Who's Got It Better Than Us?

Who's Got It Better Than Us?

Conebody!

Seven Cotton Championships in a row, 2 cities, 3 1/2 years!

Conebody!

Who can win six in a row in a double elimination tournament...somebody...who does it twice in a year, in two leagues in different cities?

Conebody!

Who doesn't even make a single out in the entire season and playoffs?

Joe-body!

Who can hit the pitcher THREE times in a game and the guy doesn't want to fight you?

Chopbody!

Who can hit a laser shot so far into the night that he can hobble around the bases on one knee and get a home run?

Derekbody!

Who can take a year and a half off, be rusty as hell for about one game, and then hit balls the opposition is still looking for, and everyone on our bench says, 'he didn't even get all of that one'?

Pope-body!

Who gives it his all, plays his heart out, gets phased by nothing, and finally finishes a playoff series without hobbling off the field injured?

Ol' G-body

And so on...

So it just isn't fair...I'm going to wax arrogant, and probably jinx the hell out of future seasons but here's the thing - no one stops the Coneheads, except, occasionally the Coneheads themselves. The other team doesn't have a chance. Jinxes no longer matter - we could stop here and it's been the best run probably anyone on this or any team has ever seen since the Yankees in the 50s. I don't even think they won seven in a row though.

I mean, this was a year for the ages...no one wins two postseasons in a row from the losers' bracket. It just doesn't happen. We won 15 games in the two regular seasons, and then nearly as many in the playoffs - 12. We got to play the maximum number of games possible - 33. Only in 2002, when we played three seasons, did we play more games. We won 27 games, matching last year's total, but remember they shortened the Orinda season by three games.

There is no way to top this...who can do it better than that? Nobody, including us.

So, there are only two choices, hang it up, or just add some 'extra challenges'. Well, as the coach in the summer season, I say that next year we are going to have to take on some extra burdens. I hereby declare that next year there will be three designated runners, who will run whenever anyone else gets on base - me, Joe and Derek. That will slow down the Conehead train.

On second thought that won't hold us back at all - in a Conehead inning, everyone hits, so we would just move around the bases one at a time. We had innings of 15 runs and 16 runs in the two championship games against DubMD to salt them away for the long off-season - do you really think it mattered who was running?

So we have to go one step further...Pope has to bat right-handed. I'd say Derek too, but I'll bet he hits it just as hard from the other side. Joe has to pitch lefthanded, and Gene has to run on stilts. Johnny and Randy - they have to go play on another team, say the Old Scouts. Reggie has to try to jack the ball over the outfield every time. Lefty has to drink and herbalize before and during the game, wait, he already does that. Markley has to carry his future twins in matching baby packs, one in front and one in back. Larry has to pitch without the use of any eyesight correction mechanisms. Chuck has to play without getting dirty, one dive and he's suspended indefinitely. Knight has to play in full armor. Ol' G has to run into a concrete wall before every game so he plays concussed. Speaking of Chopper - well, the Chopper school of baserunning is already, um, shall we say non-standard? So don't change a thing.

There - now we have a challenge. But you know what - we'd still win, cause as we demonstrated this year, it doesn't matter the adversity, we will find a way. It's the Conehead Way.

Of course I kid you - the thing about the Coneheads is every single season we are back, and believing that no one will stop us this season either. And so it will be in June and September next year.

DubMD was the hot team in the playoffs - they have added some new talent. They showed us in the first game that they have the means to beat us - once. They had us behind in the second game 11-7, 12-9, and 17-13. Chuck did have just about the clutchest hit of the night with a bases loaded triple in the fourth. When he scored on Sting's single, it seemed like that was going to be the hit of the game. But after BudMD took back the lead with five in the bottom half, it turned out all that was a warmup to the first of the great Conehead innings. Fifteen runs followed by a Larry shutdown fifth, and it was all over at 28-17. The highlight of that inning was the sight of Derek hobbling around the bases for a two run homer while they searched for the ball he hit in Clayton. Even though BubMD rallied for nine runs in the last two innings, we might as well just have gone to the final game at that point, as we finished 32-26.

In the finale, they had us down 8-2, scoreless for two innings in a row. Then Sting hit a colossal home run to start the fourth, and it was off to the races. We had nine straight hits sandwiched around a walk to Ol' G, then two quick outs followed by seven more in a row. This was the best Head rally and tally of the night - sixteen runs all told. Five players had two hits in the inning. The other key hit was a bases loaded triple by Lefty. Up 18-8.

DudMD again rallied, closed to four down twice the next two innings. But at that point the only drama was when were the lights going out on them, figuratively and literally. When they finally did go off in the bottom of the sixth, it was the kindest kind of mercy rule - they knew and we knew, they were beat. 32-26 and 25-19 sounds like they were close but it was truly a beatdown.

And so history was made - Conehead History. When we won four titles in a row early in the last decade we thought this would never happen again, and here we stand with seven in a row. Was this year the sweetest? We have gone seasons undefeated before, and we have won the championship from 3rd and 4th place finishes. But two in one year from the losers' bracket, somehow the sheer surprise value makes this year the highest of the highs. Markley brought up a very interesting and fun stat - in this tournament we ended five of the seven teams' (that lost) seasons - the Swingers and Shenanigans got off easy - they didn't have to face us with our backs against the wall.

Or was this the greatest just because it's the latest? Check back next year; we will find out then.

All I know is I didn't want this year to end, and I don't want this run to end.

Milestones:
Game 1:
Larry         130 bb (#2)
D              200 rbi (#17)

Game 2:
Gene         500 h (#10)
Ol' G         400 h (#13)
Chopper   200 rbi (#18)
Lefty         250 ab (#20)
Randy       10 2b (#28)

Game 3:
Heffe         600 r (#2)
D              250 h (#17)
Chopper   100 g (#18)
Randy       50 r (#28)

Inspiration

Yes, the Coneheads have gone through the classic stages of loss (of blog) while I have been unable to maintain my weekly posts of our games...first they cried out in agony..."where's the blog?"...then anger..."Heffe you have to quit your job, it's interfering with our blog reading"...and denial..."ah we didn't need it anyway...someone else can write it"...and so Gene and now Lefty have provided the recap from last week, fine jobs of prose I might add...if a little old school as it was in email form...and not shared with the huge world of about 15 readers I have.

I had to dig deep, come up with something so inspirational that you will never doubt me again. I even had to go multimedia.

And so I give you...The Wilderness Heather...a short film I made just this morning of my training regimen for Monday night's hopeful tripleheader...it's the last night of softball of the year, one way or another, so it's all out...you may doubt that it is me under that hoodie, but remember these days you can do a lot with trick photography.

The point is, we will do whatever it takes to be ready Monday night...yes it's only rec league softball, but we stand defending six straight championships, in a year where by losing the first game in BOTH seasons' playoff tournaments, we can possibly do the ultimate, win both seasons from the losers' bracket, and play the most games allowable under the rules. It would be amazing.

So turn up the volume, click the link, put it on the big screen, sit back and enjoy...

The Wilderness Heather

Heffe:
I used to write
I used to write letters
I used to sign my name

I used to sleep at night
Before the flashing light settled deep in my brain

But by the time we met
By the time we met the times had already changed

So I never wrote a letter
I never took my true heart, I never wrote it down

So when the lights cut out
I was lost standing in the wilderness downtown

Now our lives are changing fast
Now our lives are changing fast
Hope that something pure can last
Hope that something pure can last

Conehead Chorus:
Now it seems strange
How we used to wait for letters to arrive
But what's stranger still
Is how something so small can keep you alive

We used to wait
We used to wait
We used to wait
Sometimes it never came
We used to wait
Sometimes it never came
We used to wait

Ah and yes there were two wins last week. Lefty and Geno pretty much summed it up but I will repeat if I must...there were three or four big moments.

The first game had only one - Pope's three run blast in the first. Might as well have quit there. Although Good Wood would keep it close (8-5 going into the bottom of the fifth), there never was a doubt and we put it away with a perfectly Conehead bottom of the fifth - we just hit until the slaughter rule took effect. I think it was my first slaughter rule 'walk-off'. Other highlights included Derek with the two of the longest two run singles in history, and a five run third that featured only two hits (four walks and two sac flies).

The Pat's Bats game was a classic. After we had the 10-3 lead they battled back and yes there was a bad call in the outfield that netted us a bunch of runs, and we almost ran out of time down a run in the fifth. But in the sixth Heffe tied it, and Chopper got the game winner when he got his third straight hit (including our other home run) to put us up 15-14. But it was Joe's hit that allowed us to put them away. As Gene said, he hits a grounder, and we go into the bottom of the sixth with but a two run lead. Instead he laces an RBI single, we get two more hits including Pope's second three run homer of the night, and they are down eight going into their last chance.

We don't know what will happen Monday. We can't overlook the Hawks in the first game - they must have beaten a couple teams better than they are to get to the last night. Win one and win often is our motto.

But you know we want another chance (or two) at WMD. They sucker-punched us showing up in the last week of the regular season without their pitcher, and giving us all those walks and taking us out of our rhythm. Won't happen again, I can tell you that.

One Conehead inning per game (two would be nice), and play our usual stellar defense - that's all we need.

Milestones:

9/30:
Heffe        350 g (#3)
Pope        40 3b (#3)
Larry       700 h (#5)
Sting        350 rbi (#11)
Ol' G       650 ab (#14)
Lefty        20 bb (#16)
Chopper  200 h (#19)

10/7
Chuck      1550 ab (#1)
Heffe        900 h (#2)
Gene        400 rbi (#6)
Sting         450 h (#12)
D             50 2b (#14)
Chopper  20 3b (#15)
Knight     150 h (#22)
Randy     50 h (#31)

10/14
Chuck      130 bb (#1)
Pope        200 g (#10)
Chopper  150 r (#18)
Lefty        10 sf (#22)

10/21
Ol' G        30 sf (#6)
Ol' G        250 r (#14)

10/28
Sting        40 sf (#3)
Larry       550 r (#4)
D            100 g (#17)

What's in a Name?

Poor Albert. Told there is this blog and stats and how much fun we have with it, joins us after we go 12-0 in a season for the first time, and all we are still hungry to win the post season tournament this fall. Set up and slammed down. No blog for weeks at a time. No stats. And to top it off, we lose three of four in the middle of the season and suddenly even making the playoffs is in jeopardy.

Clearly we needed some inspiration. And it comes...in a song...and a meal.

(For reference and the tune: Bebop a lula Gene Vincent)
Sing it...

"Well...
BiBimBop a lula she's my baby
BiBimBop a lula I don't mean maybe
BiBimBop a lula she's my baby

BiBimBop a lula I don't mean maybe

BiBimBop a lula she's my baby love"

We have a signature song! Next week maybe I'll even put some softball lyrics with it!

And a team meal!



For the uninformed:

The Transdyn team has a great sponsor. The company has been our sponsor for what 17 years? more? All that time, we were in search of a nickname. I mean how sexy is Transdyn?

For the last couple years we have been getting our post game beer at a dive called variously, The Saloon, the Y'all Come Back Saloon and other names. Next door was a pizza place. We would occasionally get a slice. Then they were taken over by some middle easterners, and started serving Gyros and other Mediterranean dishes. And pizza. Then along came Doug. Doug is a very friendly Korean gentleman, always with a smile. He would say "you win?" and of course we did (especially last season in the undefeated 12-0 season).

And he would smile.

Over time there appeared some Korean dishes to go along with the Gyros and the Slices. It was truly multi-ethnic. And all good. But Doug had other plans. He began to feature the feature dishes of his country Bulgoghee and BiBimBop, the national dish, and others. A side of Kim-chee.

Soon we were chanting before the games, in the games, after the games, bibimbop...
Get a base hit, bibimbop.
Get a gapper or a homer, bibimPOP!

And so it went last week as we broke out of our funk.We cruised to a 12-0 lead after 3 1/2. Then the Twilight Zone hit for an inning - balls were getting lost all over the place, and we barely escaped but were still up 12-10.

We added on in the next two innings which was really important - Cage had a clutch bases loaded two run single in the fifth, and Mario a two run triple in the sixth. When the Brews Brothers got caught in a line drive double play in their last chance, it drove the nail in, but I was pretty sure they weren't going to rally again.

Rene led the way with three hits and a walk (ahem), Timmy had his usual three, Albert and D each slashed some line drives among their three.

So come out singing this week, Bibimbop a lula gonna beat BAHSBAT, Bibimbop a lula gonna beat BAHSBAT...etc.etc.etc.

Familiarity Brad Contempt

Joe is a genius. Well we knew that.

All season long Sting has been wondering out loud how weird it feels to be behind Pope. He has been wandering in the desert, wondering 'where is my neighbor?' (Chuck). But tonight in the second inning after WMD answered our four in the first with five to take a lead, Pope batting second once again came up in just the right spot, bases full of Coneheads with one out and crushed a ball beyond the lights in right field for a grand slam. Only put us up 8-5 but you knew it was over then. We went on to run three more that inning and then after a shutdown second, nine more in a Conehead third just to prove the point. And while WMD even had a late rally to make the final score sound close at 21-16, it was long over.

Other highlights - Dizzy D swinging at ball four, just to get another pitch, and this time he takes it anyway and it nearly was strike three, deja vu all over again, walks anyway. Johnny stinging a couple of balls, and one found a glove so he wasn't perfect, but nearly. Knight driving in three with two hits and a walk. Derek ripping one to RC when he wasn't taking pitches and swinging at ball four half-heartedly. And sending foul balls to be caught barely out of bounds just to piss off BradMD the wannabe Conehead.

Now comes the playoffs and voila we get them again. This time their pitcher will be back - I'm not sure if that is good or bad. We had four bases loaded walks tonight, but we also had guys swinging at ball four a lot just our of boredom.

Four more wins is all we need.

More later, this was just the quick recap to give the fans something to chew on.

Schmutz

It's been a while since I've taken up the pen. I've got my excuses, my rationalizations. Mainly I've been waiting for inspiration, cause the Heads, no matter how great we play game to game, sometimes get into that great rut of win, win, win, occasional one run loss like a couple weeks ago by a run when we made a couple of uncharacteristic errors. Win again. Chuck makes the great dive into the hole; Derek hits the crap out of the ball, the Knight hits line drive after line drive. Pope dives and make a somersault catch (well that is new only because he is back from his hiatus - how great is that?). Lefty complains that we should throw a bone to the other team and then insults them by turning around to bat right handed and slapping a line drive to left.

But I needed an angle and it came from...mom. Mom who wiped my face when I was a little kid, when spillage was a regular part of eating, and like most babies, I wore my dinner on my face.

Here's the deal...Larry, my housemate/teammate/friend and I often go over the teams and where we stand and what we have to do, etc. etc. etc. Basic scoreboard watching but without the scoreboard.

And in this league we are reduced to talking about...the Dusty Nuts...the Duck Snorts... I mean who comes up with these names? And how are we supposed to remember the difference between them?

So I decided that from now on, all the teams with two names will have one name changed to...Schmutz. That's right. It rhymes with puts. No not putz, another Yiddish word, puts like in "We puts the Goat Schmutz out of their misery in four innings last week 26-6."

You might ask what is Schmutz? Well the Urban Dictionary has a few more plebeian definitions (look them up: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schmutz), but the basic idea is it's something dirty and greasy you have to wipe off your face, or some other surface. So Mom wiped the schmutz off my face when I was a baby. And later when I should have known better, bade me "Wipe that schmutz off your face" (and later "wipe that smirk off your face," but that's another story).

And that's what these teams are to the Coneheads, Schmutz on the road to cotton to be wiped away.

Our opponents will heretoforth be named Duck Schmutz, Badger Schmutz, Goat Schmutz, Dusty Schmutz, Wood Schmutz, and my favorite (this week's game) Mucca Schmutz. Dub MD gets a pass - they have been around a little while so we remember them by their given name.

Now we only have to remember one name for each team. Much better for old people.

And so after that tough loss against Badger Schmutz, where we outscored them 19-9 in the middle innings, took a late lead and squandered it to lose by a run after having the last outs in our reach, we took it out on Goat Schmutz.

You look at the box score and it was the total team win...nine guys had three hits, none had four. The Larry/Joe combo would have but they and Gene were the only positions in the lineup that only got up three times. Everyone that played the whole game had an RBI and a run scored - even Joe and Larry each were credited with a run. Gene and Lefty were perfect 3-3 (Lefty added a walk). Heffe led the way in a rare four RBI game, although he felt bad because it should have been six as he left second and third with two outs in the second on a groundout. Chopper had two doubles - in one inning - and we only had five extra base hits. Mostly it was get a hit, move the runner first to third, next guy drives him in, and gets the guy on first to third...over and over again. In the Conehead inning third (13 runs), we had eight straight hits, one out and then five more. Definitely contagious hitting.

With Badger Schmutz losing to WMD, it puts us back alone in first, and now it's up to us to keep it that way. Let's make Mucca Schmutz this week!

Milestones:
8/19
Gene        30 sf (#5)
Lefty        100 r (#21)
Markley   200 ab (#22)

8/26
Heffe       1350 ab (#2)
D             300 ab (#18)
Lefty        150 h (#20)
D             10 sf (#21)
Knight      10 bb (#21)
Markley   20 2b (#24)

9/9
Joe           400 rbi (#5)

9/16
Pope        550 h (#6)
Knight      30 2b (#18)
Chopper  10 bb (#22)

9/23
Gene        800 ab (#9)
Chopper  300 ab (#19)
Markley   150 h (#21)

A Rare De-Feat

On Tuesday we are not used to losing. We had lost just once this year, in the playoffs last season, going into last week's game. It's tough going undefeated, and we learned last season the playoffs are not the place to get your first loss.

So, being really good at rationalization, losing to the Brew Brothers last week was not the worst thing in the world. We had a really bad defensive inning or two, and got down 14-2 going into the bottom of the third. We came roaring back to close the margin to 14-11, and then our last inning rally came up short to fall 17-15.

The silver lining is that we never gave up. And we got Chopper back in the lineup - he only went 4-4 with a clutch two out triple in the second and a two out two run single in the seventh to bring the winning run to the plate. We couldn't finish, but it was a sign of good times ahead. Rene stretched a single into a double on his way to a 2-3 with a walk evening. Dizzy D drove in four, including the last one in the seven run fourth that got us back into the game. We had eight straight hits in that frame, and we never said die.

This will pay off, starting this week against the cellar dwelling BAHSBAT. Our loss tightened up the early race - six of the seven teams are either 2-1 or 2-2. Last season maybe was just too easy, nothing like a tight race to motivate you!

Milestones:

8/6
Cage        10 k (#4)
Dizzy D    10 gw (#8)
Rams       200 ab (#21)
8/13
Timmy      400 r (#2)
Rams        20 bb (#13)
8/27
Heffe        1200 ab (#2)
Pauly        550 ab (#9)

Walk On By

Sometimes I swear I am clairvoyant. Others call me deranged but that's a story for another time.

When the Oaks came up in the bottom of the sixth with us up four runs, I remember thinking, it wouldn't be so bad if they got the maximum five runs in the bottom of the sixth, because that would get through the bottom of the lineup, and use up their top and middle, their best hitters, and we would trail just one run going into the seventh. If we could re-grab the lead, then we would be facing the bottom of the lineup in the last inning.

There's two ways to look at what happened. One is I could see the future.

Or - lesson learned - you never wish for the opponent scoring. We came dangerously close to blowing this game, which we needed badly after a tough one run loss to the defending champs the week before.

But I get ahead of myself.

We showed a lot of character getting to that point. We were down 5-3 after three innings, and had left Chris on third after a leadoff triple. We then came roaring back as eight guys in a row reached safely in the fourth. the maximum five runs without recording an out. Big bases loaded two run hit by Tom.

So there we were up 9-5 going into the sixth. The bottom of the Oaks' lineup up. And there stood Big Ron. And by big I don't mean just tall. Ron has to be close to 400 pounds. We (Sir Guy, our pitcher, and me) have a lot of history with Ron. He's an umpire, has been umping in Pleasanton nearly as long as Guy and I have been playing there, which is like a hundred years. He never passes an opportunity to antagonize us, me personally. We never know if his bad calls are on purpose or just lack of judgment. Bill goes back even further with him - they coached against each other when their sons were in little league. The Hatfields and the McCoys (and if you saw him you would know what I mean).

Ron plays for the Oaks now. He can't hit the ball more than 50 feet, and he can't outrace a snail. I would make fun of him except for the fact I can't hit much further and can't run much faster. But at least I can more often than not fool the other team and get on base.

Not Ron. And there was Sir Guy, ready to induce a weak grounder out of him. But then -

Bill couldn't throw a strike. Ball One, Ball Two, Ball Three Ball Four. Why does it always happen to the best pitchers - they can't throw strikes to the weakest hitter on the opposing team.

And then - Bill still couldn't throw a strike. And he walked one, two, three, how many more? I think he walked in runs three altogether.

Now Bill and I have been playing on one or two teams together for 32 years. That is nearly a third of a century. As a stats slut, I can tell you that we have played approximately 750 games together - I have stats going back to 1986 on our teams. I have never seen him walk more than three in a game. Two in a game is a headline, three is a banner. Now he walks four or more in an inning, I can't recall the exact count, it was like the twilight zone, and time stood still.

So the Oaks get their one run lead, and Sir Guy is worried about the seventh. But we picked him up and got a three run lead in the top of the seventh. Could have been more but it was enough to play with.

People write poems about baseball because the game has such poetry intrinsic in it. Or maybe just that it reflects life. In the end, the Oaks got a little rally going, they scored one, and had two on and two outs. Tying run at first, and who stepped up as the winning run? Big Ron. He tried to draw another walk, but Bill was having none if it this time, Ron had to swing and took a mighty cut and hit a one hopper right back to Bill. Bill came to first with the ball himself, no way could Ron outrace him, in fact he had stopped when Bill fielded it. Bill may have wanted to take the out himself to rub Ron's nose in it, but truth be told, he was afraid of throwing it away with the sudden control problems he had. Game over, just another 13-11 win.

Is that poetry or what?

I've got to say, I saw it coming out that way the whole time.