Booze n Toonz! (White 28, Cardinal 22)

This may be NSFW (not safe for work), but since most of us are retired, NEVER MIND!

Here's the secret formula for defeating the Cardinal juggernaut, who had two losses all year coming into this morning's game:

First and foremost, get Helen Kostoff on your team. After our inconsistent play the last few weeks, one great game followed by an egg, repeat and rinse, she determined that it was time for the secret formula. A shot before the game, followed by, in some cases, a second dose as required. She has a secret blend of Irish whiskey and some other stuff, which I will not divulge for obvious reasons, followed by a healthful cup of OJ and a Bacon kicker. It was delicious! Add to that a background medley of rock and roll from the seventies, and you are ready to go. Of course, I was late, and didn't get my shot until after my first AB. Let's just say, I flew out the first time, and then had three straight hits.

Next, leave behind your nominal best hitter (as well as your anchor at SS) and your head coach for a week; both of them missed the game. Then EVERYONE else steps up, and feels the vibe.

Have your assistant coach tell you to just score in every inning, and you will win (which we did, at least two runs per inning, and which we did, by a final score of 28-22). This was just a rumor that Rich Brown was spreading, but it sounds good.

Add in a dash of the curse of the first and you are all set. They started with a five run outburst top of the first.

After that remarkable things started happening. We had a walk inspired three run response in the bottom of the first, which Barry Gronenberg followed with the first of TWO three pitch innings. Cardinal failed to punch us in the gut. Dave Siegel came on in the third and repeated the insult, zero runs across. This was Vince Franceschi's inning in LF. He got handcuffed but caught one ball in the middle gut area, and turned and did a little pirouette, and got ready to juggle it, realized there was only one ball to juggle, and then dropped it trying to throw it back to the infield. Luckily we got the call, the right one, that he was in the act of throwing not catching when he dropped it.

In the second, the gift-walks continued, and we worked it into our first lead at 6-5. In the third, more of the same - a single and three walks, followed by the patented Heffe bloop double behind the third baseman for two runs, and Howard Davis and Gronenberg followed up with run scoring singles for five runs total.

In the third, there was a miracle for a double play. Davis overthrew me at first after a force at second trying for the double play, and despite my prematurely old and injured body, I managed to corral it near the dugout and muster everything I could to throw to second to nail the advancing runner by half a step. Just like we practiced!

It didn't stop the Cardinal from tying it, however, but this is where Paul Lisi stepped up. He drove in three runs each in his next two at bats. First on a double to take the lead again 14-11 in the fourth, and in the sixth with a triple to make it 20-17.

In between we had a two out rally that produced three runs. Davis was again the hero, with a two run bases loaded double as the highlight.

Cardinal kept after us - before Lisi's second 3-RBI hit, they tied it at 17. His hit and two more following his in the sixth caused them to play catch up the rest of the way, from down 22-17. We answered their two runs with two of our own in the seventh, and their three with four in the eighth. The big blow was Franceschi's two run double to right.

Along the way, Dave Partridge made the play of the game in the seventh. From SS, he ranged far up the middle to snag a hot one hop line drive ticketed to center field, and neatly flipped it to Clay Kallam covering second, who spun like a youngster to nail the double play. Kostoff shut off the rest of the inning with a good play on a grounder to her left.

In the ninth, I found myself on the bench with coach Dave Rose, and Kostoff. I mentioned that we had our best third baseman, our best right fielder, and best first baseman on the bench when you should put your best defense out there in the last inning of a game such as this. But it took me so long to say it, Gronenberg had already pitched his second three pitch inning and the game was over! He induced a fly to Brown in right center, a grounder to Kallam at rover, and a grounder on which Siegel made a nice play at second base. One-two-three, and hat's off to the coach who clearly knows more that I do!

Kostoff co-led the team with four straight hits against the shift. She is now 8-9 with a sac fly in three games since returning from vacation in Italy. Bellisima! And I believe her non-productive out was actually a grounder through the infield where a slow runner was put out at third.

Davis, the secret weapon, was also 4-4, with three RBIs.

Three hits were had by Brown, Lisi, Franceschi, Partridge, Rose, and Kravin. Lisi led the way with his six RBIs and Franceschi added five. Mike Guerrero, Kallam, Charlie Uhlman, and Siegel had a combination of hits and walks that added up to three times on base. That's twelve players with at least three times on. Of the other two, Gronenberg had two knocks and three RBIs, one on a sac fly, and Bruce Spencer had two hits and was robbed on a shot to the left field gap.

Good day at the office. This was one to savor and we did. Neil who? Saindon who?

Signature Win

Our new signature - the walk off double play (two weeks in a row).

This one had a little help from the ump - I think he had to use the facilities. But a DP is a DP and a win's a win, you make your own breaks, or any other cliche you want to invoke.

So when Pauly stepped on third and fired to second and the runner was declared out, Kapsch had its  fourth win in a row (going back to 2015) over Pleasanton Auto, 15-12, but it wasn't really that close.

That's because we broke out like gangbusters to an 11-1 lead. It started with a monster solo shot off Gregg's bat way up in the trees in the bottom of the first. Then we added on four more, with the clutch hit being a two out, two run double by Coop.

In the second more of the same, bases loaded this time for Gregg with one out. He just missed this one, and only got a sac fly, but then Bert stepped in. He hit a three run moon shot, prompting Gregg to tell him, "you complete me". Maybe they should get a room.

Add to that another clutch two out two run hit in the third, this time a Monty bases loaded single, and the energy drained like oil from the PA motor. They did manage to scratch back to make it close, but we never had doubt, and we had the hammer to boot.

Along the way, Hama had a lot of hitters eating out of his hand. He mixes front and back and side to side and high and low and back spin and knucklers as well as any pitcher around, and there were a lot of popups and weak grounders to show for it.

In the mean time, our defense helped him as well. The ESPN play was a hot shot to D's back hand at third, a quick step to the bag, and throw to Mario at second. It was so quick, Mario's relay to first only missed the triple play by a step.

Runner up was a nice stop by Jason and throw home with the bases loaded to get the lead runner and save a run in the sixth when PA was getting within striking distance.

The heart of the lineup (Gregg, Bert and D) was 8-8 with eight RBIs, and three sac flies. Mario, Coop and J had the other multi-hit games.

Of note: There are three players hitting 1.000 through two games. Pentony has the HR, while D has seven RBIs. But heffe is 1-1 with three walks, so the only one that hasn't made an out yet (they each have a sac fly). Who would you build your team around? (Don't answer that)

Milestones:
Cage        120 bb (#3)
Gregg      10 hr (#10)

Teal's Day Ends Brighter Than White, 19-16

In retrospect, we should have let that fifth run in in the top of the first. Then the Curse of the First would have kicked in at some point, and White would easily have won the game over Teal.

As it happened though, we clawed our way back from 4-0, 7-5, 11-6, and 16-11 deficits and tied it with five run sixth and seventh innings, only to go scoreless in the last two innings. Teal's lineup scored three in the top of the ninth and that was the difference.

We had our moments. Six straight hits in the second, including back to back doubles by Bruce Spencer and yours truly. Bruce led the team with team high four RBIs, and I led with four hits.

In the sixth inning rally, seven of the top eight hitters reached and produced our five runs. The only extra base hit in that stretch was a double by Paul Lisi.

In the next frame, the bottom half took their turn when, with two on and two outs and none in, we got a sac fly (Neil Henry), a Clay Kallam walk, and consecutive two out hits from Dave Siegel, Helen Kostoff, and Rich Brown.

The pitching was generally excellent, but Teal was able to hit a number of bloopers and bleeders. Barry Gronenberg hit corner after corner (including a taken strike three) but the opposition got several two strike hits, to their credit. Siegel pitched the middle innings and kept Teal off the board in the fourth and fifth, enabling our comeback.

Our ESPN moments on defense were a great catch running in by Lisi in LC, a nice catch running out in RC by Brown, and a great spear and catch on a hot liner at SS by Mike Saindon. We also turned a double play on a low liner that Saindon caught, and quickly fed to Kallam covering second, and the throw beat the runner getting back.

Besides my four, we were led by three hit games from Brown, David Partridge, Spencer and Howard Davis.

Take Care Bears

Yesterday was a special day. The Middleton family celebrated the 27th wedding anniversary of Ol' G and Deb. Gary talked to Deb about skipping the game, and Deb told him what's what: "I'm going to the Conehead game, what are YOU doing?"

This lead to the unveiling of a new/old nickname for G. He came up to take his swings one time and Deb called out, "c'mon Gare Bear, get a hit!" It cracked us up and general hilarity broke out in the dugout.

The new name of the band: Gare Bear and the Heads.

I can't remember if that resulted in G's patented right center gap double or his flyout, I was too busy laughing to write it down.

Yesterday proved that one Gare Bear with Coneheads is greater than 11 Polar Bears, as we clobbered them 16-7.

I don't know what happened to the Polar Bears. Last year they had the same record we ended this year with: 8-5-1. Two years ago they made the championship game against us. This year: 5-8 going into the last week.

But we had Pope, who had a two run homer that pretty much settled things with one out in the bottom of the first, and later added a single and a triple. And secret weapon Chauncy, who had another bases clearing triple that cleared the left fielder's outstretched glove.

Add a couple of ESPN highlight plays in the outfield. Gene going full dive to grab a ball off the goose poop before it hit the ground - unfortunately we have to hold our breath because he bent back a finger. And Chauncy repeating the feat without the injury in right field a couple of innings later. For the infield, Chuck was back in his former home at SS and stole a hit from one Bear deep in the hole, where he spun and got a force out at second.

Joining Pope with three hits were Randy (plus a walk), super-sub Mike S, and heffe, who had a 50 foot double among his knocks. All but one of the rest had multi-hit games.

The game threatened to get away early, but we were feeling generous, so we let them close to 10-7 with a six run top of the fifth. Joe was in a giving way, so even though he also had a foul-out K, he  walked in two runs. Eventually we got out of the fifth with our lead reduced but still there, and instead of risking further damage, just batted until time ran out in the bottom of the fifth, as we plated six more. We might still be hitting it there were no clock. Chopper gave us the drama moment of the night as he tried to talk the ump into one more batter since he was on deck when time ran out. No luck, and Knight's preceding single ended up the walk-off hit.

Next week, we tune up for the playoffs with...wait for it...a bye. Who makes these schedules?

So next time you can't sleep at night, instead of counting sheep, try counting Gare-Bears!



Milestones:
Heffe         600 ab (#2)
Stink Eye  450 ab (#5)
D               100 g (#13)

Our Cup Runneth Over

Some say that I am obsessed with softball stats. Not so - I haven't had a dream about numbers since I heard about women's measurements when I was a lad.

However, they might point to the fact that I know just by opening a certain worksheet I keep that Tuesday's game was the sixteenth time that Transdyn/Kapsch scored 30 or more runs in a game since 2000, and the last time was June 21st, 2016 when we liquefied the Alabama Tuna Melts 30-5.

I write in this spreadsheet all the times my teams have been in a game with one or more of the teams scoring 30. Transdyn has a very good record in this regard: 16 of 17 were wins.

I had a much better lead in mind to this post. I was going to lead in with this: The MVP of the game when you win 30-7 is usually hard to name, but in this case we will go with the guy who had the perfect 1.000 on base percentage. That of course would be me, as I dragged my sciatic leg up to the plate when we were up 17-5 to pinch hit for Monty, and took four wide ones to assure my batting average stayed the same.

But then I did the stats. And by golly there were three players who were perfect for the game, which shouldn't really be a surprise. Damned D, Coop, and Monty ruined my day in the sunshine. Derek was 5-5 with a double and team high five RBIs. And the two run, two out single with the game still in doubt (we trailed 5-4) that put us ahead to stay. Coop slashed five straight singles and scored on three of them. He even stroked a liner to left! That alone should qualify him. And Monty was 3-3 with a walk and a stolen plate appearance and a couple of RBIs.

Well, they may have been good enough but I still say since I didn't even have a plate appearance and still got a base, my OBP really should be infinity, and the award should be mine.

The game was actually pretty close until after that single by D. Through three innings it was only 6-5 for us. But we scored seven, eight, and nine the last three innings - I guess that erased all doubt.

The good news is Tom came back from his broken thumb and showed no ill affects. Likewise, Paul and his plantar fasciitis. Paul was among the middle of the order group that were nearly perfect with four hits each, joined by Bo (two doubles) and Hama. The latter had a great AB in the last inning where he took a real easy swing but still put it over the right fielder's head for a two run triple.

Too bad they all aren't this easy, but then again if they were, we'd be back up in Upper D as fast as you can say undefeated.

Milestones:
Coop    600 r (#1)
Monty  90 bb (#4)
J           450 h (#5)
Pauly   400 h (#8)
Hama  10 3b (#14)

Punch but no Judy

The Coneheads' run of high level scoring came crashing down against the Old Scouts Monday night, as we lost 15-7. Maybe it was the late game, maybe it was Steve Robinson's pitching, maybe it was the fault free Scout defense. Or maybe it was just time. At any rate, I have a feeling we will get a chance for retribution in the playoffs.

We started off well enough, scoring three each in the first two innings. And held to Scouts to less. But we put up zeroes for the next three innings and even though we kept it relatively close, a number of routine errors enabled them to build 13-6 lead through five.

The Punch was Pope's monstrous shot over the soccer goal in right field - I don't even know if D has hit one that far. Sadly it was the only offense we could muster and that makes the rest of us the Judies.

I want to thank Mark for stepping in to be a Conehead the last couple of years. We really needed a player of his caliber with all the missed games the last two years, and Mark stepped up to fill that void for us. We wish him good luck moving to Rocklin, and hope he finds a team half as fun as the Coneheads to play on, and he'll be ok.

How appropriate that he makes the defensive highlight of the game in has last chance to shine for the Heads. On a ball thrown wide from the outfield that skipped off of Joe as he tried to cut it off, Mark sprinted from first base, picked it up and dove at the plate to keep a run from scoring. It is the type of hustle I have come to know from Mark as a Conehead and on the other team, Sunshine Saloon, we shared. If Mark doesn't dive at least once a game he's just not happy.

We did have a number of guys with multiple hit games, but we just didn't string them together in this one. Next time.

The schedule gets a little easier for a bit, but on any given Monday...so beware complacency.

Milestones:
Pope         600 r (#4)
Lefty        150 g (#18)

White Comeback Shades Gray 22-20

In a crisply played game today at Heather 6, White rode a comeback wave and overwhelmed Gray 22-20.

Gray put up five runs in two of the first three (and the outcome once again proved the curse of the first rule), and took a 15-6 lead into the bottom of the fifth. But White's pitching and defense settled down, and the hitting heated up just as the sun heated up the morning - we scored 3,2,6, and then 5 to put away the game.

Lead off Rich Brown went 3-3 with a walk. He wants the official stats to count walks as hits as in baseball pre-1900. His favorite line is "A walk's a hit!" He's got a point, I can say cause I had two of them!

Mike Guerrero was 4-4, and behind him Mike Saindon was 3-3 with a sac fly and team high 5 RBIs, so the top three in our order were 10-10 and 10 RBIs with a walk and a sac. Way to set the table boys!

Dave Rose was also 4-4, and Bruce Spencer had three knocks. Coach Neil Henry also had three including the game winning hit, a triple that put us ahead 21-20 in the eighth.

Helen Kostoff had a perfect day too - she beat the extreme shift twice: Once on a smash just inside the third base bag, and then a liner between about four or five Grays that couldn't do a thing about it. In her other at bat, she hit a ball about 100 feet, and Henry tagged at third and dared the left fielder to throw him out, and he couldn't. Neil was double daring on the bases - following his triple in the eighth, he stood on third when Clay Kallam hit a grounder to the third baseman at the bag. Tony Teixiera played it perfectly, holding the ball til the last second so Neil couldn't advance. But he took off immediately after the throw, and forced Gray to gun him down, which they couldn't and we had our final insurance run.

Despite a few of the usual doinks in the field, we made up for them with a couple of stellar plays. Brown, not once but twice deked a runner at first on 'singles' in front of him in right center - and got a force at second to take away the hit. He also made a nice running catch in the fifth on a ball headed to the RC gap. Spencer took one in the soft padding at third base and turned it into a force out at second. And Howard also playing the hot corner stuck out his glove on a smash and came up with it to stifle a Gray rally.

But the play of the day was when Gray still had a lead and Kevin Kane dared to try to scored from second with two outs on a single in front of LC David Partridge. David casually set up and threw a strike to Barry Gronenberg at the mound who made a quick turn and fired to Kostoff at the plate to nail Kane by more than a step. Well done!

All in all very well played by both teams and of course you feel better coming back to win, but it was really what Creaker ball is all about. Even the one controversial call at second! (I'll let Suchon get into that)

Rookies Shine

July is turning out to be a great month for the Coneheads. It seems like when the weather gets warm so do our bats.

Last night we totally dismantled our late nemesis, Big Feet, 24-7. It showed who we are when we aren't complacent, and the league had better watch out in the playoffs if we can continue this hot streak.

We were led by the three rookies, Carp, Last Chance (ask me about it sometime), and the newest addition, Brandon. Who knew how much younger a team can get if you add a couple of 40 year olds! Is that a paradox? Irony? Stating the obvious?

We started (and pretty much ended) the game with just our second Conehead inning of the spring season. Six straight hits, a walk, and a fielder's choice produced five runs, but with two outs and the bases loaded, up strode Chauncy (Last Chance) Johnson. He blasted the right center gap, and a few seconds later it was 10-0. Not a bad start.

In the second, it was more of the same. Leadoff Lefty led off again as we had batted around in the first, but he made an out. Ol' G hit a gapper, and the other Rookie of the Year candidate Chris (Carp) stepped up, and did he ever, putting the ball almost to Field 6. Later in the inning newcomer Brandon also split the outfielders, for a three run Jack, and at 16-3 we had things well in hand.

The new version of Big Feet won't quit, and because of that what we did in the later innings was key. We added another six spot in the top of the fourth and Big Feet could just stumble over their appendages trying to get off the field after that.

Along the way, we had three shut down innings, Big Feet did not score after the second. Big D had a pretty good game - he induced two straight popups to himself to end the first when BF was threatening to close in on our first inning rampage. Big D was also aided by some big outfield D. In the third Lefty made a nice catch running in, and then had a great view as he watched Johnny come racing over from LC to catch a shot between them. In the last inning, a wind aided deep fly went over Johnny's head in right, and Last Chance flew in from right center and made a great basket catch - big time style points.

Three hits for Carp, Ol' G, and heffe, and two and a walk for Randy and Chopper. A good tuneup win for the playoffs - Big Feet will be our first opponent.

The heffinator was on vacation last week and found the only thing hotter than the Coneheads:

But before that (last Sunday) we played a game against hapless Corona. It was much the same as this week. In our first Conehead inning of the season, we jumped out to a 13 run lead after shutting out Corona in the top of the first. The first nine guys got on via hit or walk, and in all we sent up 18 batter in the first frame. Randy had a double and a two run triple in the first inning alone.

Corona rallied for 7 to close the gap somewhat, but when we answered with six in our second, they knew it was hopeless. D had a double and a triple as well as Randy, and drove in four. Chopper was 4-4, and Lefty was 3-3 with a walk. Carp, Chuck, and Johnny joined the three hit club, and heffe would have, except his first inning looper to shallow left was so close to the infield, Haze was hung out to dry and was thrown out at third.

On defense, Randy had the highlight catch in left center, and we turned a nifty 6-11-3 double play where Chopper nicely scooped the ball out of the dirt. Heffe who?

Even though we had an uneven season, we are peaking at the right time, and have one more game to tune up for the playoffs, which will begin against Big Feet again. It's fun to watch the Big Feet stumble.

Milestones:
7/8
D            50 bb (#3)

7/15
Gene      40 bb (#5)
Randy    30 2b (#6)

Chopper 30 2b (#7)

Johnny   150 ab (#18)

Batting 1.000 - Double Time, Double Trouble, Triple Out

So far my theory from last week is batting 1.000. In case you forgot, it's that we need a warm-up game to start playing like the Coneheads.

Luckily then, Sunday we had a double header. And also, therefore we just had to blow an 8-2 lead in the opener to ultimately tie the Masterbatters 12-12.

Which we then took out on Who's On First, 19-4.

Glass half empty? We had never lost to or tied the Masterbatters. Glass half full? We still have never lost to them.

It was a double header and featured lots of doubles by the good guys. In the first inning of the night, after a triple by Ol' G, Chris, Knight and Chopper went back to back to back doubles, and we were off to the races. Second inning, more of the same - back to back two run doubles by Ol' G and Pope, and we were set. Or were we?

We let them tie it up in the fifth but then answered with another quartet by the top of the lineup. Safe lead, right? No, give the Batters credit, they matched us and when we couldn't answer in the bottom of the last, it was kiss your sister time.

Randy, Knight and Chauncy led us with perfect 3-3 games, and Joe had the defensive inning of the night, getting a foul ball K and then starting an inning ending 1-11-3 DP to end the first after they loaded the bases with no outs.

The nightcap was the tale of one giant Conehead inning against the hapless, shorthanded Who's On First. After going up 3-1 after two on RBI hits by Chris, Heffe, and Chauncy, Lefty the Lead Off started the bottom of the third. Thirteen batters later, every single one of us had added a hit to their resume, except for Randy who walked in the middle of the order. Lefty, Ol' G, and Pope continued the onslaught with their second hits of the inning, and we had 13 runs in with the bases loaded and still no outs.

At this point, we were getting tired of so much winning, and Chris asked permission from Ol' Stink Eye to hit it over the fence, which is an out on Field 3. Those poor homeowners on the other side need their protection - who knew that balls could go over a fence in a softball game?

But I digress. The rule this year had changed too - it's not only an out, it's end-of-inning. Who can hit it over the fence on command? Well Chris can. But what's great is that it must therefore be scored a triple play! So we featured a little bit of everything in that inning. Oh and by the way, of the fifteen hits in the inning, seven were doubles.

The rest of the game was uneventful with only a three run rally (featuring two more doubles) in the fifth to end it on the slaughter rule 19-4. Ol' G gets a walk off single to end it.

Eleven doubles in the second game and 17 on the day, probably a record for a day of JFT/Conehead ball. On defense there were two double plays by Knight to second himself to first.

Ol' G and Lefty were 4-4, and Heffe and Chauncy were 3-3. Everyone scored at least one run, and all but two of us drove at least one in.

Sadly, no Monday game to continue the momentum. Let's take it out on Corona next week.

Milestones:
Game 1, none

Game 2
Knight      40 2b (#2)
Lefty        550 ab (#3)
Knight      500 ab (#4)
Gene        20 2b (#12)

Leaky White, Golden Vegas

Coach Neil Henry has called a practice for the White team in the Alps before next week's game. This is because we played the game against Vegas Gold yesterday as if we were Swiss cheese, so we might as well be in Switzerland. I like the thought, especially the part about sponsoring it with a private jet.

The good thing was that nearly everyone had a defensive gaff along the way, so there could be no finger pointing (or everyone pointing every which-a-way). But that's not how we roll, anyway.

The one positive note is that after granting V. Gold their 30-15 lead entering the flip flop ninth, we rallied for nine runs, and were just a couple of hits short of making them feel nervous.

Plenty of hitters for White: Mike Saindon went 6-6 with a double, Henry and Kravin had four hits each, new cleanup hitter Vince Francesco had two triples among three hits, and Paul Lisi had three including a double and a triple, good for a team leading four RBIs. Also with three hits were Rich Brown, Bruce Spencer, Mike Guerrero, Charlie Uhlman, and Barry Gronenberg. And Clay Kallam had two hits (including a rocket launch double) plus two walks, To round it out Howard Davis had two knocks plus a bases loaded RBI walk.

There was one fine defensive play, Guerrero dove into the 3-4 hole to get an out at first on a ball ticketed for right field. Almost as good, Henry tracked down a deep fly by David Peterson in left center late in the game.

We're hoping that our poor defense was an aberration; we'll find out next week against Green. I am sure they will be overconfident after winning this week.