Writing the last post reminded me of a story. A Legend, really.
You see, my favorite team is called the Coneheads. I am convinced that this is the most fun team in all rec league softball, and we are highly successful on the field and off. Our winning percentage over the 12 years I have been on the team stands at .785. We have won first place in 13 of 28 seasons and won the playoffs 11 times. Do you know how hard that is on an aging team?
I joined the Coneheads in 2000. We did not lose a game the rest of the year. I scuffled at the beginning (why are people nervous when they join a new team?) and then got hot in the playoffs, and never looked back on that team. I hit better on it than any other.
But no matter how well I do, there is something I can never overcome.
I replaced Lucas.
Lucas was 8 feet tall, never made an out and hit the ball out 90 % of the time, and played first base better than Keith Hernandez and J.T. Snow put together.
Every time the Coneheads started talking about Lucas, their eyes would glaze over. More than once I saw drool coming out of our pitcher Joe's mouth when he spoke of him. These are grown men. And our catcher Don, whom at various times I hassled mercilessly, always knew that he could push my button by bringing up the Legend Lucas.
After about 8 or 9 years on the Coneheads, long after establishing myself as one of the most consistent team players ever on the team, I still heard about Lucas. And then one day, I obtained the stats sheets from the two years before I played to incorporate into the stats I had kept since 2000.
You can imagine my shock when I discovered, LUCAS PLAYED ALL OF ONE SEASON, and only made SIX GAMES. His stats were impressive: in 28 at bats, 5 doubles, 6 triples, 5 HRs, 26 RBIs. But he was a drunk who couldn't manage to make half the games, and never came back. Un-real. Did I say these were grown men who drooled?
And someday, I swear, I will pass him in career Home Runs. I only need a couple more. I have time on my side. And my tombstone will say, RIP Heffe, you were better than Lucas.
You see, my favorite team is called the Coneheads. I am convinced that this is the most fun team in all rec league softball, and we are highly successful on the field and off. Our winning percentage over the 12 years I have been on the team stands at .785. We have won first place in 13 of 28 seasons and won the playoffs 11 times. Do you know how hard that is on an aging team?
I joined the Coneheads in 2000. We did not lose a game the rest of the year. I scuffled at the beginning (why are people nervous when they join a new team?) and then got hot in the playoffs, and never looked back on that team. I hit better on it than any other.
But no matter how well I do, there is something I can never overcome.
I replaced Lucas.
Lucas was 8 feet tall, never made an out and hit the ball out 90 % of the time, and played first base better than Keith Hernandez and J.T. Snow put together.
Every time the Coneheads started talking about Lucas, their eyes would glaze over. More than once I saw drool coming out of our pitcher Joe's mouth when he spoke of him. These are grown men. And our catcher Don, whom at various times I hassled mercilessly, always knew that he could push my button by bringing up the Legend Lucas.
After about 8 or 9 years on the Coneheads, long after establishing myself as one of the most consistent team players ever on the team, I still heard about Lucas. And then one day, I obtained the stats sheets from the two years before I played to incorporate into the stats I had kept since 2000.
You can imagine my shock when I discovered, LUCAS PLAYED ALL OF ONE SEASON, and only made SIX GAMES. His stats were impressive: in 28 at bats, 5 doubles, 6 triples, 5 HRs, 26 RBIs. But he was a drunk who couldn't manage to make half the games, and never came back. Un-real. Did I say these were grown men who drooled?
And someday, I swear, I will pass him in career Home Runs. I only need a couple more. I have time on my side. And my tombstone will say, RIP Heffe, you were better than Lucas.
Fabulous!!! This was just great, really, really funny.
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