz. Dub MD gets a pass - they have been around a little while so we remember them by their given name.
Now we only have to remember one name for each team. Much better for old people.
And so after that tough loss against Badger Schmutz, where we outscored them 19-9 in the middle innings, took a late lead and squandered it to lose by a run after having the last outs in our reach, we took it out on Goat Schmutz.
You look at the box score and it was the total team win...nine guys had three hits, none had four. The Larry/Joe combo would have but they and Gene were the only positions in the lineup that only got up three times. Everyone that played the whole game had an RBI and a run scored - even Joe and Larry each were credited with a run. Gene and Lefty were perfect 3-3 (Lefty added a walk). Heffe led the way in a rare four RBI game, although he felt bad because it should have been six as he left second and third with two outs in the second on a groundout. Chopper had two doubles - in one inning - and we only had five extra base hits. Mostly it was get a hit, move the runner first to third, next guy drives him in, and gets the guy on first to third...over and over again. In the Conehead inning third (13 runs), we had eight straight hits, one out and then five more. Definitely contagious hitting.
With Badger Schmutz losing to WMD, it puts us back alone in first, and now it's up to us to keep it that way. Let's make Mucca Schmutz this week!
Milestones:
8/19
Gene 30 sf (#5)
Lefty 100 r (#21)
Markley 200 ab (#22)
8/26
Heffe 1350 ab (#2)
D 300 ab (#18)
Lefty 150 h (#20)
D 10 sf (#21)
Knight 10 bb (#21)
Markley 20 2b (#24)
Joe 400 rbi (#5)
9/16
Pope 550 h (#6)
Knight 30 2b (#18)
Chopper 10 bb (#22)
9/23
Gene 800 ab (#9)
Chopper 300 ab (#19)
Markley 150 h (#21)
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