It's Like You Never Left*

...and like you were always a Conehead.

This last is a tribute to the latest merger of JFT and the Coneheads (Tim), and of course the subject of the subject is Pope, in his return.

Pope's return to the Heads is bittersweet - his hand is all healed up, but he will be out of town for the playoffs, and he insists that he cannot be a regular any more. Can't risk re-injury. He is now officially a Conehead sub. It's a shame, and I won't let this news go down easily. We all know how many times Greg has carried us on his back, and what an infectious and glad attitude he brings to the team. It won't be the same - it hasn't been, no matter how much fun we have had without him.

But for a night, it was just great to watch him hit his patented gappers, a little rusty to start, but when he settled in, he hit two of them for a double and a triple. And took second on a third hit when the outfielder lagged a little on getting the ball in. Everyone held their breath - would he slide? But luckily he did not need to.

And he agreed that he should play catcher in the field in his return. You should know that Joe and I had a side bet (but not for money) on what inning would he want to go out and play the outfield. I think I said the second or third, and Joe said no way, it would be sooner. But Greg fooled us - he didn't ask until the fourth inning.

Timmy just had to find out what the Conehead experience is all about. It is not quite the same now, what with umpires and all. But putting him in front of Joe so he could pinch run from home gave him a little flavor of Orinda softball. You never notice Timmy out in the field - he plays such solid defense, and he held down that spot effortlessly in the continued absence of Pope and Gene gone for an evening.

The game went as expected - the Presidents' Club is not even close to us, and they were shorthanded too. But Lefty brought up a good point after the game - how many years have they faced us and failed to adjust at all to the way some of us hit. Gerry had a field day lacing the ball to shallow right, and they played me deep too. It's no wonder neither of us made an out.

Sting had another great night as well. He hit five of six balls hard - one a line shot hit away from the right fielder, who made a great play to snare it and rob Reg of extra bases. He would still be running. He made up for that with a 'heffe' hit his last time up though. The game giveth and the game taketh away.

Markley continued his quiet relentless pace. He is now 19 of his last 21 and has vaulted near the top of the batting title race. He and Chopper tied for a team high five RBIs in the game too. Maybe Derek will be afraid to show up to the last game to defend his lead in the batting race.

Speaking of which, the importance of beating the Presidents' Club 29-8 is that it officially puts us in position to claim another division title. All we have to do is beat the Waitlisters Monday night. One game at a time and the game is Monday hence. Pretty easy, and it would be sweet to get the top division seeding for the playoffs. Even the Presidents' Club who will finish fourth in our division is a lot better than whoever will finish fourth in the other division, Aereolas or Johnny's Gang.

So one more night and then gear up for the playoff tournament.

It appears that there is enough interest to hold a practice Thursday night, should we get a field. I have not heard back from the league; hopefully by Monday I will have an answer.

Milestones:

Gerry        10 gw (#8)
Gerry        350 r (#9)

*name the musician who released an album with this name

No Bull(y): Walnut Creek 30 East County 26

Our esteemed colleague from Concord Red insists that the four teams in the MDSSL need to have nicknames, and the Walnut Creek team is the Crackers, and the East County team is the Bullies.

But Jimmy Crack Corn and I Don't Care, we came back and beat the Bullies today 30-26.

The game started out in the usual manner (except we got Pete Zakar out his first time up). We took a 7-5 lead through two and were tied 11-11 after four. East County usually teases us this way, and then they pour it on late to wreck us completely. Some of the big hits were a two run double by Randy Kramasz in the first,   a run scoring triple over Zakar's head by Mikey Carlo in the second, and a Ray Maradiaga bases loaded, bases clearing double in the fourth.

We made our usual assortment of mistakes in the field too. It was hot and we had road lag from the long trip from Walnut Creek to Antioch (at least that's my story and I am sticking to it). We seemed like we were just going through the motions: another Thursday, another loss to the EC.

But a strange thing happened. Even though we couldn't get the bottom of their order out it seemed all game, we held them to 1, 2, or 3 runs in the middle innings. All of the sudden it was the middle of the seventh and we were in it, up one at 17-16. EC scored their five, but we answered with five in the top of the eighth. I had the big blow in that inning, a bases loaded double in the left center gap. But they duplicated our feat again, and we went into the open inning down four, 26-22.

Usually this is where we fold up the tent, and say let's get the ninth over soon so we can hit the freeway before noon. That long drive and all. But not today. Starting with a Carlo single, seven of the first eight, and 12 of 14 batters got hits. Steve Schwartz had a two run double. Dan Rainwater followed with a shot that split the two middle outfielders, and neither one moved. The Rain Man hobbled to second, and we were tied. Bruce Yow got his pinch runner to third, and I came up and hit a patented blooper over the shortstop's head. As soon as I hit it, I thought I was out but I looked up and it was twisting and turning him around and sometimes you just get lucky. We were ahead. Don Clay followed with a pop up behind second base that EC made a nice play on but the second baseman was off balance and Yow tagged up and scored the first 'insurance' run. Walks to John Banker and Tom Occhiogrosso (he had three for the day - they didn't want to pitch to him) loaded them up, and Carlo stepped up, all insulted that they walked not one but TWO batters to get to him (I don't think Mikey was, and I don't think they walked Banker on purpose, but the pitches were suspiciously not close to Tom). Carlo deposited the ball in the outfield and two more scored, and we had a four run lead going to the bottom of the ninth.

Doesn't seem like much against East County. But today it was. Following a line out to Occhiogrosso and a hit, and another fly out, up strode Devin Hall, who usually abuses us like the rest of them, with the game on the line. He promptly popped up behind me, and I knew I would not get any help from the Rain Man playing second. I stumbled back, tripped a little on an outfield dip, looked up in the sky, and there the ball was. I grabbed it and game over.

Felt good. I hate Bullies. Even if they aren't.

Kramasz was 6-6 with with a double and triple and five RBIs. The late leadoff hitter, batting ninth today as he arrived at 9:32, was also 6-6, with a double and four RBIs. Yow quietly went 5-6 (well quiet except when he hit and did his wild scream), and Maradiaga also had five hits, but they were loud. Everyone had at least two hits, and everyone scored, and all but one player drove in at least one run. A true team game. At least we beat those guys once in 2012.

CHTV Part Deux (Conehead Reality Series)

There have been some complaints. At the complaint department, which, I suppose, is the best place for them.

I didn't cover everyone in the previous post on the Conehead Reality TV series ("daddy, daddy, mee tooo!")

So here goes.

Markley. Markley reminds me of a rabbit when he runs a ball down in the outfield. Now stay with me on this one. There was a forest fire a couple weeks ago in the Sierra foothills, in a magical place called Shirt Tail Canyon. In the late seventies, I used to hang out there. In fact I built a teepee there and lived in it for a summer, and went there weekends for a couple of years. Shirttail was eight miles down a dirt road called Yankee Jim's Road from Foresthill, CA, near Auburn. I would ride my street bike to the Canyon. When you turned off Yankee Jim's Road after a series of hairpin turns, the road paralleled Shirt Tail Creek for a mile or so. One time, this Jack Rabbit appeared before me on the road. He started galloping like a horse on the road in front of me.

Now granted, I was on a street bike. But I could not catch that jackrabbit. He seemed to laugh at me all the way until the road took a sharp left to cross the creek, and off he went laughing, bounding into the forest.

So I figure Markley raises rabbits in his back yard. When he prepares for a game, he is out there in the backyard, in the Rabbit Run, racing Jack. He texts me every game, asking "what's up, Coach?" and one time he slipped and threw in a "What's up Doc?" and now I understand.

Lefty. Oh man now there is a sitcom character. They already made a TV show about him. It was called the Rockford Files.

Here: Play this music while you read on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C8EUrtEhfM

Lefty is not your average softball slut. He has conditions. He gets bored easily. There has to be a lot of action in right center. The game has to be close. If there are more than ten in the lineup, well what do you need him for? He is slippery like an eel. "Are you playing Thursday night?" "Well, I don't know there might be something, how many do we have? Who are we playing?" I think he has an electric eel for a pet. He brings it with him on his stakeouts. He watches it. Takes notes. "Slippery like an eel". The person he was staking out gets away. He doesn't care. He wants to be the eel.

Greg the Knight. Now Greg is just a nice guy. He wouldn't hurt a flea. I can't think of anything bad about him. So I have to make something up. It's called Artistic License. Greg was a prospect in college. Rumor is he went to training camp to be a pro. I am sure he had the talent, but caught some bad breaks. So in his down time, when he is preparing for one of our games, he looks in the mirror, and talks to himself. "You know, you were good enough." And then he answers. "I know". "Now let's go kick some Cal Bronco Butt".

And the thing is, it works. He just comes up and slices balls the right into the gap, and hits with power to left, and makes dazzling plays on defense. So I decided to start talking to the mirror too. And you know what it said?

Pause.

It said "You old fat slob what the hell do you think you are doing still playing all those games? Don't you have a life?" I swear, that is what it said. So I had to finally go and get a job. I start after Labor Day, ironically enough.

Who's left. Chopper. Chopper has had too much press this year for his many feats on the field. Besides, all you have to do is play video of him doing anything, and it will entertain the masses. Pope. I won't do Greg until and unless he comes back to us. I'm sorry Greg, it's just the way it has to be. You have to come back.

And that leaves...Larry. And damn I just can't say anything bad about Larry. It's not because he also is just too nice a guy. It's he is so nice that I have too good a deal living in his place, and I just simply cannot risk that, not here, not now, not nohow. It will just have to wait until our life situations change. You understand. I am a coward, ultimately.

Well there you have it, I think we are ready for prime time. And we showed it in our game Monday against the dread Cal Bronco. Once again we played nearly a flawless game, in one that mattered. We got to almost every ball, and played them in the right places, and Joe fed them pitches that made them hit it to us for the most part and not in the gaps. Chuck made his patented dive on one ball to get an impossible force out at third. Reggie and Craig came up with some stellar outfield plays.

Greg, Lefty, Heffe, and Markley led the way with four hits. Lefty set the tone in the first with a two run triple and it was off to the races. Chopper followed shortly thereafter with a three run bomb; I think he is getting bored, he couldn't even catch me in front of him.

We toyed with them for a few innings, and then Larry hit an unexpected two run soaring blast that jump-started our nine run fifth that completely tamed the Broncos. Don had a clutch two run single to continue it, and Reggie hit an absolute bomb for a three run homer that slammed the door in that inning. At that point it was 20-3 and they were gasping for air. All that was left was the post game beer.

It gives us the opportunity to take charge of our position for the playoffs. It's simple - win two, finish first, get an easier first round opponent. No guarantees in that tournament, but it can't hurt. The story continues tomorrow against the President's Club. There will be a couple of surprise guests, since half the team decided to take the same game off, AGAIN.

Milestones:

Chuck        1400 ab (#1)
Chuck        100 2b (#4)
Chopper     50 g (#20)
Knight        10 3b (#23)

It's Over

Well the days of being an uber softball slut are over. It's a little sad; I have been living in a softball fantasy world for almost four years, and I guess it's time to pay the piper.

I have received a full time job offer beginning the day after Labor Day (how appropriate is that?). No longer will I be able to brag and complain about the aches and pains of playing up to 10 games in a week. Just like other regular sluts, I will be struggling to get to those 6:30 games after work, rushing through rush hour traffic, snarling at the slow drivers in front of me. Bitching about the 9:00 games and getting up in the morning. I just don't realize how good I have had it. And now - only THREE or FOUR games a week! Oh lord, how will I keep my bat in tune!

But don't fret - I will still be covering the Coneheads and the Transdyns and the JFTs and maybe I will start to blog about my up and down Sunshine Saloon Legends team. I will have to do it in my sleep, because now I will be a working stiff just like most of you suckers. But I will get it done.

Life just isn't fair, sometimes.

Red Rampage 30-19 over Silver Royale

Someone was really thinking when they made senior ball nine innings. A bunch of old guys playing in the hot sun, until someone might drop from heat exhaustion.

Well, never mind because today it allowed Red a comeback game for the ages. Royal had us by the short...er...side of the score. Red trailed 12-5 going into the seventh inning. We weren't hitting, we were barely catching the ball. Muegge was giving up gopher balls...it just had that feeling that today wasn't our day.

And then we woke up.

With two outs in the top of the seventh, Mr. Martini himself, Bill Dewlaney started a barrage of six straight hits with a walk thrown in, and we took advantage of the catchup rule to even things at twelve. It was all singles until Mike Fragoso sent a ball into a gap with the bases loaded, and when Royal was slow to get the ball back to the infield, all three runners scored to knot things up. Royal could only manage one in the bottom, and their confidence was shaken.

We tallied another four in the eighth, the big blow being a two run triple by the Little Guy Howard Davis. Brian Black also contributed his third double of the day - you just can't hold him at first.

Give Royal some credit - the top of their lineup is as good as anyone's - and they answered with a five spot in the bottom of the eighth.

So there we were, wanting only to at least tie and get a decent lead - we had made it through the big Royal hitters in the eighth.

John Dewes led us off with a hit, and refused a courtesy runner. He proved himself right by that decision as he hustled to third on a line drive single to short center field. And so it began, innocently enough. Sixteen of the first seventeen batters reached base in the open inning. All but two were solid line drive hits and only the second to the last hit, a triple by Hank McDermott, was for extra bases. The singles were like a Royal virus, contagious, and there was nothing the opposition could do to stop us. When Hank scored on our last single by Fragoso, we looked up and it was 30-18, and it was over, after a one run Royal gasp in the bottom of the ninth.

Of course the reason there were no doubles in the ninth was that Black tied a softball/baseball record by hitting into all three outs. He flew out to put a blip on our barrage the first time through the lineup. And he hit into a double play to mercifully end the onslaught. But you know, with his speed, he had to hit it hard and someone (I think it was Mike Guerrero) had to make a good play to double him up.

McDermott had the best day at the plate as he went 5-5 with six RBIs. Davis continued his Clark Kent thing as he drove in five with three hits including a double and a triple. The bottom of the order, George Sayatovich, Herb Moessing, and especially John Dewes, made sure we kept the line moving. They scored ten of our runs, and Geo and John had fours hits each.

The Conehead Reality TV Show: Stat, Sting, Style and the Stink Eye

I went to a jazz concert tonight. A friend of mine was in town at an annual jazz workshop at Stanford University, and the week concludes with a concert given by all the instructors - all masters at their instruments. Jazz remains my favorite (or at worst second favorite to the blues) form of music. The thing it gives you is plenty of time to let your mind wander, to other thoughts, dreams, and ideas.

I sat there and watched incredible musicians at the height of their prowess, and being a complete softball nut, my mind drifted to the Coneheads, and how, even in our amateur way we are masters, albeit not professional. Other teams are somewhat in awe of us at times, because we have a lot of players that can do a lot of different things on the field, at bat and on defense, ways we can take you apart and beat you down. In this way we are artists ourselves, forgive me if this is a bit of a stretch since it is recreational softball.

But still - the idea came up the other night after our game that we could qualify to have a reality TV show, the life and times of your favorite, most fun softball team the Coneheads. I started to think about it, what would it look like. I am not sure where it would go but here is my take on the pilot episode. Think of it this way - this pilot would start out on the eve of the playoffs, and would feature each player and how they prepare for the games coming up. After the pilot, subsequent episodes would go back in time to the beginning of the season, and recreate the drama of the ups and downs of each game, leading to the climactic episode where our heroes take their part in the Big Tournament at the end of the season. That episode is yet to be written - we don't know how it will come out.

Here is the layout of the pilot episode: One by one the camera finds and focuses in on how each player prepares for the next game; perhaps it is the Tournament, or perhaps just another game against the vastly inferior Aereolas, our opponent last night.

Of course leading off is Chuck. He is, after all, our leadoff hitter and our shortstop. He sets the tone. He also likes to get dirty. Chuck is hosting a team party next week. It is going to be a pool party - apparently where he lives now with his mother, there is a pool. What you didn't know is that when Chuck moved in he saw all that concrete around the pool, and he said to himself, 'this is no good, there is no dirt to dive into. Who wants to dive into water when you can dive into dirt like the 5-6 hole I love to get into?' So he had a section of concrete removed, and installed kind of like a sandbox instead. When Chuck has a Conehead game coming up he goes out into the back yard and practices diving into the sand. Word is that he is contracting to remove another section so he can put in a piece of turf, like on the new fields at Wilder. Practice makes perfect.

In fact, before last night's game, Chuck lost a shoe in that sand. He had to come to the game with a cleat on one foot and a sneaker on the other. Thus he acquired his new nickname 'Style'. See title.

Next comes Sting, who calls Chuck his 'neighbor.' Sting built a mansion a few years ago. It has a pool table, state of the art networking throughout the house and a killer audio-video system. But it is not his pride and joy. He also put in an infield in the back yard. He goes out there and stands at second base and just admires his handywork. It's kind of a Zen thing. In fact he got so good at standing by second base and admiring the infield that last night in our game, when we took our usual insurmountable lead over the Aereolas, and everyone changed positions on defense, he marched right over to second base. Balls came in from the outfield - and there he was meditating on what a fine throw that was. No need to cover second or get the throw - karma will take care of all that.

Of course there is the Stink Eye, our pitcher. Most of what he does to prep for games would never pass the censors. For example, the amount of time he spends in the commode. Not for Prime Time. What I wonder is does he practice the Stink Eye in the mirror? Does he use it on Bear, his dog? Poor cute little bugger. But maybe we don't really want to know. It could be ugly.

And of course there are others. For instance, take Gerry, the Judge in his 'real life'. We wonder how he came to have such an excellent consistent line drive hit to the opposite field, in his case right field. How could he have come up with that? Well think about it. If you have ever been to court, the judge sits up there, and what does he have - a gavel. And he is always pounding it, and saying stuff like "Order in the Court!" Well have you ever seen a left-handed gavel? I think not. Think of it - for all these years, Gerry has been leaning to the right, pounding that thing. He can't even see to his left any more. In fact I will bet if you go to the chambers during their two hour lunch break, you will find the judge in his robe, with his Conehead jersey on underneath, pounding that thing, and saying over and over "right, right, right, line drive, line drive, line drive." Whatever works, right?

Consider Gene. Now Gene is an engineer. Very precise in whatever he does. You might hear Gene calling out to everyone where to position themselves for every batter. "Gerry, three inches to the left". "Heffe, watch that two inches just inside the first base line, this player hit there once in 2008. "Sting, you are five feet too deep."

What you didn't know is that in the basement of his house, Gene has miniature cutouts of each of us, and a miniature field he built to scale. And what does he do to prepare? He moves us around from batter to batter, scouting report to scouting report, like puppets. Rumor is he is starting on building opponents too, he already has the Buddha, and of course Randy since he needed him as a part time teammate anyway. He moves us all around and the amazing thing is: in the basement we all listen and we never lose!

Then we come to Derek. Now Derek has had some control problems at times when he comes in to pitch as we know, even though we don't really talk about it. This bothers Big D immensely. It is understandable. What you didn't know is that he has a temper that can barely be contained, although he is such a nice guy he only turns it inward. So when he gets home he gets the score card, and counts the walks and the rare outs he makes at bat, and multiplies by ten. The he gets a hatchet out and he throws the 'hammer' hard at a cork wall he put up for this purpose. This is what gives him his tomahawk swing. And when it sticks he yells out "I AM THOR!" until he feels better or he reaches his quota, whichever comes first. He kinda looks like Thor doesn't he? The lesson here is if you want to hit as hard as Derek, this is all you have to do. I personally am going to Ace Hardware soon to look at their selection of hammers and hatchets.

The Don. The Don goes to his side yard, where he has paced off the distance between home plate and the pitcher's mound. And he practices throwing balls from 'home' to 'Joe'. Over and over again. Because you know it really bothers him when he misses Joe, and throws Joe's rhythm off. And he hits the target 100% of the time, at home! But here is the thing - Don lives in Oakland, and the back yards are kind of small, and Don forgot to get out his tape measure, and the distance is ten feet short. OY! No wonder!

And what to say about Ol' G. G is an ex patrolman from up north you know. Rumor is that when he is getting up for a game, he gets out the handcuffs, and attaches himself to the bedpost...and well I don't think I can go on with this one.

I can't get to everyone - it is late and in a few hours I have to take the field for playoffs for our other team JFT. But I have to give my own. What I spend my time doing before games is I print out the latest stat sheet, and get out a surgical knife (because after all the Heads call me the Surgeon), and cut out each of the little numbers one by one. Then I toss each one onto the table where I have drawn up a field, and try to hit each spot on it with a number. When I have hit both lines, and the middle, and couple have popped up off my thumb and landed just beyond the reach of the shortstop, I just know I am going 4-4 with maybe a Conehead hit thrown in there. This then is why I am now know as Stat, and we have our subtitle for the pilot.

Do you think it will sell?

Oh we won the game against the Aereolas 20-8. It wasn't nearly that close. The only remarkable thing was Sting took an 0-5, I don't think that has ever happened before. I know I am not supposed to mention the negative things, but that was just so rare, it stood out. And shows that we all pick each other up when we hit a rough spot. Thor was 5-5, Larry 4-4, Ol' G and the Style Man 4-5, and Stat, the Puppet Man, the Judge and Haz were 3-4. A splendid time for all. Big Game Day is Monday against the division arch-rivals Cal Bronco. Be there.

Milestones:

Gene      700 ab (#12)
Ol' G      550 ab (#15
D           200 ab (#18)
Haz        50 rbi (#28)

Let it Reign Redux, Red 19 Gray 12

Sorry, I borrowed the title from Inchausti on the Creaker web site.

Now since he gave practically a blow by blow on that site, I will have to wax poetic (sing with me):

Red rain is coming down
Red rain
Red rain is pouring down
Pouring down all over me

(Peter Gabriel for those who are rock challenged)

Or I could moon on about Rudgear and how it was the field of dreams for my original team, but somehow I think I have done that before. I'm a senior, so I am not sure I remember. Let it just be said that this time Red was the home team and no one beats my team on my home field.

Er, so there was a game, and Red jumped out to a 5-3 lead in the first after giving the visitors a head 3-0 start. The big blow came off the bat of speedy Brian (Bud) Black, a two run triple that was not his only line shot down left field way of the day (he later hit a home run in the same direction, he was good for 3-4 and five RBIS).

Then we scuffled for a couple of innings and let Gray back in it to the point where they had a 9-8 lead. But then I noticed our good luck charms were coming up the path by the tennis courts - Coach Hank's Entourage. They don't come to see us lose. And so we had to turn the game around. This happened in the bottom of the fifth, with John Dewes starting it with a hit (he also start our 7th inning rally with an infield hustle swinging bunt hit). It turned the lineup over and after Hank McDermott moved the runners up, Mike Fragosso hit a clutch two run single and we were off. Black and Pete D'Alonzo also had clutch two out hits to get us our five.

I should give credit or an assist to myself or the opposition's Randy Kramasz for the runners getting in scoring position. Hank hit the fly out to Randy, and I stayed off first base daring Randy to make the throw. He bit, and I don't think he is talking to me any more because the throw ate up the first baseman in the dirt and we moved up, and so it goes.

In the seventh after a shutdown in the top we finally took control. Same cast starting with Dewes, and this time the middle of the order muscled up - deep bombs by Fragosso (triple to left center), Steve Alvarez (triple to right) and then the homer by Black, sealed the deal with our five runs.

Red played some decent defense this game too, Fragosso was a force at SS, especially on the last out of the game. Gray had loaded them up on two near third out balls, one on the ground and one a dying quail in left field. But the next batter hit a classic blooper to short left that seemed destined to drop, score two runs, and give Gray the hope they were looking for. But Mike was determined to get this one and in one swipe and a slight juggle with his back to the infield, the game was over.

We also had several near double plays, but finally did turn one on a bases loaded line drive that the rover picked up at his shoe tops and ran to second to force the surprised runner. Creakers aren't supposed to be able to bend down!

Overall a good hitting day for the Red Storm. The lead off hitter was his usual pesky self and didn't make an out. Power hitters Fragosso, Alvarez and Black each was 3-4 with a triple (and Black the HR), and scored three runs. Howard 'little guy' or 'the babe' or 'don't call me howie' had a couple of bombs that tore through the glove of the center fielder twice, one for a double and one where he touched them all in a classic slow-motion Creaker HR.

Might be too little too late for Red to end up in first as we are two out with two left, but a good win over a revamped and re-energized Gray team.