Heads Roll - the Mark of the Coneheads

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of Zorro, the alter ego of Don Diego de la Vega, whose mission was to "avenge the helpless, to punish cruel politicians and to aid the oppressed". In fact, I was so hooked that one time, I was watching the TV show in our basement 'rathskellar' (that's what they call finished basements in the midwest), and my sister was hit by a car on her bicycle, they took her to the hospital (she was OK), and I was completely oblivious to the whole event. Zorro's trademark was, of course, that he wore a mask and sliced a "Z" into the chest of his vanquished foe with his sword when he defeated them - was that cool or what?

Zorro Episode

Well, the Coneheads sliced and diced our way through the playoffs after fall season, culminating in the 23rd Cotton season in team history, the ninth in our last eleven seasons. We didn't do it with our patented Conehead innings, rather we just kept steady pressure on the opponents, and built leads in most every game, until it became futile for the opposition.

The season itself was just too easy. The aberration of the tie game with H.B.F. aside, we just rolled through everyone. Oh sure, we had some close games early, but once we smashed Runner Blue 39-12 the first week of October, it just seemed like destiny had taken over. The combined score of the last tree games was 58-27, and when Cream and Clear self-destructed in the first night of playoffs, the outcome seemed too obvious.

And then...

Joe pulls the ultimate Stink Eye, and strokes out (of course we were and are ultimately concerned about our temporarily fallen leader, but really, Joe, you didn't have to stress over the lineup so much - we needed you!).

And Larry, our very capable bullpen, and co-pitcher in the fall (who led us to glory a couple of years ago when Joe was in Israel praying at the Wailing Wall for a Conehead win instead of on the field), takes just a shot off his knee in the first game and before he can get to the dugout, it's all blown up.

Well, now, fellow members of the BerJudah triangle, thanks for leaving me with the whole weight of trying to get us a win.

Luckily, the weight was placed firmly on the shoulders of our now newly crowned Mr. Conehead, Big D. Big D rose up and pitched his heart out. He even took a ball off his pitching hand in one of the late games, and still threw strikes despite his hand being all swollen up.

And despite the adversity, and the fact that our bats were relatively quiet all day (not a single Conehead inning for three whole games), we really still had a pretty easy time of it. Oh sure we lost a tight one in the first championship game, but really, it's a disadvantage to sit for two hours while the other teams stay hot, as long as it isn't a 100 degree day or something. Several of us were literally napping while we waited for our opponent to be determined for the Championship round, and we stayed napping throughout that game.

You gotta watch out for those eight seeds. They've got nothing to lose. We ended up playing the Hawks three of the four games on Championship Saturday.

But when the chips counted, we showed that the cliche is true - a great team finds a way to win when they aren't at their best, and when they face some adversity. The games we won were not close - 15-8, 17-5, and 17-8, and in the penultimate game we were never really threatened. It helped that D shut down the Hawks for three innings, and by the time they had their one threat with a six run fourth, they already trailed 11-0. And we responded with a five run fifth, and that was pretty much that.

Once again, our defense is what separated us. We just didn't make that many mistakes. The highlight of the day was in the Dub MD game, second inning. Gene dove for a slicing line drive on the right field line, and came up with the ball. There was a  runner on first, really fast - he was already at third chatting it up with Randy when Gene showed the ball, and Gene tossed it to me to end the inning with the double play.

In the second game, Randy made a great stop on a dive to get a force out, and the next inning Pope made like a wide receiver and took a long ball away from the Hawks' power hitter.

Even though our bats were relatively quiet and we didn't have a patented Conehead inning, we tried a different MO. We scored in nearly very inning - 15 of 19 in the three wins. So the scores snowballed in each of those games.

Derek led us in RBIs with 10 for the playoffs, and this was despite being basically intentionally walked four times. He even hit one ball so far that he trotted all the way around the bases before they could retrieve it and get it in.

Chuck, except for in the loss, was just a complete nuisance to the other teams, on base all the time. That just illustrates the impact he has - he goes o-fer just once and we lose. He hits, and we win. Set the table, indeed. No pressure though Chuck.

Chopper was a little under the radar, but when you do the final tally, you find he led the team in slugging percentage and average, and doubles and tied in extra base hits. And - there was not a single Chopper base running moment - in fact we almost put him in for the strangely struggling Gene on the bases.

Not under the radar was Bruce - he set what must be a Conehead playoff record with four triples in the five game playoff series. Which was great for me personally, because batting behind him, my bleeders and short liners scored him after each one.

As usual everyone contributed - everyone had at least a couple of RBIs and runs scored - even Larry who was 4-5 before he was felled. The comic relief was provided by Gene, who kept having adventures on the bases. In Game 3 he couldn't win - he ran through one stop sign and was out at the plate. Then he was sent another time, and was out at the plate.

It was good to see order restored after missing the playoff win our last two seasons. And if we ever falter again, maybe we just all don masks and bring out our swords.

And Joe, no comments about Zorro being known as the "Gay Blade".

Milestones Game 1:
Larry         1300 ab (#3)
Heffe         20 gw (#4)
Ol' G         30 3b (#8)
Randy        50 g (#25)
Buddha      50 ab (#38)

Milestones Game 2:
Chuck        1150 h (#1)
Chuck        120 2b (#3)
Pope          650 h (#6)
Chopper     20 bb (#18)
Knight        150 rbi (#20)

Milestone Game 3:

Bruce         10 3b (#21)

Milestones Game 4:

Chuck        1750 ab (#1)

Gene          450 rbi (#5)

Gene          950 ab (#8)

D               350 h (#13)

Step One of Four - The Way is Cleared

This is Lefty with his playoff Game Face on:



This is Lefty catching a fly ball:


Smooth as silk

This is Lefty hitting, in his mind's eye:

This is Lefty with two strikes Monday night:


This is where Lefty ended up with three strikes, and YER OUT:

You might think that this post is all about Lefty, and his uncomfortable looking strike three swing...but as usual Craig is all about providing comic relief.

It's really about Randy and the game he had. On a night when our hitting was somewhat out of sorts, he went 3-3 with the defining blow to put us ahead 10-6 in the bottom of the second. It was a three run homer to deep left center, scoring Larry and Chuck after we had taken the lead on a perfectly placed line drive double right on the right field line by Larry.

After Randy's long ball, Larry held the Snorts to two runs over the next three innings, and it was all but over. He had one inning where he got the 2-3-4 hitters to fly into three straight can of popcorn outs. I think he needed but four pitches that inning. His clutch pitching against those guys caused their best hitter (batting 5th) to bat three times leading off innings with the bases empty. Of note is he barely beat Bruce in LC early on, and Pope ran one down nearly to field five on his last AB.

The other big blow was Bruce's gap shot triple in the first that gave us our first lead, and set the tone of winning every inning (we won or tied every one except the third).

Randy also turned two outstanding plays - a tough hot shot that he made look routine for a 5-3 putout in the top of the fourth, and catching a pop up against the fence in the fifth. Most guys at our level shy away from the fence on that play. To complete his night he even drew a bases loaded walk for an RBI in the sixth as we put up three insurance runs to get to the final score of 15-8.

Chuck stayed very hot - matching Randy's 3-3+BB and scoring three runs. Best Acting Oscar in a supporting role goes to D for somehow selling the back end of a double play in the third to end that frame. How he did that from two feet off the base, I'll never know, but whatever works! Must have been the lights shining off his pate. Temporary umpire blindness. Pretty bright out there.

We are back in action against Dub MD Monday, and it can't come soon enough. Cream and Clear bowed out early in week one. The Way is Cleared. But Dub MD will be gunning for us - don't forget it was they who two years ago beat us in the first round and forced us to beat them twice to snatch the title from the losers' bracket.

Milestone:
Lefty        250 h (#18)

Almost Got The Ringer

There is an expression that goes "close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." War metaphor aside, Transdyn did come close to Cotton this fall despite being bumped to the Upper league and our 1-4 start. We just couldn't get that horseshoe to drop in the right place.

Appropriately enough the team that put us out, once again, was the Ringers. We had a ton of momentum going into the playoffs with our gaudy five game winning streak and victories over every other team including the first place Sons of Pitches, twice. I'm sure they were relieved to see us gone for the championship game, even though the Ringers are younger and faster, etc.

The dread Transdyn disease reared its ugly head once again. For some reason, our hitting shuts down in the playoffs, more often than not. We have suffered at the hands of the Ringers now 17-2, and 18-1 in Spring 2014 and to the Brews Brothers 16-0 in Fall 2013. I just can't explain it. We are simply better than that. Apparently the pressure of Recreational Playoff Softball is just too much for us. I think I will look into a professional sports shrink for next year. Or maybe a hypnotist. Or maybe we will reward everyone on the team a cash prize or so many virgins for each hit. Get the checkbook ready, Monty.

Or, maybe we will just let it all go next time and play like ourselves. There must have been some highlights but none were on the offensive side of the ball game. Jason had a nice double to open the game and it was all downhill after that. We all batted twice, no one more, and Pauly and Mark were the only ones with multiple hit games.

On defense the Ringers kept trying to pick on Cage for some reason, and he just kept running everything down. It would have been much worse without him roaming center field. Jason made a nifty 6U-3 double play and that was about it. They just kept hitting and we didn't, that simple.

It doesn't take away from our heroic effort to get into the playoffs, and finish only a half game out of first place. We tied our all time high in wins for the entire year, and also for fewest losses with an overall record of 20-5. Not too shabby.

But the playoff loss just gives us more incentive for next year. Anyone with any ideas on how to break this trend, please submit your entries to this blog. There will be prizes.

See you next year.

Milestone:
Heffe        750 h (#1)

That Time of Year

I had a dream last night. The Giants and my Cardinals were playing in the NLCS for the National League pennant. I was barbecuing some chicken. The game was coming on and I couldn't decide how I would continue to barbecue with the game on. Then I realized that I just had assumed the Giants and Cardinals would be in the NLCS, because they have been often in the last few years, but actually it was the Mets and Cubs. I didn't have to worry about missing dinner.

Pan out and you could see over the fence I had a neighbor that was a Dodger fan. He was also barbecuing, but there were like giant white pillows or marshmallows floating around his head, and he had nothing on the grill. So it wasn't a nightmare. He was chanting something like "Kershaw and Greinke, and pray for...Kershaw and Greinke." It didn't rhyme at all.

All of which is to say that although the Giants and Cardinals are not in the hunt any more, the Coneheads remain the constant. We finished off another undefeated season, albeit with the *asterisk-tie, and handed Pat's Bats a death blow to their playoff hopes, 21-13 (or 20-13 depending on if you believe the official scorer or our book).

In the beginning, we spotted them a 4-0 lead. Since we had already clinched first place seeding for the playoffs, the game had no meaning (other than to avenge our loss in last year's playoffs to Pat's Bats) for us. A few years ago, in the Walnut Creaker (over 50) league, my team was in the playoff consolation game for third place (they played for such silliness because either the Old Guys need the exercise or they are the true softball sluts, not sure which). We were not exactly playing hard and were way behind. Apparently, I spouted out, "You guys are playing this like this is a meaningless game." We went on to come back and win the game. Our pitcher, Don Clay, said that that was the funniest thing he had ever heard on a softball field. I forgot all about it, but he brings it up now and then when I see him on the field.

I say this because I kept expecting to hear this Monday night from someone. But it did not come. Instead a Conehead inning erupted in the bottom of the third for eleven, or twelve, runs. Yours truly started the fun with a nine hopper through the infield. Then everyone else in the lineup got a hit until it came around to me again. Chopper had a run scoring double in the beginning and the Buddha had a Conehead triple that cleared the bases later, making it 10-4. Or 11-4. I hate when the book doesn't agree with the scorekeeper, but at least in this case it was in our favor.

You have to give credit to Pat and his Bats - they kept coming back. Four in the fourth (which we answered with four of our own), and five in the fifth made it fifteen, or sixteen, to thirteen going into the sixth. But Larry induced a couple of popups and an easy fly ball, and they were done. We batted until time ran out in the sixth for a final score of 21-13. Or 20-13. Depending.

Chopper had the play of the game, when he nabbed a foul tip going by to record an out. D gets extra credit for not going ballistic when they intentionally walked him not once but twice in the late going. They call it recreational softball. And not to take anything from D, but he is not the only hitter in our lineup, and Knight made them pay once with a followup triple, and once with a run scoring single. It may have been the worst plays called since Sunday's Indianapolis Colts fake punt with only the center on the line

And if you believe in numbers, the Mets just finished off the Cubs in a sweep. They are in the World Series for the first time since 2000. That happens to be my rookie season on the Coneheads when we went undefeated and swept the playoffs. I like the signs.

Milestones:
Heffe          650 r (#2)
Heffe          1000 h (#2)
Chopper     40 2b (#17)
Knight        150 r (#20)
Randy        100 h (#24)
Randy        150 ab (#27)

Momentum

For the fifth week in a row, Transdyn put together a great game and for the second time in a row upset the first place team, Sons of Pitches, 12-8. With our five game winning streak in tow, we ended the regular season a half game out of first place behind the Sons and the Ringers who tied at 6-3-1.

We are poised to make a run in the one night playoff tournament next week. We have beaten both teams recently, and they have to have doubts in their minds.

We didn't really hit like we are capable last night (nor the season as a whole), except the monster Bert, more on that later. But what separated us this night was our defense. Cage ran like a gazelle covering the whole middle of the field with at least three tremendous catches. Jason took control of a bases loaded one out smash up the middle, grabbed it, stepped on second and threw to D at first in one smooth motion to kill a late rally. Mark absolutely robbed our ex-teammate Donnie with a leap at second to snare a live drive. Chopper ranged far into foul ground to catch a fly ball, and made a couple of other running catches in right field. I even got into the act at first base, falling to my knees and stretching for a rare wide throw from Jay. And there was the play at the plate to nail the Sons' SS, who clobbered one over Chopper's head but his throw to Mark and then the relay to Monty along with some fancy footwork by Monty robbed him of a home run and ended the inning. Unfortunately, the SS was hurt on the play, could be serious, and he is D and Bert and Brian's tournament teammate; we wish him a speedy recovery, but we are glad he was out.

All the while the Sons were throwing the ball around and kicking it this way and that, and that is what made the difference in the game. In one sequence, on a shallow fly to left, Pauly hesitated a little after he tagged up to go home. The throw was just a tad late. In the mean time Chopper went to third and the catcher heaved it back into left field. Chopper kept running and the throw back to home sailed over everyone. It was a Keystone Kop moment.

And, we had the Bomber. Albert lit up the night with two huge two run blasts over the fence in left. That was your run differential right there. He also hit a sac fly to total five RBIs, and started a three run rally in the third with a laced hit to RC.

I like our momentum and our chances next week. We are due to have a big hitting game again too. And I'd put Tom up against any pitcher in the league right now. We haven't allowed more than eight runs in a game since mid-September, and led the league with the fewest runs allowed.

Let the fun begin!

Milestones:
10/6
Coop      110 bb (#2)

Pauly       250 r (#7)
Rene        20 2b (#18)

Rene        100 h (#25)

10/13
Bert         10 hr (#8)
Pauly       200 g (#9)
Tom        50 rbi (#31)

You guys think if you just show up...

...we'll win.

Ever since we had that tie, our fearless leader Joe has been especially ornery. We are like his flock, and everything we do is to please him but nothing is good enough. Maybe it's ever since we didn't get Cotton last year in this league and in the Orinda Summer League - he takes losing hard, and this is what he came up to inspire us.

Think about it though, we could start a whole new trend in sports...just show up! and expect to win!

We need to talk to Steve Kerr. How can the Warriors repeat as NBA champions? Just show up! The other teams will just lie down! I'll bet my last dollar he hasn't thought about that strategy. We could be on to something.

And take the 49ers...please. If they had 'just shown up' they couldn't have done worse than in a couple of their games, against the Steelers and the Falcons and even in the Green Bay game. In fact, I am not sure they did show up in those games. So if they had...who knows? Maybe Roethlisberger and Ryan and Rodgers are so surprised to see the 49ers they start throwing picks left and right.

Joe makes you think a little of Yogi Berra. Joe is from Brooklyn, Yogi plied his trade mostly in the Big Apple, although most of his years were in the Bronx as we all know.

Yogi said, "It ain't over til it's over."

Joe said (when we were up 22-5 going into the last inning), "If we hold them to less than two runs, we'll win." Really?

So yes, I'm afraid that Joe's words putting us in our place must have inspired us. Down 4-0 after 2 1/2 innings, we put up fourteen and eight runs in the next two to put the Bunt Pirates out of their misery. Final score 22-6 (whew).

What does Bunt Pirates mean anyway? There's no bunting in softball. Maybe that's their problem.

In the fourteen run Conehead third, Larry started things off with a walk. Then the merry-go-round continued with three singles and two walks, until Ol' G came up and promptly cleared the bases with a two run double. That put us ahead to stay, and we batted all the way back around to G before we were done. Randy had the other big hit, a two run triple in the gap.

Similarly in the 4th, Heffe started it with a walk and we worked the bases loaded, and up stepped Larry who cleared all three runners with a double to right. Pope and D had back to back two run hits, a double and a triple, respectively. D's in particular was a shot, back spinning nearly to the trees in right field. He had been drooling over how shallow they were playing him the whole game to that point.

Chuck, Pope, Chopper and Larry had perfect games (each walked once and hit in the rest of their ABs). Chuck is as hot as we have seen him in a while, he hasn't made an out for weeks. The webgems included a running catch by Pope nearly to Field 5 behind us, and for laughs, Bruce took a few steps in one one fly ball that started to sail on him, and made a nice recovery to nab it.

We clinched first with a week left at 6-0-1. We play Pats Bats in the last regular season game, and this game is huge for them. If we win, we likely will knock them out off the playoffs. Four teams make it, and they are in third but just a half game ahead of HBF and Dub MD behind them, who both should win their games. I still think we owe them for sending us reeling out of control in last year's playoffs. Payback time.

All in all, we showed up...and we won...in typical Conehead fashion. As long as we keep those 14 and 8 and 20 run innings coming, I think we'll be all right. And we can always look forward to Joe's next "Yogi-ism."

That is, if you show up.

Milestones:
Heffe       400 g (#3)
Ol' G       800 ab (#12)
Ol' G       60 2b (#12)
D             250 r (#15)

One Word - Wow

I wanted to do it, Pope had the ultimate blog idea: I got a rare triple so the title would be "Triple" and that would be it. No body. That might be fitting Conehead tradition (look at me, look at me!). But it just wouldn't be right when the team just went off tonight. Thirty nine runs on 44 hits. An 11 run Conehead inning in the first (ten with two outs) but we were just warming up. We had TWENTY ONE straight hits to start the fourth inning, and by that time we had scored twenty runs. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I remember a 24 run inning on one of my teams, but never twenty before an out was recorded.

Think I should focus on the defense in this game Chuck? (Although Bruce did make a highlight catch in the first going back on a ball, and Pope did the same later in left, and Lefty made a shoe-top catch in the early going).

Eight through twelve hitters (Bruce, Heffe, Chopper, Buddha, and Gene) were 19-19 plus a walk with four doubles, two triples, and two homers. In front of them Lefty and G were 7-9 and behind them Larry/Joe were 3-4 and then Chuck was also 4-4 (plus a walk).

Someone had to make the outs but no one was worse than 2-4. D was the only 2-4 but he had the sac fly that was the game winner as the fourth batter of the game. And hobbled to second and third on his two hits, plus provided the gallows humor as the courtesy runner for yours truly and Joe in the first.

It goes on and on - big bombs from Pope and D and Bruce, and a slicer on the line by Chopper, and I hit the line in right for the triple. Buddha just slashed and burned them for two doubles.

Don't know what else to say. But the lesson is the other team better not try to come back after a Conehead inning (they had a nine run second to 'narrow' the margin to 18-12) - we truly let the dogs out tonight.

And, for good measure, the team batting average was .815.

And to prove what dogs we are - the biggest laugh of the post-game chatter was "We should get their beer - No WE SHOULD GET THEIR WOMEN"..amen.

Milestones:
Pope        950 ab (#7)
D             30 3b (#8)
D             10 gw (#12)
Chopper  450 ab (#18)
Lefty        350 ab (#20)