Comic Relief

You're up 12-1 against a team that plays like the Keystone Kops and hasn't won a game all season. So what to do to entertain the troops...oh that's it, trot your overweight, out of shape, out of breath self out to right field. In your first inning (the fifth) they don't figure it out and hit the ball elsewhere. There is a reason Vintage is in the cellar.

In my second inning (the sixth) they still don't figure it out. In the seventh we trot out JP, who, sorry John, has knees so bad off that he makes me look like a speed skater. They still don't figure it out, instead hitting a routine grounder to 1B Johnny G, and making catcher Dave look like Buster Posey on a pop up.

But in the eighth, the Vintage big lefties were coming up. They had been hitting to left all day, both of them, but now they sensed blood. Boom! Deep fly! High Fly! I ran, and ran (slowly), and looked up, and there was nothing but a very bright yellow ball, and it was not the one with stitches, which completely disappeared. You have to give me credit, I got there, but I had no idea where the ball was at that point and threw up my glove hoping for a miracle. There was a miracle - it didn't hit me in the head and knock me out as it passed within a foot of my head and my glove.

Then the lefty with real power came up and hit a couple to foul territory to torture me, including one all the way to the concrete border of the field - because, really, well, why give me the advantage of not being all tuckered out from chasing them down. And then he put the next one over my head, again directly in the sun.

Somehow after that we managed to get out of the inning without giving up our entire eighteen run lead. So I punished poor Kevin and strongly suggested (begged) him to change places, with him taking the sun in right field and me moving to right center. And guess what - Vintage figured that one out and hit four balls in my direction in the last inning. Two were hits in front of me, but two were in the air and I had to make running catches - I'm sure Selwyn or Ladd would have made them look routine, but at least I got them, including the last out. I'm sure everyone had some good laughs watching me flail about, and I am here but to entertain.

And as I sit here slapping the keys on my laptop which sits on my coffee table as I sit on the couch, visualize this - I probably will sleep on the couch, because my legs are jello, and I can't really feel them. I only hope they return to me tomorrow.

Believe it or not there was a game before my flip flop angst. Granted Vintage is pretty hapless but we played good defense and had lots of timely hitting. In the first, with two outs, Marc, Billy, Johnny G, Paul and John L all had two out run scoring hits. In the second, Steve gapped the middle for a triple and not to be outdone, Dave gapped the right side and came all the way around for a homer, our only of the game.

In the third, after three hits and a walk Billy hit a twisting inside out liner to right that eluded the fielder and rolled nearly to Alamo, and Billy hobbled to first, and then to second, and then to third before finally succumbing to exhaustion. Johhny G brought home his pinch runner with a single for our fifth run of that inning. That gave us our 12-1 lead aforementioned. 

In our last ups, we had the nearly perfect inning. We needed to plate nine batters to get everyone three at bats, and that is exactly what we did, with eight of nine hitting safely, and the fifth run scoring on Frank's blast over the left fielder. 

On defense Johnny G threw a laser to second to get a force out on a 'single' in front of him in RF. On an errant throw from second, yours truly scooped and stuck a tough throw on the turf, before I made a fool of myself on the outfield. Ladd and Paul made some good catches on the left side of the outfield. Marc and JP kept the Vintage hitters off-balance through the first seven innings, and Billy threw well and just suffered from some, ahem, marginal defense to close the game.

Marc, Billy and Johnny G were 3-3 and Marc led the way with four RBIs.

Overall we did what we expected to do. Sadly the Crows won their game and it will take a miracle to get us into the playoffs. But only one miracle happened in right field today, so perhaps there are more  still to come.