The Cure For What Ails Ye

What would have been bad is if Johhny's Gang had forfeited on Monday as they threatened when we got to the field.

We needed a laugher in the worst way. Two game losing streak, so unConehead like. The brutal loss by JFT Sunday night.

And there they were: the perfect patsies, Johnny's 1-9 Gang with 9 players, and no one that could stop balls in the gap (of course the only play they made all night was the third baseman on my liner in the first, I have never seen anyone leap that high on a ball I hit).

We were just that close to setting a team record for the number of players hitting for the cycle, but no one could quite do it in the end. Sting was a double short, Chuck, Markley, and Lefty a homer, and Ol' G a triple. So it goes in a 31-4 win. Everyone had at least two hits (even late D), everyone scored and everyone drove in a run. Ol' G broke out of his slump in a big way, sealing it with a home run his last time up. Sting hit line drives and a monster shot, and played second base in that last flip flop inning like he was 22 again. D took out his frustration from the night before on the ball - it must have been flattened after his blast. Lefty just hit a beautiful opposite field line drive on the left field line. Heffe hit the ball hard every time. Chuck was a nuisance, only making an out on a sac fly, Gene was the only one with two doubles, Markley had the only perfect game at 4-4 line shots all to right, Larry slicing the ball this way and that, and Greg and Joe and Don were steady as well. And Don! I don't think you missed Joe once on the mound!

I'm not going to tell you that Cal Bronco lost to the Old Scouts and we are in a virtual tie for first. We don't know how to handle success. So pretend I didn't. We play better when we don't know or don't care.

The mood in the annual birthday pizza-at-the-field night was downright jovial, even hilarious. Probably a good thing we were a little light on the beer - we might just still be there.

Can't keep a good Conehead down (in some cases it takes an implanted rod). Aereolas next, Thursday.

Milestones:

Don         40 sf (#2)
Larry       650 h (#5)
Gene       80 2b (#5)
Don         350 r (#8)
Sting        300 rbi (#12)
Gerry       50 2b (#13)
Sting        600 ab (#13)
Sting        150 g (#14)

Has this been used before? The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

No one should ever tell us what the other teams are doing. Apparently we couldn't handle the truth.

The good - if we won we would have ended up in first place, and earned a first round bye in the playoffs.

The bad - we lost to Corona, who always play us tough.

The ugly - how we lost. No runs after the first inning. Balls falling just beyond our reach and other times we make those plays. It is one of the things that define this team, we go out and get those.

Corona 16 JFT 4, read it once, then forget about it.

Nothing more needs to be said. Except - the playoffs run through Pinky's Pizza, and Advance Construction. We would have had to beat them both anyway, so all we can do is step up our play, because now we have to beat someone twice. Rubber hits the road Saturday.

Milestones:

Haz                250 ab (#6)
Chopper        100 ab (#17)
 

Fa La La La La

It was a Transdyn season to be jolly.

It has been a couple of weeks since our season ended at the hands of the Blue Dots in the championship game, yet again. It gives us time for a little perspective. This puts them ahead 2-1 in the postseason against us in the last three seasons. Which just gives us extra incentive for fall season.

But never mind. This season we continued to improve. We accomplished a lot, and our chemistry is at an all time high, in my ever so humble opinion. There were some great victories, starting with scoring over 30 in our opener, and taking it to Blue Dots in the second game. In the last regular season game, we finally got the Big Kahuna monkey off our back - I don't count the forfeit earlier in the season. We beat a pretty good BASBHAT team to reach the finals, and when you are on the field for the last game of the season, even without reaching the Cotton, you have to consider the season a success. The cliche goes you can't win them all, and it is true, and we won most of them this year so far. In fact, nine regular season wins was the most since 2005, and tied for the second most in this team's history.

The memory has faded of the plays and the highlights from the Kahuna game and the playoffs. So instead, a season perspective on who did what this season:

Starting with: RB, rookie of the year, never mind he was the only rookie. What a great addition. All he did was lead the team in hits, runs, doubles, homers, RBIs, and slugging percentage. Gave us an infusion of youth and energy, speed, showed up without fail (they say that 50% of success is just showing up), and was the consummate team player.

Jason continues to be the best leadoff hitter that I have seen. He gets on, he runs, plays great defense, and leads the league in never being satisfied with his own performance.

Timmy is Timmy. A bit of a down year, but if you need a hit at any given time, he is the guy you can count on. And he can play very good defense for an old guy. And you never need to worry about a quiet dugout with Timmy on your team.

Cage. I can't remember one argument with an umpire or the opposition this season. Could it be Nick has finally grown up? Say it ain't so! Seriously, when Nicage misses a game (and he did twice), I worry, because he is our anchor. There might be one or two players in the league faster than Nick, now that he is a grizzled 30 something, but no one gets a better jump on the ball and therefore covers as much ground, and no one has a better arm, and Nick has learned (mostly) when to use it. And he has great perception about the strategy in this game. Now, if he ever learns to go 'oppo' as in perhaps center field...

Big D or Heavy D. No one hits the ball harder, period. No one in the league is as feared. And no one is a better teammate. And no one wants to be on first base when he is up. Nearly caught RB for the RBI lead and he missed two games, and just off Hama's pace for the batting title.

Hama - the super sub, went out of his way to make games when we needed him, which was all the time with Pauly in the field working all season. Very creative defense at third base. OK, it drives me nuts, there, I said it. But it almost took as many outs away as it cost us, hahaha. Marc is a hitter's hitter - he can place it anywhere any time, with power or a pooch single if that is what the situation calls for. No accident he took the team batting title. In my dreams I hit like Hama. And - I think we've got him thinking that he needs to be a regular on this team.

Woody. That old fart can really scoot. Or could until his heel problem sidelined him again. Woody never has ceased to amaze me since I started playing with him, damn was it 25 years ago really? A pure hitter. And still has a cannon shooting down runners from right field.

Mario. No one prances like Mario. I think I could take him in a race, but we forgot to have post season races this year, so no one got hurt. Mario is a the kind of hitter that you want up in the clutch. He will put it over their heads on occasion, or confound them with an opposite field shot in the gap. And he is Hama's model for playing D (2B) in the short outfield. This season he picked his spots to do that, and it largely worked extremely well.

Coop. Coop has struggled this year, and it doesn't help to say it, but it's all in his head. He just needs to get a few knocks and get his confidence back. You can always rely on Coop, and he's a great team player, talk about always showing up. Handled being moved back and forth from the OF to 2B without a word. A couple of important stats for Coop though it was a down season: he led the team in walks, and had more RBIs than hits, that is clutch hitting.

Monty. Monty has the best attitude I have ever seen on a softball field. He is always positive to his own team, and can needle the opposition without them knowing that he is doing it. To someone with kind of an edge who probably takes it all too seriously (i.e. me), I am amazed by this. And one thing you can guarantee - when Monty hits, we win. Not to mention he brings in the Transdyn cash. But no pressure, Jim.

Rams. Another super sub that is having so much fun, I just know he wants to play all the time, and I think you said you would with Woody out for the fall? Rams is one of those players it takes to win a championship, consistent on both offense and defense. You just don't notice him until suddenly you see him running down yet another tough catch, or hammering a double in the gap.

Sir Guy. Singlehandedly keeps us in every game with his pitching. Did you know when we started playing together he was our center fielder way back in the ancient days of the Chevron sandlots? He had/has a great arm. But then we got a couple of speedy outfielders, and needed a consistent pitcher. Sir Guy took that as a challenge, and has been on the bump ever since. And I swear, he gets better every single year. It's only slow pitch softball, eighteen miles an hour, but the way he mixes it up, he gets more off balance swings than anyone I have seen. He is the master of hitting the front lip. So many times lately, I have seen guys just walking off groaning after popping. up. He is a force.

And me? Well, that is for you to say. I had an off season, just on Tuesday nights this year it seems. Which just means I am due for a better fall.


Milestones:
7/3
Heffe        1100 ab (#2)
Heffe        300 rbi (#2)

7/10 Game 1
Jason        10 bb (#20)

7/10 Game 2
Mario        400 ab (#10)
Hama        10 2b (#25)

Hama        50 h (#31)

The Difference Between Winning and Losing

"The difference between winning and losing a game like that is like the difference between football and bowling."

- Heard as we walked off the field after the Walnut Crackers routed the Concord Blue Meanies 27-4 in a seven inning shortened game. The man who said it had the initials JK and wasn't me, and I have no idea what he meant. I just want to know if I should notify the fan groups of the Professional Bowlers Association (PBA).

They have a Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/ProfessionalBowlersAssociation and a website dedicated to bowling fans, http://www.bowlingfans.com/, if any of you want to do the honors.

In other news, I was once accused of making a game recap all about me by one of my teams. I responded by starting out the next newsletter with: I I I me me me mine mine mine. I promise not to do that today. I will refer to myself in the third person: The Leadoff Hitter hit a gapper, that dashing first baseman made a fine stab on a grounder by Vic, etc. You won't know who I am talking about necessarily. I will remain humble.

I'll just say I am a little bitter that John Banker singled to get Don Clay's pinch runner to second in the third inning as the fifth run. So when that guy hit his first gapper to straightaway center, it could only be scored as a double, and he came up short of the cycle by a triple that coulda been.

It was a huge team game and your Blues hit and fielded on all cylinders, and especially, Clay pitched a masterpiece. I am coming to believe that you can pitch in slow pitch softball in a way that makes the opposing hitters hit line drives and fly balls right at the fielders; Clay seems to make a habit of it. Holding a team to 4 runs in a softball game is pretty good evidence.

The defense had a great game, and was highlighted by Randy Kramasz making two great catches in the one of the middle innings. We may have had one or two miscues but pretty much made all the routine outs, and each infielder made at least one tough play (Ray Maradiaga, Mikey Carlo, Murray Herriman).

Quite a few players had outstanding days at the plate: Kramasz went 5-5 with two HRs. Tom Occhiogrosso had the best day of anyone: He was just a double short of the cycle and went 5-5 with a HR, two triples, and five RBIs. Brian Black was also 5-5 with a HR and two doubles, Maradiaga had a down day but also scorched the middle gap for a two run shot, and Carlo was 4-5, newly installed in the two spot in the order. And that leadoff hitter? 4-5 with a HR, two doubles and a team leading 6 RBIs.

The Crackers or Blues or Creakers or whatever you want to call us have had a rough few weeks, and hopefully this kind of laugher is what we will look back on and say it turned our season around.

Flatheads

This is a Conehead:



This is a Conehead the last two games:



In other words, we fell flat again, this time to those arrogant pizza heads, Pennini's, 15-10.

Two in a row. This has not happened since 2006.

Four innings, no runs. Four double plays. Wonder if that is a record.

It's not a lack of effort, I am pretty sure. It's not the umpiring, even if our two regular fans seemed to think that the ump was in cahoots with the opposition (Chopper was safe, but he gave us a makeup call on Gene's foul ball in the seventh). I think when we fall flat, it's because we try too hard.

From Leo Kottke, a song called Jack Gets Up:

And every night when you lay down
You fall flat, you fall flat, you fall flat
Some of us breathe in the brown ground
Everyday in the morning when you get up and you crawl out of bed

So let's just stop eating the brown ground, and relax and crawl out of bed next Monday. One base hit at a time. Now we have three teams to take revenge on; I suspect we will see one or more in the playoffs.

For what it's worth in a loss, several players had a good game: Chopper of course 4-4 including a two run HR, Big D with four lasers, Heffe with three perfectly placed lacers, Don, who has found the stroke he had last year since his return from vacation, and Chuck who was on three straight times. Greg had a stellar game at third, making two impossible plays. And I even got Mark "Look at me" Hayes out once.

Milestones:

Derek         100 r (#18)
Knight        100 ab (#28)

Punch and Judy

Randy went and screwed it all up.

I was going to write a great post on how JFT won Sunday's game because Gerry and I just dinked and dunked TSOM to death. We went seven for seven with a walk for Gerry thrown in for good measure. The only question is who is punch and who is Judy? Not sure, and we might have to fight to the punch to settle it.

Then Randy had to go and steal all our 80 foot thunder. He had the loudest hit of the game, a laser triple over the left fielder's head, good for one of his team leading three RBIs. And to top himself, he made a couple of great stops at the hot corner, one a swipe, scoop, and perfect fastball right in my glove to nail one of the few hard hitters TSOM has.

Of course we spotted TSOM a lead. They sprinted out to 4-0 first inning, and then 5-2 second inning leads. Our fan Julia was a little worried, but Mrs. Chopper calmly assured her that 'they always start slow.' Nice to see her confidence in us.

Speaking of Mr. and Mrs. Chopper, for your further entertainment, I bring you a sample of Island Fever, I think they call it: It gives special meaning to the grace Chopper showed when he flopped at first base Sunday night (you can't stop the Chopper but you can flop the Chopper!). As you know, Chopper has been extremely hot since he got back from Hawaii. I think there is a lesson here...we all need grass skirts...

(I haven't been able to get the full video yet. The link below will only take you to the video on Lisa's fb page. You will have to friend her to see the whole thing, and let me tell you, it's well worth it).

Chopper in a skirt

Here is a sample. Look on the right. Blow it up. Make it your desktop background. Do what you need to with it.



Back to the game - Joe, followed by Big D just shut TSOM down. A couple of times the outfielders had to run a little to chase down fly balls, but aside from Randy's acrobatics, Joe and Derek made sure everything was routine.

After taking a 'commanding' 10-5 lead, we batted around in the top of the sixth and final inning, to go up by the ultimate final score of 17-5. Joe was a little bummed - no opportunity to get the win and the save; we had taken our first lead of 6-5 when Haze pinch hit for him and got the game winning RBI in the fourth, and by the time he returned to finish in the sixth, our lead was too large to qualify for a save opportunity.

Ironically, next door on field 3 Advance Construction was busy losing to near bottom dweller the Polar Bears. This produces a three-way tie for first with one game to go. It means that if we all win next week, we will still be in third place by virtue of the fact that we had to play the tougher schedule with Pinky's twice, and lost them both, even though we beat Advance Construction handily. The irony is that if we (Advance Construction and JFT) both would lose next week, we would end up in second place.

Well we can't control all that, and all we can do is what we did today - go out and play our best and see where the chips fall. More later.

Milestones:

Gerry        20 bb (#6)
Chopper   50 h (#17)

Fantasy League

In the most improbable comeback in Creaker history, Red came back from a 15-3 deficit, storming through with 13 runs in the bottom of the ninth. After plating three runs, Red turned the lineup over, and handed their fate to their fearless leadoff hitter. He promptly hit a shot so far that Green pitcher Don Clay declared it to be a 10 run homer and gave up and walked off the field. Red 16 Green 15. Hmm.. Ok... wake up...I think I dozed off...Oh yeah, it was my afternoon nap...I was having the most amazing dream...where was I? Where am I? Oh Reality. I like the dream better. Well it has been written elsewhere what really happened. Clay and Green D shut us down. Well, we did hit the ball pretty hard a few times, but it was one of those days where the hardest hit balls went right to someone, and as has been described, two of them resulted in tremendous catches, by Misters Pitzlin and Lumley. It was Green Day. Red hit .390 as a team, no one had more than two hits, and the top five of the lineup went 2-15. There's your whole story. It's official, since we are changing our team names, we are now the Salmon Pink, since we stunk it up like three day old fish. Or the Rusty Reds, cause we definitely needed oil today. Team vote next week.

Chopfest Part II, Or Go Back To Church

Who made the schedule anyway! For starters, we had guys missing a doubleheader to catch the Yankees at the Colosseum and the mini-Yankees in San Ramon. We had guys having to miss shows they have been looking forward to for months (thanks, G and Sting). We had guys making eye doc appointments just so they could miss work to get to the game.

For another the scheduler must have been thinking this: Tear apart the Reds, and get on a roll against a much tougher team, St. Monica's, and they will come in cold and won't know what hit them.

The only problem: I think we shot our wad against the Santa Maria Reds. We have scored 98 runs against them in our last two games with them; I am getting tired just thinking about that many runs. This time a mere 46-11 win, down from last year's 52-29.

Whatever the reason, we came up short, 20-14, in the nightcap of our doubleheader, and could only split against the teams from the other division. We fell out of first place with the loss, as the Aereolas forfeited to Cal Bronco elsewhere.

It ruined a re-coronation night for the Chop. All he did was set a Conehead record four home runs in a game (five in the doubleheader). Even G Pope, who has hit three five times, has not done that. And it was in a slaughter shortened six inning game. I don't like to mix teams (as much as this is almost the same team as JFT) but look at these numbers: Chopper has 29 RBIs, second is Sting at 20 (that's not too shabby either). On JFT, Chopper has 30; no one else has more than 18. Have a season Chopper!

In the opener a bunch of Coneheads fattened up and had great games. Larry had near Chopper numbers: 6-6 with 3 doubles and a long one. Sting hit for the cycle, including a grand slam among eight RBIs. Joe and Gene also were 6-6, and Ol' G had six RBIs himself from five hits.

Milestones:

Heffe       1200 ab (#2)
Sting        40 hr (#3)
Joe          1100 ab (#4)

Larry       500 r (#4)

Chopper  20 hr (#9)

Sting        300 r (#12)
Sting        30 bb (#17)
Markley   50 r (#24)

Then we went kind of dead. I always say, if I am leading a team, that team is in trouble. Well I led the way with a mere three RBIs. We gave up one big (ten run) inning that was the difference in this game.We were only down by a run at that point 14-13, but besides Chopper's last HR of the day, we just were cold, and didn't score at all in the last two innings with the game on the line and owning the hammer.

I don't think the Coneheads have lost to St. Monica's before. But they are a good team that has improved this year. Note that we beat them by only one run in the playoffs last year, and it started us on a roll to Cotton. That was our closest game in that post-season; let's use this one as a springboard to better things as well, starting tomorrow against Pennini's who are smugly sitting as the only undefeated team left. Let's take it out on them.

Milestones:

Chuck      110 bb (#2)
Heffe        800 h (#2)
Gerry       700 ab (#11)
Craig        50 r (#29)

Big Red 26 Black 13

After our recent slump, I was going to petition Hank to change our name to Big Pink.

No need now. Instead, we came up big and Red yesterday against the tough Black team that put it to us last month, and beat them soundly 26-13.

We had only scored 20 once in the last six weeks but we hit on all cylinders yesterday. Red roared out to an 18-4 lead after 3 1/2 innings. At that point it was Red 18, Zakar 4, and the rest of Red zero as Pete put on a show as usual. Even though Black won the next three innings, we coasted pretty much to the end.

Everyone hit yesterday. And hard. Steve Alvarez led the team with 4-4 and six RBIs, but I don't think he hit the ball the hardest. Stinging the ball were Howard ('Don't call me Howie') 'the Babe' Davis (4-5, 2 doubles), Pete D'Alonzo (4-5, 2 doubles), Mike Fragoso (4-5, double and a triple), Brian 'I don't stop at first' Black (4-5, 3 doubles), George 'I don't stop at all' Sayatovich (3-5, double and a triple), and Bill 'Shaken, not Stirred' Dewlaney (3-5, 3 doubles, 5 RBIs). Bob Eddy and your reporter didn't do too badly, either each 3-5, and the latter had the team's only home run. And for comic relief I struck out looking. Just call me Dave Kingman. Everyone had at least two hits, and I think the team's fifteen doubles has to be close to a Creaker record for a game.

And we played some good D. For us that means there was only one inning we gave the opponent six outs.

We are BACK.

You Just Can't Stop the Chop

We all thought that Chopper was a damn good, if unorthodox hitter.

Greg had a nice thought going in the dugout after the Chop's second home run. What if Chopper had a son? Poor boy, he would have grown up with a tomahawk swing just like daddy's and probably could hit a gapper at the age of three. Then one day he goes to his first T-ball practice. He comes home crying.

Chopper: "What is it son?"
Mini Chop, sobbing: "Coach said I swing all wrong...sob sob...he made me sit on the side practicing swinging level, and then I came back to the tee and I missed the ball every time...sob sob..."
Chopper: "Did you hit it when you swung our way?"
Mini Chop, suddenly glowing: "I hit it over the fence every time, just like you showed me!"
Chopper: "Well damn, son, I will just have to ask Mommy to talk to Coach."

It was a fine night to be a Conehead. We hit on all cylinders, and we fielded almost entirely cleanly. Gene made a great shoestring catch in the first that set the tone defensively. Later Sting made a great running catch (and nearly had another almost identical), and Chuck started our obligatory 6-4-3 double play.

The game was marked though by a series of Big Hits. The first was in the second inning, after we pushed 3-3 in the first. Joe came up and put a shot down the line past the left fielder for a two run homer. He was just a blur as he rounded the bases. In fact it seemed like it was Markley running, he was so fast. Oh, it was Markley? No wonder. Thanks for clearing that up.

In the third, your humble reporter came up with one out and the bases loaded. They were loaded because Ol' G wouldn't walk, and got a 30 foot dribbler hit to load 'em up. When I came up our Sunday teammate Randy got busy orchestrating the defensive alignment. mostly the Old Scouts ignored him. He forgot that I can hit line drives to the left center gap on occasion and that is exactly what I did, clearing the bases with a double. It made it 8-3 and it was 10-3 by the end of that rally and we were off and running.

The next inning it looked like we were going to waste an assuredly intentional walk to Joe and a single by Gerry, when Sting came up and planted a bomb over left center, and you know he loves nothing better than running one of those out. Big two out three run homer.

But the night belonged to Chopper. After the Scouts closed it to 13-9 with a six run rally in the fourth, he led off the fifth with a solo shot. You know, he told me a couple of weeks ago he has been working on pulling the ball. Tonight came the payoff. That first one was crushed to the left center gap, and even though there was no goosing we all knew he could take his time around the bases, even if he didn't.

The next inning was the signature shot though. He came up with the bases loaded and one out and blasted another one to the same spot, although the tape measure may have proved it be hit further. This time he was in full on charging mode and I had to hustle to get home ahead of the Goose. Before the inning was over it was 25-9.

The Old Scouts rallied in the seventh but we all know they weren't coming back from a fifteen run deficit. Joe pretty much had most of their hitters in the palm of his hand, and even though their good ones got a few runs in, it was way too little and too far past Chopper's at bats to make a difference. Final score: Coneheads 25, Old Scouts 16.

And don't worry Chop - even if you didn't have that son, there are plenty of opportunities for a man to coach little league - they take all kinds of volunteers. Just don't let the other coaches see you swing before they hire you.

Milestones:

Heffe        140 2b (#1)
Larry        300 g (#4)
Gerry        200 g (#8)
Chopper   100 rbi (#19)
Chopper   10 sf (#19)

Just Bleeping Terrible, or Was It?

I know I shouldn't single out anyone for the debacle last night.

The facts are that we had a 7-1 lead early thanks to batting around in the second, and then JFT stopped hitting, and Pinky's chipped away until it was 7-5 and then erupted for a 17 run fifth inning rally to clean us out. Final score 22-7.

But I wanted to single out one player. Timmy was the designated platoon man for Joe last night, and he begged and even demanded that Joe not play him, so Joe would stay in the game. I just thought that was a singular act of unselfishness, and he deserves our greatest respect for putting the team first. So he is my vote for MVP.

We will never know what would have happened had Joe stayed in the game. They just caught fire and they are a very good to great team.

It's softball. We ensured (almost definitely) that they will be our first opponent in the playoffs. Same thing may happen again. Or we may rise up and they won't know what hit them. If we hit like we did in the second inning last night, we can beat anyone. Look at what we did against Advance Construction - we crushed them and they haven't lost another game. You just never know and that's why we love the game.

No one stood out hitting wise. All that needs to be said is of our last eleven batters we had one hit and one walk. You can't win that way in this game.

So we will eat their dust and come back and get on a roll for the playoffs. That's all there is to do.

Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

Side Story: It's good to be a fast outfielder. It's even better to be behind one at a stop light.

This is because after the last Conehead game, I was behind our own Sting at the light to turn onto Camino Pablo. Reg was a little impatient, or in a bit of a hurry because Mrs.Sting wanted him home. Well, our hero stopped his car, dashed out, ran to the stop light, pushed the pedestrian crosswalk button, and was back in the car when the light changed. Go Sting!

Saved me from doing the same thing. Thanx.

I have a friend on the Creaker Red team that calls me Hollywood. I can't imagine why - could it be because I show up in the morning games at 9:29, one minute before game time, and I am the lead off hitter?

He may think I want to have everyone waiting on me and be a show off. In fact, as a manager on my other teams, I hate when players show up late or just before game time. What he doesn't know is that I am just a night owl, never been a morning person, and getting to a softball game at 9:30 in the morning for me is like 6:00 for other people.

At any rate, I took his nomenclature at its face value and went on vacation from my semi-permanent vacation to the land of tinsel and dreams. Perhaps I would finally be discovered. I happen to have a musician friend somewhat connected in show-biz - he was playing in a bar and grill two blocks off Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills on Friday night. This was it. So old Heffe went off in search of stardom and wealth last week.

Break into song now,

"Come and listen to a story about a man named Hef, a simple softball slut in search of Cotton anywhere.
Then one day he was taking grounders and BP, and up through the ground came a bubbling crude."

Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

Well the first thing you know ol Hef's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said 'Hef move away from there'
Said 'SoCal is the place you ought to be'
So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly.

Hills, that is. Swimmin' pools, movie stars. Year round softball"

So I packed up my gloves and bat and went on a tour of the gold country and then down to 90210. And guess what: I wasn't even discovered. Although, on the way back, I stopped in oil country at the last intersection where James Dean stopped before his violent demise:

And so, I am back.

It was really an early loss by the Coneheads sent me away in despair. Once again the dread Cal Bronco beat your Heads senselessly. This was two weeks ago Thursday. We were so flat, I thought I was in the Central Valley. Oh, that's right, I was in the Central Valley. But that was later when I sought my fortune.

There was only one highlight against the Broncos - Greg the Knight hit for the cycle. He is making a habit of that, did it again the next Monday McKnight, but we will get to that later. On the last Thursday when we lost to the Broncos, there was a weird feeling in the air - no one (except Greg) particularly hit, no one caught the ball. The Broncs even kept it in reach; we trailed only 7-4 after four and had the hammer. But we couldn't tame the Broncos this night. It's OK, we play them again and we all know what happened last year when we met in the playoffs. And it's not OK, we need to learn how to break out and fight through it when we fall flat like that.

Milestones:

Gerry         450 h (#10)
Knight        20 2b (#20)

For the next Conehead game there was a perfect storm of missing persons. Gene and Don and Larry were on vacation. Reggie and Markley found things more important than Conehead ball to do on a Monday night (Really?). Ol' G had a meeting, and Derek had a commitment. Lefty was being Lefty. At that point we had six actual Coneheads available. Luckily in the end, Ol' G and Heavy D found a way to get to the game, and subs Cage, Bobby, Gentleman Jim from JFT, and Bill who is always there for us filled us out to be a pretty good team.

Still, we were pretty rag tag. The last time this happened was last year against the Old Scouts, and it was on the same field at JM. I didn't like this one bit. Luckily this time our opponent was the Waitlisters, not one of the powerhouses but a pretty good team.

Then things got weird. The Waitlisters have some pretty young (for our league) players who carried them to the championship a few years ago (although I still think that was a fluke). At the time they insisted that they were grandfathered players from when we were a C league, just like Cage on our team. The are all back on the team, and they might even be 35 by now. At any rate I couldn't complain about that since Cage was one of our fill ins. And I didn't even want to - we would just beat them.

Then they came out with their Green Mayhem bat. And an arsenal of other USSSA bats. I couldn't believe it. We had the bat controversy last year in the playoffs - how could they have missed the memo and then the follow on memo and on and on and on. It's pretty simple - we are an ASA Bat league now, you either have the ASA sticker on your bat or you can't use it.

We called them on it and they bitched that we were the bitches. GET A CLUE.

And then in about the third inning our own Derek goes up to bat and he's toting a Combat Senior Bat. WTF?? He smokes one into right center, and he told me that one of their players used one so it was payback. I was so concerned with their damned USSSA bats I didn't even notice they used a Senior bat. And to think, I could have brought mine! I could have been the one with the laser line drive. That's right, when I use a senior bata I hit just like Heavy D. I couldn't argue with his logic but luckily after that the bat controversy went away and we just took care of the business at hand - coming back on the Waitlisters after spotting them an 8-3 lead after two. We chipped away until it was 13-11 after five and then had the shutdown inning in the sixth, put up three to take a lead, and then shut them down in the seventh. I think they were a little stunned that it was over and we beat them, yet again. Instrumental in there somewhere, Heavy D, the lefty playing third, turned a nifty double play, I think it was 5U-4, to nip a rally.

Cage in a cameo appearance went 4-4 with a team high 3 RBIs, D had a triple to start our scoring among three hits, the Heffinator was 3-3 with a walk, and Joe's bat is back with three hits, and how about yet another double on those reconstructed knees (oh that was Bill running).

Special thanks to Cage, Bill, Bobby, and Jim. Literally couldn't have won without you.

Milestones:

Heffe           300 g (#3)
Gerry          10 gw (#8)
Chopper      10 3b (#18)

Chopper      150 ab (#21)
Cage            20 2b (#)

And then there was the Usual Suspects, which always fixes whatever ails us. I like to think of this as the Goose Goose, no Goose Game. This is because yet again I was on first when Chopper hit a blast over the right fielder's head, and gets a head of steam behind me as I jog in to score easily. But this time I was prepared, there was not going to be a repeat of the Goose incident (for those who don't remember or didn't see the tabloids (Headline: Man or Goose? Chopper Gooses the Hef), he goosed me when he hit a home run on the exact same field a couple weeks earlier. No Mas. I ran the last few feet backward, although if you think about it, maybe that wasn't so smart either.

It may also be remembered because this was the game Ol' G refused to lie and say a runner coming into second was safe even though he was out and the ump got the call right, but the Suspects more than suspected otherwise, and demanded that he admit the call was wrong, and furthermore, overrule the umpire. C'mon G, where is your honor? How can you refuse a run on sentence like that? Man up, Man.

Nevertheless, as mentioned above, the real hero of the game was the McKnight, who got his second cycle in three games (good for six RBIs). I have hit for the cycle exactly once in 30 years of softball, so that shows how easy it is for some of us. Chuck contributed five hits, Sting, Bill, Joe and Gerry had four.

Big game tomorrow against the perennial South Division winner, those Old Scouts. Should be good times.


Milestones:

Joe              400 r (#6)
Ol' G           30 3b (#13)

If you made it this far, either I love you or you are insane, or both. You pick.

And A Charity Time Was Had By All

That madcap group of Mud(Hen) (Rip)City (Cone)Head (Free)Agents once again had the most fun of all at the 15th or so SWC Charity Tournament and Cornhole exhibition in Daly City's Westlake Park on Saturday. The fact that we lost twice to the hated 12 Angry Men and we didn't get our coffee mugs (or whatever they gave out this year to the winners) was incidental (What? No Cotton?). We played to the last game, and Cornholed longer and ate and drank better once again. We won a couple and rebounded nicely from the previous year's three and out debacle to make the championship game this year.

I put it up to a vote, comedic highlight of the day:

1.  Ian grabbing a fly in right in the first game, and snowconing the ball with a grin that could be seen in both dugouts.
2. Andrew with a mighty Casey swing, and the resultant cue shot up the third base line. They didn't have a chance to get him out.
3. Ho stumbling, fumbling, tumbling, flipping (!) and flopping and somersaulting and still getting a putout on a grounder to the mound.
4. And for good measure, Hector telling the a-hole who kept trying to take out our pitchers' feet and knees with dead aim liners and hot grounders up the middle that 'you hurt me', AND GETTING AN APOLOGY (OK it was just a bit sarcastic, but still).

Other Highlights:

Marv burning the left fielder in game 1, fourth inning.
Reggie breaking out of his 'charity' funk in the same inning with a towering fly over the left center's head for a double
Ol' G with a gapper straight up the middle for a two run triple that made the score 7-4 in the first game that essentially ended it. Later, in the penultimate game, one of the rare highlights with another gapper up the middle for an RBI double. He also added that near death catch-flashback-collision with Andrew on the pop up behind second.
Heffe getting an extra base hit off the dread 12 Angry Pissheads, and not going ballistic after a called third strike over his head that fell several inches behind the strike zone.
Kevin hitting line shots and tracking down fly balls all day, but then nearly hitting into a triple play against the Pissheads. Only the Pissheads pull their first baseman for dropping that throw, even in jest.
Ian slashing line drive after line drive all day long.
Jason turning a couple of double plays, including being part of all three outs one inning after one 6U3 DP, and Netz with a great turn at 2B on the other.
Andrew being Andrew with 10 hits, and hitting the shot of the day - a blast to the parking lot in deepest right center field on the north field. And keeping the Dread Angries from running on his cannon.
Ho finding his groove by the second game he pitched. It bodes well for Rip City in the fall, although I still think they should take up a collection to get Hector a helicopter ride home or maybe a limo after the games so he is in good enough shape to teach his Thursday morning classes.

Stanley with a big fly to right, and a great play at 1B to get the lead runner in the first game that set the tone.
Larry hitting with authority all over the place but taking the bad luck hitting it at em all day award.
And Dub for organizing it, juggling 14 players without pissing anyone off (although no one really took anything too seriously today), and being our grill man extraordinaire. Some day we may let him win a cornhole match too. Er NOT.

See you all sometime on the field in the fall, or if not then winter ball or at Steak night or perhaps even another Poker night once again. Of course if you ever want to challenge me and Jason in Cornhole, we are available.

Definition of a True Softball Slut

Over the holiday weekend, my regular Sunday team was off. Instead of my girlfriend coming to my place to watch my game, I was going to spend the weekend at her place in Marin County. Besides, we had a wedding to attend in the wine country.

I was looking forward to a great party, and a softball free weekend (kind of). But then, I heard - a team I used to be on in the Sunday morning Jewish league was calling for players to travel to Marin to play in the first cross-bay Jewish softball tournament that Sunday afternoon. They were calling the Walnut Creek team an All-star team. Well, I may or may not be an all star, depending on the context. That's up to you to decide. But I threw my hat into the ring - I said I am going to be in Marin anyway, so if they needed a slow footed first baseman with no power that gets on base a lot, I am available.

Wouldn't you know it, they needed a player.

Then it gets complicated. My daughter wrecked her car, and had no wheels to get to work while it was getting repaired. I have my old motorcycle - it is not as old as me, but it is just as worn down. It's kind of grumpy like its owner. At any time it may or may not decide to start, or continue down the road.

Being the great father I am, I decided to loan my car to my daughter. It's just the kind of guy I am.

Now I had to pack my motorcycle for the weekend. I had to bring five pairs of shoes alone: Dress shoes for the wedding, sneakers, sandals for casual time, I had to wear my motorcycle boots, and of course bring my cleats. I had to pack my computer because really how could I go without it all weekend. And there was a suit for the wedding, and my softball uniform, etc. etc. etc. The rig ended up being as big as when I used to go camping on the bike. In the end I had to wear my softball bag, luckily I bought one of those backpack deals for my gear. There I was, tooling down the road, packed to the gills, and the softball bag flopping back and forth behind me. OK, not the safest way to travel, but I managed to get to Marin in one piece.

Then I had to make a stop at Walgreen's. Not too bright. The motorcycle decided it was time to take a break and wouldn't start. It must have been really stressed out by all the flopping around. But just then a good Samaritan came by, and offered to help me push start it. Ah Ha, I said to the bike, refuse me now.

It started and I made it the rest of the way.

By the way, we won the tournament. Some of these Jews just can't play ball at all (I can say that, you can't). And the wedding was great, and I took the scenic way home on Monday, and it was an absolutely gorgeous day for riding. Sometimes things just work out.